How to Paint a House
by Maggie's Gutter
Summary: Bella Swan is a naive fifteen year old, set to spend another kiss-less summer alone. Edward is new to town, and doesn't know a soul. Watch an unlikely friendship blossom over the simple task of painting a house. But for these two, nothing is simple.
1. Chapter 1

**How to Paint a House. **

**Chapter 1- Meet Bella. **

**Bella POV**

It was the summer before my sixteenth birthday when Edward Cullen came into my life.

I guess it all started the afternoon my father Charlie decided to paint the house. Our little wood paneled bungalow had seen better days─ worn and tattered from withstanding the Forks Washington winters. So as soon as the spring rains let up, and June rolled around, Charlie committed himself to the daunting task of painting our home.

My father was a methodical man, a simple man, and taking on this job was not something he did lightly. So when he finally decided on a particularly white shade of white, he used his pull in town as police chief to hit up the neighbors for ladders, drop cloths, paint trays and rollers.

The first morning after school let out, Charlie tried with all of his might to rope me into assisting him. Ever since my parents divorced, and I made the agonizing decision to live with my father, the two of us were pretty much inseparable.

But the summer was just starting, and being daddy's little helper didn't appeal to me in the way it might have in the past.

"You sure you don't want to help your old man?" Charlie asked me over his newspaper,

I slurped the last of the milk from my bowl, and dropped it resolutely to the table. "Dad, no, I told you, I'm trying something new this summer," I said.

Charlie's mouth turned up at the corners. "Oh, and what might that be?" He asked.

"I'm trying out being a lazy teenage girl who sleeps by day, and loiters aimlessly by night around movie theatres and malls." I said, smiling at my dad impishly.

But I wasn't kidding. My best friend Angela and I had pledged that we were going to branch out. We were convinced we were the only incumbent sophomore's who had never been kissed…or said a swear word…or worn a bra with padding in it.

Charlie laughed and rose from the table. "Well, the invitation is open," he said with a smile, leaning over to kiss my temple, his dark handlebar mustache tickling my face.

"Bye Dad," I smiled.

"Bye Bells."

After the screen door shrieked shut, and I was alone, I felt this overwhelming urgency to do something. The sun was shining, the birds were singing, the requisite lawnmowers were providing the backing track to the sounds of children playing─ It was summer, and I wanted to savor every second.

And for me that meant curling up in my favorite tree with a book…alone.

It's not that my fifteen year old hormones didn't desire company─ They did…believe me. It's just that I had absolutely no flipping idea how to talk to boys. Like at all.

Every day, I thought about it more. I felt that pull in the pit of my chest. I wanted to be kissed, to be touched, to be held in strong arms so that I could feel that indescribable feeling of ecstasy in the arms of a lover. I read about it so often, I could almost taste it…but at the same time it was completely out of the realm of my current possibilities.

So I resigned myself to loving men in literature─ learning about them through the heroines in my books. I placed myself in their shoes, and imagined myself in their time─ wooing and bewitching and charming the socks off of men until they fell at my feet and pronounced their undying love to me.

My thoughts sometimes made me blush. The things I imagined─ reddened my face with shame. But that didn't stop my overwhelming curiosity. My perverted imagination only made it that much worse.

Unfortunately, my reality didn't match my fantasy. I was a horribly naïve and awkward fifteen year old girl, with long uncut brown hair, and plain brown eyes, and questionable assets to attract men besides barely there b-cups and long skinny legs.

My body was different than the summer before though, I recognized that. My old green one piece bathing suit no longer fit, and I had actual breasts, and hips, and a bum to burst its seams…But maybe my brain hadn't caught up yet? In my head, this strange body wasn't mine. It was someone else's─ someone who knew what to do with it.

I simply did not know what to do…about anything of a sexual nature. And the idea of making that leap, taking that plunge, going out later that night to test out my newfound assets and perhaps attract a male terrified me. I was much more comfortable in my tree, with my book and my imagination. I was safe there.

So I spent my day in Regency England, as Elizabeth Bennet, wooing the enigmatic Darcy─ self assured, quick witted and confident. I imagined myself as beautiful Jane, shy and demure, but alluring to the good natured Bingley. These girls had qualities that I admired, but struggled to recognize in myself. I couldn't for the life of me see myself as anything but an awkward child. I couldn't fathom any boy taking interest in me. I almost resigned myself, on that first day of summer, to another kiss-less year. The strong arms of a man would happen later…in a distant future where I wasn't so…_me_.

That night though, I kept my promise to Angela, and put on my best cutoffs and tank top for a night of teenage tedium. We were going to go to the high school football field, where the boys were having a pickup game.

Now when I say boys, I don't mean that in any sort of territorial way. They weren't my boys, they weren't our boys…they were boys who looked past us, looked through us, and saw other girls that were not us.

And by us, I mean Angela Weber and me. We didn't do anything without each other. We took every milestone together. We existed in our own little world together─ two outsiders, wallflowers, taking on high school together. Angela and Bella weren't complete outcasts though. No one actively hated us, or picked on us, or rejected us from the group…

But they didn't exactly include us either. We sort of floated around the periphery…never really breaking in.

Angela was more resolute in changing that than I was though. Her transition into womanhood had gone a little more smoothly than mine did too. She was also brunette, and skinny, and delicate featured, and to those who didn't know us, the only difference between us was that Angela wore glasses and I didn't. But Angela had a delicate feminine quality to her. She was the demure shy Jane Bennet type, just waiting for a sweet soul to understand her.

I had to repress tinges of jealousy toward her to be honest─ because there was a part of me that knew Angela was a lot closer to having a boyfriend than I was. She was more put together, more confident, more apt at conversing with males. Somewhere along the way she had acquired a quiet sophistication, while I remained awkward and tomboyish and relatively unkempt compared to my peers.

It's not that I didn't try. I bought a tube of mascara, and learned how to blow dry my hair smooth, and shaved my legs, and made sure that I always had a lip gloss in my pocket… But I think coming off as mature required something internally that I didn't possess yet. Because as much as I attempted to replicate the pulled together, kempt, pristine look of my peers; I always fell a bit short. I still looked a bit wild, a bit young, a bit too much like the girl who preferred to spend my summer days in trees, or on my bike, or in the dam by the river behind my house…There was a war going on internally between the girl with the perverse sexual fantasies, and the child inside of her.

With a sigh, I hopped onto my red Shwinn bike and headed for the high school. I gave Charlie a wave as I rode past─ he was laying drop cloths over the hedges.

When I arrived, the scene was exactly how I pictured it. The boys were playing football, completely self assured and oblivious, laughing, joking, almost blissfully ignorant to the gaggle of girls who had come to watch them. That was the thing about boys. They could have as much fun together─ without girls─ as they could with them. The girls in my grade used to be that way too. We used to all be friends, and have sleepovers, and spend all summer long together in each other's bedrooms, and yards. But somewhere along the way it was decided that there was no fun to be had unless boys were involved. I wondered if I was the only one who missed it being just the girls?

I looked at the girls clinging to the fence, preening themselves, posing like fools. Jessica Stanley, the girl who I had spent an entire summer watching Little House on the Prairie marathons with when she had poison ivy so badly that she couldn't leave the house. Or Lauren Mallory, the girl whose backyard pool was the setting to endless hours of blissful childhood fun─ the kind of fun I just couldn't have anymore because I wasn't a kid.

Standing there, at fifteen, I barely recognized them.

"Hey Bella, over here!"

I turned to see Angela waving for me. She was wearing an outfit I had never seen before. She looked almost fashionable in a skirt and blousy top. I tried to repress my jealousy.

"Hey," I said, walking toward her. "When did you get here?"

"I got a ride with Jessica and Lauren," she said.

Then I really had feelings to repress. "Oh, that's cool," I whispered, wondering in almost a panic how already, on the first day of summer, I had managed to be snubbed and left out.

"Don't be mad," Angela said, reading my face. "You live so close, no one thought you'd need a ride,"

It was true. I was only a few blocks from school. But I was also the only idiot who rode in on a bike.

"I'm not mad," I said, starting toward the group. "Let's just do this thing."

By the end of the night, I had managed to gain the attention of no boys─ and Angela had plans to go to the movies the next night with a shy quiet Bingley type named Ben Cheney.

My premonitions, my fears, were all coming true. That night as I laid in my bed, the summer breeze washing over me through my large bay window, I could feel in the pit of my stomach that Angela was pulling away from me. She was so excited to talk to Ben. There was a new tone in her voice, a skip in her step…she was giggly, and her eyes fluttered, and she shoved Ben's chest gently when he teased her about her glasses.

Then I thought of all the smiles exchanged that night─ between Angela and Ben, and Lauren and her crush Tyler Crowley, and Jess and her crush Mike Newton─ and realized undoubtedly that I was the odd man out.

I decided then that I'd be better off just being me, Bella Swan, lover of trees and bicycles and books─ and forget about the uncomfortable awkward pressure filled weirdness that I subjected myself to that night. None of those boys interested me anyway. I was looking for a Darcy, not a Collins.

The next morning, Charlie was up bright and early for his first full day of house painting. I was woken to the sound of ladders banging against the house, coffee and bacon in my nose, and that odd feeling of hot sun on my face coming in through the open window.

I was aware that only the morning before I had told him resolutely that I wouldn't help him with the job. But when I heard him tune his AM/FM radio to oldies, and his melodic hum filled my ear, I couldn't think of anywhere else I'd rather be than with my dad, shooting the breeze, and painting our house.

A wonderful sense of calm came over me with the decision too. Taking the pressure of boys and kissing and preening and primping off the table, made me feel lighter…happier. Maybe Angela was ready for that? And I was happy for her, really. But I wasn't ready, I decided then. I just wasn't.

I changed into some work clothes, and headed outside.

"Morning Dad," I said, shielding my eyes as I looked up to him on his ladder.

"Morning Bells. Don't you have some loitering to do?"

I laughed. "I was thinking I might have some painting to do?"

"Yeah?"

"Yeah."

Charlie smiled down at me in his overalls and old trucker's hat. "Well, then grab that scraper and get going on the trim around the back windows"

I groaned. "Scraping?"

"The most important part of any paint job," Charlie lectured, amused. "I'll be scraping for a good week before I lay down any paint."

I nodded with a sigh. "Scraping it is," I said, reaching for the scraper, and reminding myself of the hopeful feeling I felt earlier.

By noon, I found myself to be a pretty skilled scraper, learning quickly how to most efficiently remove old paint─ finding the best angle and pressure…sort of proud of my ingenuity.

I was lost in a lulling rhythm when I heard the ladder crash. _BANG!_

It took me a second to come to. "Dad?" I asked quietly at first…but quickly came around. "DAD!" I cried, running toward the sound.

When I made it to the front of the house, my father was on the ground writhing in pain. "My leg!" He cried.

I got to my knees, and tried to get hold of my father's face. "Dad what happened?" I asked in a panic.

He was in agony. "The damn ladder didn't hold! I broke my damn leg!" he cried.

Then I made the unfortunate mistake of looking at his left leg, which was bent in a shape that wasn't born in nature.

Gross.

I swallowed the saliva flooding my throat. "Ok Dad, hold on, I'm going to go call an ambulance," I said, leaving his side and running for the front door.

Six hours later, after x-rays, and orthopedists, and cast color selections, and tons and tons of waiting and sitting ─ Charlie was finally resting comfortably in a hospital bed─ his leg elevated in traction.

"Damn ladder," Charlie mumbled to me through bites of green Jello.

I felt badly that my father's project, one he worked so hard to plan, had been spoiled on practically the first day. Sometimes I just wished my dad would catch a break once in a while. It seemed he had a cloud over his head or something.

"I'm sorry Dad," I said, not really knowing what else to say. "What are you going to do now?"

Charlie let out a huff, loaded with frustration. "Don't know," he sighed.

"I could do it?" I offered weakly, and Charlie just smiled, knowing that idea was beyond hopeless.

Just then a doctor came in─ one we hadn't seen yet. I thought for sure we had seen them all. He was blonde, and handsome, and no one I had seen around Forks before.

"Afternoon folks, I'm Dr. Cullen, the attending here. I just thought I'd check in on you before you check out."

"Afternoon Doctor," Charlie said.

I got shy, as I typically did, and just smiled at him.

"So tell me what happened─" The doctor started, searching for Charlie's name on his chart. "Mr. Swan?"

"You can call me Charlie," Charlie nodded. "Or Chief Swan if you'd like."

"Ok, Charlie," the doctor smiled. "How'd you break your leg?"

"Busted ladder, trying to paint my damn house," Charlie spat. "The locks didn't hold."

Dr. Cullen nodded in understanding. "Ouch, well I'm sorry to hear that," he said.

"Yeah, and now I have 20 gallons of paint to add insult to injury."

The doctor let out a little laugh. "That's a lot of paint."

"Yes it is Doctor…yes it is. I'm going to have to hire somebody I guess. I don't think the house can go through another winter without some paint."

The doctor nodded in understanding, and then his brow furrowed with a thought. "Well, we just moved here from Chicago, and my son Edward is bored stiff," he said.

I knew where he was headed, and I instantly got butterflies in my stomach. Just the thought of a boy, any boy, painting the house made me nervous.

"Oh yeah?" Charlie asked, sounding intrigued.

"We signed him up for summer baseball, but that doesn't start for another month. He doesn't know anybody, and he's just sitting around. I think a house painting job would be just the thing," the doctor said.

Charlie perked up. "How old is he? I'd pay him of course."

"Of course," the doctor nodded. "He's just about eighteen. He's got a birthday coming up…going to be a senior."

Then Charlie turned to me. "What do you think Bells?" He asked, knowing no decision was made in our house without my input.

But I was still lost somewhere between son─ and almost eighteen─ and new to town. A boy. The teenage son of an admittedly extremely hot doctor, painting the house for the summer?

I couldn't think. "Uh…"

"He's a nice boy, he doesn't bite," the doctor said then with a patronizing wink.

I must have seemed like such a child. "Ok," I stuttered. "Sure."

And then it was settled. Dr. Cullen's almost eighteen year old son Edward was coming the next day to paint the house. I could have died, and I hadn't even seen him yet.


	2. Chapter 2

Stephenie Meyer owns these characters. I do not…Ok, it's settled then.

**BPOV**

I tossed and turned in my bed. My thoughts were torn between wondering why Angela didn't call me after her date with Ben, and what the boy who was coming to paint the house was going to look like…be like, sound like, smell like. I was so curious about him it made me like itchy.

I was hoping the phone would ring to distract me, but it never did. She never called.

I went to sleep in knots. It felt weird.

But I guess it was a miracle that I fell asleep at all. My curiosity over Edward Cullen was beyond any normal level. He was going to be a senior, at my school, and he didn't know anybody. It just seemed like being the first person in school to know him, this baseball playing son of a sexy doctor, was a big deal and I shouldn't take it lightly.

I felt strangely privileged.

I woke up two hours earlier than normal. I wanted to make a good first impression.

After a bit of primping, and a few, ok a lot of outfit changes, I made my way into the kitchen in tiny white shorts and a navy tank top.

Charlie was reading the paper, his casted leg propped up on a chair. I hadn't even made it to the fridge, before he noticed my new look.

"Are you wearing lipstick?" He asked, peaking at me over his paper.

I hid my face. "What? No," I whined, totally humiliated.

Charlie turned a page coolly. "Take it off," he huffed.

"_Dad_," I protested, feeling my face getting hot.

Charlie lifted his eyes, and swung his head toward my seat at the table. "Sit down," he said, eyebrow raised.

I wanted to die. I walked shamefully to the table and sat.

Charlie squinted his eyes at me. "Did you get dressed up for the house painter?" He asked.

_Kill me. Please? _

"No!" I cried, totally transparent. I wanted to crawl under the table and hide.

Charlie's expression got serious. "He's too old for you," he said firmly. "Get it out of your head young lady."

I didn't have it in my head…Ok, yes I did. But not in the way my dad was thinking. I knew there was little to zero chance that this boy would even _see_ me. Because no boy ever had before─

I was invisible…

I guess I just wanted to look good…or as good as I could look…just to see…just in case all of the good deeds I had done in my life had somehow amassed me some good karma.

I peered up at Charlie, trying to mask my humiliation. "Look Dad," I said. "I wasn't trying to impress him, just not revolt him…there's a difference."

"And why do you think looking like yourself is revolting?"

"I don't."

"Neither do I. Now go change, you look ridiculous."

"Fine," I huffed, standing from the table to go change. But before I could, a car pulled into the driveway.

I looked at Charlie with wide eyes. "He's early," I whispered in a panic, making it beyond obvious that I was indeed trying to impress the painter.

Charlie checked his watch and nodded. "He's punctual. I like that," he said. His coolness was pissing me off.

Then, there was a knock at the door.

_Knock…knock…_

And my heart started to race like a jackhammer.

Charlie looked at his leg, and then to me. "Get the door, will you?" He urged.

I was not even close to mentally prepared enough.

And then he knocked again,

_Knock… knock…_

"Now Bella. Jeez Louise," Charlie laughed.

So I went to the front door, and with a deep breath, I opened it.

I don't know what I was expecting? I guess based on the handsome doctor, I was expecting someone decent looking, cute even, maybe even as handsome as his father. But I was not expecting the boy that was standing in my door. The boy that was standing in my door was like nothing I had ever seen before. He was spectacular. He glowed. His face and body and hair and eyes and smile all came together to make this most amazing looking human. And he was standing in my door, smiling at me with a startling smile…

And then he talked.

"Hello, I'm Edward Cullen. I'm here to paint the house," he said in this silky smooth voice. He had emerald green eyes that sort of smiled when he talked, and a thatch of light bronze hair pushed back into a haphazard pile on his head.

I needed a moment.

"Just…one sec," I eked out, holding up a finger to him, my eyes wandering to his muscled smooth arm through his white t-shirt, resting against the door frame.

I closed the door behind me.

Then I turned my back and pressed it against the front door, and slid down it. I was swooning. Like a Victorian debutante, falling onto her chez. I was swooning. I had never felt so much like a fifteen year old girl in my entire life. I could have died.

He was miraculous. He was spectacular. He was… outside.

_Oh, God. _

I rose quickly on wobbly legs and opened the door. I tried to look past him so I could get my words out, but that didn't work…

I looked right at him, and audibly gulped. "Sorry. Something was weird with the door," I said in a high pitched voice that I had never even heard my vocal chords make before.

Edward laughed lightly to himself, revealing the cutest dimples. "No problem," he said.

I could barely feel my body. I was existing as a puddle of goo with extremely good eyesight.

But there was something about him…something gentle, something sweet in the way he smiled and laughed…that just let me keep acting like a total moron.

I managed to gesture for him to come in. "My dad's in the kitchen," I said, standing aside so he could walk past me.

He went to Charlie at the kitchen table, and I didn't even bother to look at my dad, my eyes were fixed on the shape of Edward's shoulders. He was so much taller and stronger than the boys in my grade…like a man or something.

I stood back at a safe distance in the archway. I didn't trust myself. It was better to just keep a safe distance.

He began conversing with my dad. I could hear his voice, but it was more like music coming into my ears in a different language…like French or something. I was watching his mouth, how it sort of curled up only in one corner when he smiled…And his eyes, how perfectly framed they were by his soft feathery eyelashes, and dark heavy brows…And his jaw…Oh God, his jaw…

"And Bella here can help you if you need it." I heard my name. Like waking from a dream I came back into the kitchen with them.

"What?" I asked, wiping my mouth in case I was drooling.

Edward and my dad both looked at me.

"You'll give Edward a hand if he needs one?" Charlie asked, raising a brow.

I straightened myself up. "Oh. Right. Definitely," I said, proud of myself for sounding coherent.

Charlie nodded, and Edward did too, and there was this cock sure look on his face that was like begging me to touch him. I wanted to touch him so badly that I had to hold the wall so I didn't fall for the impulse.

"I'll let you take it from here _kiddo_. Show the man around, will you?" Charlie said, giving me a look like he noticed me swooning. He called me kiddo…on purpose. I wanted to kill him.

"Sure thing," I replied with a tight smile, giving my dad the eye. "Come with me Edward."

I led him out the back door, and the fresh summer air did me some good. I took him out to the old shed where Charlie kept all of his supplies.

I don't know why? But in an uncharacteristic move, I started talking to him.

"So do you do a lot of painting?" I asked.

"Not really," he answered quietly, walking a few steps behind me.

"Oh. Well that's ok, I'm sure you can handle it," I said.

"Yeah," he sort of laughed. "I think I can too."

When we made it to the shed, I had to turn around. I had to look again so I could give him his instructions.

_Holy swear word…_

I took a deep breath and tried to relax my face. "So, everything you need should be out here and in the shed. Don't use the green ladder, it's broken," I said, looking a bit past him, avoiding direct eye contact.

He nodded in this smooth cool motion. "Ok."

My hand went into my hair nervously. "And we haven't finished scraping, so you should probably do that first."

"Will do."

"And Charlie usually vacuums up the mess at the end of the day…so…"

Edward nodded, and I could see the corner of his mouth curl up. "I'll make sure and do that," he said, and his voice was like buttery smooth. It was my new favorite voice.

I was running out of things to say. My instructions were finished. I stood there, and he stood there…and I was completely out of words. I decided leaving him alone was probably a good idea.

"Ok, well, I'll just go now," I whispered, shrugging, and starting back toward the house.

As I walked past, he grabbed my arm lightly.

_Holy…swear…word. _

I looked up at him, and his green eyes found mine…like full contact. "It's Bella right?" He asked lightly, his face so close to mine.

I couldn't breathe. "Uh huh," I whispered.

"Thanks," he shrugged, his mouth turning up in one corner.

In that split second I wondered what an orgasm felt like…

I felt my face just burst into flames. "Sure," I smiled like an idiot. "No problem."

Edward let go of my arm, and his eyes roamed the pile of crap that Charlie had collected for painting. He took a few steps back toward the shed.

I tripped over a few buckets and a tarp as I backed away too. "Well good luck," I said. "Let me know if you need anything."

"Ok," he smiled. "I will."

Then I left. He wasn't going to ask for my help, so I left. I ran inside because…well because I was fifteen and just had my arm held by the single best looking boy I had ever seen. I wanted to embalm it.

Charlie was still in the kitchen when I went in. "Back already?" he asked as I plopped down at the table across from him. He was still reading his morning paper.

"He doesn't need my help," I sighed, dropping my head into my hands…like I was hung over…hung over from Edward's presence.

Charlie shook his head, like he was laughing at my foolery. "I need you to pick some things up for me at the drugstore anyway," he sniggered,

I could barely feel my body, I wasn't in the mood. Also, I didn't want Edward to see my bike. "Right now?" I whined to Charlie through my folded arms.

"Yes now."

"Fine."

Charlie gave me a list of completely embarrassing things that no man should ask their teenage daughter to buy. Gas-X, athlete's foot spray, hemorrhoid cream… He also had some prescription grade painkillers on the list that 24 hours earlier he claimed he didn't need. Typical Charlie. The tough guy act didn't last long.

I rolled my eyes. "Anything else?" I asked, as he handed me his debit card.

"Yeah. Ask Edward if he wants anything…on me," he said with a knowing smile. "And lose the lipstick Bella. This is the last time I'm going to tell you."

With a huff, I dragged my forearm across my lips in a dramatic display, smearing the lipstick from my mouth onto my arm.

"Better?" I asked with a tight smile.

"Much."

I stumbled out the backdoor again into the hot morning, stupidly nervous about asking Edward what he wanted from the Thriftway. I considered rehearsing how I would ask him. I considered a lot of things…dirty things…before I made it to the bay window that he was scraping under.

He was crouched down, his back turned to me, and there were ear buds in his ears. I took a gratuitous moment to stare at his back, and the plaid boxers creeping out of his khaki shorts before I gathered enough courage to approach him.

I held my hand over his shoulder…inching it forward, and pulling it back a few times before I got the nerve to touch him.

Then I did.

"Hey," I said softly, knowing he couldn't hear me, putting my hand down lightly on his hard sweat dampened shoulder.

And then, quickly, before I even knew what was happening, Edward was off the ground, his hand tightly gripped over my forearm and wrist… He was glaring at me with frightened eyes…breathing heavily. His hand was sort of hurting my arm.

His wild eyes searched me, and quickly dropped my arm like a hot potato. "Sorry. You scared me," he breathed, backing away from me.

I was so frightened I could barely breathe. "I'm sorry…I shouldn't have…"

Edward's eyes continued to search. "Did I hurt you?"

I looked down at my arm. "No," I nodded. "I'm alright."

Edward gestured, asking me to see my arm. I gave it to him. His long strong fingers held it gingerly, like my arm was something fragile. His soft touch sent shivers up my body.

He dropped my arm for the third time that day. "Sorry," was all he said then.

I didn't want him to feel bad. I didn't want there to be awkwardness. I decided to change the subject, and move on. I was fine.

"I'm going to the Thriftway. Charlie wants to get you something, on him," I said softly, peaking up at his face.

He was pinching the bridge of his nose, and his eyes were closed. "Tell Charlie thanks, but I'm all set," he murmured, seemingly upset. Too upset. I was fine.

"You sure?" I asked, making my voice as light and _fine_ as I could. "Charlie's the cheapest guy I know, you may not get this offer again," I laughed. It was my best attempt at a joke.

Edward's eyes opened then, looking softly toward me. "Ok," he said, his face again relaxing into the most miraculous smile. "Why don't you surprise me?"

I grinned. "Ok. I will."

I backed slowly away from Edward, and he turned around and went back to his scraping under the window.

Our interactions…and I don't think I was imagining it either…were really intense.

I picked my bike up off the dirt patch by the mail box, and rode in a complete daze all the way to the Thriftway.

When I got there, I perused the aisles like I was on a cloud. I felt older, I felt worldlier…I felt like for the first time─ my life had just gotten really interesting.

Then I heard a group of girls giggling in the cosmetics aisle. They were laughing about lipstick while I picked up a can of Tinactin for Charlie.

All of the voices though…sounded really familiar.

I hastily grabbed the rest of what Charlie needed before they came into my aisle. Sometimes it was just easier to be in the dark.

"Bella?"

I was too slow.

I turned around. It was Angela.I knew who the other two voices were too. I knew.

"Hi," I said, feeling my face get red.

I hadn't talked to her since two nights earlier. She never called me after her date. It was probably the longest I'd ever gone without talking to her. It was also the first time in our ten year friendship that she was hanging out with other girls without me. I could see in her eyes that she knew I was thinking it too─ that she knew I was upset.

Angela took a step toward me. "We're picking up some snacks. Jessica is having some people over to watch a movie later," she said with a weak smile.

"Oh," I whispered, kind of frozen.

She took a step toward me. "I didn't think you'd want to come. You didn't seem into it the other night."

She was right. I wasn't. But that wasn't the point either.

I shook my head. "Well, I couldn't have come anyway…my dad broke his leg yesterday," I said quickly.

Angela's face turned down. "Oh, that sucks," she whispered.

"Yeah…well."

Angela looked up. "I should have called. I'm sorry. It's just that I had that date with Ben…"

I realized I was being irrational. I realized she was busy being normal and dating and didn't have to think of me every second of her life. But at that moment, I just wanted to leave.

I started to back away. "I know," I said, backing up toward the checkout. "I hope you had a great date Ange," I shrugged, and I felt like a terrible person because I wasn't sure if I did hope she had a great date. I wasn't sure what I was feeling? I just wished she had called me.

Angela looked at me with this pathetic smile, like I was charity or something. "Bella, we should talk later. Maybe we can get ice cream tomorrow or something?" She said.

_Ice cream? Gee-wiz, Ange, throw me a bone why don't you…_

I shook my head slowly. "Sure," I said raising a brow. "Ice cream sounds swell."

Angela didn't seem to catch my sarcasm. "I'll call you ok?" she smiled, completely oblivious.

"Ok," I said, giving up.

Then Angela went back to Jessica and Lauren, and I went to the checkout. I couldn't get out of the store fast enough.

I whipped my bike away from the rack, and threw the bag in the basket, and started peddling furiously away from the store. I hadn't even gone a block when I just burst into tears. Like uncontrollable heaving sobs. My bike was swerving because my hands were shaking and my eyes were blurry and my chest was just convulsing as I tried to breathe.

I would never go anywhere without her! I _had_ never gone anywhere without her!

I didn't expect her to not do stuff or anything. I guess I just thought that if she was going to ditch me, she would have at least done it slowly and not all in one day!

I was crying. For real crying. Like stopping traffic because people were watching me swerve and cry and scream almost obscenities under my breath because I was too lame to actually say a real swear word.

_Ugh! No wonder Angela ditched me! _

I hadn't cried in what seemed like years. It was like a primal release that I hadn't let myself feel since my parents divorced.

And of course it happened on the day that the most spectacularly magnificent specimen of a human I had ever seen in my life was standing between me and my front door…

When I got home, Edward was scraping the molding around the front door.

I hadn't seen him in a half an hour and it was sort of shocking seeing him again. Like when someone is that good looking…you sort of forget. He was so incredible it was almost sick.

It was unfair. It almost felt like he was brought into my life to tease me.

Seeing Angela just reminded me that any intensity I might have imagined between Edward and I was just that…imagined. Because on no universe would he ever…

Just no.

There was a sort of freedom in realizing this though, because it made me less self conscious about walking past him to go inside. I had no chance. What was the use of trying too hard, when it was completely hopeless anyway?

So I held my chin high, and walked up the stairs, reaching for the door handle.

Edward turned to me when I got into his periphery, and smiled. "Where's my surprise?" He started, and then his face turned down when he saw my probably splotched and red face. "Oh, fuck, are you crying?" He asked, sounding really concerned.

Hearing the word fuck come out of those perfect lips was the most erotic experience of my life.

And, darn, I forgot his surprise. I put my head down. I wasn't expecting to have to talk to him, while I looked such a mess. "I forgot it. I'm sorry. I got…"

Edward interrupted me. "You're not crying because of me are you?" He asked.

I looked up, confused. "What are you talking about?"

His eyes got serious, but soft at the same time. "When I grabbed you…"

I jerked my head in protest. "Oh Edward, no!" I cried. "Nothing like that!"

He let out a breath, like he was relieved. "You sure?" He asked gently.

I nodded, and I let out a little laugh. "Yes. The reason I'm crying is amazingly more stupid and embarrassing than that," I said, lowering my head in shame.

Edward's head went back in understanding, and seeming relief.

He was so nice to me. So easy to be around. It was weird. I never thought it could be so easy to be around someone…especially someone so beautiful and completely out of my league.

"You want to tell me about it?" He asked, gesturing toward the front step for me to sit.

I couldn't even process how it was happening. I couldn't even wrap my brain around it. Edward wanted to talk…to me…like to have a conversation.

"Ok," I agreed.

That afternoon, while I helped him scrape the front door, I told Edward Cullen the devastating tale of the rift between Bella Swan and Angela Weber. It felt good to talk to someone…

I think for both of us.

**A/N- Hello readers! Hope you like it so far. I'm thinking long chapters, updating once a week, maybe once every ten days or so. Not super frequent, but I won't leave it hanging for too long. I have it mapped out pretty well. **

**Leave me some early feedback if you're so inclined. I want to know what you think of Bella so far… **


	3. Chapter 3

**How to Paint a House- Chapter Three**

**BPOV**

I got up early again. So early that I watched the sun come up from the perch in my tree. I needed to do some thinking. I needed to sort some stuff out.

Another night had passed, and Angela didn't call me.

It was all so confusing. I just didn't feel normal without her around. I missed her so much. And I really didn't care anymore if spending time with her meant having to be with Jess and Lauren too.

She was my best friend. Mine. And it was just such a strange and terrible feeling having to share her. But I could and I would if I had to. I guess the part that hurt the most was realizing that she didn't miss me like I missed her. If she did, she would have called.

God, I was obsessed. It was like a crossroads…a moment in time. I just couldn't imagine my life, and going back to school, if Angela and I were no longer friends. I just couldn't fathom how that would work. What would I do? How could I possibly go on?

_Gah!_

I guess the one upside of obsessing over Angela, was that it distracted me from full on obsessing over Edward Cullen.

Obsessing over Edward was too easy. He was the very definition of obsession material.

As I scraped some bark under my fingernails, and looked out into the pink hazy morning sky, I wondered how many heartbroken girls Edward left in Chicago?

My heart sort of ached at the idea of him leaving town…ached at the thought of him ever going away. I had only known him for one day and that was the impression he left on me. He would leave a hole behind any place he left. I felt sorry for the girls in Chicago.

I was still in my tree when his silver Volvo pulled onto my street. The sun had barely risen, and he still needed headlights. He must have been up early too.

He parked behind Charlie's cruiser, but didn't get out right away. He thought he was alone, and I felt like I was spying on him while he sat in his idling car, hands still on the wheel, sort of still and pensive.

I shifted my position, moving around a little bit so he'd see me. I didn't want to scare him again. I didn't want him to think I was creepy.

I wagged my leg over the side of the branches, hoping he'd see my bright blue sneaker.

He did. His eyes, like coming out of a trance, blinked a few times and moved to look at me in the tree.

He turned off the ignition, and stepped out, making his way toward me with a sleepy smile. "What are you doing up there?" He asked, his voice a little groggy. He was looking intently up at me, his green eyes a little puffy with sleep, and his hair in a perfectly disheveled mess. He was sort of adorable in the morning.

"Oh, just…thinking," I sighed.

Edward nodded, like he understood. "Couldn't sleep?" He asked. He was wearing an old white concert t-shirt that had a hole in the collar. I had never been to a concert. He had probably been to tons. That was always something that made me feel young…my lack of concert experience.

"Yeah, something like that."

Edward walked closer, almost directly underneath me. "Want to help me put the tarps out?" He asked.

I feigned indifference. "Sure," I shrugged.

The corner of Edward's mouth curled up, and he held his hand out for me. He had to know that I went up and down my tree by myself all the time. Still, his hand was reaching for me.

I braced the large branch that held me and pushed myself off, my feet dropping, followed by the rest of my body with a thump. I searched for Edward's hand as soon as I was down and grabbed it, letting him stabilize me.

In his hand, my fingers felt like ice cream under hot fudge…oozing, and becoming liquid under the heat of the fudge...

"Thanks," I smiled, my body sidling up close to his, catching my balance. He smelled like fresh deodorant and soap─ warm and sort of spicy.

I would have lived in his smell.

Edward nodded, dropping my hand and raising a brow. "Ready to scrape?" He asked.

I took a breath. "Can't wait," I said.

I followed him to the back of the house to the shed where the tarps were stored.

The shed was warmer than the outside air. It smelled like gasoline and stale grass clippings and mold.

I concentrated on the smell so that I didn't think too much about how Edward and I were alone in such a small space together. It's like when you're in a small space with someone, you can almost feel their energy. I could feel his heartbeat, his blood flow, his body heat.

Looking at Edward, I realized it may have been just me. He was casually tossing buckets and brushes and paint trays out the door onto the dew covered grass, with a sleepy soft expression on his face. He didn't seem fazed, while I was biting down so hard on my lower lip that I was close to drawing blood.

I had mercy on my lip and grabbed a pile of drop cloths from the corner and took them outside myself. "Where should I put these?" I called behind me, too weak not to peak over my shoulder at Edward.

He was bent down reading the label on a paint can, his blood collecting in a vein on his neck. He looked up at me. "Uh, I guess the hedges and the steps," he said casually, refocusing quickly back to the paint can, and not on me.

I sighed to myself, "Sure thing boss."

The morning passed pretty much the same way. I was overwhelmed by him…and he was unfazed.

I guess I never expected him to be fazed by me; I wasn't completely delusional after all. The problem lied more in my ability to function around him. I couldn't. Not really anyway. Not without being overwhelmed. Things like neck veins and knuckles and ear lobes were things I suddenly found fascinating. It wasn't a way to live. I needed to get a grip.

We finished scraping by lunch. Even though I couldn't make out with him as part of our victory celebration─ I did feel pretty accomplished when we finished. We worked hard.

We sat on the front step side by side and took a breather. The sun was high in the sky, the coolness of the morning made way for a hot June day.

Edward's pinked perfect lips pulled a large swig from his water bottle, and I was fixated by the beads of sweat bejeweling his smooth forehead. "Lunch break?" He asked, tossing his elbow into my hip, breaking me away from analyzing his sweat.

My hip radiated while I looked up to meet Edward's eyes. "Sure," I said shyly. "But I don't know what we have?" Lunch wasn't a meal Charlie and I really did. I went to school, and he ate at the station. I hadn't had a chance to shop yet.

Edward shook his head. "No, problem, I brought my own lunch," he said.

Then he pushed himself off the step with a leap, taking long strides toward his car where he retrieved his lunch. He was beside me again before long, holding a small brown paper bag. I watched as he pulled out a sandwich. I could see the condensation on the plastic baggie it was in, and the generic yellow cheese had melted, and the lettuce was wilting…

I had to interject before Edward put that melted stale horror into his mouth. I just had to.

I grabbed his wrist, stopping his sandwich mid flight. "Don't eat that," I said brusquely.

Edward looked at my hand, and the corner of his lip curled up. "Why not?" He asked with a curious eye.

I pulled my hand away quickly, wedging it between the concrete steps and my cutoffs, my face just enflamed with a blush. "It doesn't look edible," I squeaked out. "It looks melted or something."

Edward threw his head back with a laugh. "That's what I've been trying to tell my mom for years," he scoffed. "Her food isn't edible."

I relaxed at his reaction, finding it strangely endearing that his mom made his lunch.

I turned a dubious eye toward him. "Well, it's not _all_ your mom's fault," I said. "You shouldn't have left it in your car to die."

Edward turned the sandwich over in his hands and studied it. "I killed it, didn't I?" He asked with a dimply grin, slapping the sandwich down onto the crumpled paper bag in disgust.

"Murder one," I determined. "Death by hot car."

Edward smiled at me. I wanted to live in his smile. "You're pretty funny Bella," he said softly.

I lowered my head. "Thanks," I said.

After a beat, Edward stood up and stretched his lean muscled arms over his head. "Well, I'm hungry, so what's the alternative?" He asked, looking down at me, continuing a conversation I had completely forgotten we were having, because he took me so off guard with his compliment.

He was still looking for lunch.

_Right…_

"There's a Subway in town," I shrugged.

Edward nodded, seeming interested. "How far is town?" He asked.

"About two miles by foot, but I ride my bike," I said, hoping he'd offer his car.

But he didn't. "Do you have an extra bike?" He asked, raising a brow.

I gestured toward the shed. "Yeah, sure, you can take Charlie's."

I was dancing internally over just the thought of taking a bike ride with Edward. It was beyond anything I had anticipated for that day. I couldn't believe it.

"Cool," Edward nodded.

Like a kid on Christmas, I ran inside and called up the stairs to Charlie. "Dad, we're going for lunch at Subway, do you want an Italian?"

"Extra red onion!"

"Can I take money out of your wallet?"

"Were you planning to barter? Take the twenty!"

I grabbed Charlie's wallet from the hall table, and took the crisp twenty dollar bill, and ran back out to Edward.

I stumbled over my gangly legs onto the yard, where Edward was inspecting Charlie's old ten speed. His lips were pursed like he was concentrating.

"Will that work?" I asked, nodding to Charlie's rickety red bicycle.

Edward peaked up at me. "I haven't ridden a bike since I was a kid," he said softly.

I took a step toward him. "Why not?"

Edward shrugged. "I don't know," he said distantly, reverie in his eyes. "I just…stopped."

I walked over to the dirt patch by the mailbox where my blue bike lived, and picked it up off the ground.

In a strange moment of coolness, I turned to Edward. "Well you know what they say about riding a bike," I mused, getting on my bike and pushing off into the street. "You never forget."

Edward quickly saddled Charlie's bike and followed after me. "Hold up," he said, as I started down the street. "I have no idea where I'm going."

Edward caught up to me in no time, and started riding beside me. I could see on his face that he was having fun. The way he would close his eyes and sort of sniff the air…or peddle really fast, then just coast while he swerved the bike in a wavy line down the tree lined street.

I knew the feeling─ the freedom and clarity and sort of present feeling your mind gets when you're riding fast down a hill, exhilarated and free. I had to work a little to keep up with him. He was moving pretty fast.

He slowed down and let me catch up when we hit a flat patch of road…and when I came into his view, he looked over to me. There was a satisfied smile on his face. "Can you ride with no hands?" He asked, raising a brow at me in challenge, his eyes sparkling and mischievous.

I snorted at the challenge.

_Please._

"My fifth appendage is a bicycle," I scoffed. "Of course I can."

Edward nodded, and looked at my hands in anticipation. "Well?"

I grinned at Edward and with a breath threw my hands over my head like I was on a rollercoaster, waving them effortlessly over my body… tipping my head back and letting my long brown hair fly.

I spread my arms out wide at my sides, and closed my eyes… "I can do no eyes too," I hummed, feeling the wind on my face─ and Edward's stare.

I could hear Edward giggle beside me as I soared and peddled handless and blind down the street. I didn't feel self conscious either. In that moment, I didn't care.

Edward's giggles eventually faded into nervousness. "Ok, you win, open your eyes," he laughed. "There's a hill coming up."

I opened my eyes and returned my hands to the handlebar… then looked over to an impressed Edward and smiled. We rode compatibly together the rest of the way.

When we got into town, I couldn't wipe the smug expression off of my face. I felt cool, just by proxy. I wanted people to see me with him. My life was definitely getting more interesting.

We hopped off the bikes to cross the street; I was practically strutting. "So, this is town," I said waving out into the tiny main street consisting of a few small businesses, gas stations, and banks.

Edward nodded with a pursed face. "Yikes," he hissed coolly.

"It's not so bad," I shrugged. "You'll get used to it."

When we reached Subway, I tossed my bike onto the curb, and started for the door.

Edward was hesitating behind me. I turned to see what the hold up was. "Coming?" I asked.

Edward waved to Charlie's bike in his hands. "Don't you have locks?" He asked, his eyes bulging with the question.

I took a moment to appreciate his adorably worried face, then let out a laugh I tried really hard to repress. "For what?" I croaked. "All the robbers?"

Edward considered what I said, while his eyes panned around him. As if on cue, a lone old orange Ford Escort drove slowly past, wobbling on shoddy struts. It was sort of perfect.

Edward turned back to me and smiled, then threw Charlie's bike onto the curb next to mine.

After we got our subs, we didn't wait to get home to eat them. We parked ourselves on the curb near the bikes…our legs stretching out into the empty street.

I got a veggie on wheat. Edward got a meatball on white.

We dug in. I don't remember ever feeling so hungry. I didn't even allow myself a moment to feel nervous about eating in front of Edward. I couldn't. I was simply starving.

About halfway into his sandwich, Edward turned to me, throwing another elbow into my hip. "Want to try some meatball?" He asked…his mouth full but still smiling. It should have been gross, but it was stupidly cute. Everything about him was stupidly cute.

There was a part of me that wanted so badly to eat from the same sandwich as Edward…But unfortunately, I didn't eat meatballs. I didn't eat meat…

"I'm a vegetarian," I said, refusing his offer for a bite.

Edward's brow furrowed. "Why?" He asked, like asking why I liked eating chalk. He didn't seem to think there was any value in vegetarianism.

I rolled my eyes, sort of agreeing with him. "My hippy mother," I explained. "I like…inherited it."

In a typical guy move, Edward decided to challenge my dedication to the practice. "If I gave you one hundred dollars right now to eat this meatball, would you?" He asked with a goofy grin, his green eyes alive again with mischief, his hands hoisting his sandwich inches from my nose.

I swatted it away, smelling the aroma of meat and oregano. "No!" I cried, "Stop it!" Then I slapped Edward's warm sweat dampened chest the way Angela slapped Ben's the night of the pickup game…like exactly the same way.

We were flirting…I was sure of it.

Maybe Edward was too, because he scooted away from me, and his expression evened out. He fixed his eyes on the flower shop across the street, and away from me.

It was confusing to say the least. But I knew enough to know that some men were just flirts, and it didn't necessarily mean anything. Charlie flirted with old ladies all the time. Some people called it being charming. I called it being really freaking confusing.

Edward was first to break the silence. "So this is town, huh?" He said faintly, drawing out his words, looking anywhere but in my direction.

I sighed. "Yep, this is it."

**A/N- Got to writing, so the update came sooner than I planned. Hope you enjoyed it, and leave me some feedback if you want. Have a nice Fourth to those in the US, and everyone else have a great weekend. I'll update probably Tuesday or Wednesday. :-)**


	4. Chapter 4

**How to Paint a House Chapter 4**

**BPOV**

The morning after our split-second flirtation on the curb outside of Subway, Edward arrived early as usual.

I wasn't in my tree to greet him though. Edward's lukewarm reaction after the 'incident' made me wary. I didn't want to seem eager. I had read enough books to know that the obnoxious overbearing girls never got what they wanted. If I wanted to remain in Edward's presence, and possibly try my hand at flirting with him again, I had to play it cool.

So after helping Charlie down the steps and making his breakfast, I decided to read at the kitchen table and wait for Edward to come looking for _me_, instead of the other way around. I got this mad idea that I would make him miss me a little─ see how horrible and boring working without me was. That way when I hung around him all summer like a lost puppy, he'd remember how bad it was without me.

See, the girls in my books did this intuitively. They knew how to make themselves wanted. They wouldn't plan it necessarily; they just had that savvy way of making men want them. I was a little more calculating because I had no natural instinct on the matter, and I was painfully inexperienced. I needed a plan.

My plan, in simple terms, was to not be annoying.

My plan hit its first bump though when I heard Edward's car door slam shut. All of my good intentions, and all of my hopes of coolness and aloofness sort of vanished into a racing heart and shaky fingers. I couldn't even remember my train of thought anymore…Something about making him _miss_ me?

Then, I heard him milling around in the shed, and it took everything in me not to run outside and offer up my assistance. I wanted to see what he was wearing. I wanted to see his groggy cute morning face. I wanted to see him smile.

I resisted.

The minutes ticked by and he hadn't attempted to find me. Like a stone at the table, I listened to him move the ladder to the front of the house, going about his business without me. My dedication to my plan was fading. I wanted to hear him laugh. I wanted him to throw his elbow into my hip. I wanted to smell him.

I resisted.

Then, minutes turned into a half an hour, and I had read the same page of my book at least thirty times, and Edward still hadn't inquired about me. I guess I thought he would…inquire I mean. In all of my planning, I never planned for straight up rejection.

It was a queasy feeling

I sat there with a lump in my throat, and I tried not to overanalyze why Edward didn't come looking for me. Worst case─ he didn't even notice I wasn't there…like complete indifference to my existence on the planet. Best case─ he didn't want to bother me and figured I was busy.

I decided for my sanity that it must have been the latter. I don't think my fragile ego could take another rejection. Angela hurt enough. I guess I was just putting up my best defense against Edward, as it was starting to dawn on me that if Edward decided he didn't want me around…that would really hurt me….

My whole stupid plan wasn't an effort to make him want me, but an effort to ensure that he wouldn't reject me. They were distinctly different goals. And when I realized this, I felt like crap. Any empowerment I may have felt earlier sort of faded into insecurity.

After an hour, I decided to give up. He wasn't coming.

I dropped my book on the counter in frustration, and looked up at Charlie who was working on a crossword. "I'm going upstairs," I sighed. "Do you need anything before I go up?"

Charlie looked up from his puzzle, and tapped his pencil. "Well, we need groceries," he shrugged. "I could call Sue Clearwater and ask her to take you?" he offered.

Sue was Charlie's friend Harry's wife, and they lived pretty far away. I didn't want to bug her.

"Nah, I'll manage on my bike," I shrugged, figuring a trip to the store would be better than torturing myself in my room. "Any special requests?"

Charlie chewed it over and then shook his head toward the fridge. "List is on the fridge," he said. "But only the necessities if you're taking your bike."

I went to the fridge and looked over the list. It was a pretty long list, and we needed almost all of it.

I looked back at Charlie. "I can make two trips." I said. "We really need this stuff."

Charlie raised a brow. "I can also call Sue?"

I waved him off. "It's fine Dad," I said. "I have nothing going on anyway."

Charlie let out a deep breath and pulled his mouth into a tight smile. "Just be careful," he sighed, reaching for his wallet. He pulled out a credit card and handed it to me. "I really appreciate this Bells," he said. "I know looking after me wasn't what you had in mind for the summer."

I rolled my eyes at my dad. "Stop apologizing," I whined, leaning down to kiss his whiskered cheek. "Just rest up," I said.

I hesitated a beat before I reached for the back door, forgetting for a moment that Edward was outside. I steadied myself and pushed the door open slowly and coolly. I figured I'd hold my chin up, and proceed with my plan. I guess I didn't hate myself enough to think that Edward was outright rejecting me. I still held onto the hope that he just didn't want to bother me.

I had to.

When I turned the corner into the front yard, I heard Edward before I saw him. I heard the clanging heaviness of a ladder being situated against the house, so I walked towards the sound…

Concealed a bit behind the bushes was Edward. He was concentrating on placing the ladder. His arms were flexed, and his face was scrunched and sort of red and sweaty. He was spectacular. I couldn't even remember any of the neurotic ramblings my brain had just been through. In that moment, my brain was mush.

I kept watching him, staring from behind the bushes. There was something powerful in the way Edward maneuvered the heavy ladder…something basic, something feral…something my virgin body responded to. Seeing him like that, brute and sweaty, my breathing picked up, and my chest got warm and sort of heavy. The core of my body became enflamed and impatient…like it wanted something. My legs began to squirm and my whole body just reacted to the sight of him.

I had never felt these feelings in waking life before─ only in dreams.

I stepped toward him, helpless to stop myself. "Hey," I said, twisting my feet, and gnawing on my cheek…just trying to suppress any evidence of being turned on. Because that's exactly what was happening. I was turned on.

It was so embarrassing.

Edward looked toward me, still gripping the ladder "Hi," he grunted, moving it to the left. "What's up? Where have you been?" There was genuine curiosity in his tone. He wondered where I was.

_Yes!_

I swallowed, and took another step toward him. "We're completely out of food. I'm going grocery shopping," I said breathlessly.

Edward's flexed arms set the ladder down easily, and he looked to me. "On your bike?" His tone was skeptical, his brow raised.

"Yeah, I'm going to have to make a few trips."

Edward shook his head in protest and smiled. "Don't do that," he laughed lightly. "I'll take you later."

"Nah, you're busy," I said, refusing him, so as not to seem too eager. "I got it," I smiled.

I wanted to take it back immediately, but I guess parts of my plan seemed reasonable. I decided to play it out, even if I really didn't want to. I really just wanted to be near him.

Edward gestured toward a roll of blue tape on the windowsill. "I'm just taping the windows. It can wait. I'm sure your dad will understand." He looked to me earnestly then, like he genuinely didn't mind.

I couldn't say no. I was that weak. "Thanks," I smiled. "This is a big help."

"No problem," he said, looking back toward the ladder. "Just give me fifteen minutes?"

"Sure," I breathed.

When I got inside, I did a little dance in the hallway, just beyond relieved over Edward wondering where I was and offering me a ride to the store. I wasn't rejected, and it felt like a victory indeed. But when the elation faded, I was suddenly mortified over getting turned on by Edward in the front yard.

If he noticed? I would die!

There was a moment outside where I was certain that if Edward asked me to do something, anything at all, I would have. One moment I'm thinking about plans and flirting, and the next I'm pretty certain I would have let Edward take my virginity in the front yard…

_Holy swear word…_

"Back so soon?" Charlie called to me from the kitchen, breaking me from my internal freak out.

I gathered myself and went to him. "Edward's taking me later," I said, plopping myself at the table, my legs just giving out.

"That's nice of him," Charlie hummed, still busy on his crossword.

"Yeah."

Charlie looked up. "Any chance Edward has a fake ID?" He asked, a gleam of mischief in his eye.

"Dad!" I cried. "He's seventeen!"

"I'm almost out of beer," he shrugged with a smile.

I looked at him suspiciously. "Dad?"

"What? He wouldn't be drinking it," he smiled.

"And you claim to be a cop," I said, shaking my head in disgust.

Charlie raised a brow. "And a damn good one," he said frankly. "Just a cop out of beer."

I stood up with a huff. "Bye Dad," I waved, giving him a tight disproving smile.

Charlie laughed as I walked out. "Bye Bells," he called. "Get me one of those big cans of cocktail nuts will you?"

I didn't even answer him as I walked up to my room to get ready to go grocery shopping with Edward.

I locked my door behind me and sat on my bed. I wanted to prepare for being alone with Edward in his car. Being alone in the shed was one thing, but the car was going to be a whole new ballgame.

First things first, I put on another layer of deodorant and spritzed some of the perfume that my mom gave me for Christmas on my wrist. I considered changing my clothes, but decided changing might seem obvious…if he even noticed what I was wearing at all. Instead I just brushed my hair again and put on some mascara and lip gloss, and pinched my cheeks, and prayed that I could keep my cool.

When I came back out after almost exactly fifteen minutes, Edward was rubbing some tape onto one of the front windows.

"All set?" He asked with a smile when he saw me.

"Yep. Thanks again for doing this." I said, moving timidly toward him. "Charlie appreciates it too," I added.

Edward dropped the roll of tape and rubbed his hands against his shorts and smiled. "Well, let's go then," he said, then moved his hands into his bronze hair and sort of tugged it.

I wanted to live in his hair.

Instead, I followed him to his car, my heart rate climbing with every step.

His car. Oh man, his car. It was so cool. I had never been inside a new car before… or a car that cost more than $5,000 from a used car lot. People in Forks didn't drive new cars. People in Forks didn't drive foreign cars. People in Forks did not have seat warmers under Corinthian leather and navigation systems.

I felt like I was entering another world, another life, just by sitting in Edward's car.

I snuggled into the leather seat and took a sniff of the expensive smelling air. "I like your car," I said, smiling sheepishly at Edward.

He smiled back, and looked amazing gripping the wheel. "Thanks," he nodded, turning the key.

When he pulled onto the street, I tried to take it all in. I wanted to be completely present for my first ride in a guy's car. Actually, I had never driven with a teenager before period. I always saw kids at school in cars, riding around, free and uninhibited. I always wondered what that was like. How lucky, and how perfect, that my first ride was with Edward. I must have looked like the cat that got the canary…but I didn't care, I was just taking it in.

Edward's car was such a smooth ride too, gentle and forgiving…sort of like Edward. It was also fast, and had a powerful engine. Needless to say it fit him to a t.

"Where to?" He asked when we reached the intersection at the end of the block.

I took a breath. "Straight," I said softly.

Then he reached for a knob on the dash. "Music?" He asked.

I smiled. "Sure."

When the music began to play, Edward and I both began bobbing our heads, and my driving with a teenager experience was complete. It was perfect.

The song was beautiful, sort of moody and electronic, and of course I had never heard it before. I figured there was a lot of beautiful music that I had never heard. Edward probably knew tons. I didn't even own an i-pod. I had maybe ten CD's that I had collected over the years with no particular interest or attachment to any of them. I always sort of prided myself in my book collection instead. But, in that moment, hearing that beautiful song, and seeing the place it put Edward in, and the energy that it gave to the car, and how it sort of defined the moment, defined the time…I wanted to hear more music. I wanted to hear more of Edward's music.

When it finished, I turned to Edward. "I like that song. Who is it?"

Edward glanced over, and his green eyes looked stern and serious. "Bella, please tell me you know who Radiohead is?" He asked, his brow furrowed with concern.

_Radio who?_

I hesitated before I answered . "I don't…Is that bad?" I asked.

Edward shook his head in disgust, and smiled. "You cannot go into your sophomore year of high school without knowing Radiohead…it's sacrilege," he said firmly. "I'm taking you to school…"

I watched in awe as Edward went off on a tangent. I had never seen him that passionate about anything. I had never seen him, the real him, maybe ever. Music was important to him. I was excited to go to school. He said it like I would have to be there, like he wanted me to be there. Suddenly, I couldn't wipe the smile off of my face.

I was in float mode again when we got to the SaveMore…walking confidently beside Edward, looking around to see how many people thought he was my boyfriend. I was actually a little taken aback by how many people _were _actually looking. Every eye, every single one, glanced at Edward at least once. He was like this alien from outer space, tall and handsome and present…and everyone shot him a glance.

Being in a crowded place with him was weird. I couldn't believe how unfazed he was by all of the people looking at him…like he almost didn't notice. I wondered how beautiful people functioned? How they didn't crawl under rocks from all of the staring and attention? It was bizarre.

I got the cart and Edward took the list, and we got going on the task of shopping. We worked well together. Edward would read an item off the list, and I would tell him where to find it. He ran around, while I mostly stayed in the produce and meat sections. It was fun, but sort of frantic and stressful with all of the people around. I much preferred being alone with him.

Edward came back with the last of the items on the list, and dropped them in the cart. "Is that the whole list?" He asked, looking to me a little out of breath. It was cute.

"Everything except the beer," I joked, remembering Charlie's request. "Charlie's almost out."

Then I started moving toward a line, but Edward stayed put with a curious look on his face, and scanned all of the checkout aisles intently with his eyes.

"Coming?" I asked, as I was about to get in the line of a little old man.

Edward called me back with his index finger, sort of covertly, like he had a secret to tell me.

I went to him. "What?" I whispered, wanting in on whatever it was he was thinking.

He leaned down to my ear. "Go get the beer Charlie likes, and meet me in that aisle," he breathed, pointing toward a checkout manned by a teenage emo chick. I barely took in what he was saying though, because his breath was tickling my ear, and I was about to pass out.

But when I finally came to, and understood what he wanted to do, my heart took off. We were going to do something illegal…together…

I bit my lip and shook my head, and could not wipe the determined excitement off of my face. "That aisle?" I asked, pointing to the girl, my eyes getting wide.

"Yep," Edward winked. "Go."

"Ok."

I got the beer, and went back to the checkout where Edward was chatting with the emo chick. Edward was casually placing my groceries on the belt, while she was laughing and blushing and getting completely drawn into his web. She was practically crawling over the checkout counter. And Edward was really going at her too…crooked smiles and all.

I suddenly understood exactly what his plan was. He was going to charm this girl into giving him the beer. Sweet unassuming Edward was revealing two new sides of himself. Criminal…and having complete awareness of his power over women all at once.

It only made me more intrigued.

When I came up to them, Edward turned to me with this phony wide smile. "Oh there she is," he cried, throwing his arm around my shoulder, while I placed the beer on the belt.

The cashier, who couldn't have been a day over seventeen, looked to me with this patronizing smile. "Who's this?" she cooed, like meeting someone's child.

"My sister," Edward nodded, winking at me. "I just graduated college. We're spending some time together before I start working in Seattle," he said, lying through his teeth, urging me to go along.

I was helpless not to at that point.

The cashier looked at the beer, and then smiled at Edward. She was practically thrusting her massive fat boobs in his face. "Well, I hate to ask you this, but I'm going to need to see some ID?" She asked, biting down on her lip, trying to seem sweet and charming.

I wanted to gag…for many reasons. One being the lack of ID. I looked to Edward for that one though, and he didn't seem to be sweating it at all.

He shrugged, and dropped me from his grasp and reached into his pocket. "Sure, no problem," he said, tapping his hands against the empty pocket. "Oh shoot, I forgot my wallet," he huffed, feigning disappointment. "See, we brought my Dad's credit card. The beer is actually for our Dad," he explained flawlessly…but then he looked to me with wide eyes, like I needed to say something too.

"He broke his leg," I spat out. "It was a ladder accident," I continued, my heart throbbing in my head, not even knowing where I got the nerve. "The beer is the only thing that takes the edge off the pain."

_Holy swear word, where did that come from?_

The emo chick looked to Edward with concern. "Oh your poor father," she said, ignoring me, and giving all of the sympathy to Edward. Edward's eyes locked onto hers, letting her know he appreciated it.

_He is my father! What the heck? _

But I felt we were getting to her, so from somewhere inside of me, I kept it going. I saw a cross around the cashier's neck, and got inspired. "He's a minister too. He thinks God is mad at him," I said sadly.

That got Edward's attention though. He tore his eyes away from emo chick, and smiled at me with the most spectacular smile, utterly impressed by my tale. He could barely keep a straight face. He looked like he was about to crack up.

"Oh no. That's terrible. He shouldn't think that," emo chick consoled him, but he was beaming at me, with the most adorable crooked smirk.

I smiled back for a beat into his sparkling green eyes, but feared we were losing emo chick, and jail was not on my agenda.

I raised a brow and nodded my head toward concerned emo chick, silently instructing Edward to close the deal.

Edward nodded and leveled his expression, and turned back to emo chick. He moved toward her, placing his hands on the belt, taking up some of her space. "You couldn't let this one slide, could you?" He asked in the most smooth seductive tone. Then he lifted a hand to her chest, and took her nametag into his fingers. "Lisa?" He winked. His hand, his miraculous hand, was practically on her boob. I couldn't even breathe.

Lisa was a goner. Her eyes were clasped to Edward…"Well…" she started. "Ok, just this once."

Edward's hand pulled away, and he was out of her space immediately. "Thanks Lisa," he smiled.

Lisa followed through, and she sold us the beer. Edward told her his name was Brad, and that he was sorry they couldn't get to know each other better before he moved to Seattle.

He was a master.

When all was said and done, and the receipt was in my hand, we practically ran out of the store into the parking lot.

"I cannot believe we did that!" I cried, as we put groceries into the trunk. I was absolutely shaking with nerves. It was far and away the worst most criminal thing I had ever done. It was thrilling though, really and truly.

I couldn't wait to do something like it again.

Edward just laughed as he loaded a case of soda into the car. "Your dad won't arrest me or anything, will he?" He asked, looking to me with the most adorable guilty face. I wanted to reach out and grab him and hug him and have him twirl me around the lot in elation…

Instead I just smiled. "We'll tell him you have a friend who's 21," I said with shrug, putting another bag into the car.

"Good idea," Edward agreed.

When the groceries were all in, Edward turned to me. "This was fun," he smiled. "I didn't expect this when I woke up this morning. You're a pretty cool kid Bella," he shrugged, then turned and went for his door.

_Kid? _

I couldn't even breathe. That word hit me like a tidal wave…taking my air, filling my lungs with water…choking me…drowning me…

Crushing me…

Edward Cullen called me a kid.

"Coming?"

…

"Bella?"

…

"Earth to Bella…"

...

I wanted to die…

**A/N- Hey all! Hope everyone had a safe and fun holiday. A lot of emotions got thrown around for poor Bella. :( Lemme know what you're thinking? **


	5. Chapter 5

**How to Paint a House Chapter 5**

Pretty cool kid?

Well, darn…

It sort of felt like that uncomfortable moment when you know you have a huge zit on your cheek, and your father points it out, like "Did you know you have a huge zit on your cheek?"

Um, yes!

My age was the zit─ and Edward was Charlie leaning across the kitchen table pointing directly at it, drawing more attention to it than it ever deserved.

He called me a kid. Out of all of the words, phrases, combinations of adjectives and nouns…he chose cool kid. Oh wait, excuse me…pretty cool kid.

What the heck?

Taking low even breaths, I burrowed myself into the passenger door for the ride home, maintaining a blank stare out the window. I could barely move. I was like a squirrel in the middle of the road while a car was coming. If I moved, I was afraid he might say something else…something worse…something that would potentially crush me even more.

I didn't dare move.

Edward was oblivious beside me of course, which sort of made it worse. He was still riding out the high of our criminal success. I could see him smiling in my periphery. He had that cocky posture that he got sometimes.

Usually, I loved it when he got that way…but that was before I knew he thought of me as a kid. Now everything he did seemed questionable. His next word could be another dagger.

Turning to me when we were about half way home, lost in his giggly happy little world, Edward smirked, "A minister? Where did you get that?" He was laughing, and wanting to reminisce about my cleverness.

I remembered the moment when I said it in the store, and how he smiled at me, like a proud beaming smile…I got goose bumps. I wanted to turn to him. I wanted to see him smile at me again. But then I remembered he thought I was a kid.

"I don't know," I answered with a dull sigh.

Edward's posture slumped in my periphery. "You ok?" He asked softly.

I could sense his concern, but I couldn't trust it─ so I went into full on self preservation mode.

"I'm super," I breathed.

"You sure?"

A frustrated sigh ripped out of me then. Being mad at him would have been a heck of a lot easier if he wasn't so disgustingly nice.

"I'm fine," I hissed. "Stop asking." I dismissed Edward bluntly and coldly. I had never dreamed of treating him so harshly.

"Ok, sorry I asked," he recoiled.

He was silent beside me for the rest of the ride. I felt terrible…

When we got back to the house, Edward unlocked the trunk, and we both sat in the car a moment without moving. I could tell he wanted to say something. He probably wanted to ask me if I was ok again…but remembered I told him not to.

"Need help with the bags?" He asked instead, his tone a bit distant and defeated. The heaviness in his voice made me feel plain awful.

"Ok," I whispered, finally risking a glance at him.

I sat up from my cocoon in the door, and peaked over. He was looking right at me. I wondered for how long? One of his hands was on his door, while the other in his hair, tugging on it…His green eyes were sort of sleepy and still…just looking curiously at me.

I wanted to spill. I wanted to tell him that what he said really upset me. I wanted to tell him that I wasn't a kid, I was almost sixteen, and there were girls in my grade who were already pregnant with their own kids!

But before I could, Edward's eyes tore away from me, and he pushed his door open with a sigh. "I have to get back to work," he said. "Let's get these groceries unloaded."

"Sure."

We unloaded, taking separate shifts. When I went into the house, he went back out. It wasn't purposeful on my part, but it may have seemed that way…I wasn't sure.

When we were finished, Edward paused in the back door, looking edible and amazing, and I was torn. "Ok, well…" He shrugged.

"Thanks, or whatever…for bringing me to the store," I smiled weakly.

"No problem," he nodded, turning for the door…but he quickly turned back around. "Are you sure you're ok?" He asked with a furrowed brow, curious and concerned.

I shook my head and attempted a smile. "I'm fine, I swear."

"Ok," Edward said. "Come out and help if you want."

"I will."

Then he pushed out the door, and he was gone.

Holding the kitchen counter, I tried to get my breath…feeling confusion like I had never felt before.

The part of me that wanted to go to Edward, to help him, to carry on as usual was fighting with the part of me that was telling me to STOP! You're going to get hurt. He doesn't want you. He thinks you're a child.

I decided for the time being to let my cautious side win, and spend the day alone, without him…self preservation and all that.

Charlie was in the living room watching TV. I had to pass him on my way up the steps.

"We got you beer. I'm going to my room," I said hurriedly, blowing past him.

"Hey whoa, slow down, I want to ask you something!" He cried as I was almost to the railing.

I stopped. "What?" I asked sharply, really not in the mood to deal with Charlie.

Charlie grabbed the remote, and clicked off the TV, then turned his head to me. "Drop the tude Bells, and ask Edward to come in here. I want to talk to him about cutting the grass," he said, looking pointedly at me.

"He's outside," I huffed.

"Well could you go get him?"

I really didn't want to go talk to Edward…so much so, that I did something crazy.

"I'll do it," I offered. "I'll cut the grass."

Charlie's face scrunched. "No you won't. Now come on Bells, I'm missing All My Children…"

"I can push a lawnmower Dad," I insisted, suddenly feeling it was important for him to let me do it. I didn't need another person thinking I was too young or too incapable for something. I'd had enough of that for one day.

Charlie's eyes got serious. "It's not as easy as it looks Bells," he said. "I'd really rather you not."

"How hard could it possibly be?" I asked. "It's a lawnmower."

Charlie let out a breath and shook his head in agreement. "Ok. Go ahead and give it a try," he said. "But don't tell me I didn't warn you."

"I won't. Thanks Dad."

Charlie smiled like he was about to dismiss me, then perked up, remembering something. "Oh, Angela called while you and Edward were at the store," he said.

_Shoot…_

"She was supposed to call me two days ago," I sighed, really not wanting to deal with Angela at the moment.

_One rejection at a time please? _

Charlie shrugged, his eyes narrowing. "Is something going on with you two? She seems to be missing from your hip." Charlie, for all of his silliness, always knew exactly what was going on with me. He didn't miss anything. I loved him for it, but it made hiding my pathetic existence from him hard.

"Yeah, well, that was her choice," I sighed, turning up the stairs.

Taking the steps by two's, I made a dash for my room. Slamming the door behind me, I flung myself on my bed, grabbing the nearest pillow. I couldn't contain it any longer. I really had to scream.

"Aaaaahhhhh!"

Drawing a breath, then pressing the pillow even tighter, I screamed again, "Aaaaahhhhh!"

I let the scream radiate and fill my entire body. I wanted to feel the tension in my toenails release. I had never felt stress quite so overwhelming. Being a teenager was the pits.

It helped though, and afterwards I felt much calmer. Calm enough to call Angela back.

Uncertain about what I was going to say to her, I just decided to dial and see what happened. It's terrible, but in that moment, Angela was the least of my worries. Actually, I just wanted to get the phone call over with so I could start obsessing over Edward again. I knew there was a rational reason for him to call me a kid, and I had to obsess until I figured out what it was.

_Ring…ring…_

"Hello?"

"Hey did you call?"

"Yeah, I wanted to see if you wanted to get ice cream?" She asked.

Ok, maybe Angela wasn't the least of my worries? This ice cream nonsense was really starting to piss me off. We used to practically live each other's lives and just sleep in different houses. Now, a little ice cream date was how we would spend time together? Boo!

I gripped the pillow in my hand, trying hard not to overreact. "I haven't seen you in days and you want to get stupid ice cream?" I asked through clenched teeth.

"We can do something else if you want?" Angela said sweetly, but I wasn't buying it.

"What about Lauren and Jess? Won't they miss you?" I spat, completely unable to stop myself.

Angela wasn't amused. "What is wrong with you Bella? Why are you acting like this?"

I just kept going, I was on a roll. "Oh please, you would feel the same way if I did this to you."

Angela groaned through the receiver, clearly frustrated. "Bella, really, I'm not trying to hurt you or anything…you're my best friend, "she whined.

She was starting to get deep. She was wanting to talk about what was really going on. I didn't want to get into it. I knew it would involve things like _me_ not liking her group, and _me_ not being into the things she was into now…Basically telling me it was all my fault and I needed to grow up.

So, I just blew her off. "I have to go. I have to cut the grass for Charlie," I said coldly.

Angela sighed. "Will you call me later?"

"Yeah, sure. Whatever," I whispered. "Bye." I didn't even wait for her to say goodbye, before I hung up the phone.

I needed the pillow again. "Aaaahhhhh!"

It felt like everything was just falling apart. For the past few days I was comforted slightly by Edward…by his company, and our trips together and his smiles…But those weren't real. He was just being nice to the kid daughter of the guy who employed him.

It was so clear all of a sudden. My dad was a pillar of the community, and Edward was just being polite and respectful to Charlie by humoring me. He wasn't my friend…he was just an Eddie Haskell in disguise. I realized obsessing over _why_ Edward called me a kid was futile─ because I was always going to come to the same conclusion. He called me a kid because he thought of me as a kid…Period.

Then, I really wanted to get ice cream with Angela. I missed her…like really missed her. Nothing I did made any sense to me anymore. It was like my brain was taken over by a psycho. An overly defensive, hormonal psycho.

I needed air.

Stumbling outside to the shed, my brain was like a burnt piece of bacon…still sizzling and overheated and loaded with chemicals that made you sick.

Edward was out front, still taping off windows. I was alone.

The lawnmower was under a green tarp in the back of the shed. Hastily, I pushed back the plastic to reveal the beast that my father didn't think I could manage. It was big, and old, and dirty…and I was determined to wrangle it.

After clearing a path, I got behind the lawnmower and gripped the handlebar, and started my attempt to push it out of the shed…

It barely moved.

I braced my feet, and slipped a bit on the oily floor, and pushed harder. "Move!" I cried, pushing the cumbersome hunk of medal. "Move, dang it!"

Exhaustion was already setting in by the time I got it out onto the grass. I was taking solace in the sticker that said _**self-propelled**_. I wouldn't dare quit. Not for anything. I was going to cut that grass and cut it good.

My first task was figuring out how to start it. I had seen Charlie do it a hundred times…He just pulled the string thing really hard and it started.

_Then what is this button for?_

There was a red on/off button on the handle. I decided to click it to ON.

"Ok, now…just pull," I said under my breath, leaning down to grab the knob attached to the string.

I grasped it tightly, and braced my foot on the side of the mower and…

_Shoot, it's really hard to pull… _

Gripping the knob again, I crouched down into a deeper squat to give myself more leverage. "Ok, you can do this…on 1, 2, 3…heave!"

_Gah! _

No luck. I got it maybe four inches out, and then it coiled back in…the engine didn't even sputter.

I stood there puzzled, with my hands on my hips, completely out of breath.

"Need a hand?" A smooth, clearly amused voice called behind me.

_Oh not now!_

"No," I said sharply. "I got it."

Edward didn't listen. He walked up to the mower, and gently pushed me out of the way, smirking at me, and placing his long fingers gently on my hips to push me aside. My whole body caught fire.

I was screwed.

Leaning down to the mower, he peered up at me. "It won't start if you can't pull the choke fast enough and with enough force," he said amused. "You're the size of a hamster. There's no way you can start this by yourself…" His amusement and certainty over my failure was not wanted, no matter how unbelievable he looked in that moment, all sweaty and helpful…

I rolled my eyes, and put my hands on my hips. "Apparently not," I spat in frustration. "Could you just start it please?"

I mean really…We can put a man on the Moon, but we can't design a lawnmower that a woman can start?

Jaw clenched, I watched Edward easily start the mower, barely having to brace himself. With one quick pull, his bicep rippling, his face determined, the mower just roared to life. Just like that.

With a satisfied smirk, he turned to me, wiping his hands together in that cocky way, silently telling me it was a piece of cake.

I just glared at him.

"You're welcome," he said, raising his voice over the roar of the engine. His piercing green eyes were wide in anticipation, waiting for his thank you.

I pushed past him and went to the mower. "Yeah, yeah," I hissed. "Thank you."

Edward laughed. "Whenever you feel like telling me what's eating you, I'll be out front." He shook his beautiful head, then ran his beautiful fingers through his hair, looking at me with his beautiful eyes like the crazy hormonal psycho I was.

I was beyond screwed.

When Edward was gone, I took a deep breath and tried to refocus on the task at hand. Cutting the grass.

Gripping down on the handle, I got in position to push.

_Just like a shopping cart…_

With the slightest amount of pressure, it jumped to life…like it had a mind of its own…After a few steps I realized self propelled just meant my nonexistent biceps had to work harder to keep it from running away like an excited dog on a leash.

I was tired on the first pass, and the grass looked terrible to boot. It was uneven because I couldn't hold it firmly enough to the ground so some parts were barely catching the blade at all.

I wanted to quit. My mother the feminist would argue that I could do anything a man could do. But seeing as I just passed the one hundred pound mark six months earlier, and I was barely eking past 5'2", it seemed reasonable that this was, in fact, a task I couldn't handle. I was just too small.

But I didn't want Charlie and Edward to win. I didn't want to quit and give them the satisfaction. I was sick of not being enough…Not being cool enough to hang with Angela and her new friends…not being old enough for Edward…not being strong enough to cut the stupid lawn with the stupid lawnmower!

_Aaaah! _I needed my pillow.

I was an angry sweaty mess by the time I got to the side yard near the big bay window…but I was doing it. My mouth was just spewing almost obscenities under the roar of the engine, keeping me motivated, and pushing me forward. "Dang…stupid…freaking…lawnmower…stupid idiotic men…dang it…"

Fatigue was really setting in though. I felt like I would collapse if the lawnmower wasn't holding me up. The sweat on my forehead was stinging my eyes too. I was almost delirious when I started making my pass around the pebble pathway near the birdfeeder…So delirious that I ran right into it.

The sound was the first thing that got my attention…the grinding angry sound of rocks under a steel propeller like blade. Then, a worse sound came into my ears as the lawnmower whined and bellowed in anger…the sound of glass breaking.

Panicked, I flipped the switch to off, and then turned my head to the sound of the breaking glass…

_Oh no…_

"Fuck!" I screamed, just screamed as I saw the damage. I broke the window…the massive, very expensive bay window. "Fuck!" I screamed again, really getting good mileage out of my first swear word. I chose the mother of them all too…I wasn't kidding around.

Dropping the lawnmower, I ran towards the window, tears just starting to spill from my already stinging eyes. I was so hot, and so tired, it was like it was happening in slow motion.

I dropped to my knees and just started picking up the glass, crying, delirious…it had been a really fucking shitty damn day.

"Bella what are you doing, what happened?" I heard his angelic voice behind me, but I was too focused on making the glass go away. I just kept picking up the glass.

"Bella!" he cried like he was in a vacuum. Then strong arms just wrapped around me, too tight, yanking me away from the glass.

I squeezed my hands together, like a reflex…and the sickening sharp pain came immediately.

"Don't do that!" Edward cried, setting me down on the grass, getting in front of me, pushing my sweaty hair back with his hands. "Oh shit Bella," he groaned. "Look what you did…"

_What? What did I do?_

Edward took my right hand into his and pried it open, revealing a bloody mess. I had a deep cut on my palm bright below my thumb and index finger.

Brown and red splotches inundated my vision as saliva flooded my mouth. I was going to be sick. The sight of blood, any blood, made me nauseated and ill.

Edward found my eyes, and his hand again went into my hair, pushing it out of my face. "Can you walk?" he asked gently, seemingly noticing how nauseated I had become.

I wasn't sure I could. "I don't know," I swallowed, keeping the saliva back.

Edward mouth formed a tight line. "Ok," he sighed. "I'm going to carry you ok?"

"Ok," I nodded.

Then his hands turned me sideways, and I wrapped my good arm around his neck, and tucked my right hand into my chest. Edward swooped under my knees and got a grip on me. "Up you go," he grunted as he lifted me.

I would have happily died in that moment, snug against his chest…his scent in my nose, his arms holding the naked skin on my thighs…my shorts were so short, and I was so happy about that…

His heartbeat was strong and steady and his body was so unbelievably strong and hard and different from my soft willowy one. It was so amazing being carried by Edward, I almost forgot I was bleeding all over him.

Too soon, he set me down on a chair at the kitchen table. I could hear Charlie hollering in the background, but I was completely overwhelmed by Edward…I couldn't process two things at once.

Edward knelt down to my level and found my eyes. "Do you have a first aid kit?"

"Closet at the top of the stairs," I breathed.

"Great," he smiled. "Hang on, I'll be right back."

I didn't dare look at my hand as I waited for him to come back. I heard him explaining what happened to Charlie in the living room…warding him off, telling him I was fine… to relax.

I imagined Charlie was probably pretty pissed about the window…and thinking about it too much made my stomach churn. The Swan's weren't made of money. After he found out I survived my glass wound…I was in for it.

When Edward came back with the first aid kit, I took in the mess I made of his white t-shirt. It wasn't a concert tee this time, which gave me a moment of relief─ just a plain Hanes or something from a bag…But it was ruined, and I felt bad…I also felt like vomiting from the sight of so much blood.

Edward came to my side again in no time, and took my hand into his. "Let me look," he whispered, his face getting so close to my hand that I could feel his breath on my wrist. I had to steady myself.

"I don't see any glass…" he said in concentration, very clinically…like the son of a doctor. "And I don't think you need stitches…"

"Oh good," I sighed, trusting his judgment, not daring look.

"But I will have to clean it out pretty well," he said, peering up at me, apologizing to me in advance with his sparkling green eyes.

Anyone else, I would have shuttered in fear…but I trusted Edward.

"Ok, I nodded. "Just make it quick."

Edward grabbed the alcohol from the first aid kit and opened the cap. "Hold still," he whispered, clasping my hand firmly in his grasp, slowly beginning to pour the liquid on the wound.

"Ouch…Ow…Ow!" I cried. "That really stings."

Edward looked up regretfully. "Sorry, just one more time," he apologized, then began to pour again.

This time, it really freaking hurt, like burning my hand in acid. "Ouch!" I cried, yanking my hand away. "You're hurting me." I was whimpering in pain, just on the verge of fainting. I needed him to stop.

Edward didn't seem to understand. "_I'm_ not hurting you," he protested, like taking offense to my pain. "The glass that you picked up with your bare hands is," he said, raising a brow, pointing out my stupidity.

And he was exactly right. How dumb do you have to be to break a window with a lawnmower then cut yourself on the glass? He must have thought I was such a joke…

I sighed in frustration. "Yeah, yeah, stupid little baby Bella being stupid," I hissed under my breath.

My words hung in the air for a moment while Edward's face changed from stern to confused. "What the hell is going on with you?" He asked, and he wasn't just talking about that moment either. I could tell.

I didn't want to get into it. Not while I was bleeding all over the kitchen about to barf. If I was going to call him out for calling me a kid…it wasn't going to happen then…

"Nothing. I'm fine," I shrugged. "Can we just finish this?"

"I don't believe you," he snapped. "Something is definitely up with you."

"Edward please. Not now…"

Then his eyes softened a little. "Is it Angela again? Did she do something?" He asked, and his sincerity almost made me cry.

He remembered Angela. He remembered our conversation. He remembered how she hurt me, and made me cry, and how upset that made me.

No matter how much I wanted to be angry at Edward, to think he was Eddie Haskell just trying to win points with my dad…Everything he did, every little thing, just made me doubt that. I wanted to believe he was my friend. I _did_ believe he was my friend.

My eyes welled up. "She's just being really weird. I guess it's getting to me," I whimpered. "She asked me to get ice cream…like she has to pencil me into her schedule. We used to spend every day together. We used to tell each other everything. She went on a date…and I don't even know how it went…" The tears just came and I couldn't stop them. Screaming into a pillow was nothing compared to a good cry. And I was crying…

Edward nodded his head in understanding, his eyes soft and open. "You miss her?" he asked gently.

"Uh huh," I sobbed.

"I miss my best friend too," he said, his eyes getting a bit distant and droopy. I had forgotten completely in all of my selfish anguish that Edward left his friends in Chicago…that he was even more alone than I was.

I could have died. I felt so dumb.

"Sorry, I'm being so selfish," I whined, wiping my tears away with my good hand.

Edward shook me off, and took some gauze from the kit, and gestured for me to give him my hand. I did.

He began wrapping. He looked sad. "You're not selfish Bella," he whispered. "It's fine."

It didn't seem fine. Edward's expression was suddenly so sad and pitiful. Just thinking of his friends…it just kicked him into this funk.

"You're pretty lonely here huh?" I asked lightly, wondering if maybe he wanted to talk about it.

Edward cut the gauze with a scissor. "Kind of…yeah," he admitted softly. Then a small smile began to pull at the corner of his mouth.

"What?" I asked, wanting to know what caused it─ what caused him to smile again?

He looked at me, his eyes sort of sparkling once more. "It's been easier the last couple of days," he said, bumping my knee with the back of his wrist. Implying I had made it easier…the insinuation was all over his face.

_Oh my God…_

Then it got quiet, and I just smiled gently at Edward, and he smiled at me, and I think we were both thinking the same thing…it was easier with the other person around. He was my friend. He was undoubtedly my friend. And as I had just learned… I was his too. Fifteen smifteen, he didn't seem to care.

Edward broke our stare, and went back into the kit, finding some tape. He wrapped it tightly, covering the gauze…and when he was finished, turned my hand over gently to study his work.

"I think you're going to live," he smiled.

I took a breath, not even sure how the day had progressed so perfectly. "I think so too," I whispered.

I was definitely going to live…


	6. Chapter 6

**How to Paint a House Chapter 6**

**BPOV**

The next morning, Charlie continued his record setting parental lecture. It started shortly after I broke the window, and it continued onto the breakfast table. He said the same things maybe fifteen times, but still felt the need to say them…like somehow my skull was made of asbestos and was blocking his words from entering my brain.

"You need to know your limits Bells," he said.

"Yep, got it Dad," I sighed, feeling like I was in some sort of strange social experiment.

"You're too stubborn and bullheaded for your own good," he repeated, I had heard that one at least four times already.

"And I need to think things through before I end up in trouble…"

"Exactly…"

"Can we please not talk about this anymore? I feel bad enough as it is…"

Charlie eyed me from across the table. "I have a guy coming to fix the window. It's over when he's gone. I just want you to think about it some more, really make sure you understand how scared I was when I saw that blood…"

I sighed, seeing the concern in his eyes. "I know Dad, and I'm sorry." I stood from my chair, and went over to Charlie's. I put my temple next to his and squeezed his shoulders. "I am really sorry."

"Alright, that's the end of it then," he sighed. "You go easy on that hand, and stay out of trouble."

"I will."

Charlie turned to face me. "I love you Bella Marie. The only reason I'm so hard on you is because seeing your blood all over my kitchen floor took years off my life," he smiled.

I kissed his cheek. "I love you too Dad."

When Edward's car pulled into the driveway, I was relieved to have an excuse to get away from Charlie. As much as I loved him, and even though he said the lecture was over, I wasn't sure I could trust him.

_Edward…_

We shared a moment the day before when he bandaged my hand, like an actual moment.

I had to repress my instinct to question whether I should go talk to him. He was lonely, he said so himself. And if being with me made it easier for him, then I wasn't going to deny him my presence. I was going to be the best dang friend Edward Cullen ever had.

Except, there was one minor hiccup with that… I wanted to be so much more than just his friend.

I knew there was an enormous possibility that Edward would never see me in that way─ but I wasn't able to grasp that concept sensibly. I didn't know how to stay away from him. I didn't know how to stop caring. I didn't know how to be anything else but completely infatuated by him. It was dawning on me that my heart was really and truly vulnerable to him, and that I could end up disastrously hurt…

Ultimately, what I was left with was the idea that I didn't have a choice in the matter. I _couldn't_ stay away. I _couldn't _stop caring. He wanted to be my friend, and liked having me around, so to hell with what might happen, I wanted to be around him too.

Pushing out the back door, I felt like I was diving in head first. I couldn't protect myself against Edward, so I was just going to make the most of my time with him, and pray that in the end, when all was said and done, that I lived through it.

When I got to the shed, Edward was carrying two paint cans, one in each hand. He looked incredible in a navy blue v-neck and green cargo shorts. Just in the past week his face and forearms had been kissed gently by the sun, giving him a bit of a tan. He looked even better than before, if that was even possible.

Greeting Edward with a timid wave, I eyed the paint cans and raised a brow. "Paint? Whoa, I thought that would never happen."

He lifted his chin as if to say hello, and smiled. "The prep is half the battle," he said, sounding a little out of breath.

"You sound like Charlie. He's been planning this for years."

Edward laughed. "I would have painted sooner if I hadn't spent all of yesterday afternoon picking glass out of the bushes."

"Sorry," I winced in apology.

Edward dropped the cans on the front steps. "How is it feeling?" He asked, his expression softer then. "I bet it's pretty sore."

"It is," I confessed. "It feels like it's been freeze dried."

Edward nodded for me to come to him. "Let me take a look," he whispered sort of tenderly, making my heart flutter. When he did that, when he got that way, all soft and whispery and intense with his eyes…I died a little inside.

With a gulp, I closed the gap between us and gave him my hand. He took it into his fingers and bent down, studying it like a surgeon. I became fixated by his perfect lips so close to my bare skin.

He gingerly took my thumb and began to rotate it with the most delicate touch. "Can you move it?" he asked, his voice gravelly and quiet.

My heart was beating so fast, I was sure he could feel the pulse in my hand. "Not without pain," I whispered.

Edward raised his eyes to look at me. "Try some ice, and maybe an ibuprofen for the inflammation and pain. I'll change the dressing before I leave tonight," he said, dropping my hand slowly.

"Thank you Doctor Edward," I breathed.

Edward took a step back and raised a brow. "Someday," he said, giving me a knowing wink.

_Dr. Edward…_

I pulled in a breath. "Impressive," I nodded, as thoroughly in awe of him as ever.

Then his face got curious. "Am I making the wrong choice? Should I go into house painting instead?" He asked with the most adorable grin.

I decided to play along. "Let's just wait and see if my hand falls off first," I teased.

"Good idea," Edward agreed with a nod. "Well at least I know I have options."

"You haven't painted yet, I wouldn't get too confident," I quipped, sounding skeptical.

Edward's eyes narrowed. "Touché," he nodded, his mouth pulling up at the corner. "Shit, I better get my head in the game."

"It's a rough world out there," I sighed dryly.

Shaking his head at me with a laugh, Edward took the cans out onto the grass where he had some trays laid out on a tarp. I stood by the stairs and watched him go, deciding on my next move, reminding myself that he liked having me around.

_He wants you around…He wants you around…_

Lifting my chin, I walked toward him. I twisted my feet and chewed on my lip a beat, watching him set up shop, before I got the nerve to speak. _"_Mind if I hang out? I usually read up here," I asked, nodding toward my tree.

Edward looked up. "Not at all," he said. "Of course I don't mind."

"Thanks." I should have turned around and went to get my book immediately, but I was somehow stuck where I was standing. Edward was prying open cans with a screwdriver, and I for some reason really wanted to see that.

He noticed, and looked up to me again. "Do you want to help stir?" He asked, gesturing to the newly opened cans.

I bit down hard on my lip. "Sure," I said. "I can do that."

Kneeling down onto the damp cool grass, I sidled up to Edward and the paint cans. Edward handed me a wooden stir, and I didn't hesitate to dip it into the creamy smooth white paint. I began to move it back and forth, and the smell came into my nose. Intoxicated by the smell, I took a big whiff. I loved the smell of paint.

Edward laughed lightly beside me. "You like the smell of paint?" He asked.

My instinct was to be embarrassed, but I reminded myself to just relax. "Yeah," I said shyly. "I love it."

"Me too," Edward agreed, making me feel less weird. Then he hopped up onto his feet, and took long strides back toward the shed.

I watched him go.

Studying the paint swirl and churn around the can, I calmed down a bit…I let it lull me into a calmer state. But it did nothing to lull my feelings for Edward. If anything, they were only getting stronger.

When he touched me, I could feel his touch in every single cell of my body. When he breathed on me, the shiver curled my toes. When he smiled at me, it was like a Prozac injection, sending endorphins straight to my brain.

He was the first boy I could actually picture kissing. I thought about kissing a lot, but whenever I came face to face with an actual boy, like Mike Newton for instance, I would look at his mouth, teeth, and lips… and imagine his breath, and get sort of disgusted and lose interest…

With Edward, his mouth was like this soft, damp, pouty, inviting pink heaven that I would absolutely kill to have pressed against mine. I wanted Edward to kiss me. I wanted that so much, I could almost taste it.

When he came back, ladder in tow, I was completely flustered again. "I think I'm done," I stuttered, dropping the stir into the can.

He leaned over me to inspect my work. "Looks good," he said. "Do you think you can paint with me?"

My hand felt like it had been through a meat grinder, and I had planned on spending the day reading and letting it heal…But I didn't have the strength to tell Edward no. If he asked me to jump, I would, that was my new reality.

"Sure, I can paint," I smiled.

"Cool."

Edward got us all set up, and his plan was to start at the top, and work down. He had to get the dormers, and the trim, before we could get going on the panels. My job was to hold the ladder…keep him in a fresh supply of stirred paint…and generally do nothing. It was a perfect plan for my hand, and I think Edward knew that all along.

"So there's this orientation thing for the baseball team at this guy Emmett McCarty's house Monday night. Do you know him?" Edward asked, while globbing some paint on the dormer, swiping it back and forth.

His question sort of took me off guard. Emmett McCarty was the captain of every sports team and easily the most popular boy at Forks High…and Edward was going to meet him. Somewhere along the way, it's like I forgot Edward was actually going to be going to Forks…like meeting people…other than me.

I looked up. "I know of him. We don't exactly mix with the same crowd." Emmett McCarty and Bella Swan didn't exactly hang…the implication was pretty clear in my voice.

But Edward didn't seem to get it. "Is he cool? I mean from what you know of him," he asked.

I scratched my head, trying to come up with something. "He's a jock. I think he plays second base on the team. He's kinda loud…has brown curly hair. He works on his muscles and stares at them when he passes a reflexive surface," I shrugged, telling Edward what I knew.

Edward laughed. "That guy?" he asked.

"Totally that guy," I nodded.

Edward finished his section on the dormer, and came down to move the ladder. I was glad to have him back on the ground.

He adjusted the ladder, moving it to the right about four feet, biceps ripping, and peeked over his shoulder at me. "So, you don't hang out with any of the guys on the team huh?"

"Sorry," I said. "I hang out with you, does that count?"

"No."

"Then no."

"Oh." I could hear the disappointment in his voice, but I couldn't help it that I was an invisible underclassmen.

He seemed a little nervous actually. It was cute. I wanted to make him feel better. "Look," I started. "Emmett seems pretty easygoing. He's always laughing and stuff. I'm sure he's a nice guy," I said.

Edward smiled, like he was thanking me for trying. "Ok, cool," he said. "It's sort of strange having to start fresh as a senior. At least in college, everyone is new…"

"Your parents couldn't wait another year?" I asked, curious about the rush.

"Something like that," Edward shrugged. "It's a long stupid story, I don't want to bore you," he said.

I could tell he didn't want to talk about it. Sometimes, when people asked me why I didn't live with my mother, I would say the same thing. I don't want to bore you, was code for I don't want to_ tell_ you. I understood…but that didn't stop me from being itchy with curiosity.

"Whatever," I shrugged. "I understand." But I didn't…not really anyway.

Holding the ladder as Edward ascended it again, my curiosity just built. I had to bite my tongue to keep from being nosy. It didn't make any sense to move your child out of town before his senior year. Who did that? It was weird.

The only thing saving me from being a total nosy pusher, was the sudden panic I was feeling over Edward going to Emmett McCarty's house to meet the team…

It was only four days away, and then Edward was going to be acquainted with more people, more kids, and more possible friends. Friends in his grade, who could drive, and probably introduce him to other girls, and parties, and upperclassman stuff that to me was only something I heard about in the hallways on a Monday morning in passing…but had never seen myself.

I feared that after Edward met Emmett and the rest of the popular senior boys, there was no chance in hell he'd still want to hang out with me. Somewhere inside, I began preparing to say goodbye to him. There was a part of me that thought it might be a good thing too. It would hurt less, the sooner he pulled away from me. Angela chose to do it after ten years, and that felt like having a 2x4 smack me across the face.

_Fuck…_

God, one minute you're imagining your first kiss with someone, then the next you're planning the grieving period for when they stop talking to you.

I think that was the problem I had with Edward in general. I just didn't know where I stood with him. I mean, he said I made it easier for him…but I guess a new puppy could have done that, or a tub of Ben and Jerry's?

_Ugh…_

By the time we broke for lunch, I was in another sullen crappy mood. I was beginning to feel bipolar…the ups and downs of knowing Edward were giving me whiplash.

I grabbed a banana and a Power Bar from the house, and like the hopeless goner I was, went back outside to be with him. I just couldn't not be around him. I had to. If he was in my yard, I was going to be as close to him as I could for as long as I could.

Edward was sitting on the tarp under the shade of my tree. He was sweaty and sprawled out, eating out of a fancy little cooler that his mom got him after the melted sandwich incident. I wanted to lie on top of him and feed him by hand…and stroke his lower lip with my finger…and kiss him lightly while he played with my hair…

Instead, I sat next to him, and unpeeled my banana with a sigh.

Edward noticed my mood. "Something the matter?" he inquired, his mouth full of potato chips, his eyes light and curious.

God, I loved his eyes.

"No," I whispered. "Just tired I guess."

"You should get out of the sun," he said. "The sun can be really draining."

"I'm fine," I shrugged. "I'll make it."

Seemingly satisfied with my answer, Edward put his hands behind his head, and laid down on the tarp…closing his eyes to rest.

Staring at the masculine magnificence in front of me, I rued the day it would be gone. I was transfixed by the soft curly little hairs on his calves…

Then the buzzing started…_Buzz…buzz…buzz_

"What's that?" I whispered, hearing the noise pick up.

_Buzzz…buzz…buzz… _

Edward sat up with a start, and looked around in a panic. "Shit!" He cried, jumping up off the tarp.

Then I saw them. Wasps. They were everywhere, swarming all around him, angry and abundant. They were coming out of base of my tree in droves.

_Buzzz…buzz…buzz…_

Edward's eyes got wide and he looked at me. "Get back Bella!" He cried. "Get away!"

I jumped from the tarp, but I couldn't run away, I couldn't just leave him there.

Edward was trying to remain still, just standing there like a statue while the angry black insects swarmed around him.

"Are they stinging you?" I whispered, looking at him, there was fear in his eyes.

"No," he breathed. "But they're in my shirt."

_Oh God…_

I tried to think. I knew there was something he could do. "Are you allergic?" I asked, needing to get that out of the way.

"I don't think so," he whispered.

"Ok," I said slowly under my breath. "On the count of three, you need to take off your shirt, and run for the river."

"The river?" Edward asked, looking confused, his panic building.

"Just follow me," I nodded.

"Ok." Edward agreed.

I took a deep breath. "Ok…One…Two…Three!" I cried, turning my eyes from Edward, and taking off for the river in a sprint, hoping he'd follow. "Come on Edward run!"

"Fuck!" I heard Edward cry behind me, and then I could hear his footsteps, he was following.

I didn't dare look back, I was running as fast as my legs could take me…pushing through the yard, then maneuvering into the small stand of trees that lined our property, then slipping and sliding into the damp river bed.

"Run!" I cried, urging Edward along behind me.

When I got to the water, I chanced a glance at Edward. He was running at full speed, his shirt in his hands, his face determined. I wanted so badly to check out his shirtless body, but the wasps were following him in hot pursuit.

I had no choice. He brought them with him. I had to dive in.

I turned back toward the water and drew in a deep breath. Pushing off the slippery shore, I just plunged in, smacking the icy water as I landed.

The water hit me, filling my nose, and logging my shorts and shoes, just radiating through me, chilly and refreshing.

Then with a loud whoosh, the water beside me moved and churned, signifying Edward had made it.

I gasped for air as I came up, trying to see through the curtain of my hair, pushing it out of the way with my good hand. My shoes were heavy, and slipping on the rocky muddy bottom. I needed to see Edward. I needed to know that he was alright.

Seconds later, he surfaced. His bronze hair looked dark, soaked and dripping off his water jeweled face. Then his shoulders emerged, round and defined, perfectly sculpted and proportioned, glistening and gorgeous.

_Oh My God… _

His body was just…no words.

"Are you ok? Did they sting you?" I asked immediately, as soon as I knew he could hear me.

He turned to face me, and there was the most incredible smile on his face. "Nope, all clear," he said. "You?"

I let out a gasp of relief seeing him unharmed. "I'm fine," I smiled. "Crisis averted. My plan worked."

"It did," Edward smiled. "Thanks." His eyes were locked to mine, and he started wading toward me. "This place is incredible," he said sort of aghast. "How did I not know this was back here?"

I dipped my head back and cleared the hair from my eyes, feeling the sun on my face through the trees. "You never asked," I said simply. "I know lots of cool places."

Edward sort of hummed, and I could hear him stroking the water with his hands. "This is great," he sighed. "You don't really find places like this in Chicago."

For maybe the first time in my life, I really began to appreciate the beautiful little spot of heaven that was Forks Washington. It took Edward pointing it out for me to see how spoiled I was by all the nature that surrounded me. My little swimming hole behind my house was something to envy. I always enjoyed it, but it made me so much happier knowing that Edward did too…like we had that in common…like he got it…he got me.

Looking over to him, I smiled watching him totally dissolve into the water. He was leaning back and floating, his eyes were closed and his face was alight with a contented smile.

I took him in a moment…the planes of his face, his strong square jaw, his long neck, his round shoulders, his muscled torso…sprinkled with the same little brown hairs as his calves, his…scar…

_Scar?_

It was sickle shaped, just below his left peck, circling around for God only knows how long to his back. It was raised, and red, and angry, and at least an inch wide and maybe ten inches long. It was without a doubt the biggest scar I had ever seen.

I stopped dead in my tracks…feeling the urge to cry, just imagining how painful the injury must have been to cause such a terrible scar.

Edward eventually opened his eyes and caught me staring. With a look of recognition, he fell back onto his feet, and stared at me, his expression sinking with mine.

I needed to know. "Edward," I eked out, my bandaged soaked hand sort of reaching for him. "What happened to you?"

Edward looked down to where I was pointing, at the scar, and his brow furrowed, like he was recognizing that he had been found out. "Oh this?" He asked softly, wading toward me, pointing right at his scar. "I know it's ugly," he whispered. "But I promise it doesn't hurt." Then he looked up at me, and his eyes were open and vulnerable, his mouth attempting a weak smile.

"How did you get it?" I asked, swallowing back my urge to cry.

Edward stopped about two feet from me. I couldn't look away. He had never been more beautiful than in that moment. "Sort of another long story…" he said. His voice sort of faded off, and his eyes went far away, and I could see in his whole posture that this long story, was the longest of them all…maybe the _only_ story when it came to Edward.

The scar looked so new, months maybe…I wanted to push it, I wanted to know…But his sort of pleading expression was asking me not to. He was just begging me to let it go…

So I did.

Smiling weakly at Edward, I nodded my head, silently telling him I wasn't going to push it. "We should get back," I said. "Charlie's going to wonder where we went."

Edward's eyes closed, like relieved I didn't push him, and he smiled. "Yeah, we better," he sighed.

Edward started to trudge out of the water first, and I followed behind…

When we got out, both of us sat down dripping on the riverbed, needing to dump out our waterlogged shoes. My shorts and my tank top were clinging to me, and my hair was doing God knows what, but I didn't even really care. It felt like another wall had come down between Edward and me. He had one flaw, only one…and it was the most spectacularly ugly and vicious looking thing…but so beautiful too. I decided he could see my flaws, because I had seen his. I didn't care anymore.

Trying to fix my shirt, I saw the dressing on my hand was soaked, and the tape was peeling away. "Shoot," I hissed, feeling pain the moment my wound was exposed to the air when I started fidgeting with the tape.

Edward dropped his shoes on the rocky ground, and came toward me. "There's probably some nasty bacteria in here," he said. "We better get that cleaned up." He sat down beside me, and leaned into me, his whole bare torso sort of resting against me…wet and warm and alive…skin on skin…while he examined my hand.

I couldn't breathe.

He took a quick look and then covered it up with the wet gauze. "Just keep it closed," he said.

I turned to face him, and he was so close, he was right there. "Will my hand fall off?" I asked, my eyes wide.

Edward laughed, his breath tickling my nose. "No…well I hope not," he giggled, leaning his torso into me more, putting so much weight on me.

I was on another level…

Then Edward's eyes focused a bit downward, and he let out another little laugh.

"What?" I asked, curious about what was funny.

His hand reached up, and landed on my cheek. "There's a leaf stuck to your face," he whispered, pulling it away, revealing a small brown leaf in between his fingers.

"Thanks," I smiled, my cheek tingling where his fingers had been.

Then without warning, his hand went back to my face and he placed his index finger down lightly on my cheek again, igniting my whole body in shivery warmth, causing my breath to hitch and stutter. With fierce eyes, he began to slowly trace along my cheek in a smooth gentle sweep. "Is there ever a dull moment with you?" He asked in a gravelly whisper, his green eyes just blazing into mine.

My breaths were deep and the world slowed down, and I didn't know what to do? I hadn't anticipated how I would act.

But before I could even figure that out, his finger fell away, and his weight moved from me too, his eyes dropping into his lap. "We should go," he sighed, hopping onto his feet. When he was up, he reached down for me, and his eyes were less fierce. "Come on."

I took his hand…more confused than ever.

_Holy swear word… _

Things were definitely getting interesting.


	7. Chapter 7

**AN- It's late, I know…but it's also really long…so there's that…**

**How to Paint a House Chapter 7**

**BPOV**

After we left the river, Edward killed the wasps with some spray that Charlie had in the shed. He put on Charlie's fishing waders and a sweatshirt, and made me watch from the living room, keeping me at a safe distance from the nest. He was like my knight in shining armor…or waders…and I watched in awe as he valiantly destroyed our foe.

I couldn't help but notice how protective he was toward me, and how he didn't want me anywhere near the wasps or the fumes of the spray. I realized he probably would have been that way toward any girl…but I still found it sweet, and it made me feel special somehow. Not like a kid either…just someone he didn't want to see hurt.

When he left early to let the nest settle, I felt like there was a lot of stuff left sort of hanging in the air…

Like how Edward touched my face, for no other reason than to touch my face. It happened, and it was playing over and over in my head like a broken record. I tried to keep a sensible head about it, and not make it more than it was. But I had never been touched by a boy, deliberately, and in an affectionate way. And the fact that it was Edward Cullen only amplified its significance to me.

Getting dressed the next morning, I checked the clock on my night stand. It said 7:00 am. That meant I had about eighty two hours before Edward went to Emmett's house. I wanted to know more about why he moved, and his scar, and why he touched my face like that. And in the back of my mind all I kept thinking about was how I was running out of time before Emmett McCarty's party.

_Eighty two hours…_

I couldn't know for sure what would change after the party. I didn't have a crystal ball. But as the hours ticked by, I just got increasingly anxious and restless, fearing the worst.

I had eighty two hours.

I wanted to take advantage of that time, and be able to put up my best fight against the cooler older kids that he'd inevitably meet. I wanted to show Edward that I wasn't a kid, and that our friendship was something special…because that's how it was starting to feel to me.

It felt like a bomb with a timer. I could either cut the wire and stop the bomb, or let it tick down and allow it to explode. It terrified me just thinking about what it might entail, but I wanted to cut the wire…I wanted to keep Edward. Definitely as a friend─ but I couldn't help but hope for maybe more than a friend.

A part of me felt like I was crazy, or desperate, or both. But there was another part of me that remembered the way he looked at me, and the way he touched my face on the riverbed, and felt like I just might have a chance.

Just maybe.

After he arrived, I found him on the front lawn setting up. My heart didn't let me down and fluttered like crazy when I saw him. "Hey," I called, walking toward him. His head was still wet from a shower, and he was wearing a light teal colored t-shirt. It was a pretty color against his skin.

He looked up to me with his groggy morning face and smiled his perfect smile. "Hey," he said. "How is your hand today?"

His concern always took me aback a little. I had almost completely forgotten about my hand. "I think it's healing," I shrugged, showing him the big band-aid I had dressed it in.

Edward took a look at my band-aid, and his lips curled up in one corner. "Good," he nodded. "I think you're going to keep your hand."

I laughed, remembering our running joke. "Painting is always a backup option," I smiled.

Edward picked up a paint brush, and walked toward me. "Or, you know, I could become an exterminator," he said, pushing the brush into my stomach, his eyes sort of light and dancing.

I grasped the brush, and looked right into his eyes, barely able to catch my breath. "You looked pretty scared of those wasps. I'm not so sure," I quipped, raising a brow in challenge, holding his stare.

Edward's eyes narrowed and his lip curled up again. "Talk to me when you've had wasps in your shirt, ok," he smirked. "Until then you can just shut your mouth."

Barely able to feel my arms, I motioned like I was zipping my lips. "Sorry," I giggled. "You were very brave," I said, trying to sound serious, but just internally giddy over how playful he was being already.

Edward nodded proudly, feigning victory. "Thank you," he said. He held my stare for a beat, and then cracked a big toothy grin. "Come on, I'm going to show you how to paint," he smiled, knocking my shoulder with his elbow.

My shoulder just caught fire instantly. Edward made me aware of every molecule that made up my body. He made me feel so present and just alive. It was so cliché to say…but it was true.

I followed behind him to the tarp by the bushes, unable to wipe the smile off of my face. I had only been in his presence a few minutes, and I was already walking on a cloud. In the back of my mind, I couldn't help but wonder how badly it would hurt if he ever stopped smiling at me or playfully knocking me with his elbow. But I followed him anyway, determined to keep him.

Edward had finished painting most of the front of the house, and we just needed to paint under and around the bottom windows. He got a little station set up for me on a little tarp.

"Let me see your technique," he smiled, turning to me and gesturing toward the paint. There was expectation in his eyes, like I was being tested. It made me a bit nervous.

With a sigh, I bit down on my lip and walked onto the tarp and knelt down. I held the brush and eyed the paint, then looked up to Edward, wary to make a mistake. "Just dip the brush in and paint?" I asked, my hand hovering with the brush over the can, hesitant to dip it in.

Edward smiled, and held his hand out, asking for the brush back. "Here watch me," he said.

"Ok," I breathed, moving aside so he could show me.

When he came down next to me, I could smell his fresh shower smell and his body was so close to mine that all he had to do was lean over a few more inches and he'd brush up against me…just like on the riverbed. He was right next to me, but at the same time I missed him. Being sort of close to him was no longer good enough. I wanted to be touching him. I wanted to feel my skin catch fire and my body come alive. I wanted more of him than he was currently giving me. I felt ready for more.

Taking in his every move like oxygen, I watched him closely as he dipped the brush into the paint. "Just bend your wrist, and let the brush do the work," he said, placing the brush to the siding and dragging it horizontally to the right, then flipping his wrist and reversing the motion to the left. His forearms were so strong and so in control of the brush…he made it look so simple. And really, it did look pretty simple, but I watched him a few more times because I really wanted him to stay longer…

After it got to the point where I'd look slow for not catching on, I piped up. "Ok, I think I have it now," I smiled, taking the brush from his hand, grazing his thumb intentionally, just wanting to. "Thanks," I gulped.

"Sure," Edward whispered, rising from his perch. "But you're going to have to show me."

_Right…_

"Ok," I smiled, gripping tightly to the brush and dunking it into the paint.

"Whoa whoa, not too much paint," Edward warned with a cocky smile, as I was about to soak the whole brush.

I pulled it out, just in time. "Oops," I smiled. Then I bit down determinedly on my lip, and raised the brush to the siding, globbing it down, then doing as Edward instructed and gliding it to the right.

"Good," Edward hummed as I pulled it back to the left. "You got it."

"You sure?" I asked, as I went for another pass.

"Great technique," Edward assured. "Now I have to get to work."

And just like that, he walked away to the other side of the house. I couldn't even watch him leave I was so focused on what I was doing. But with every step I missed him more. His energy was so strong…his life force, that I could almost feel him walking away. My body sort of yearned for him when he got too far from me.

_Oh brother… _

Edward turned the radio on in his corner, and I was tempted to ask him about music school…but decided against it, figuring if he wanted to teach me about music, he would have offered.

The music wasn't anything I hadn't heard before anyway. It was Charlie's favorite station that played mostly rock and roll from the 70's…Allman Brother's, Lynyrd Skynyrd, Journey…I knew those bands like the back of my hand just by association with Charlie. I wanted to know more about Edward's music…what he really liked.

But the familiar music set the mood for the morning, and Edward and I hummed along and exchanged a few smiles as we painted on opposite sides of the house.

I wondered if he felt as comforted and happy in my presence as I felt in his? Even when we weren't saying a word to each other, I loved his company. It made the time pass quickly…maybe a little too quickly.

Soon, it was time to break for lunch, and the mild almost cool morning had made way for a hot and sticky afternoon. My corner was in the shade, but Edward had been exposed to the full sun all morning long.

I grabbed an apple from the house and filled my water bottle, and went to meet Edward on the front steps. Unfortunately, the shade under my tree was a pile of dead wasps and lingering poison. Edward wanted to wait for rain before we sat down there again.

He plopped down next to me onto the concrete, and I was comforted having him back. But quickly I noticed that his face wasn't bejeweled and beautiful, but genuinely flushed, almost purple and dripping sweat. "Fuck, it's hot," he gasped, his eyes sort of wandering and unfocused from the heat. He was pinching his nose and blinking away the sweat. He looked so uncomfortable, I wanted to help.

I tried to find his eyes, but he was all over the place. "We can go swimming," I said. Granted, I was itching to get back to the river…but more than that, I just wanted to help Edward cool off.

Leaning back, he gripped his hands into his moppy damp hair and sort of growled in uncomfortable frustration. "I don't have another change of clothes," he whined. "I used them yesterday." It was sort of funny seeing his irritable prickly side…he was like a grumpy kindergartner.

I tried to mask my smile. "We can go inside the air-conditioning?" I offered, trying to appease him.

He looked over to me, and his expression was adorably petulant and fraught. "I smell," he huffed. "I fucking smell."

I pushed my water bottle toward him. "Here," I said, insisting he take a sip.

Edward's hands sort of swatted it away. "No, you drink it. I have water," he moped.

I didn't see any water. "Edward, drink the water."

"I don't want it."

"Edward."

"You need it."

"I'm not purple. Drink the stupid water."

"I have some."

"Where?"

"In my car…I think…"

He was being so difficult, but he was also seemingly really uncomfortable. I eyed the open water bottle in my hands, and then raised my eyes to Edward, and then turned them back down to the bottle...

Then, without another thought, completely impulsively, I threw my hand forward and just tossed my water in his face.

_Oh God…_

The water splashed directly into the center of his forehead. At once his muscles tensed and his eyes slammed shut and he let out this primal sort of shivering growl. I watched still as a stone waiting for his reaction, watching the water drip down the planes of his perfect face and soak the front of his shirt.

Then, slowly, Edward's lashes fluttered opened, and his shoulders relaxed, and his tensed forehead became smooth. "Bless you," he exhaled, his lip curling up in the corner starting an infectious giggle. "Bless you Bella," he laughed, his eyes sparkling. He was looking at me like the merciful savior I was…and I was happy to see that there was a cognizant Edward on the other end.

I laughed, relieved to have him back. "No problem," I said with a bashful nod.

Then Edward shook his head back and forth like a dog. "Woo! It's hot," he laughed, the water from his hair sprinkling and cooling my legs and arms. It felt good, and I could have really gone for a swim….but Edward had something else in mind.

He combed his hair back with his fingers. "You know what I could go for right now?" he asked, seemingly reenergized.

"What?" I smiled.

"One of those massive red Slurpee things from 7Eleven," he said slowly, with reverie in his tone, like he was remembering something wonderful.

Just the mention sparked a craving. "Oh, yum," I hummed in agreement. "I haven't had one all summer."

"Tell me Forks has a 7Eleven?" Edward asked hopefully.

"Forks has a 7Eleven," I smiled.

And just like that, Edward and I were on the bikes again, heading down to 7Eleven. We didn't hesitate…we were on a mission.

The 7Eleven was down the hill in the lower part of town. The loggers had come to Forks to set up shop there ages ago, right at the bottom of town by the sawmills along the river. There were mostly just tiny little houses all in a row…and a 7Eleven and a pizza shop.

To Edward, it was all new, and I liked showing him new places.

"So this is where the loggers live mostly," I said, starting to peddle as the road flattened out.

Edward peddled in front of me and looked around. "More people lived in my apartment building in Chicago," he laughed, shaking his head at the tiny little blink and you might miss it village.

I perked up, always happy when he offered me details about his life. "You lived in an apartment?" I asked breathlessly, standing up on my pedals trying to catch up to him.

Edward coasted a bit, allowing me to catch up. "Penthouse with a lake view, three high rises away from Oprah," he said sort of sarcastically.

But to me, it sounded amazing. A deluxe high rise penthouse on Lake Michigan… so different from Forks. "It must have been nice," I sighed, relaxing back into my seat.

"Eh," Edward shrugged. "I kind of like having a house that I don't share with 200 other people."

"I bet your house is nice here, huh?" I asked, curious about his home in Forks. Most rich people had private drives, and the mansions that lay beyond were just myths as far as I was concerned.

Edward looked over his shoulder at me and smiled. "I'll bring you some time," he said, right as we turned the corner to the 7Eleven.

I smiled at his invitation. "Ok," I said, beyond excited by his offer, picking up my pace and taking the corner aggressively. I coasted around the bend in float mode.

We stopped at the intersection, and Edward looked both ways before he waved me to follow him across the street.

The 7Eleven sat back a bit, with a small six car parking lot in front of it. It was a jumping spot on a Friday afternoon, and there was quite a bit of action going on as we approached. We hadn't passed a single soul our whole ride down. I guess they were all at the mini-mart buying cigarettes, lottery tickets, and Slurpees.

One of them being Angela Weber…

_Oh no…_

Just as we hopped the curb to enter the parking lot, she came out of the sliding glass doors with dumb and dumber Jess and Lauren flanking her on both sides…carrying Slurpees in their hands of all things.

I knew the day was going too well…My luck just wasn't that good.

And as soon as I saw her, I went straight from float mode to coward mode, and rode my bike in shrieking dramatic fashion right behind a bread truck that was in the parking lot. I didn't even alert Edward. I left him out in the middle of the lot, as I cowered behind the truck. My face got hot and my heart started racing and I just didn't want to deal with her…

I had managed to go almost a whole day without even thinking about her…

Almost.

Eventually, Edward realized he had lost me. "Bella?" he called. I couldn't see him, I could only hear him. I had my back pressed against the truck. He must have thought I had vanished into thin air.

"Bella?" He called again, and that time there was some definite worry in his voice, some panic. .

_Oh God…_

I gripped the dirty white back panel, and poked my head around the truck to an adorably worried Edward. "Over here," I whispered, trying to flag his attention.

He smiled when he heard my voice, like he was relieved. "Where?" he asked in the same shouty whisper I had used.

"Behind the truck," I called.

His head snapped in my direction. "Why?" he asked curiously. Then he finally spotted my face, finding my eyes.

"Just get over here!" I cried, getting impatient, wondering if Angela was watching the whole thing.

Edward shook his head with a laugh, and began peddling toward me, eventually finding his way to the back of the truck where I was stationed in a jittery panic.

"What the hell are you doing?" He asked, looking down at me with the most startling smile. I was sitting on the pavement, with my back pressed against the truck tire.

"Is there a group of girls standing around?" I asked.

Edward looked at me like I was crazy, but checked for me anyway. "Yes?" he said, almost like a question.

"Oh shoot," I hissed.

Edward looked around the truck again at my former friends, then back to me. "Oh shit, is one of them Angela?" he asked, his eyes getting wide. Edward was smart. He caught on quickly.

"Affirmative," I sighed. "She's the one in the glasses."

Then Edward's beautiful smiling eyes got soft, and he crouched down to my level. "Do you want to leave?" he whispered sweetly. "Or you can stay and hide and I can go in," he offered, his face taking on this completely gentle and kind expression. I always lost my breath when he did that. I just would never get used to it.

When I was able to think again…I thought about his offer pretty seriously for a moment…

With a sigh, I shook him off, feeling ridiculous all of a sudden for hiding behind the truck. I couldn't hide from Angela forever. Besides, I felt more confident with Edward by my side. I felt I could do almost anything with Edward by my side...

I smiled up to him. "No. Let's just get this over with," I sighed, starting to push off the pavement to hop onto my feet. But before I could, Edward's hand reached down and gripped around my bicep tightly, lifting me easily to my feet, while he still straddled Charlie's bike.

I found his eyes as I found my balance. "Thanks," I breathed.

Edward's lip curled up. "No problem," he said as he dropped my arm, leaving it burning in his wake.

Shakily, I mounted my bike. "Let's go before I change my mind," I laughed, and started wobbling toward the bike rack.

"After you," Edward laughed to himself, following behind me.

When I pulled into the bike rack, Angela noticed me right away. I was hard to miss. She must have watched me ride in. I tried to avoid looking right at her though. My tunnel vision worked pretty well when I wanted it to.

She made the first move. "Hey Bella," she said, coming toward me.

I kicked my kickstand down, and looked up to her. She was in another cute new skirt and blouse, with her hair softly draping over one shoulder in a loose braid. My hair was sticking to me, and I felt absolutely gross in my white tank top, cutoffs and sneakers. It's amazing how quickly I became insecure.

I could see some insecurity on her face though too. She wasn't sure how I was going to react to her. I wasn't either. "Hey," I nodded coolly. "What's up?"

Just in time, I heard Edward's kickstand drop, and soon I could feel him hovering right behind me. It helped me breathe a little.

Angela looked up to Edward, then back down to me, and her eyes narrowed when she realized that we were together, that Edward had come with me. In my periphery, I could see Jess and Lauren huddled together whispering about him too…

I kind of loved the position I had found myself in, just imagining their shock seeing me come in with Edward.

Before the silence could drag too much, Edward lurched forward. "Edward Cullen," he said, reaching around me for Angela's hand, his arm resting on my hip. He was so close that I could smell his musty sweaty body. I didn't think he smelled bad at all…I kind of liked it actually.

Angela's eyes bugged at me before taking his hand. "Hi, Angela Weber," she smiled sweetly to him, flashing her newly de-braced teeth. As soon as she was touching him I wanted to rip her arm off. Her nails were manicured, and she had on these perfect little gold rings, and dainty bracelets…

My hand had a dirty band-aid on it and I had paint under my nails…

To my relief, Edward dropped her hand pretty quickly, and looked down to me, finding my eyes. "I'll be inside," he said softly, looking to me carefully for the go ahead, his arm still lingering around my hip.

"Ok," I said, feeling confident I could take it from there.

"Red or blue?" he asked, reminding me we had come for Slurpees…I had almost forgot.

"Red," I smiled.

"I'll be right back," he nodded, "Nice to meet you Angela."

Angela had to pick her jaw up before she could answer. "You too," she sort of gasped.

As soon as Edward was inside the store, Jessica and Lauren scurried over like excited little hens. "Who was that boy?" They cried breathlessly…they were swooning just like I did the first time I saw Edward.

I wanted them to stop. I was finding that I didn't like other girls noticing Edward. I didn't like it at all.

"He's nobody. Don't worry about it," I dismissed them bluntly…

Jessica narrowed her beady eyes at me. "What's up your butt?" She huffed, twisting her fingers into her brown curly hair.

"Nothing," I shrugged.

"Is he single?" Lauren asked boldly, with her blonde hair and her fake tan and her huge boobs just taunting me. "Oh my God Bella, he's gorgeous, you have to introduce me," she crowed, like she already just assumed that Edward wasn't dating me, and she wanted a piece of him. I could have punched her right there…

_Ugh!_

My face must have looked like I was about to blow, because before I could react to them, Angela interceded. "Guys could you give us a minute?" She asked Jess and Lauren, widening her eyes at them.

They agreed with a huff, and went back to the curb where they came from.

When they were out of ear shot, Angela turned to me. "Something you want to tell me Bella?" She asked quizzically, her hands on her hips…almost like she was getting a taste of how I was feeling. She was completely out of the loop as far as my life was concerned. It gave me a small amount of pleasure seeing her squirm over seeing me with Edward.

"Nope," I shrugged. "I'm good." I kind of liked making her feel left out. Sure, it was nasty and immature…but that was the kind of mood I was in.

"You never called me. Bella, I'm getting freaked out," she scolded.

I looked around…at the Slurpee in her hand…at her pristine appearance…at Jess and Lauren. "You don't seem freaked out," I shrugged. "You seem fine to me."

Angela's face tensed even more. "You're mad because I'm being social?"

"Who said I'm mad?"

"Bella!" She cried, obviously fed up with my antics.

I didn't know how else to act. "What?" I asked, going on the defensive.

"I thought we agreed on branching out?"

"That was your idea," I reminded her.

"So, I'm supposed to sit at home with you all day and do nothing?"

"We did not do nothing!" I cried, finally giving her what she wanted and showing some emotion. She had a lot of nerve talking about our friendship like some empty boring prison. I never thought that. And now she was friends with possibly two of the most annoying idiots on the planet. How dare she!

Seeing my anger, Angela recoiled a bit. "Sorry, I didn't mean that," she said. "I'm just upset is all. Why haven't you called me?" She asked, and in her tone and in her eyes, I could see my best friend again…sort of.

"I guess I've been busy," I shrugged. "I didn't think you cared."

"Why would you think that?"

I looked over to dumb and dumber. "Because you seem pretty ok Ange," I said shortly.

"It is not ok for us not to be friends Bella," Angela whined. "You know you can always hang out with us," she said, indirectly pointing to the problem with our friendship at the moment. "Us", was no longer Angela and me…it was Angela, Jess and Lauren. She left it up to me to change. She wasn't going to turn back. She wasn't giving them up.

And somewhere deep inside, I realized I never should have expected her to.

"Yeah ok," I shrugged, giving her a half smile. In a way I was silently telling her to wait for me…that I'd catch up eventually. I just wasn't ready for her new lifestyle yet. I didn't want to loiter and dress up in cute outfits and stuff my bra. I wanted to ride my bike and swim in the river with Edward…just for a little while longer.

Just then, the door slid open and Edward came out carrying two massive red Slurpees. Seeing him, having him, made everything with Angela feel so much easier…at least for the next 77 hours.

"Hey," he smiled his perfect smile, sidling up next to me and knocking my Slurpee into my hand.

I felt normal again, less awkward, having him beside me. "Thanks," I grinned, taking a big sip right away.

Edward raised his brows. "Ready?"

I looked to Angela and she smiled weakly at me. "Yeah, I'm ready," I said. "Later Ange."

"Bye Bella," she whispered.

Edward and I got our bikes from the rack and started walking home side by side…handlebars in one hand, giant red Slurpees in the other. The walk was about a mile, and all uphill, and neither of us seemed to be in any hurry to get home and back to work.

When we cleared the corner, and the 7Eleven was out of sight, Edward turned to me. "Do you want to talk about it?" he asked, swallowing a large gulp of red slush mid sentence.

I shook my head. "Nope," I said curtly, popping my p for emphasis.

Edward shrugged. "Ok. Suit yourself."

But then I started thinking about something Angela had said, and quickly changed my mind. "Ok, actually I do…" I started. "Do you think I'm boring?" I asked. Maybe the red dye was making me crazy, but I really wanted to know Edward's opinion on the subject. I always had suspicions that I might be, and Angela sort of implied it when she said we sat around and did nothing…Was she right?

Edward looked over to me and shook his head. "No," he said with a little laugh. "You are a lot of things…but boring isn't one of them." He cleared another sip of his Slurpee, and then looked to me curiously. "Why? Did someone call you boring?" he asked.

I shrugged. "Angela did …sort of," I said. "Not directly, but it was implied."

Edward shook his head. "Well that's bullshit," he said firmly.

"Jess and Lauren are obviously more exciting to her right now," I said out loud, just as I was thinking it.

Edward stopped walking, and turned to me seriously. "Why do you let them get to you?" He asked.

I thought about it, and shrugged. "I don't know? They just do," I said, gesturing for us to start walking again. "All the boys like them, and they're pretty and popular…and now Ange is friends with them…"

"Pretty?" Edward asked, cutting me off, sounding unconvinced.

"What, you don't think Lauren is pretty?" I asked, a bit shocked. I mean, Edward was perfect and gorgeous, and just shockingly handsome...But most guys found Lauren to be rather attractive, even the good looking ones.

Edward narrowed his eyes at me. "Which one was Lauren?" he asked.

"The blonde," I said.

"No," he said quickly, without a hint of hesitation in his voice.

"You must have really high standards," I sighed, suddenly depressed. If Lauren wasn't pretty to Edward, I must have been beyond invisible.

"I just don't like fake blondes," he shrugged. "Never have." He casually sipped his Slurpee again, assuming his cocky posture.

Mine was freezing my injured hand…I was suddenly too curious to drink. I couldn't help myself. Edward was offering me personal preferences, and I wanted to dig further, even if it was a sensitive subject for me. Learning his type, well it seemed like something I could use, something I could work with. Even if it meant a hit to my ego, I wanted to know.

"What about Angela?" I asked casually, like it was a perfectly normal conversation to be having. I wanted to play it cool.

Edward's chewed his straw. "Eh, she's cute. A bit stiff," he nodded.

I shook my head. It was a fair assessment. "She wasn't always that way," I sighed. The stiffness was new. "What about Jessica?" I asked, just letting the ball roll.

Edward smiled. "No," he said decisively. "She looks like work," he smirked.

"Jeez Edward," I huffed impatiently, my eyes rolling over his pickiness. "What's your type, super models?" I laughed, pretending to be casual, but really starting to wonder if any girl in Forks, any girl in the world had a chance with him?

Edward smiled and turned to me. "No," he shrugged, his green eyes sparkling. "I generally go for low maintenance brunettes," he said casually, lowering his lips to his straw again.

Well, I was a low maintenance brunette…

_Oh!_

"You're just saying that to make me feel better," I spat, not buying his little confession. It was too convenient. He had to know I was feeling insecure.

Edward laughed, and shook his head. "No I'm not," he sustained, looking over to me with a smug smile. "If I told you that you were miles prettier than those three girls, you probably wouldn't believe me, would you?" He asked, his green eyes not soft enough to be convincing, but not playful enough to be obviously lying…

I couldn't read him…so I didn't believe him.

"Probably not," I shrugged.

Edward rolled his eyes and shook his head, like he wasn't surprised by my reaction. "Well you are," he laughed.

"Shut up!" I cried, completely not buying it. He sounded like my mother trying to make me feel better. I had watched year after year as every single boy in my class looked right past me and chose my friends over me. I wasn't going to fall for what Edward was selling…even if it was kind of sweet of him to try and make me feel better.

Edward chewed his straw and his lip curled up again. "I knew you wouldn't believe me," he shrugged. "But you are…"

I shoved my Slurpee in my basket, and plugged my ears playfully, cutting him off. "La La La," I started chanting, blocking him out, looking into his eyes and scrunching my nose like I was angry. "I can't hear you!" I cried.

I couldn't take compliments…like at all…especially half hearted ones meant to make me feel better from a boy who was too nice for his own good. He didn't know how much I wanted his words to be true…he couldn't have. It was better for me to just pretend he wasn't saying them. That way, when he did end up dating a girl like Lauren Mallory…it would hurt less.

Edward was laughing at me, and his mouth was moving, but I couldn't hear him.

I took my fingers out of my ears. "What?" I asked with a giggle. "I couldn't hear you."

Edward shook his head. "I said you look extra awesome now that your lips and tongue are bright red," he laughed.

"Hey!" I protested. I was in a playful mood, so I stuck my tongue out at him, to give him the full effect. "Blahhh!"

Edward beamed at me. "Oh, she's a stunner folks!" he cried teasingly. "A perfect ten!"

_CRACK! BOOM! _

A loud thunder crack shook us both. I was so caught up in our discussion, that I hardly noticed the clouds roll in.

Edward's face got serious and his eyes got wide and he threw his Slurpee into his basket and mounted Charlie's bike. "Come on Bella!" he cried, starting to pedal up the steep hill.

Just as I mounted my bike, the sky just opened up into a heavy downpour.

_Oh perfect…_

The rain was tickling my face and my legs, and steaming off the hot pavement as I tried to find the strength to push my legs to pedal. "Of course I'm wearing white!" I cried, as I pushed forward, feeling my shirt become soaked.

Edward peeked over his shoulder at me, and his face was light with a laugh. "Oh my God, I'm not going to look at your bra!" he cried. Then his eyes went straight to my bra. "Oops I just did," he smirked.

_Hey!_

"Edward!" I cried, picking up my pace, feeling my face get hot while the rain washed over it.

Edward put his head forward. "Purple…Mmmm," he hummed under his breath as he started peddling in a full sprint.

I had to really work to keep up…so I could scream at him. "Shut up!" I cried.

Edward threw his head back. "Woohoo! This feels good," he howled, shaking some rain out of his hair.

I felt like my cutoffs were chafing, and my hair was sticking to my eyes, and my stupid purple bra that I didn't want in the first place was on display to the whole town, and my legs were about to fall off, and I was out of shape and tired. It did not feel good to me. "Speak for yourself!" I cried, trying to push some hair out of my eyes and remain steady on my bike while the rain just drenched me and kept pouring. I was losing momentum and starting to wobble.

Edward peeked over his shoulder to me again, and his face was a little more concerned. "Come on Bella, we're almost home," he called. "Just keep your legs moving." He was just effortlessly peddling, and he looked so amazing all wet, with his teal shirt clinging to his rippling chest.

_Oh boo! _

"I'm tired," I whined.

_Crack! Boom! _

Edward's eyes weren't playful anymore. He looked worried and concerned for me. "I know you are. Come on, you're doing great," he coached, urging me to keep peddling through my exhaustion.

I shook my head determinedly, then glued my eyes to Edward's back and started peddling harder, just suffering through the pain. Only a few more blocks to safety.

_Crack! Boom! _

Just as the lightning came over Forks, Edward and I were pealing into the driveway, making a b-line for the shed to park the bikes before we could make a run for the house.

Edward threw the double doors open and I just rode straight in not caring where I landed. I ended up crashing into a bag of grass seed and a rake, and fell to my side, onto the greasy floor.

My heart was racing out of chest and I could barely feel my legs when I heard the doors close behind me and Edward come into the shed. "I'm dying!" I cried, sort of squirming on the ground, trying to free my right leg from the bike resting on top of it.

I could hear Edward laughing lightly behind me, and then his cool hands gripped around my arms to lift me. "Come on," he chuckled. "Up you go."

"Leave me, I can't move," I whined as he dragged me to my feet.

Edward turned me around to face him, and I was sort of putty in his hands, unable to control my body. I was so exhausted I could hardly stand. My eyes were sort of lazy and half open, and he was hugging me to his chest, supporting my weight under his forearm, cradling my lower back.

"You ok?" he asked softly, his face getting super close so he could check my eyes.

My sanity and my head came back quickly…

_Oh My God…_

I swallowed hard as I took in our current body positions. "Uh huh," I gulped. His whole front…like everything…was almost touching me. His face was inches away, staring down into me…God, so gorgeous. If I fainted, I could have easily blamed it on exhaustion. But that wouldn't have been the culprit. It would have been Edward.

Unable to take it, I sort of fell back and let more of my weight rest against his strong arm as I watched his chest rise and fall through his teal shirt, unable to focus too long on his face.

Edward smiled down at me, and lifted my chin with his hand to find my eyes. "Come on pretty girl," he smiled…and that time, I believed him.

_Squee!_

"Let's make a run for it," he said, taking the hand that was holding my back, and entwining it with my fingers.

I gripped his hand tightly and smiled up at him, raising my brows in anticipation. "One, two, three!" I cried as we both started pushing out the door, running like maniacs for the house, hand in hand…fingers intertwined…slipping and sliding the whole way.

Round one to Bella Swan! Take that Emmett McCarty!

**AN- Sorry this took so long, but as you can see, it's loooong. I hope you like how it's going so far. :)**


	8. Chapter 8

How to Paint a House Chapter 8

**A/N- Not a new chapter, just fixing a mistake. I accidentally had "End Chapter" written as a heading. It was just a bad copy/paste mistake from my outline. This is not the last chapter. Sorry. **

**BPOV**

Edward dropped my hand when we came up to the back door, and huddled over me while I tried to open it, shielding me from the rain. He was giggling and shivering and dripping all over me, and I could barely keep my hands still enough to open the stupid door because I was giggling and shivering too. My right hand was wounded, and my left was just on fire, pulsing and radiating, remembering the wonder of being held by Edward's.

_Crack! Boom! _

"Open it!" Edward cried, fidgety and impatient behind me, his voice fighting with the sound of the rain clanking on the metal roof.

I looked up into his eyes through the veil of water dripping down my forehead. "I'm trying!" I cried, finding a grip on the door handle.

Pushing the door open, we stumbled into the kitchen, loud and uninhibited. I was so giddy, Edward's giggle just infected me. It's like we were laughing at something truly hysterical, when we were really just laughing because it was fun to laugh─ we didn't really have a reason.

Safe from the fury of the rain, the house was quiet and I was hit immediately by the familiar smell of deep fried trout, coated in Harry Clearwater's famous fish fry seasoning. I whipped my dripping head to the stove, where Charlie was standing in his walking boot. He was looking at us like something the cat dragged in.

With a bemused smile, he dropped his spatula in the crackling pan in front of him, and narrowed his eyes at us. "What in the hell happened to you?" He snorted, taking us in.

Edward laughed behind me. "We went to the 7Eleven to get some drinks Sir," he said in a shiver.

Charlie scrunched his brows at us, mystified. "Well a storm was coming!" He cried.

"Clearly, we weren't aware!" I laughed, kicking off my soaking wet shoes. "Thanks for stating the obvious, Captain Obvious," I droned, rolling my eyes at Charlie, and wringing some water out of my hair onto the floor. My wet skin was starting to get goose fleshy and cold from the air-conditioning. "Come on Edward," I smiled up to him. "There are some dry towels upstairs."

Edward followed my lead and kicked off his sneakers onto the mat. His old gray running shoes looked so big next to my blue sneakers. "Towel sounds good," he grinned. "Lead the way."

I glanced at Charlie before leaving the kitchen. He was laboring a bit on his leg. There was a subtle furrow in his brow, like he was in pain.

I had to put Edward on hold for a second, and help my dad. "Stay here," I instructed him, telling him to stay put on the mat.

"Sure," he smiled.

I shook the water off my hands and walked up behind my dad, putting a hand on his back. "Here Dad, sit down, let me help," I said, taking the spatula from him.

He didn't fight me. He hobbled over to his seat and plopped down with a sigh. "Thanks darlin," he huffed.

Edward just stood awkwardly in the corner. I smiled over to him. "Just one sec," I said.

He held his hands out. "Take your time," he whispered with a soft voice, looking adorable all wet and crinkly.

With a bashful nod, I turned back to the fish. It was golden brown and perfect, and smelled delicious, even though I had no clue what it tasted like. I could only imagine, being a vegetarian and all…

I grabbed a plate from the cupboard, and ripped some paper towel from the holder, and started removing the fish from the pan, letting the grease soak into the towel.

"Smells good," Charlie hummed, rubbing his hands together in anticipation as I brought it over.

I placed it in front of him, and went back for a plate and fork. "Beer?" I asked as I passed the fridge.

"You know it," Charlie laughed, picking at the fish with his fingers.

I juggled the plate and knocked the fridge open with my elbow, grabbing one of the beers Edward and I had obtained illegally.

"Why didn't you tell me you were going to 7Eleven? I wanted some lotto tickets," Charlie asked as I came over with his plate and beer.

I put them in front of him, and grabbed his flannel covered shoulders. "No lottery tickets Dad. We talked about that," I said, kissing his cheek, peeking my eyes up at Edward who was watching us from the mat with an amused grin.

"You're no fun," Charlie pouted.

"You're not going to _win_ the lottery," I sighed, rolling my eyes.

"Can't win unless you play," Charlie shrugged.

"For someone so cheap, you would think you would be against gambling."

"I'm not cheap."

"Yeah, ok," I laughed, giving Charlie's shoulders one last squeeze, letting go and walking over to an amused Edward. "I'll get you some dry clothes," I smiled, eyeing him to follow me.

He did.

As we rounded the stairs, I could hear Edward laugh to himself behind me.

"What?" I asked.

"Nothing," he smiled. "You and your dad are just funny."

"I'm glad you think so," I said hesitantly, not sure how I was supposed to react. I never really considered how Charlie and I looked to people on the outside.

"You're really close huh?" Edward asked as we came onto the upstairs landing.

I turned to face him. "Yeah," I shrugged, looking up into his green eyes seriously. "I'm all he's got," I whispered, trying to convey to him that even though funny and sarcastic and full of laughs, my father was alone…completely alone.

Charlie had no siblings, his parents were dead, and his wife left him. If not for me, Charlie would have no one except for some fishing buddies and colleagues. My devotion to him, my sort of unyielding loyalty and affection, was the only love he got from anyone. It was important to me that he felt loved by someone…

Edward smiled sweetly to me. "I think it's cool," he whispered. "He's lucky to have you."

I looked down, twisting my bare feet together. "Thanks," I breathed, a little embarrassed that Edward was drawing attention to Charlie and my very personal dynamic, but also a little flattered that he saw it as something special…because I did too. I loved my dad.

When the silence got to be a bit long, and the discomfort of wearing wet clothes too unbearable, I took a deep breath and raised my brows. "Towels," I nodded, turning towards the closet in the hallway.

I opened the door and grabbed our best towel, the one with no holes or stains, and tossed it back to Edward.

"Thanks," he shivered, throwing it over his shoulders.

I took one too and draped it over my shoulders, pulling it around me for warmth. "Let's see what Charlie's got in his closet," I said, raising a brow. "His fashion sense is killer," I smiled.

"I'll bet," Edward laughed.

I pushed through the door to Charlie's modest bedroom. He had a full sized bed, a dresser, a leather chair, and plain navy blue covers and drapes. There was a picture over his bed with a mallard duck and a dog, and one on his nightstand of me when I was five…and that was about it.

"So, Charlie's room," I said, waving my hands out into his humble little room to show Edward.

Edward looked around and nodded. "This is _so_ his room," he laughed.

"I know," I agreed. "He was really stepping out with that duck picture though," I giggled at my father's expense.

"You can never go wrong with ducks," Edward smiled, and his intense green eyes found mine when he smiled.

I didn't look away. I held his stare.

I had never been in a room with Edward with a bed in it before. Thinking about it made me gulp, and my face get really hot and tingly as I held Edward's eyes with mine. I didn't know the first clue about what to do with Edward in a bed mind you, but that didn't stop me from imagining some possibilities.

_Oh God…_

Feeling my face just catch fire, I dropped his stare, and shook it off with a shiver. Edward relaxed his posture too, and pulled his hands together to crack his knuckles. If Edward was imagining the same possibilities I was, he wasn't acting on it, and God knows I wasn't either…

Grabbing a fist full of my hair nervously, I went over to Charlie's closet, opening it and pushing through the clothes. "Charlie doesn't own sweatpants," I said, sorting through the racks. "But, there are jeans, khakis, and cop blues," I called out to Edward.

"Can I wear the cop blues?" he asked, excitement in his tone.

"No," I said dryly.

Edward scoffed. "Then I'll try some khakis," he agreed reluctantly.

I grabbed a pair of khakis and a t-shirt, and rummaged through some plastic bags in the back of Charlie's closet where I knew he has some unopened packs of boxers.

When I had everything, I crawled out, and handed them to Edward. "Here," I said, pushing the pile into his chest a little breathless. "There are some boxers too…never been worn," I said, smiling sheepishly up to him…just unable to shake the jitters of having him so present in my house.

He was just there, everywhere I turned. I was so used to having him outside, or in the kitchen. Having him in Charlie's room was something else entirely…like he was seeing who we really were, and how we really lived.

Edward gripped the boxers and smiled. "Well that makes things less awkward," he laughed.

"Charlie gets a lot of gifts from old ladies. He's stocked for life with socks and underwear…and toffee candy," I shrugged.

"Interesting job perks," Edward grinned.

I just smiled and led Edward back out into the hallway. "You can change in there," I said, pointing to hallway bathroom. "Just put your wet clothes in the hamper and I'll wash them for you."

Edward narrowed his eyes at me and raised a brow. "You'll wash my underwear?" He asked, his lip curling up in one corner.

I rolled my eyes, unfazed. "I'm raising a 39 year old man. I can wash your underwear Edward," I said dryly.

Edward thought about what I said and smiled. "Ok, cool…thanks," he shrugged, and walked into the bathroom, closing the door behind him.

When he was gone, I allowed myself a moment to breathe. It was just a lot on my nerves being so near to him for so long. I needed a minute by myself.

I went into my room to change, closing the door behind me and slithering out of my shorts. I peeled off my soaking shirt and undergarments, laughing when I threw my purple bra into the hamper…so embarrassing.

I changed into some comfy gray sweats, and threw my hair into a knot on the top of my head, and risked a glance in the mirror.

_Pretty girl? _

I looked deeply at my reflection, something I avoided most days. I tried to see if maybe Edward was telling the truth?

I saw biggish brown eyes, a small nose, kind of pouty strange lips, and pale…maybe even pretty skin, with a few freckles forming on my nose.

The reflection wasn't ugly I realized. The reflection was maybe even possibly cute. Pretty? I wasn't getting ahead of myself…

But I chose to believe that Edward thought so. He seemed so convincing in the shed. Thinking about that moment again, I almost swallowed my tongue.

_Holy cow…_

It felt like I was racking up points left and right. He wanted to be my friend, he thought I was pretty…But then again, he didn't really have many other options at the moment.

Plopping onto my bed, I laid back and pulled my knees to my chest and let out a restless moan. It was just a lot to process. How in one week my whole life was just different. Angela was out, and Edward was in. And I was happy…really and truly so…but only when I was with him. Because when he was out of my sight, and the fog sort of cleared, I could start to panic again…

If Angela could ditch me, the person I thought was going to be my bosom buddy and one true friend forever, Edward could too. He had no reason to stick around. Being a pretty girl was not going to keep him interested forever. There were lots of pretty girls in Forks, especially the upperclassmen. And as easy as it was for me to say I needed to give him a reason to stick around, putting that into practice was something else entirely.

What was I going to do, jump his bones? Please, I could barely hold his hand without being a total spastic idiot who couldn't open a door. And being in a room with him with a bed in it turned me into a blushing panting lunatic. I had never even kissed a boy, and my mind was wandering to situations that I was nowhere near equipped enough to handle.

Except, when I was with him…when he was right there in front of me…it almost felt like I could…handle it I mean.

_Knock…knock…_

"Are you decent in there?" Edward called from the other end of my door, making my heart jump.

My heart hadn't beaten at a normal rhythm since breakfast, and I was starting to fear that it might never again. "You can come in," I groaned, sitting up on my bed, rubbing out my eyes, just not quite ready to see him yet.

The door creaked open slowly, and Edward peeked his head in first. "May I enter the lair?" he asked with this adorable expression, his wet bronze hair sticking out all over the place. Seeing him momentarily erased some of my worry. I just wanted to be with him again.

"You may," I nodded formally, inviting him into my chamber.

He pushed the door all the way open and I wasn't quite prepared for what followed. He was wearing Charlie's khaki's, except they were about two inches too short, and Edward's fuzzy ankles and bony big feet looked ridiculous and hilarious. The t-shirt I picked out had a big bass on the front with sunglasses on, and was short on Edward's torso. Charlie wasn't small by any means, but he was obviously shorter than Edward.

I couldn't help but laugh at him. "That's a good look for you," I sniffed, trying to hold back a little bit.

"You like the front pleats?" He asked in his cocky way, modeling the pants for me.

"Very much," I nodded, smiling at him.

Edward came in a little bit and looked around. "So this is your room?" He asked, eyeing my small cluttered room, filled to the brim with books and knickknacks…with no theme or décor to speak of. Green walls, purple bedding, yellow and pink shears…and books, endless books.

I was sitting on my feet on my bed, sort of frozen watching him look at my life. My whole life was in my room, and I was starting to feel a little unsure of how interesting Edward would find it. "It's boring, I know," I sighed.

Edward fingered a noodle necklace that hung on my seashell lamp on my dresser. "It's not. I didn't say that," he whispered, moving his hand to a book near my jewelry box. "Ulysses?" He asked, with sort of mocking curiosity. "Are you a masochist or something?" he laughed.

I crawled over to the side of my bed to get closer to Edward. "No," I spat defensively, sitting up on my knees. "I have a list of classics I'm working through…and Ulysses is on the list."

Edward pursed his lips together and just nodded, like he was appeased by my explanation.

He put the book down and moved his hands to my knickknacks. He was looking at every little thing on my dresser, touching it with his long perfect fingers, like he was really taking it in. I could hardly breathe. First of all, he was in my room…which was something I was having trouble processing in its entirety─ I had never had a boy in my room before. But the most nerve-racking part was that he was really looking at my stuff…judging it…

Judging me?

When he was finished with my dresser, he moved to my bed, where I was sitting frozen and on edge. It felt like I had weights attached to my arms, but at the same time my heart was flying out of my chest.

He came close to me, so close, and reached around me to a white teddy bear propped up on my pillows. "Cute," he smiled, squeezing the bear in his hands.

Feeling my arms again, I snatched it away from him ferociously. "Give me that," I hissed. That bear was off limits. It was a gift from my mother that I soaked in her perfume and slept with at night. He wasn't allowed to judge that. Certain things, even Edward couldn't touch.

Edward's eyes got soft. "Sorry," he whispered, taking in my irritation.

I shoved the bear under my pillow, hiding it from his sight. "It's fine," I shrugged. "It was just a gift."

That ended Edward's inspection of my room. His probing inquisitive expression was wiped away, and his soft sweet face came back. He nodded for me to move over and make room for him on my bed.

I did.

He sat down next to me, his legs sort of wide and casual on the floor, resting his palms on his knees. I was curled up on my feet, completely unable to move.

I wasn't sure what he wanted? Like a shoulder massage or something? I saw people do that a lot at the public pool. Boys would sit down, and then the girls would crawl over and give them a massage. It was like a thing…

But while I was tossing the idea around in my head, trying to work up some nerve, Edward reached for a picture on my nightstand. "Is this your mom?" He asked softly, looking at a picture of Renee and me at Disney World when I was ten. We both had mouse ears on…Charlie took it.

I lost my wind, and slumped down away from Edward's shoulders, swallowing a lump in my throat. "Yeah," I breathed, not really prepared to talk about Renee, but finding myself stuck.

"She's pretty," Edward smiled, glancing over his shoulder at me.

"Yeah," I whispered, feeling like maybe I should just tell him…and get it out of the way. "Being pretty is part of the reason why she's married to a 30 year old AAA baseball player," I sighed, just giving it up.

I never talked about my mother and her husband Phil. It was the chance meeting that essentially ruined Charlie, and life as I knew it forever. My pretty mother was irresistible to men. Young strapping athletes weren't immune to her charms. She was sort of the epitome of the low maintenance brunette.

"Ouch," Edward hissed, taking in what I was telling him.

I could feel the lump in my throat growing, and I just didn't feel like crying. I had told him enough, he could fill in the blanks on the rest. "I don't want to talk about it, ok?" I asked, sniffing back my oncoming tears and shaking out my head to clear it. It was a good day, and I wasn't going to let Renee bring it down.

Edward nodded, placing the picture back where he found it. "Say no more," he whispered.

Just then, Charlie's voice bellowed up the steps, breaking the serious atmosphere in my room. "Hey Edward, come get some of this fish while it's hot!" he cried up to us, his voice light and happy.

I welcomed Charlie's interruption. I guess when it came down to it, I was a lot like Edward…I liked to keep my secrets close to the chest.

I sat up, feeling the intense fog sort of lift. "You have to try Charlie's fish. I hear it's amazing," I smiled, slapping his back lightly, like I was ushering for him to get the hell out of my room. I had had enough intrusion for one day.

Edward hopped up onto his feet and turned around to face me with a tight smile, reaching a hand out for me. "I was wondering when he was going to ask me to try that fish," he smiled with the most adorable curious expression. "It smells so fucking good, I was thinking about just helping myself and dealing with the rude rumors later."

I shook my head at him and took his hand. "You know you're welcome to anything here," I laughed. "You don't have to ask."

"I wasn't allowed to wear the cop uniform," Edward said, like he was totally serious.

"Seeing how Charlie's pants fit you," I giggled. "I might just have to see that now."

"Yes!" Edward cheered victorious.

I just rolled my eyes at him with a laugh and walked out of the room.

XXX

Edward eyed me from across the table, chewing his fish slowly, like he was savoring it. "This is soooo good," he hummed, sort of teasing me with every chew.

I wasn't amused. "Stop it Edward," I said flatly, lowering my eyes at him, telling him silently that he was five.

"Just one bite?" He asked, hoisting his fork into my face with a chunk of fish on it.

I snapped my head back. "No!" I cried, trying to keep a straight face.

He pushed the fish closer to my mouth. "Come on, I know you want it," he smiled, his green eyes just playful and mischievous.

"Stop it!" I laughed, my cheeks straining with a reluctant smile.

"One hundred bucks right now if you do it," he spat, still holding his fork under my nose. I was leaning as far back on my chair as I could with my hands out in a defensive pose. But I wasn't pushing the fish away…because secretly, I wanted him to keep teasing me. I was getting better at the whole flirting thing.

I glared at him through my smile. "You know it's weird to corrupt a girl from her principles, right?" I asked, pointing out the great grievance I had with his offer. Why did he want me to eat meat so badly? It was getting weird.

Edward let out a loud sigh and sort of rolled his eyes back like I was no fun, then put the bite of fish in his mouth. "I know," he said frankly with a mouth full of fish. "You have no idea how bored I must be if getting you to eat meat is like…a goal," he shrugged.

_Bored?_

The smile faded from my face and I lowered my chair legs to the floor. "I didn't realize you were so bored. I thought you said I wasn't boring?" I asked, watching his satisfied smile fade with mine.

Edward dropped his fork and his eyes got soft. "You're not boring Bella," he said. "That's not what I meant."

"Whatever," I sighed. "I know what you meant."

Edward's eyes intensified. "No, I don't think you do," he said firmly, in a tone I rarely heard him use. Then his hand reached out and grabbed my chin, propping it under his index finger and thumb. "I didn't mean you ok?" He asked with soft eyes. "Ok?" He asked again, because I wasn't answering, because I wasn't even breathing. His voice was smooth and whispery and his eyes were just like open and honest and so freaking green and amazing.

_Holy swear word…_

He could have been trying to sell me snake oil and I would have believed him. He was trying to win me like he won Lisa the emo checkout girl at the SaveMore. And I was buying it hook line and sinker.

"You better not have," I huffed with a weak smile.

"I didn't," he assured me, but unlike Lisa's nametag, he didn't drop my chin right away. He stroked it once with his thumb, gently, while his lip pulled up in one corner. "You're not boring Bella," he whispered, slowly pulling his hand away. "I told you that was bullshit."

I dropped my scorching chin bashfully. "Ok," I breathed.

It felt awkward all of a sudden. It was the first time I had the guts to confront Edward about something, and the first time we worked something out. It was new for me…almost like we were a couple and we had a little spat. Except we weren't a couple…not even close.

Frustrated, I stood up from the table and went over to the window to check the weather status. I pulled the curtains back, and could see that the rain had stopped and the sun was attempting to make an appearance. Big water droplets were coming off of the gutters, and I imagined the siding was still wet, but the work day may have just been salvaged.

"Hey Dad!" I called to Charlie, who was in the living room watching soaps. "When do you think we can paint again?"

"Whenever the siding is dry," he called back matter-of-factly, like duh Bella you dope.

Edward laughed lightly to himself from his seat.

I whipped my head back, wondering what was so funny. "What?" I asked, a little short with him for some reason.

"We'll give it an hour or two," he smiled, answering my question for me in a way Charlie wouldn't or couldn't, making me feel less stupid. He was laughing at Charlie's stubbornness, and not at me. He was on my side it seemed.

I smiled at him. "Ok," I whispered, finding my way back to the table. "That makes sense."

Edward cleaned his plate and dropped his fork, leaning back in his chair and patting his belly. "So, how do you burn two hours around here?" He asked, sort of in a stretch, like he was ready to move onto the next thing, a little expectation in his eyes.

I hated being the person who was in charge of entertaining and coming up with stuff to do. I always felt like I was on the spot, and whatever I came up with, would never be good enough. I generally left that task up to someone else. I was the queen of, 'I don't know, what do you want to do?'

But that wouldn't work with Edward. He literally had no idea what to do in Forks…or at my house. It was up to me.

_Shoot. _

"I usually read," I shrugged, just letting him know off the bat that I was a little ill equipped…making myself sound so freaking boring in the process. I just couldn't win.

Edward decided to tease me. "You don't say?" He asked, sort of mocking, probably remembering the fire hazard of piled books that was my room.

But two could play his game. "You only wish you were as well read as me," I said, raising a brow, never one to be ashamed of being a bookworm. Bring it on Edward.

Edward recoiled a little bit, seemingly surprised by my blunt reaction. "I _know_ I'm as well read as you," he scoffed, narrowing his eyes at me in challenge.

"Prove it," I shrugged coolly, completely confident in my element. Books, words, language…that was my forte, not his.

Edward's eyes got curious. "How?" He asked, his lip pulling up in the corner.

I knew exactly how. It was perfect, and it came to me just in time. There was one game, only one, where I almost never lost. I could beat just about anybody.

"Scrabble," I said confidently. "I will own you in Scrabble." I held Edward's eyes with mine, waiting for his response.

He glared at me wickedly. "Is that a challenge?" He asked, trying to sound intimidating, but he wasn't. I had this one in the bag already. I could feel it.

I decided to make it interesting. "Ten bucks," I shrugged, putting my money where my mouth was.

Edward took my challenge, and nodded his head resolutely. "You're on," he said, eyeing me in that cocky way. Then he raised a brow. "I read Ulysses too hot stuff," he snipped. "Twice."

_Shoot…_

"Liar," I whined, not allowing any intimidation techniques to break my game plan.

"Let's go," Edward shrugged coolly, eyeing me to go get the game, and get the show on the road.

Luckily for us, Charlie cleared the living room and went up for his afternoon nap. Edward and I set up the game on the floor. I was completely radiating with energy. I really wanted to win that ten bucks.

_Two hours later…_

"D-I-G…dig," I said, placing my tiles on the board, glancing up at Edward as I added my points.

He looked at his tiles, then back at the board. "Well thank you Bella," he smirked. "I'll just take that and add an N-I-T-Y to the end of it…Dignity," he said proudly, cracking out his knuckles and looking to me in that cocky way.

I added his points, and looked for him to go. He didn't have another move…but I did.

I smiled lazily at him, trying to keep my poker face. "Oh, well, that was very clever of you," I cooed innocently. "So, I'll just have to add an I-N to the front…Indignity," I said softly, raising my eyes at him. "And would you look at that, I'm officially out of tiles," I shrugged, putting on this high pitched innocent southern accent. "I'll be," I hummed.

"Damn," Edward finished for me. "You beat me."

I smiled at his pouty face. He was a bit of a sore loser. "I told you I would," I beamed. "Now where's my ten bucks." I wanted to collect my winnings before he forgot. I was saving for a kindle, and I wanted that ten dollars.

I put my open palm out in front of him, eyeing him expectantly.

Edward looked at my bandaged hand curiously, narrowing one eye. "Do you want a treat?" He asked, his lip curling up in the corner.

_Treat?_

"No, I want my ten bucks," I said firmly, raising a quizzical brow. If he went back on our bet, I would flip. I hated people who didn't follow through on bets. Charlie said they were a particular brand of weasel.

Edward shook his head. "I bought you a Slurpee," he shrugged. "It was just a friendly game."

I could feel my face getting hot. "No, it wasn't…and you owe me ten bucks," I spat, getting angry.

Edward just shrugged at me with a totally straight face. "I don't have ten dollars," he said coolly, a tiny smile behind his eyes.

"Yes you do. You had a twenty dollar bill at 7Eleven, I saw it," I whined, getting really freaking mad.

Edward looked at me like I was crazy. "I have no idea what you're talking about," he said, tossing his hands out to his sides, the smile behind his eyes growing.

_Oh, I see how it is Edward Cullen. _

I put my hands on my hips and glared at him. "Are you going to seriously renege on our bet?" I asked impatiently.

"What bet?" He asked, his mouth pulling into a toothy smile.

"That's it!" I cried, lunging toward him and reaching for his pocket, or Charlie's, where I could see the outline of his wallet. I was determined to get my money.

I crouched down like a linebacker and got low, burrowing my head into the side of his hip, while I wrapped one arm around his waist, while the other tried to dig his wallet out of his pocket. I was just touching him everywhere, and I didn't even care…I wanted my money.

When my hand went into his pocket, Edward let out a laugh. "Hey, whoa there," he giggled as I started digging around.

I could feel the heat of his skin through the gauzy thin cotton of the pocket. His thigh was hard as a rock underneath. I would have hyperventilated if I wasn't on such an important mission.

Then I felt the soft leather of the wallet, and grabbed it, snatching my hand out quickly. "Haha," I grinned proudly, showing Edward what I had found.

He shook his head at me and his smile got wide. "Ok, you're just asking for it now," he sighed, dipping his shoulder down and burrowing into my abdomen, hauling me off of my feet in a swift motion, and tossing me over his shoulder.

"Put me down!" I cried, starting to kick, hardly able to contain the massive cheek tearing smile on my face. Edward and I were not just flirting…we were F-L-I-R-T-I-N-G. I felt like I could fly.

"Give me my wallet," he said flatly, just holding me over his shoulder like I was a sack of flour.

I held his wallet tightly in my hands, refusing to let go. "Give me my money," I whined, the blood starting to collect in my head that was resting on Edward's back.

"Ok, I guess I'm just going to have to take it back," Edward sighed loudly, walking me to the couch and dropping me on my back, just plopping me down onto the cushions.

I looked up at him, and my eyes were wide and probably wild. I held the wallet to my chest, and he just stood over me with a curiously angry yet humorous look on his face.

Then he came down to the couch, and my breath hitched…I just stopped breathing.

He braced one arm on the back of the couch, and the other on the armrest, while one of his knees came between my legs, and the other stayed on the floor. He was hovering over me, breathing on me, looking at me…

_Holy Cow…_

He didn't kiss me though. He got his balance and removed his hand from behind the couch, and moved it to my stomach.

_Oh crap…_

And began tickling me.

"Give me my wallet Bella!" He sort of growled with a beaming smile, as his hand went under my shirt and onto my stomach. I couldn't even process that his hand was on my bare stomach because his fingers started flitting and fluttering around, and it was TORTURE!

I hated being tickled. Hated it! It was like the worst form of torture, and somewhere along the way human beings decided it'd be something good to do with their children. Seriously? I hated it!

As the strange itchy aggravating tingles just got to be too much, I screamed. "No! No tickling!" I yelped, pleading into Edward's eyes, but giggling uncontrollably at the same time reflexively. "Please?" I begged. "Have mercy!"

Edward's eyes gleamed with delight, and he just kept going. "Give me my wallet," he persisted, just digging his hand in, killing me.

I couldn't take it anymore!

"Aah!" I cried. "Fine! Fine! Just stop!"

Then Edward's hand stilled, and he looked at me with the most amazing smile. "That was too easy," he laughed, backing away a bit.

I pulled my shirt down and pulled my legs to my chest. "I'm ticklish you cheapskate," I pouted, shoving his wallet into his chest, feigning anger. "Here," I spat.

Edward just casually took his wallet and stood up from the couch, placing it back in his pocket. He stretched a bit, and I wanted to smack that cocky grin off his face. "I think it's dry enough to paint now," he shrugged, gesturing with his head for me to go with him outside.

"Knock yourself out," I pouted, raising a brow, indicating to him that I wasn't going to help him.

"I think I will," Edward drawled, turning on his heel and moving toward the kitchen where his shoes were.

I just sat, arms crossed, with a sour look on my face as he walked away.

_Cheapskate._

Edward went outside, and I stayed on the couch. I watched the clock on the mantle tick away, while Edward started moving some stuff around in the shed.

A frustrated sigh ripped out of me. I just couldn't be away from him. Not even for five minutes.

Reluctantly, I dragged myself off of the couch and went to the kitchen to get my shoes.

I pushed out the back door, rolling my eyes at myself. I was so pathetic.

When I found Edward at the front of the house, he smiled at me. "Oh hey," he grinned, mocking sarcasm in his tone. "I wasn't expecting to see you out here."

I glared at him and stuck my hand out. "Just give me my paintbrush," I groaned.

Edward nodded, and bent down to grab me a brush. When he came back up, he slipped the brush into my hand…with something paper wrapped around its handle.

_A ten dollar bill. _

I lifted my eyes to respond…but Edward was gone. He was walking away from me… whistling.

**A/N- Hey to all of my new readers and supportive bloggers and Tweeter's. EXPLOSION occurred on my traffic this week, thanks a ton. To my old crew of readers, thanks so much for always being there, you know who you are. Things were a bit crazy for me this week with such an influx of interest. I hope this lived up to your expectations. Love, Maggie. :) **


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N- Longest chapter yet…by far. Sorry it's a little late. **

**How to Paint a House- Chapter 9**

**BPOV**

Saturday morning, Charlie and I gathered as usual at the breakfast table. Charlie read his paper, while I tried to remember in full detail the dream that I had the night before. It was about Edward, and we were lying under my tree together…kissing.

Curling my toes over the edge of my chair, I hugged my knees to my chest, taking lazy bites of oatmeal, just remembering…The feeling of warmth in my chest when his lips touched mine. The dizzying almost delirious happiness I felt. The way he looked at me like…like he loved me…

"So, how's the painting going?" Charlie's voice pulled me out of my Edward world and back into the kitchen.

I dropped my feet to the floor and straightened up. "What?" I asked, shaking out my head, feeling my face get hot.

Charlie narrowed his eyes at me. "How is the painting going?" He asked slowly, emphasizing every syllable.

I leered at him, not amused. "Fine," I sighed, pissed at him for making me leave Edward for such an inane line of questioning.

Charlie turned his eyes back to his paper. "You and Edward seem chummy," he hummed, his words loaded with both judgment and mocking condescension.

My heart jumped a second wondering if I was talking out loud. But I wasn't…I couldn't have been.

Charlie was just being Charlie. The very idea of me getting along with a boy was both hilarious to him, and a source for anger and rage. He couldn't seem to make up his mind.

I decided to not even humor him. "He's cool I guess," I shrugged, sounding as blasé as possible, taking another lazy bite of oatmeal.

Charlie turned the page. "Uh huh," he groaned, feigning boredom, but I knew better.

The radar was out. Charlie had his eye on Edward. I guess the two hour Scrabble game and subsequent tickle fight didn't go unnoticed. I was actually pretty flattered because it meant that in my father's eyes, I potentially stood a chance with Edward…which was crazy. Lauren didn't seem to think so at the 7Eleven…but she didn't even know Edward, or me for that matter. But Charlie did, and it gave me a boost of confidence. It was the best news I'd heard all day actually, and it was still early.

"More bacon?" I asked with sudden buoyancy, pushing the plate of processed carcinogenetic meat toward Charlie eagerly.

He dropped his paper into his lap and shook me off with a reluctant nod. "No. I'm going to get fat if I don't watch it. I still want to look nice for the ladies," he smiled impishly, patting his lean belly to emphasize absolutely nothing. Charlie was a bean pole, just like me.

With a laugh, I got up from my seat and wrapped my arms around his neck, burrowing my lips into his whiskery cheek. "You'd still be the most handsome man in town," I joked, squeezing him tightly, feeling a lot of love for him all of a sudden.

"Oh, aren't you just a regular old kiss-ass," he laughed.

"I mean it," I said, planting one last kiss on his cheek, just as Edward's car pulled into the driveway.

In a moment of just complete pathetic weakness, I dropped Charlie like a bad habit and lunged toward the window, gripping the kitchen sink to see Edward pull in. The nervous excitement of a new day with him was almost too much to contain. I had a little less than sixty hours left until Emmett McCarty's party, and I was really feeling like I was making progress. Charlie even seemed to think so. I kept telling myself that if I was going down, I was going down swinging. I didn't want to waste any time.

I whipped my head back to Charlie. "Gotta go," I said hurriedly, stumbling to the mat to get my shoes.

Charlie let out an exasperated sigh. "Now be careful out there," he said sternly. "I don't want you up on any ladders."

I laughed at the thought. "Oh, Edward would never allow that. Don't worry," I smiled, slinging my shoe over my heel, unable to help myself from telling Charlie how protective Edward was toward me. I wanted him to know. I wanted the whole world to know.

Charlie's eyes narrowed. "Uh huh," he groaned.

I realized I was being totally transparent, and not doing a very good job of hiding my feelings for Edward from Charlie…but I didn't care. I'd worry about Charlie another time. I figured that it was probably better that he knew anyway. That way, if by some miracle Edward did actually become my boyfriend, Charlie would be prepared.

As I was making my descent out of the back screen door, Charlie's chair screeched behind me. "Hold up!" He cried, stopping me in my tracks.

"What?" I asked breathlessly, turning to him.

Charlie reached his hand out for me. "Help me up will you?" He asked a little impatiently.

With an apprehensive sigh, I did what I was told and helped Charlie up from the table. I stood under his arm while he shuffled his way to the back door.

"Dad what are you doing?" I asked as he peeked his head out the door.

He ignored me.

"Hey Edward!" He cried, while I silently panicked, wondering what in the heck was he doing talking to Edward.

"Yes Sir?" Edward's groggy morning voice called from somewhere I couldn't see. I wanted to see him so badly. I wanted to save him from whatever Charlie was about to do.

_He wouldn't, would he? _

"I need to go to the hospital for a checkup. There's ten bucks in it for you if you can ride me down," Charlie said, while I drew in a staggered breath in relief.

_Phew!_

"It's my pleasure Sir. You don't have to pay me," Edward said sweetly in his perfect little Edward way.

"Good man," Charlie nodded, his mouth pulling into an approving smile. "Appointment's at noon."

"Yes Sir."

When Charlie closed the door and turned back for his chair, I felt an overwhelming rush of relief. Charlie talking to Edward in any capacity was nerve-racking and embarrassing, and potentially devastating, depending on the subject matter. I didn't like Charlie talking to Edward. I didn't like it at all.

I helped Charlie back into his chair, kissed him one last time, then bolted out the door, just dying to see Edward.

He was setting up in the back of the house. We had finished the front and the left side already. We were halfway home…it was sort of bittersweet. More bitter than sweet actually. I wanted him to paint the house forever.

"Hey you," Edward smiled when I sidled up next to him on the lawn. He was back in his uniform of white t-shirt and khaki cargo shorts…I let out a laugh remembering him in Charlie's pants.

I bumped my shoulder into his as a hello, grinning up to him, realizing how completely comfortable I was touching him. "Sorry about that," I groaned, rolling my eyes in apology for him having to be Charlie's errand boy.

Edward shrugged. "It's no problem," he said, bumping me back with his elbow.

He didn't seem to mind, but I wanted to explain further. "It's just that most of his friends live pretty far away on the reservation," I said, wanting him to know that unlike me, Charlie did actually have some friends…they just didn't live very close. Most of them were Native Americans, who lived on the Quileute reservation.

Edward smiled down to me with soft eyes. "Bella, it's not a big deal," he whispered, assuring me.

"Ok," I nodded. "He really appreciates your help," I said, wanting him to know how thankful Charlie was…how thankful I was.

"I know," Edward smiled, wagging his perfect morning mop of hair toward the shed. "Let's get some work done," he said.

I smiled, and followed him to the shed. "Ok."

XXX

The morning painting blew past, and before long it was time to take Charlie to the doctor. Edward pulled his car onto the lawn so Charlie didn't have far to walk, and I reclined the front passenger seat all the way so Charlie's leg would fit.

Edward and I both helped him down the front steps and into the car. We hit the road by 11:45…right on time.

I sat a bit scrunched behind Edward. He had long legs and his seat was reclined almost as far as Charlie's. I didn't want to seem like a snoop, but I couldn't help but look at some of the junk that he had in the backseat of his car…a baseball glove, a stick of deodorant, a swimsuit magazine…

I blushed looking at it, seeing just the cover of it peeking out from under Charlie's seat. It was the Sports Illustrated swimsuit edition…and Edward kept it in his car. Seeing it gave me a bit of an uneasy feeling. Like realizing, with proof, that Edward was a sexual being. I wasn't the only one who lusted…Edward did too…after super models. I mean, I suspected as much, but the magazine was sort of staring me in the face, forcing me to imagine what Edward might do with it...

_Oh God…_

"So Edward, tell me about yourself?" Charlie asked, pulling my attention to the front of the car, and away from imagining Edward…well you know.

"Well Sir, I'm planning on going pre-med─ hopefully at Dartmouth University, or Cornell," Edward answered seriously, sounding so formal and polite.

"Good schools," Charlie nodded, sounding impressed.

I was sort of panicky, hearing about where Edward was thinking of going. None of them were close to Forks, I knew that much.

"Where is Cornell again?" I asked, trying not to seem too eager…just the right amount of curious.

Edward eyed me through his rearview mirror. "Ithaca New York…like upstate," he said with a small smile.

"Oh," I whispered. "And Dartmouth?"

"New Hampshire," he smiled.

"That's far," I breathed, not really able to mask my disappointment.

Edward nodded. "Yeah," he whispered, his mouth pulling into a tight line in the mirror…like he could see that I was bummed. "It is far."

By the time we made it to the hospital, I was freaking out about swimsuit magazines and east coast colleges…equally, with the same amount of stomach churning agitation.

Edward pulled the car up to the entrance, and in the between two sets of sliding glass doors, I could see some old wheelchairs propped against the wall. I eyed Edward through the mirror. "I'll get a wheelchair," I said while unbuckling my belt, ready to get out of the car a.s.a.p.

"Ok," he nodded, smiling at me through the mirror.

"Thanks Bells," Charlie chimed in.

I pushed out the door, and the outside of the hospital smelled like cigarettes…which was weird, you know because it was a hospital. Then I loped through the first set of doors finding the wheelchairs. I started wrestling with a one, struggling to get it unfolded.

_Come on…_

Frustrated, I checked to see if I had an audience. I didn't. Edward and Charlie were chatting away in the car without me, animated with their arms flying and heads tipped back laughing. I couldn't imagine what they were saying, but it was making me nervous. I didn't trust Charlie. I didn't trust him one bit.

So I picked up the wheelchair, unable to get it open, and dragged it outside with me. "Edward!" I cried, trying to break his conversation with Charlie. "Can you help me?"

Edward's head snapped toward me, and he smiled, throwing the car into park and pushing out of his door to meet me.

He came around the car, shaking his head. "There's a lock in the back," he laughed. "Let me do it."

I squinted at him in apology. "Sorry," I whispered, putting the heavy rickety chair on the ground.

Edward rested it against his leg, reaching down and unlocking something, letting it unfold with ease. "No problem," he said in his cocky way. "I got it," he smiled, finding my eyes.

"Thanks."

"You're welcome."

With a shy smile, I pushed Edward out of the way, grazing the flat of my palm over his stomach on purpose, finding the nerve somewhere. I just really wanted to touch him, super models be damned. "All set Dad," I called, unable to mask my pride in myself, taking the handles on the wheelchair.

I got Charlie into the chair and wheeled him into the outpatient facility to wait for the Orthopedist, while Edward parked the car. When he found us, he had a choice of where to sit, the whole room was available. He didn't even look around. He just came in, looked at me, and sat down right beside me.

This stupid grin just ate up my face when he did it too, and I was having trouble wiping it off.

I picked up a magazine to try to distract myself. Distract myself from his warm musty smell, from the cotton of his t-shirt brushing against my arm, from watching his furry cargo shorted leg creep closer and closer to mine as he sprawled out in his seat. Seeing the swimsuit magazine added this whole new layer of nerves to my already fragile system. I just started thinking about his experience…sexually…and it freaked me out. Not in a bad way necessarily, it just got my mind racing…like when I saw him with Lisa the checkout girl, and how confident he was in his power. Like he owned her…

I was biting down hard on my lip, and it was like my neck was frozen because I was afraid to look over to see his face. He was like a blur beside me while my heart just raced and fluttered. I was just staring at my magazine, trying to seem cool, wondering if the day would ever come when Edward Cullen didn't completely fluster me and turn me into Jello.

Then, while turning the page to his magazine, his elbow speared my neck.

_Ouch!_

The ability to move my head came back rather suddenly. "Watch it," I whined, rubbing my neck as his elbow retreated from my space.

Edward looked down at me and laughed, his lip curling up in one corner. "Sorry," he giggled, his beautiful green eyes smiling, and not very apologetic…and not nearly as predatory and menacing as the boy who wooed Lisa's were.

Loosening up, I held his stare, furrowing my brow, feigning anger. "That hurt," I pouted, not satisfied with his weak apology…

"I said I was sorry," he shrugged with a toothy grin, completely insincere.

Then, impulsively, I threw my elbow out into his shoulder…hard.

Edward bent over and grabbed his shoulder. "What the hell?" He asked in a muted hiss, looking up to me with perplexed eyes.

I glared at him teasingly. "You hurt me," I whined, smiling at him with my eyes, feeling sure we were flirting again…or at least I was.

"It was an accident," he whined, kneading out his shoulder. "You're violent woman," he cried in a whisper.

_Woman? _

"Ah hem…"

Both of us snapped our heads towards Charlie, who was glaring at us over his car magazine from across the aisle. "Do I need to separate you two? Or can you stop fighting in the waiting room?"

Edward straightened up. "Sorry Sir," he apologized, hardly keeping a straight face. 

I straightened up too. "Sorry," I whispered, my face just getting flaming hot, realizing Charlie was watching the whole thing.

With a gulp, I turned my head back to my magazine in an attempt to calm down.

Then, just as I started on an article about buying facial moisturizer on a budget, Edward leaned into me, his breath coming into my ear. "_Violent_," he whispered once, just as the nurse came in to collect Charlie.

_Holy swear word… _

"Charlie Swan?" Charlie's nurse was Jessica's mom, Mrs. Stanley. She was like a grown up replica of Jess, just forty pounds heavier, with big mom boobs. Same curly hair, same beady eyes, and same toothy smile…

"Lucinda! My favorite nurse," Charlie beamed as she came up to him with a flirtatious smile.

Every woman in town flirted with Charlie. He was kind of a stud I guess. Well, to everyone except Renee. Sometimes I wondered what the gossip was about my parents. Two young good looking people, married young, divorced young, and tumultuous all the way.

It would be pretty juicy I guess, if I wasn't so acutely aware of the heartache that my father went through.

Mrs. Stanley took the handles on Charlie's wheelchair and leaned down to his ear. "I bet you say that to all the nurses," she laughed.

"No, just you," Charlie assured her.

I got up and Edward stood up beside me. "Hi Mrs. Stanley," I said shyly, giving her a small wave.

"Hi Bella sweetheart," she smiled. Then her eyes moved to Edward. "Aah!" She squealed. "You must be Edward!"

"Yes Ma'am," he nodded, sticking his hand out to shake hers. "Edward Cullen."

She took his hand into both of her stumpy French manicured paws, and shook it up and down excitedly. "You're a heartbreaker just like your father. Just look at you!" She shrieked, way too eager for a hospital waiting room. Mrs. Stanley also shared Jess' overwhelming enthusiasm. Sometimes it seemed out of place.

I looked up to Edward and beamed, watching him squirm and blush while being jostled by Mrs. Stanley. It was funny, I had never seen Edward blush before. But I also got that jealous territorial feeling. In my gut, Edward was mine, and the more people that became aware of him in Forks, the further away from me he got.

It was like if I really wanted to keep him, I'd have to chain him in my basement…He was way too irresistible for the public.

Eventually, Mrs. Stanley let poor Edward go, and returned to Charlie. "This should only take about a half hour," she told us, peeking over her shoulder as she wheeled him away.

"Ok," I said. "Be good Dad."

Soon they were gone, and Edward and I were alone in the waiting room.

We stared at each other a beat while I gnawed on my cheek and twisted my feet, and Edward tipped back on his heels, and ran his hands into his hair…three times.

"So," I hummed, trying to break up the silence.

Edward's mouth sort of twisted, and then he wagged his head to an exam room door across the hall. "Let's wait in there," he said, urging me with mischievous eyes to follow him.

Ok, not what I was expecting him to say.

_Holy swear word…_

The door was closed and the room looked dark. "Are we allowed?" I asked, not able to help myself. My first instinct whenever it came to Edward was to be cautious and scared. Being alone with Edward was something I just couldn't get used to. It was almost more scary than exciting. Actually, it scared the crap out of me.

Edward let out a little laugh, taking in my expression. "My dad runs this place now," he smiled, sounding relaxed, too relaxed. "Come on." He reached for me and gripped my forearm, pulling me behind him down the hallway.

I followed him on numb wobbly legs, letting him hold my arm, seriously about to crap my pants.

When we came up to the door, Edward didn't let go of me, and opened the handle with his left hand. He pulled me inside, and my heart jumped when the door clanked shut behind us.

_Oh God…_

Dropping my forearm slowly when we got inside, Edward flicked the lights on…well just one, so it was dim. My heart was shaking my entire body like an amplified bass drum. My mind was just racing with questions. Edward could have so easily suggested that we wait in the waiting room─ but instead he chose an empty dark exam room…where we were completely alone. I couldn't even process it. It was just too much.

I stood in the middle of the room with my arms hugging my chest, taking stuttering breaths. I looked to Edward carefully, and he was perusing the room with pursed lips, kinda like when he was in my room…running his fingers over the instruments. It was just a basic exam room with a chair, a bed, and a scale. There was a cabinet, a sink, and a shelf with some machines on the wall…and Edward seemed really into it.

He picked something off the wall and looked to me with a curious smile. "Do you know what this is for?" He asked, holding up what appeared to be some sort of probe, attached to a tube that was attached to the wall.

I looked down bashfully. "No," I whispered, twisting my feet, not sure what to do with myself.

Edward's face scrunched adorably while he studied it. "I don't either," he shrugged with a smile, tossing it back against the wall, causing a cracking sound to fill the painfully quiet room.

Then Edward walked over to the exam bed, and patted his hands down on it, lifting his chin toward me. "Here, get on the bed," he smiled, looking sort of playful. I had no idea what he was doing, or what he wanted…but I went anyway.

"Ok," I said cautiously, walking over, still hugging my chest for dear life.

I looked up at Edward before I laid down on the bed. He just urged me on with his eyes, wagging his heavy brows excitedly, silently telling me it was ok. His face was so handsome and flawless in the dim lighting…the shadows sort of amplifying his absolutely perfect bone structure.

I was helpless not to do what he said.

So I furrowed my brow at him suspiciously, and placed my hands down on the crinkly white paper, and pulled my feet behind me, getting onto the bed.

"Just lay back," he whispered. "And close your eyes."

_Close my eyes? _

"Why?"

"Just do it."

"Fine." I spread my feet out and rolled down so that my shoulder blades were on the bed, then gave Edward one last suspicious glance and closed my eyes.

And waited…

For a kiss?

For a massage?

For something I'd never even heard of?

_Buzzz…Buzzz…_

Predictably, because Edward was a seventeen year old child, my feet started rising over my head as the electronic bed came to life and started moving below me.

I got up with a start, ripping the paper, and scurried onto my knees to confront an all too amused Edward. "Jerk!" I shouted as I punched his leg.

"Fucking violent!" He cried with a toothy smile as he scooted away from me, shielding his crotch with his hands.

I gulped watching his hands go…there. With Edward, I just couldn't help myself. I had his, uh penis, on my mind. Stupid Sports Illustrated.

I got down from the bed, realizing quickly that Edward didn't bring me into the exam room to make out. He brought me to goof off for a half an hour while we waited for my dad.

It was sort of a relief if I'm being honest. The exam room was just too weird a place for a girl to get kissed for the first time. Too Grey's Anatomy or something…and those people always had sex. I was not ready to have sex. No way. Not with Charlie in the next room.

_Ugh…_

I almost felt like slapping my own face over how ridiculous my thoughts were.

Edward didn't seem to notice. He was already onto the next thing, digging into a box of surgical gloves. "Here, check this out," he smiled, taking one of the gloves up to his mouth and blowing into it, inflating it like a balloon.

I watched with a laugh while his perfect lips wrapped around the latex and his cheeks puffed in and out.

When he was finished he drew in a gasping breath and showed me his work… a big inflated hand balloon.

"Cool," I deadpanned. "You're very talented."

Edward smirked at me. "Come here," he whispered, his voice sort of soft and seductive.

"No way," I said dryly, crossing my arms. Fool me twice, shame on me.

"Come on," he whined a little bit, his mouth pulling into a dimply grin.

"No."

"Ok," he shrugged. "Suit yourself."

Then with a mischievous smile, he strolled over to me, sidling up really close. He took his balloon into both of his hands, holding it over my head. I stared at his chest and armpits while he started rubbing his balloon into my hair with giggle.

"I hate you," I groaned, as the balloon rubbed back and forth across my head. "I hate you so much."

Edward dropped the balloon to the floor, then moved his hands into my static wild hair. "No you don't," he grinned, while he styled me. "You love me."

_If you only knew…_

His hands were swirling around in my hair, and as much as I loved it, because I did, I was really starting to get concerned about how it looked. "Ok, I think you're done," I laughed, grabbing his hands and pushing them out of my hair with an eye roll.

Edward beamed at me. "Check it out," he said, wagging his head toward the mirror above the sink.

With a groan I walked over to the mirror, peeking up at my reflection.

_Oh crap…_

"Edward," I whined, taking in the damage. It looked like I got electrocuted while I was stuck in a tornado. My hair was a giant static knot, flying in every direction on my head.

"Pretty cool huh?"

It was actually pretty funny. And the sort of lightness and playfulness in Edward's eyes made me wary to be too annoyed. In my books, I never liked the girls who were always lame and no fun. I didn't want to be like them.

I spied a jar of tongue depressors, and got inspired.

Covertly, so Edward couldn't see me, I took two of them and shoved them under my top lip, and turned to face him. "Hi," I smiled, showing him my new teeth to go with my new fabulous hair. The wooden depressors hung down from my lips like a walrus.

Edward broke down laughing. "Cute," he croaked, bending over with a laugh.

"Sthuph up, I wook awazing," I smiled, trying to speak, accidentally dislodging my teeth. "Dang it," I sighed, reaching for them. "I lost my teeth."

Lost in a giggle, Edward began reaching for them too.

_Bang!_

We bumped heads. "Ow!" I cried when my head collided with Edward's, rattling my brain and sending a sharp blunt pain through my whole body.

"F-uck," Edward moaned, falling onto his butt, grabbing his head in pain.

I looked down to him, smiling and wincing at once. "Are you ok?" I asked, getting onto my knees and just instinctively grabbing for his head, which he was protecting with his hands. My hands went into his hair, and I sort of laid my body down on top of him, checking him. "Say something," I whined.

Edward's chest began to rumble with a laugh and his arms left his head and reached out and pulled me into him, hugging me against him on the floor. "I'm sorry Bella," he laughed. "Are you ok?" He asked, talking in a staggered voice, like he was still in pain…but laughing too.

I was on top of him, sprawled out, all of my weight resting on his body, pressed tightly too him, being held by his strong arms. I could feel his whole body underneath me…his soft warmth and his strength.

_Holy Cow. _

"Come here," he laughed, rolling me into him. "Did I hurt you?"

My face was sort of pinned against his chest, my lips resting on his t-shirt making it damp. "I'm ok," I smiled, just taking it in, not really worried about what was going to happen next, I was completely present in his arms.

My head was clear of the _what ifs_ and _maybes_. I wasn't thinking about colleges or magazines. I was just relishing in the complete contentment of being held by Edward on the exam room floor. I wasn't even scared. I realized then that being alone with Edward wasn't scary…it was something I was really and truly ready for.

Edward loosened his arms a little bit, allowing me to lift my head to see his eyes. "Did your hair protect you?" He asked with a dimply grin.

I freed my arm and shoved his face back with my palm. "No," I whined. "But thanks for asking." His mouth left a damp spot on my hand. It sort of burned there, while I looked at him.

After a beat, Edward shook his head out and rolled us into a sitting position. I stayed seated on his lap, while the sting slowly left my head. I was so comfortable, it's like I fit…we fit. I wondered if he felt the same way.

"I told you you were violent," Edward whispered into my ear, just as the room was getting quiet, and the fact that I was sitting on his lap was really starting to dawn on me.

I turned my head to him slowly, my face just inches from his. "Did I hurt you?" I asked, because more than anything, I was just overwhelmed by the thought of Edward hurt. His scar was something that would pop into my head every now and again, and I just hated the idea of Edward in pain. It made my stomach get knotty and my eyes start to water.

Edward's expression got soft, like the really soft way that made me melt. "Nah," he whispered, his hand reaching out and pushing my hair away from my face. "I'm fine."

Then, with his hand in my hair, and our faces almost touching, and my body literally sitting on his, I was really and truly and desperately wanting to be kissed in the exam room. Screw what I said before, that was crap.

Edward looked at me with hooded eyes, and I looked right back. It was on, I was ready.

_Do it Edward! Do it! _

"My son is here? Where?"

_Noooo!_

And just like that, the moment was lost. Edward's dad's voice was right outside the door.

Like he was coming out of a trance, Edward pushed me gently from his lap. "That's my dad," he said, shaking out his head and getting to his feet.

"Oh," I whispered, staring at the floor, still sitting where Edward left me.

His hand came into my periphery. "Let's go talk to him," he said, wiggling his fingers like he really wanted me to take his hand.

With a heavy sigh, I entwined my fingers with his, and let him hoist me off the floor.

When I was on my feet, Edward looked down at me with a small smile. "Charlie should be finished soon anyway," he said, like sort of in apology…like maybe he was sorry we couldn't kiss?

What did he mean?

Then Edward's eyes got smiley and amused, and he turned my shoulders squarely toward him. "You can't go outside like this," he laughed with a soft voice, putting his hands back into my hair. "My dad will get the wrong idea."

I couldn't help but laugh too, imagining what people would think we were doing that would leave my hair that way…only one thing. I got a little excited at the suggestion actually…that people might suspect we were doing something, and how causally Edward said it, like it was definitely in the realm of possibility…like it wasn't some off the wall crazy idea. It gave me hope. I was running on hope.

When he was finished fixing me, Edward's hands stilled on my shoulders. "There," he whispered. "I think you're decent." His eyes were soft yet intense, and scorching me…

"Edward?" Dr. Cullen called from outside.

I swallowed back my disappointment, while Edward turned his head toward the door. "In here!" He shouted. "Coming!" He looked back to me. "Let's go," he whispered, and I sensed some possible disappointment in his voice too.

Edward pushed the door open, and I stumbled out of the dark exam room into the bright fluorescent hallway behind him, holding onto the back of his t-shirt with a fist.

While my eyes were adjusting, I saw Dr. Cullen, and standing next to him was Rosalie Hale.

_Aw crap…_

I tripped over my feet when I saw her. She was about the last person in the universe I wanted Edward to meet. Rosalie was the most beautiful girl in all of Forks─ our very own resident beauty queen, and reigning Ms. Teen Washington.

I wanted to die. No amount of grooming my hair would make a bit of difference when standing next to Rosalie Hale. She looked like a girl straight out of Edward's magazine. She was tall and lean, and blessed in all the right areas. Her skin was unblemished and peaches and cream. Her hair was honey blonde and always falling to her shoulders in perfect waves. Her eyes were like the most perfect clear blue. Sometimes, when I looked at my plain brown eyes, I compared them to hers…

She was wearing khaki short shorts and a white collared shirt. A bad look for anyone really, but not for Rosalie. She looked perfect. She always looked perfect.

And Edward noticed.

I risked a glance at him, and he was blushing. His fingers were wrapped up in a fist and he was teetering on his heels. He looked nervous, and he was staring right at Rosalie.

_Fuck…_

"Edward, I want you to meet my favorite candy striper Rosalie Hale," Dr. Cullen said like an echo in my ear, as I watched Edward lower his chin bashfully toward Rosalie.

"Hi," he whispered, reaching his hand out for her. He usually reached his hand out firmly, and said his full name, like when he met Angela and Mrs. Stanley. His greeting to Rosalie was different.

She flashed him her perfect teeth. "Hi Edward," she said. "Everyone is really psyched to meet you."

"Oh yeah?" He asked in a tone I'd never heard him use before…like kind of fake.

Rosalie smiled. "You should come out tonight if you want. I could give you my number, and let you know what the plans are when we have some…You know how it is," she smiled.

I wanted to barf. I wanted to punch her. And on top of that, I felt invisible. I felt like I was not even there. She didn't even see me. She didn't even look at me. Not once.

Then, Edward reminded me that he did…Edward saw me.

He nodded at Rosalie's invitation, then turned his head toward me, and found my eyes…asking me.

I felt like crying, that lump in my throat was definitely present. He looked at me. He checked with me. He remembered I existed.

So, I did the only thing I could think to do. The only thing that felt right. I sniffed back my urge to cry, and shook my head up and down and urged him with my eyes to accept. I couldn't deny him friends. I couldn't lock him in my basement. I couldn't tick the hours off of a completely phony time line and try to rack up points before a deadline. I had to support him. I guess his happiness was important to me.

Edward smiled at me in that perfect soft way, then turned back to Rosalie. "Ok, sure," he said. "I could go out."

Rosalie beamed. "Great," she said. "My boyfriend Emmett is just dying to meet you. He thinks you are the key to the championship this year."

I looked to Edward…to see if maybe he looked disappointed at her admission of having a boyfriend. I couldn't tell. That's not to say he wasn't…I just couldn't tell.

I, for one, was ecstatic.

I watched silently and invisibly as Rosalie and Edward logged each other's numbers into their cell phones. I didn't have a cell phone; it wasn't exactly a necessity in my life. But seeing Rosalie with her pink fancy phone, getting Edward's digits…I really wanted one all of a sudden. She had his number stored somewhere, and I didn't. I really wanted a freaking cell phone so I could have Edward's number.

When they were finished, Edward nodded to her. "I'll call you," he said.

"Great," Rosalie smiled. "Later Edward."

"Bye Rosalie…"

Rosalie Hale turned on her heel and walked away…not once even acknowledging that I was standing behind Edward…not once.

_Witch…_

When Rosalie turned the corner, I tried to sort out what had just happened. Ok, so my timeline was shot. It was a hit…but there was nothing I could do about it. I decided I just needed to persevere.

I took a deep breath and fought off my urge to implode, and turned my attention to Dr. Cullen and Edward. I took a few steps forward and got next to Edward, purposefully brushing against his shoulder, leaning against it. I just wanted to be near him…I just had to.

He let me lean there, and looked down to me with a smile. "You remember my dad," he said, nodding towards Dr. Cullen.

I looked up to the blonde devastatingly handsome father of my undoing and smiled. "Hi Dr. Cullen," I said bashfully.

"Hi Bella," he grinned, sort of laughing to himself. "Edward's had some stories for us about you," he smirked, winking at me.

I jerked my head up to Edward. "What? What stories?" I croaked, panicking over what he could have possibly told his father about me.

Edward shifted some of his weight into my side and laughed. "Just stories," he smiled down at me. "Nothing bad. Relax"

"Oh," I whispered. "Ok."

Then Dr. Cullen's eyes narrowed at us, and I wondered what he was thinking. Like Charlie said, Edward and I were chummy…it was an undeniable truth. Whether or not we were _more_ than chummy was what was eating me.

Dr. Cullen nodded, with that same curious look, then reached for a chart on the door behind him. "Ah, Charlie Swan," he said with a smile when he opened it. "Let's go give him the news."

XXX

After Dr. Cullen gave Charlie the good news that his leg was on the mend, Edward and I got him home, and back to his soap operas without incident.

There was a different vibe between us the rest of the afternoon. Something almost happened in the hospital…something big. We almost kissed. We did…I wasn't imagining it. And I was convinced that it would have happened if Dr. Cullen and Rosalie Hale hadn't rudely interrupted us.

_Rosalie Hale. _

I kept biting my tongue, not sure how to bring her up to Edward. I didn't want to badmouth her. I didn't want to seem like a petty little brat who didn't want him to have friends. I wanted to handle it the right way…

I just didn't know how.

So, I just didn't say anything, and sort of went inside myself for much of the afternoon…painting under the right bottom windows by myself.

By dusk, when Edward started to pack it in and clean up, I had not come up with any solutions either. I didn't know how to talk to him about his burgeoning social life. It was too hard for me, it hurt too much, and I didn't want to spook him by acting possessive and creepy.

When we met up on the front steps at the end of the night like we usually did to say our goodbyes, there was a cool breeze kicking up, and the peepers were just getting started for the night, signifying it was quitting time. Edward came around the side of the house and placed a ladder down gently by the bushes. "Hey," he said with a weak smile.

"Hey," I whispered, plopping down onto the concrete steps, hoping that he'd join me, hoping that we'd talk a little before he left.

He did. He scooted up next to me, pressing his whole side into mine, and took a deep breath. "I guess I should probably call Rosalie," he sighed.

"Yeah," I gulped.

"My dad would flip on me if I blew her off," he said, looking down at me. His eyes were a bit uncertain, maybe even a little annoyed. It was hard to read how he was feeling.

I wanted to know.

"Do you want to blow her off?" I asked gently, wondering if maybe I had won the luck lottery and he didn't want to call Rosalie at all.

Edward tipped his head back, and ran his hands into his hair, sort of tugging it. "No," he groaned. "No, I want to meet some people," he said, reminding me that I would never win a luck lottery…it just wasn't in the cards for me.

But he did seem pretty apprehensive. "Are you nervous?" I asked, trying to push back my panic, and be there for him…I wanted to be supportive.

He let out a little laugh, letting some lightness hit his green eyes. "Yeah," he shrugged in admission. "Probably."

"That's normal," I said. "I'm always nervous."

Edward looked down at me, and gave me a weak smile. "I'd invite you…but," he shrugged. "You know how it is."

"Don't worry about it," I smiled, waving him off. "I'm not looking for an invitation." The fact that he indicated that he would have invited me if he could was good enough for me.

"It's just that I don't know any of these people," he said, his voice sort of fading.

I rolled my eyes, feeling like I needed to let Edward in on some hard truths that he seemed a little naïve to. "I don't hang out with Rosalie Hale Edward," I started in a firm voice. "She didn't even acknowledge that I was alive in the hospital," I said, glancing up at him with a serious face, wanting him to know. He needed to know that I wasn't cool. I wasn't popular. I didn't hang out with perfect Rosalie Hale and all of her perfect senior friends. I was a loser underclassman, plain and simple.

Edward's face sort of twisted. "I saw that. I'm sorry," he said apologetically, seeming sincere.

I let out a frustrated sigh. "It's not your fault," I groaned, not wanting him to apologize for Rosalie, someone he didn't even know. "God, you probably wouldn't notice me either if you weren't being paid to paint my house," I hissed in my frustration, but the truth in my words was undeniable.

Edward shook his head. "You don't know that," he sort of spat, hearing me, hearing what I was saying.

"Yeah I do," I whined, sniffing back some unwanted tears. "Sometimes I have to check the mirror just to make sure that I'm not_ actually_ invisible," I whimpered, while my eyes started to water. "Angela was the only one who saw me for a while…but now…" I couldn't help myself, it was just all spilling out of me. All of the tension and confusion of the day was just erupting, and I was hopeless to stop it.

Edward tensed up, and he turned around to face me. "Hey," he sort of shouted, trying to get my attention. "You're not invisible," he said, finding my eyes. His were fierce and serious, and he seemed upset, and I didn't want him to be upset…

I realized I was being the petty psycho drama queen that I didn't want to be.

I straightened myself up and started wiping at my leaking eyes. "I'm sorry," I sniffed. "I can't believe I'm crying."

Then a set of big hands wrapped around my face firmly, gripping it tightly. "Hey," Edward shouted again, getting my full attention. I blinked out my tears and looked to him with wide eyes, while his strong hands held my face. "I see you Bella," he whispered, his soft green eyes boring into me. "I mean it," he said. "You're not invisible. You're beautiful," he whispered in a gravelly voice, taking his thumbs and gently wiping away my tears.

Then Edward scooted closer to me, pulling my head to his lips, pressing them into my forehead, kissing it. "You're not invisible," he whispered, his lips lingering and damp on my forehead…just searing into it.

_Oh my freaking holy swear word…_

"Thank you," I whined, not really knowing what else to say. Then my face sort of burrowed into his scratchy musty neck, with my mouth open right around his jaw. I had never in my life been so close to a boy, and it was all just starting to feel really real…he was right there…like really.

I wanted to kiss him back, somewhere, it didn't matter…I'd settle for his jaw. I wanted him to kiss my lips. I wondered why he didn't. I feared the reason why he didn't. Why didn't Edward kiss my lips? Why my forehead?

Then before I could get any answers, Edward released my face, and my head sort of fell against his chest. "I should get going," he said, combing through my hair gently with his fingers, letting my head stay on his chest.

"Ok," I gulped, navigating in completely unchartered territory, and just following his lead, but starting to dread the reason that Edward kissed my forehead and not my lips…

I sat up first, and Edward followed. "Well goodnight," he said, knocking me with his shoulder, which all of a sudden I found too chummy…far too chummy.

"Night," I sighed, giving him a weak smile. "They're really going to like you Edward."

"Thanks Bella," he smiled, pushing up onto his feet. Then he turned to face me and took his index finger and propped it under his chin, like saying '_chin up_.'

I nodded, like I understood, then pushed myself onto my feet, turning for the door.

Just as I was almost inside, I heard an electronic beeping sound…like a cell phone.

I stood frozen in the door frame, my back turned to Edward.

"Hey Rosalie, it's Edward Cullen." He said, his voice fading as he got further away from me.

I tried to be brave…I tried to hold it in. But, I couldn't stop myself…I slammed the door behind me, and ran up to my room to cry.

**A/N- Hi to all of my new readers! A few things…No, I don't have a Twitter. No, there will be no Edward POV. No, I cannot update faster than I do…I have like a job and stuff, lol. **

**Hope you enjoyed this chapter. It was a little all over the place, but I decided to get it out and see what you guys felt. Edward's a tough nut to crack. More on him next chapter, stay tuned. **


	10. Chapter 10

**How to Paint a House Chapter 10**

**BPOV**

After Edward left, I went to cry in my room.

At first the tears came pretty easily. I mean, my biggest fear when it came to Edward was upon me. He was going to hang out with the seniors…on a Saturday night, with Rosalie Hale as his liaison.

I couldn't have scripted it worse. It was like the absolute worst possible scenario I could have dreamt up.

But after about an hour of pouting, and crying, and dramatically sobbing into my teddy bear and asking it for guidance, like it was somehow spiritually connected to my absentee mother…I felt completely ridiculous. It was just embarrassing to allow myself to get hurt so badly by someone who had not even done anything to hurt me yet. It's like I was getting soft in my old age. The Bella of old didn't even shed a single tear when her mother packed up and moved across the country. It's like with puberty came this trigger crying reflex, and after a while, I almost forgot what I was crying about.

So when the humiliation of confiding in a perfume drenched teddy bear got to be too much, I pealed myself off of my bed, and shuffled my way to the shower. I didn't want Charlie to see me. I didn't want Charlie to know that I was a loser with no friends. The idea of having Charlie see me as a loser with no friends was almost worse than actually being a loser with no friends. I just didn't want him to know.

I stayed in the shower until the water ran cold. The last ten minutes spent on the tile floor, hugging my knees to my chest, letting the water rain over my back…trying to build myself up.

I told myself that Edward was special, that he was different, and that what we had was not just some passing friendship like you make at summer camp or on vacation…but real and lasting. I wanted to believe that we had potential to be more than chummy, and that the reason he kissed my forehead instead of my lips was not what I feared it was. I wanted to believe that it was a sweet gesture to a crying girl, and not a pronouncement that my lips weren't kissable.

I wanted to believe it all so badly. I wanted to have faith in him. But as the hot water ran down, I realized that I didn't really know him well enough to be completely confident. Hell, ten years of knowing someone didn't matter, why would ten days?

_Angela…_

I felt so alone…It was a Saturday night, and it felt like I was the only person from Forks High School that didn't have any plans. I imagined the whole school like bonding and laughing and _living _together…while I sat at home with my father.

It occurred to me that maybe Angela was just tired of watching the world go by, and that's why she left me behind. And sitting there on the shower floor sort of wallowing in my loneliness, I couldn't even blame her. Then I imagined her showing up where Edward was going, and started to dread the possibility. Thinking of the two of them in a social setting without me made me feel like puking. She would fit in too with her miniskirts, and cute tops, and manicured hands, and makeup.

What if they talked? What if they became friends?

_Gah! _

I had to get out of the shower before the tears could come back in full force.

Wringing my hair onto the floor, I looked for a towel. None were hanging from the door or holder, so I searched for a wet one in the hamper. When I opened the lid, the familiar teal blue of Edward's shirt from the day we got caught in the rain caught my eyes and took my breath.

I forgot to wash it.

I slammed the lid of the hamper closed─ I didn't want to cry again. But my hand stayed there…the urge to grab his shirt and hug it and smell it and torture myself with it was just too strong.

Eventually the weakness overtook me, and with a frustrated groan I whipped the lid back open and snatched Edward's teal shirt out of the pile, pulling it to my face. It smelled like sweat and soap and paint and rain…and it just made me ache for him.

I wanted his arms wrapped around me again like they were only hours earlier on the exam room floor. I wanted his hands playing in my hair while his giggle filled my ear. I wanted his lips pressed against my forehead while his fingers gripped my face.

_Ugh…_

The shirt was only making things worse.

I shoved it back in the hamper, burying it under the pile. When I was dressed, I lugged the hamper down the steps to the laundry. I didn't want Edward's clothes to get mildewed. I also didn't want the torture of having his smell available to me all night. I wanted to be brave, and having his scent shoved in my nose while I cried just seemed a little extreme.

I did sniff his shirt one last time though before I threw it into washer. It made me feel closer to him. It sort of reminded me that he'd be back. I would at least have to see him again to give him his clothes. It gave me a small comfort.

I took my time in the laundry room, and when my eyes were less puffy, and the evidence that I had been crying was all but gone, I went to see what Charlie was up to in the living room. He had fixed himself a Hungry Man dinner of chicken fried steak, and was watching TV.

"Hey Dad," I said, curling up under my feet on the opposite end of the couch, trying to keep my eyes forward so he wouldn't look too closely. "What are you watching?" I asked.

His eyes were on the TV. "Road House," he mumbled, taking a bite of his chicken fried steak.

I let out a little laugh. "Again?" I asked. Charlie had seen Road House at least one hundred times.

Charlie cracked a smile, and his mouth drew in a swig of beer. "I love this movie," he smirked after he swallowed. "Here," he said, pushing a piece of paper toward me.

_Crap…busted_

I took it into my hands. "What's this?" I asked, but I knew…I was playing dumb.

Charlie dropped his beer and turned to me, narrowing his eyes. "It's your invitation to Tyler Crowley's 16th birthday party. Seems to have gotten thrown away," he said, his tone telling me that playing dumb was not in my best interest.

My eyes closed and I let out a loud breath. "That's because I threw it away," I groaned, wanting Charlie to hear my irritation. There was a reason I threw the invitation away…

But Charlie didn't seem to care. "You're going," he said coolly, turning his attention back to the television, like he wasn't even going to humor me.

"Dad, please?" I begged, asking for mercy.

Charlie shook his head. "I don't know what in the hell is going on with you, and Angela, and your buddies from school," he started, sounding completely annoyed. "But Lynn and big Ty are my friends, and you're not going to skip that party," he said sternly.

"_Dad," _I whined, having absolutely no retort without admitting to him that I was a loser with no friends, and that nobody at that party would miss me. I didn't want to have to say it…

Charlie glanced at me again, and his eyes were serious. "You're going," he said. "Now shut up and let me watch the movie."

"Do you hate me or something?" I whined.

_Uh oh…_

Charlie grabbed the clicker, and turned the movie off, furrowing his brow at me, his cheeks getting red. "Ok, now you've just pissed me off Bella Marie," he spat, obviously not swayed by my brilliant maneuver.

I backed away, seeing his anger at my ridiculous question. "Sorry," I whispered, curling into the back of the couch.

"It's Monday afternoon at the North Pines Pool," he said firmly.

"Fine," I groaned, while Charlie turned his movie back on…

I never won against Charlie. Never. When I really wanted to do something, I wasn't allowed. But when I didn't, it was mandatory. That just seemed to be the way with him…and I had learned a long time ago not to question it.

Accepting my defeat, I turned to Charlie. "I'm going to bed," I sighed, not really in the mood to hang out with him anymore. I might have accepted defeat, but forcing me to see people that didn't want or care to see me put him square in my dog house.

_Boo!_

I put the wash in the dryer before I crawled into bed, my pillows were still wet with tears. While I tossed and turned, every car that drove past my window made my heart rate climb. I wondered if they were Edward, going off into the night…without me.

Falling asleep didn't really change much. At one point I dreamed that Edward was playing strip poker in a hot tub with champagne and cigars. Rosalie Hale had dumped Emmett between hands and was going out with Edward by the end of the night. When I started to cry, everyone in the hot tub, including Edward, just started pointing and laughing at me.

My eyes were wet when I woke up. I was gripping my sheets in a white knuckled fist.

I knocked almost everything on my dresser over trying to get dressed. My arms were like noodles, but also vibrating and jittery. I could barely function I was so nervous. I just needed to know. Like ripping off a band aid, I just needed to see Edward so that I could know what happened, know where I stood, know if our friendship was summer camp─ or lifelong. If we were chummy, or more than chummy. And the only way to find out was to see him.

I was actively ignoring Charlie at the breakfast table when the silver Volvo pulled into the driveway. Edward was on time, which was good…

_I think…_

Charlie glared out the window. "What's he doing here?" He asked curiously, as I was taking deep breaths trying to calm myself before I went and faced my fate.

I looked suspiciously at Charlie. "Probably painting…like you _hired _him to," I said with a bit of an attitude, not letting him off the hook anytime soon for forcing me to socialize with my former friends.

Charlie wagged his eyebrows, like I was missing something. "It's Sunday," he said.

"So?" I shrugged.

"He can't paint on Sunday. There's an ordinance against it," Charlie sighed. "Go tell him I'm really sorry, but no hired workers on a Sunday…rules are rules."

The rules Charlie chose to enforce always confused me. And of course he would choose to enforce one that kept Edward away from me when it was crucial that I spend time with him. It just seemed to be my luck…which in general, was just bad.

I glared at Charlie, maybe nastier than I ever had before. "Great," I hissed, embarrassed that we made Edward come all the way down on a Sunday morning for nothing. "Way to go Dad," I snipped.

"You're still going to that party," Charlie laughed as I pushed out the door.

"Whatever!" I barked, slamming the door behind me.

When I found Edward, he was in the shed, digging through the massive pile of supplies. He looked extra rumpled and his eyes looked puffy, like he had definitely been out the night before. My heart raced like crazy when I saw him, but that was just standard.

I was at least hoping for a warm greeting to ease my worry, but he didn't acknowledge me right away…he looked busy.

I tried not to panic.

"Hey," I said hesitantly, taking a step inside the shed with my arms protectively hugging my chest. "You can't paint today," I whispered, hearing my heart pulse in my ears. Seeing him after a whole night of longing for him was so strange…like not as dramatic as I expected. He wasn't glowing or anything…he just looked normal, if not a little tired.

Edward put down a bucket that he was fingering. "Why not?" He asked, turning his attention to me, looking at me with his soft green eyes. His hair was dry, like he hadn't showered…and his clothes looked a bit wrinkled, but nicer than normal. I was starting to wonder if he just rolled out of bed to come…Or worse, just came directly over after a night of partying.

I tried to shake off my suspicions, and smiled weakly at him in apology. "There's an ordinance or something. No hired workers on a Sunday," I shrugged. "Sorry. I guess Charlie thought you knew."

Edward shook his head. "I didn't," he said. "But you know…whatever. It's ok," he nodded, looking kind of blank, and really hard to read.

I didn't know what to do. I contemplated offering him breakfast, or some coffee or something…but I chickened out. "Yeah, well…have a nice day," I smiled, starting to back toward the door, feeling embarrassed, feeling unsure…

"Wait!" Edward cried as I was almost outside the shed.

I turned around, and he was coming toward me, sort of cornering me against the mossy wooden door. "What?" I breathed into his curious face. There was a small smile pulling from his perfect pink lips. I wanted to kiss them. God, I wanted to kiss them.

"Why are you going inside?" He whispered, his eyes getting soft, his breath close enough that it hit my nose.

"It's my house," I gulped, not knowing what else to say.

Edward's eyes narrowed at me. "Well I don't want to go home and help my mom pick out carpet samples, so…"

"You should call Rosalie," I whispered, feeling my face getting hot. I'm not sure why I said it. It just came out. I couldn't help it.

Edward looked confused. "_Really_?" He asked quizzically, cocking his head at me, like he didn't appreciate my jab. "Are you mad that I went out last night?" He asked, his eyes getting even softer, his voice dropping a bit.

Mad wasn't exactly the emotion I was feeling. It was more helpless. Just helpless.

I looked Edward in the eye and shook my head. "No," I whispered. "I'm not mad," I said, because it was true. I was just sad that he wasn't mine and that I had to share him. I was just sad that I couldn't be with him all the time. But I wasn't mad. I was starting to think I could never be mad at him.

Edward lowered his eyes. "You sure?" He asked in that gravelly soft way that just leveled me.

"Yeah," I breathed. "I'm sure."

Edward shook his head, like he believed me, then raised a brow. "Do you want to hang out?" He asked, waking up a little bit, seeming excited. "I don't want to go home," he said.

I smiled, almost forgetting completely about the tears and the nightmares, just so happy to have him back with me where he belonged. "Sure," I said. "What do you want to do?"

Edward eyes lit up with that mischievous look. "You could show me that river of yours," he suggested, wagging his head out towards the woods and the river beyond.

I beamed at him, absolutely elated by his suggestion. "Give me two minutes," I said excitedly. "I'll go get my suit."

Edward smiled. "Did you wash my clothes?" He asked. "I'm not sure I want to raid Charlie's closet again."

"Uh huh," I nodded. "I said I would." I turned for the door, then ran up the stairs by two's, on a level way past float mode. I was in flying mode.

Edward wanted to hang out. He wanted to go back to the river. Thinking about it too much just made my head burn up like an overheated engine, so I just focused on the present.

I needed a swimsuit.

I yanked my top drawer open and threw it on the floor. All of my bras and underwear just scattered. I got on my hands and knees to sort through them, looking for something I thought I would never wear─ a pink bikini that Renee sent me from her vacation in Cabo.

When I found it, it was just as small and stringy as I remembered. But I had no choice. It was that, or my old green one piece that barely fit and smashed my already small boobs down. Showing my boobs terrified me, but I decided that it was time. If I wanted to be more than chummy with Edward, I had to show him that I was more than chummy material.

I was almost sixteen, and I had what resembled an adult female body, despite all of my efforts to hide that fact sometimes. And after seeing Rosalie, and how Edward reacted to her, I needed to up my game. Being a little girl in a one piece with no boobs wasn't going to do that. I had to wear the bikini.

I whipped it on in lightning speed, like I was racing against a clock. In the back of my mind I was fearing that Edward might change his mind and make other plans. I needed to get back to him and down to that river, pronto.

When I had the bikini on, I risked a glance in the mirror.

_Holy cow…_

I had never worn so little clothing in my life. It left nothing to the imagination. My butt poked out of the bottom, and you could see the roundness of my boobs peeking out of the little triangles that were supposed to be a top.

I wasn't comfortable. I wasn't sure I looked good. But I decided to proceed, and trust that Edward wouldn't judge my body. It didn't look bad, I guess…but probably not as good as Rosalie.

_Oh screw it…_

I grabbed some towels from the closet, and ran back down the steps, passing Charlie in the living room.

"Edward and I are going swimming," I called breathlessly, as I busted toward the kitchen door.

"Whoa," Charlie shouted, calling me back. "What in the hell is that swimsuit?" He asked sternly, furrowing his brows at my tiny pink outfit.

I looked down. "Mommy bought it for me," I said innocently, knowing Charlie couldn't say anything if Renee bought it. I had the perfect excuse.

Charlie rolled his eyes. "Of course she did," he groaned.

"Dad," I huffed, getting impatient.

He shook his head and let out a loud sigh. "Get out of here," he said, still shaking his head…probably at my mother.

I smiled and ran for the door. "Later Dad!" I called, just flying out the door, forgetting completely that I was supposed to be mad at him.

I met Edward in the backyard, wrapped up tightly in my towel, not exactly ready to traipse across the lawn half naked. "Hey," I smiled. "I got you a towel."

"Thanks," he said, taking it from me and tossing it over his shoulder, while we started walking side by side towards the woods.

Having him so close to me again, I felt comfortable letting the band aid rip. I wanted to know how his night went. My insecurity over him ditching me forever was fading, and the friend side of me wanted to know how he got along with the seniors. I didn't want him to hate Forks and have no friends. I sort of wanted it both ways I guess. I wanted Edward to be happy.

I leaned into his bicep with my shoulder, peering up to him, smiling. "So," I whispered, raising a brow. "Did you have fun last night?" I asked, just getting really impatient and itching with curiosity.

Edward sort of scrunched his face, like he had to think about it. "Umm…it was interesting," he said, sounding a little indecisive.

I widened my eyes at him expectantly. "Could you be more specific?" I asked as we came up to the woods. I had to jump ahead of Edward so I could clear a log. I hiked up my towel and threw my leg over, while Edward's hand guided my back. I smiled smugly to myself. I loved it when he voluntarily touched me.

Edward hopped easily over the log behind me. "I met them in an old abandoned sawmill parking lot," he said, plopping down beside me, nodding for me to follow after him toward the water. "Emmett had a Jeep and he played some music from his speakers, and we just sort of hung around."

I'd heard about the old sawmill in passing at school. It was completely abandoned, and kids went down there to get drunk and hook up. Charlie and my mom used to go. It was like a Forks tradition, and Edward got there before me.

_Typical. _

"I've heard about that," I sighed, keeping step behind Edward. "Who went?" I asked, wanting to get to the important part. I wanted to know what girls he met, and if there was any hooking up going on down at the old mill.

Edward's head tipped back a bit, like he was thinking. "I don't remember all of their names. I mostly talked to Emmett and some of the other guys on the team…Jasper and James I think they were called," he said.

"Jasper Whitlock and James Farmer," I nodded, knowing exactly who Jasper and James were.

"Yeah," Edward said. "I think that's right."

"So what did you think of Emmett?" I asked, curious. In my head, Emmett was my nemesis…well until I saw Edward with Rosalie. I wanted to know how they hit it off.

Edward laughed at the mention. "You had him pegged," he smirked. "He's loud and into himself," he said.

I laughed, imagining the show Emmett must have put on to impress Edward. "Did he show you his muscles?" I asked, only half joking.

"He does that?"

"All the time," I smiled, still following a step behind. "He got detention last year for challenging Mr. Berty to a flex contest."

"Who won?" Edward asked, turning to me with a smile when we reached the riverbed.

"Mr. Berty is like fifty and out of shape," I laughed. "Emmett always wins."

"Yikes," Edward hissed. "Weird."

"Yeah," I sighed. "Emmett's pretty weird."

Edward shrugged his shoulders, his face sort of scrunching in indecision. "Nah," he said. "He's cool,"

I gave Edward a hesitant smile. "If you say so," I laughed, feeling the direction of the conversation had gone a bit off course. I wanted to know less about the boys he met and more about the girls. "So that's it?" I asked. I didn't want to just come out and ask him if he met any girls, I was hoping he'd offer it up himself.

But he didn't. "Yeah," he shrugged, taking off a shoe and tossing it into the rocky shore. "There were like eight people all together. It was good to get out, but not a whole lot happened, you know?"

I didn't know. It was pathetic how little I knew about high school parties. Like nothing, nada, no experience whatsoever. The closest I ever came was going bowling with Angela and her mom while a group of seniors bowled in the lane next to us. Mrs. Weber said they reeked of liquor…and I tried to sniff them from across the ball shoot just to know what that smelled like.

I looked to Edward, finding his eyes. "Not really," I whispered. "I've never been to a high school party," I sighed, figuring there was no use lying. My inexperience wasn't something I could easily hide.

Edward dropped his other shoe to the ground and took a step toward me. "You'll get there," he said, his fist coming up and knocking my chin. "I started going out my sophomore year anyway," he said, like it was no big deal, making me feel better.

My chin burned where his fist had been. "You did?" I asked softly.

"Yeah," he smiled. "Freshman always screw shit up anyway."

"Mike Newton got his stomach pumped last year," I said.

"See?" Edward smiled. "Trouble."

Then it got quiet, and Edward turned toward the river, sort of looking out into the sparkling rushing water. The sun was just starting to poke its way through the trees, and the coolness of the morning was wearing off. It looked like it was going to be a perfect swimming day.

Edward stretched his back a bit, and then gripped his hands around the bottom of his t-shirt, pulling it over his head, revealing his naked back.

I gulped at the sight of it, unable to even pretend I wasn't staring. He was so tall and perfectly muscled, and I loved the way his shoulders were so broad and rounded, and the way his hair sort of curled up at the nape of his neck. His skin looked so soft and inviting, I just wanted to come up behind him and wrap my arms around him. Seeing so much bare skin just made those throbbing tingling feelings in my stomach and core just set off and go crazy. I was so attracted to him. I just couldn't help the way my body responded.

And, in that moment, I felt like maybe I could act on it. That maybe if I hugged his back, that he wouldn't pull away, and he'd respond to me too. The problem was wondering what I would do after I hugged him. Would I get kissed? If I did, would I be any good at it? Was there a girl at the party good at kissing? Was only kissing something Edward would even be interested in? I wasn't sure I was ready for more than kissing…

Over-thinking it, I chickened out.

I lost my nerve even more when my eyes came to his scar. It showed a bit, just under his left arm. It was still raised and red, and just scary in a way. It did nothing to hinder the perfection of Edward's back or anything, he was still perfect. But knowing that something happened to him, something bad…just scared me.

Edward dropped his shirt by his shoes and turned around. My eyes went straight to his scar, I couldn't help it. "Ready?" He asked, wagging his head out to the water.

I was biting down hard on my lip, holding onto fistfuls of my towel for dear life. I hadn't allowed myself to over think what we might do at the river, and now that we were at the river, I was completely frozen…and turned on, and beginning to realize that I was practically naked under my towel.

_Holy swear word…_

Edward was looking at me expectantly with his perfect body, looking perfect, and if I held onto my towel any longer I would look stupid…

So I dropped it.

_Oh God…_

My eyes followed my towel to the ground bashfully. I was afraid to look up. I was afraid to see indifference on Edward's face. I wanted him to see me as a woman…and if he didn't, it would crush me. He blushed at the sight of Rosalie Hale. Just once, I wanted to make Edward blush. I really did.

So with a deep breath, I looked up.

Edward's green eyes were on me. "Whoa," he muttered under his breath, his cheeks definitely a bit flushed. His eyes panned down my legs, then back to my eyes. "I like your suit," he said.

I couldn't mask my smile, it was tearing at my cheeks. "Thanks," I breathed.

Then it got really quiet, and the throbbing pressure in my swimsuit bottom was just getting ridiculous. I needed to either jump his bones, or change the atmosphere. Being a chicken, I decided on the latter.

I smiled at Edward and wagged my head toward the river. "Come on. I'll show you the rope swing," I said, before it got too awkward, before I stripped off my suit and begged him to take me on the riverbed floor.

Edward sort of gulped. "Yeah," he said. "Ok."

Feeling uncommonly confident, I started striding up the path toward the rope swing with a bit of a swagger. I had never had a guy check me out before…and I liked it. The fact that it was Edward only increased my elation. It felt like things were sort of falling into place for me. And it was all happening so fast that I couldn't overanalyze it, I just had to go with it. I had to be present in the moment, and just trust that my instincts about Edward were right.

He followed me up to a rocky dirt mound where an old oak tree hung over the river with a rope tied to a big branch. I crawled out onto the base of the tree to grab onto it, having to be a little conscious of how I was holding my body. When I had the rope, I shimmied back over the damp mossy bark toward Edward, who was watching me with a careful smile.

Rope in hand, I hopped down into the dirt beside Edward. "Here, give it a try," I smiled, pushing the old frayed rope into his perfect chest.

He eyed it, and then looked to me. "Who put this here?" He asked, a curious gleam in his green eyes.

"Charlie did," I said. "He grew up in this house. His parents left it to him when they died."

Edward grinned. "That's cool," he said.

"Yeah," I sighed. "Now, you can't chicken out," I said, placing my hand gently down on his smooth warm back, and leading him toward the jump off point. "You have to let go when you're over the deep spot," I instructed.

Edward curled his toes over the edge, then peeked back at me. "Thanks for the tip Evil Kenevil," he smirked.

"You may want to push off."

"Yep."

"Don't chicken out."

"Ten four."

"If you hold on too long you'll slam into the tree."

"Ok," Edward cried, hunching down for leverage. "You can shut up now," he grunted, bracing his feet into the dirt and hurling himself out over the river.

The rope dropped first, then Edward followed, soaring across the rushing water in a perfect pendulum. His hands were gripping the rope and his feet and calves curled around it, but it was his biceps doing the work. The muscles in his back and his arms rippled with strength as he held on. He was like this specimen, and I watched him in awe as he clung to the rope.

When he reached the peak, he started swinging back and I could see a big toothy grin eating up his face. He had a small window where he needed to let go. "Woohoo!" He cried, letting go a bit late. I watched with glee as his limbs sort of flitted and flailed and he hit the water with a loud _SMACK!_

He stayed under a bit long, and when he emerged from the rushing white water glistening and gorgeous, he looked up instantly to see my reaction. I was practically bent over laughing. Seeing perfect Edward flail awkwardly was priceless to me. He should have listened.

When he saw me laughing, he smiled up at me, shaking his wet hair back. "Oh and you can do better?" He called up in his cocky way, challenging me.

_Silly Edward. _

I walked up to the edge, and crawled back over the log to grab the rope. "Is that a challenge?" I asked, looking down to Edward below as I shimmied overhead. "I wouldn't make bets with me Edward," I said brazenly. "I have a tendency of kicking your butt."

Edward shook his head at me and laughed. "Just get in here," he said, splashing the water around him, seeming eager for me to join him.

I brought the rope to the jump off point and prayed that my suit would stay on, and looked down at him one last time. "I'm going to show you how it's done," I said, gripping tightly to the rope. "Watch and learn."

Then I pushed off, dropping swiftly and flying over the river, feeling the wind in my hair. When I circled back, I let go right on time, crashing softly into the cool river water.

_Whoosh…_

I stayed under to check for wedgies and wardrobe malfunctions, and when I emerged, Edward was practically on top of me, arms crossed grinning down at me.

I wiped the hair out of my eyes. "What?" I asked with a smile, falling off of my feet and floating, feeling satisfied and smug for pulling off a perfect jump.

Edward rolled his eyes. "Show off," he huffed, dropping his hands into the water, and pushing them toward me, splashing my face.

_Hey!_

The water surged up my nose and into my eyes, and put my hair right back where it was like a curtain over my face. I pushed it away. "You're just jealous of my skills," I said in a nasally laugh, trying to get my bearings enough to splash him back.

But before I could, Edward dipped his face into the water and filled up his mouth, pursing his perfect lips, eyeing me in that playful mischievous way.

"No!" I cried, dropping my feet back to the rocky bottom and trying to run. When I turned my back, water sprayed all over my it… "_Edward_," I whined, feeling his spit water run down my back.

He giggled behind me. "Smartass," he smirked.

I turned around with a jolt. "What did you just call me?" I cried, lunging toward him to dunk him.

I launched myself up as high as I could, aiming my hands toward Edward's head. I didn't quite make it, and one of my hands landed on his shoulder, and the other around his ear. So, I tried to climb up him to get enough leverage to push him down. "Go down," I grunted, pushing down with all of my weight, crawling and squirming all over his slippery smooth body completely uninhibited. My long legs were curling around his waist, and my boobs were pressing against him and rubbing all over him…but I didn't care.

Edward locked his knees and just giggled as I struggled. "Is something on me?" He asked in a satisfied tone.

"Go down," I groaned, trying hard not to laugh. My arms were getting tired, and he wasn't budging. My stomach was sort of in his face, and I could feel his mouth moving around my bellybutton as he giggled.

"Is it a fly?" He laughed.

"I'm not that small!" I grunted, trying to get more leverage, but my hand slipped…

_Oh God…_

It landed right on Edward's scar…like holding it, my fingers feeling the rippled rough skin. I whipped my hand away and fell to my feet. "Sorry," I whispered, my face bursting into flames.

Edward looked down, like he had to see for himself what scared me away. "It's ok," he shrugged with a small smile, looking down at me and finding my eyes.

My body was still so close to his, just inches away in the cool rushing river water. I didn't want to move away from him. I wanted to stay near him. I wanted to know what happened to him. I wanted him to know that it was safe to tell me…

With a gulp, holding his stare with my eyes, I reached my hand out and touched the scar again, smoothing my jittery fingers over the rough bumpy skin. "Did it hurt?" I asked in a whisper, looking up into his eyes softly.

Edward let me touch it. He didn't pull away. "I don't really remember," he breathed.

I ran my index finger over an angry bump. "What happened?" I asked, finding the nerve somewhere, trying to be brave.

Edward looked down and his eyes were blank and distant. "It was in February…there was this ice storm," he started with a low stuttering breath. "The roads were completely empty, so my best friend Garrett and I got a bottle of Jack Daniels and decided to play baseball in the street in our underwear," he said flatly.

I gulped, terrified of where he was headed. I tried hard not to cry, and just placed my palm over his scar and held it there while he told me. "Oh," I stuttered. It was all I could say.

Edward let out a small cynical laugh. "We were completely fucked up," he smirked, his eyes getting even more distant and angry. "A car came around the corner…and it couldn't stop in time," he said.

"Oh Edward," I breathed, unable to stop my tears. "No," I whined.

Edward backed up a little bit, and my hand dropped from his side. "I got clipped," he said coldly, turning his left side to face me, and motioning swiftly across his ribcage, like demonstrating how the car hurt him.

But it wasn't Edward I was crying for. "What happened to Garrett?" I whined, big fat tears just dropping from my eyes, completely uncontrollably.

Then Edward's tough cold demeanor broke too, and his chin started to shake, and his eyes started to blink quickly, like he was trying hard not to cry.

He didn't have to tell me what happened to Garrett. It was all over his face. "Oh my God," I gasped, just unconsciously closing the distance between us and going back to Edward, putting my right hand up to his face and cupping it, wiping at his tears with my thumb.

Edward closed his eyes when my hand touched him. "It was my idea. I dragged him out there," he sniffed sort of bitterly, blaming himself.

I put my other hand up to his face, holding his while he cried like he held mine. "It's not your fault," I whispered. "Edward you can't blame yourself," I said.

"He was just there one minute, and then the next he wasn't," Edward moaned, his tears really breaking, dropping onto my hands.

I took a breath, determined to be brave for him. "It was an accident," I said, hoping he'd hear me.

Then Edward shook his head a bit in my hands, and sniffed back his tears with a shiver. "You sound like my shrink," he snickered, "Everyone says it's not my fault."

"Because it's not," I said firmly, finding I was a lot braver than I gave myself credit for.

Edward opened his eyes, and looked at me, just completely open and vulnerable…it took my breath. "Then why do I feel like it is?" He asked, like begging me for an answer…one I just couldn't give him.

It was hard for me to process─ holding my happy giggling Edward's head in my hands as he cried. "But you're happy…" I whined, putting into words the confusion I was feeling. "Right?"

Edward shook his head, and another round of large globbing tears fell from his eyes. "Not really Bella," he sniffed. "Only sometimes," he said, cracking a tiny smile for me, pulling his right hand out of the water and pushing my hair back with it…implicating, I think, that I was the source of his happiness.

"I'm here for you," I said, leaning my face into his hand in my hair, trying to hold back my tears. "Ok?"

Edward's smile widened a bit. "I know you are," he whispered, dropping his hand to my cheek and brushing it with his thumb.

My cheek burned…

He held my stare for a long beat, then dropped his hand from my face slowly. "I'm sorry I dropped this on you," he whispered.

"I asked," I said, wanting him to know I wasn't sorry.

"I know it's heavy. That's why I didn't tell you right away," he explained in a whisper.

But I understood. "I know," I said. "I'm glad you did."

"Me too," he smiled. "Smartass," he smirked, bumping my chin with his fist, his eyes lightening up, changing the course of the conversation…

I didn't blame him. He wanted to stop being sad and play again. I understood.

My jaw dropped. "You're just a sore loser…Loser," I laughed, happy to see him smiling and joking again.

Edward shook out his head. "Ok, fuck that. I'm going again," he spat, blinking out the last of his tears, rubbing his eyes with his forearms.

I smiled. I wanted to be there for him…in the best way that I knew how…as his friend. "It's not just something you can learn overnight," I quipped. "It takes years of practice.

Edward grabbed my hand under the water, and then turned toward the rope swing. "Can two people go at once?" He asked, pulling me behind him, playfulness and excitement in his tone.

I gripped down hard on his hand, forcing our fingers to intertwine. "We've never tried that," I said.

"Well we are now," Edward said as we got to the top of the hill. "Hop on," he smiled.

"On your back?

"Yeah."

"If you let me fall, I swear to God," I warned with a grin.

Edward's eyes softened. "I would never let you fall," he whispered, and I couldn't help but wonder if there was a double meaning in his words.

"Promise?" I asked.

"Promise," Edward smiled.


	11. Chapter 11

**How to Paint a House Chapter 11**

**BPOV**

The morning after Edward told me about Garrett at the river, I woke up a mess. I was stupidly nervous for Tyler Crowley's pool party, but I was even more nervous to face Edward again after such an emotional and cathartic day together.

I didn't know what came next? I was nervous for how we would proceed after such a soul baring day.

In my mind there was only one logical place for us to end up. It's like when we were together, we went into our own little world where no one else could touch us. It was only logical to want to stay in that world…forever.

But after Edward told me about Garrett, and seeing how just completely broken and angry he was about it, I was starting to wonder if Edward was even thinking in romantic terms like I was. Or, if what he really needed more than anything else was just a friend to support him and keep his secrets. I wanted to be that friend─ more than anything I wanted to be that friend. But, I couldn't help my desire to be more.

But first things first, I had to tackle the demon that was Tyler Crowley's sixteenth birthday party at The North Pines pool. Oh no, Tyler couldn't just have a pizza party or take us out bowling. NO, it had to be a freaking pool party, where Bella Swan had to show up in a bathing suit.

I contemplated wearing my green one piece. I even tried it on just to see. Unfortunately, it was way too small, and we'd look poor or something if I showed up wearing it. The Swan residence was a tight ship run on a tight budget, but we were not poor, and I didn't want to add that ammo to the list of things mean people could pick on me about.

I had to go with the pink bikini. I couldn't avoid it. Well, I suppose I could have not worn a bathing suit at all─ but then I'd get the rumor that I was on my period and that I was too much of a prude to wear a tampon. That happened to Jane Redman last year. I would die, DIE, if a rumor like that went around about me. Oh the humiliation!

So, I took a few extra minutes in the shower, buffing and shaving and prepping myself for social hell, and slipped into the pink bikini, putting my uniform of cutoffs and tank top over it.

When I finally made it downstairs, Edward was already hard at work outside. I wanted to go out and spend some time with him before the party, but Charlie had other ideas.

As usual, he was at the breakfast table reading his paper, but his eyes were glaring at the little pink strings tied around my neck. "You don't own another swimsuit?" He asked me curiously, while I went to the fridge for some orange juice.

Quickly, I was reminded just how angry I was with him. "Oh_ jeez_ Dad, really?" I huffed, rolling my eyes, completely baffled at how he could complain about my suit, when I didn't even want to go in the first place. He was the one making me go!

Charlie eyed me sternly. "Oh _jeez_ Bells, more attitude?" He asked, mimicking me. "I'm starting to wonder where my sweet little girl went," he said, raising a brow at me.

"I'm not a little girl anymore Dad, for one," I spat, slamming a glass to the counter as I angrily opened the juice carton. "And why is it so hard to understand that I don't want to go to this party? You're making me, and this is the only thing that I have to wear," I informed him with a glare, reminding him of the major flaw in his logic.

Charlie let out a little laugh. "You act like I'm punishing you," he snickered, not really seeming to understand how much I was truly dreading Tyler's party.

_Gah! Charlie, you are so dense!_

"Uh, that's because you are," I whined.

Charlie wagged his head toward my seat at the table. "Sit down," he said, his voice sounding a little more sympathetic.

"Why?"

"Just sit."

"Fine."

I poured my juice and shuffled my way to the table, sitting down with a huff.

Charlie put his paper on the table and looked at me, his eyes softer. "Look Bells," he started, pressing his lips together contemplatively, scratching his mustache in thought. "If I've learned anything in life, it's that hiding from your problems never solves anything," he said, eyeing me like he knew…because he always knew!

But that didn't mean I was ready to fess up to it. "Who said anything about problems?" I asked flippantly, playing dumb.

Charlie let out a sigh. "I know you and Angela are on the fritz Bells. I am a licensed detective after all," he said softly, informing me that the gig was up. He knew why I didn't want to go. He knew exactly why.

"Then why are you making me go?" I asked, giving it one last shot, making my eyes and my voice as pathetic as possible…hoping he'd have mercy on me and let me out of it.

Charlie shrugged. "Because she's your best buddy, and she's a great kid, and I think it's about time that you two work it out," he sighed, sounding so reasonable, so sane.

But he was missing one tiny detail…

I lowered my head. "She's different Dad," I whispered, my voice cracking and my eyes watering against my will. Angela changing…wasn't easy to say out loud. It made it even more real, more permanent.

Then Charlie's big hand was on my knee, gripping it and giving it a little squeeze. "No one really changes Bells," he said. "They just grow up."

I looked up, wiping away a few stray tears. "Really?" I asked, finding Charlie's kind brown eyes. I wanted to believe him so badly. I wanted to believe that the real Angela wasn't gone forever, and that she had just grown up, and she was in there somewhere.

Charlie smiled. "Yeah," he said softly. "And you can both grow up without growing too far apart. You just have to accept the changes."

I nodded at my dad, shaking off the last of my tears. "I can try that," I said, just really hopeful that he was right, and that getting Angela back was that simple.

"Good," Charlie smiled. "Now come give your old man a squeeze," he said, dropping my knee and reaching both of his arms out for me.

I went to him, pushing out of my chair quickly, and throwing my arms around his neck, burrowing my tear dampened face into his chest. "I love you Dad," I sniffed, feeling guilty for giving him the cold shoulder for 24 hours. I wanted to reassure him that I loved him…because like I said, I was the only one that did.

"I love you too Bella Marie," he laughed, rubbing my back with his hands. "Now get," he said. "I don't want you to be late."

"It's not until 11:00," I sighed.

"And you have to stop at the Thriftway for a card," he reminded me.

"Oh yeah," I said. "I forgot."

Charlie pushed my shoulders back and found my eyes. "There's a crisp twenty in the pickle jar. Get him one of those money cards," he said.

"Ok," I smiled. "Thanks Dad."

"Sure sure."

I let go of Charlie and went into the cabinet and got Tyler's 'present' from the pickle jar. I put it in my backpack that I'd packed for the pool, and then push out the backdoor ready to face the party, and Edward…screw being a little late.

He was out back, pouring some paint into a pan, already looking red and bejeweled with sweat…just the way I liked him. I didn't have a lot of time, and realized I probably wouldn't get any grand soul baring admissions or declarations of love for me in five minutes, so I decided to just relax and say hi to him…as a friend would be expected to do.

I took a deep breath, and started walking toward him, towel and backpack in tow. "Hey," I smiled.

Edward lifted his head and narrowed his eyes at me. "Going somewhere?" He asked, cracking me a curious grin.

I rolled my eyes. "Tyler Crowley is having a pool party," I huffed. "I tried to get out of it, but I failed."

"Ah," Edward nodded, like he understood my frustration. "Who's Tyler?"

"Just a boy from school."

Then his eyes went to the little pink strings around my neck, just like Charlie's did. "And that's what you're wearing?" He asked, sort of probing and suspicious, sounding just like Charlie.

_What the heck? _

My eyes widened in exasperation. "You too?" I asked. "Is something wrong with this bikini?"

Edward let out a small laugh. "Um," he started, like he was thinking. "Not exactly," he said, shaking his head. "It's a very nice bikini," he smiled, his lip pulling up in one corner as he stared at the strings.

I couldn't read him. I had no idea what he was on about. Yesterday he said he liked my bikini…

_Oh…interesting…_

"Is _she_ going to be there?" Edward asked, pulling me back into the conversation at hand.

I nodded, letting out a loud breath in frustration. "They all will…my whole class," I said. "His parents are throwing it. They're the only reason I'm even invited," I explained.

Out of the safety of the kitchen, and Charlie's reassuring presence, I was starting to feel a little less confident about facing Angela, and the other kids. Actually, I was starting to dread it again…completely.

Edward dropped the paint can onto the grass and wiped his hands on his shorts and looked at me seriously. "I'm sorry but I'm calling bullshit on that," he snipped, sort of glaring at me with his green eyes.

"Why?" I asked.

He sighed. "Because believe it or not Bella, you're a lot of fun, and perhaps, just maybe, this Tyler character wants you around," he said, seeming a little irritated with my insecurity.

But he didn't know anything about my 'friendship' with Tyler Crowley. We had shared maybe thirty five words together in ten years outside of school. We were not friends. We were in the same grade, had parents that were friendly, and had been forced into social situations like birthday parties together since kindergarten…but that didn't mean we actually socialized.

I gave Edward a tight fake smile. "He probably doesn't even know I'm coming," I said, scooting around to his side and patting his back teasingly. "But good try Edward," I laughed, thanking him for his effort. My hand landed on his back, and I left it there, gripping my fingers into the sweat soaked cotton, just needing to touch Edward and be close to him for a minute or two before I faced hell.

He let me.

He smiled down at me, leaning into my touch, and wrapped his arm around my back, like I had mine wrapped around his. "Do you want a ride?" He asked softly, tipping his head down at me, almost like he wanted our foreheads to touch, but just shy.

_Holy Cow…_

I gulped, and looked up into his sparkling green eyes, really relishing in the feeling of his arm around me, wishing our foreheads would touch. "No," I sighed, disappointed to have to refuse his offer. "I need my bike so that I can make my exit as fast as socially acceptable," I smiled, letting out a little laugh at my own expense. I was so pathetic.

Edward laughed too, and his breath tickled my nose. "Ok," he smiled, then took his free hand and put his index finger under his chin, saying 'chin up', like he had done before.

I snuggled into him, tightening my grip, tucking my head under his musty armpit for comfort. "Yeah, yeah," I sighed dramatically, "I hear ya," I laughed.

"If she's mean to you, just push her in the pool," Edward said, sounding a little too serious, shaking me around a little in his arm, like he was pumping me up for the big game.

I peeked up at him from my burrow, finding his eyes. "Oh, I intend to," I grinned, my eyes scheming and devious.

Edward shook his head at me. "Remind me to never piss you off," he laughed.

"Never piss me off," I said flatly, getting him to crack me another crooked smile.

Then it got quiet, and my five minutes were long up...

_Darn…_

I ran my hand over Edward's strong back one more time before I dropped it slowly. "I've gotta go," I sighed, giving Edward a sad smile.

He nodded. "I'll probably still be here when you get back," he said, dropping me too, and going over to his paint.

"Where else would you be?" I asked, starting to back up toward the shed where my bike was.

"At orientation," he reminded me with a smile.

_Oh yeah…_

I had forgotten completely about Edward's orientation. The countdown was almost up. It was crazy how much had changed since the countdown started. Even though Edward wasn't mine, like I had hoped when I started my countdown…he wasn't not mine either. We were closer than I had ever imagined at the time I started it. I felt confident letting him go. In a way, I felt like I had won the little game that I set up for myself.

I smiled at Edward. "Well if you're not. Good luck," I said.

"Thanks. You too," he said, putting his index finger back under his chin.

I just nodded at him and went to the shed to get my bike, then hit the road for the Thriftway to get Tyler a money card.

When I got there, I chose the most generic one I could find with balloons and the number sixteen on it. Tyler and I were not even friendly, so some sort of funny card with an inside joke or cute quip was completely out of the question. I went generic, got some Gatorade and a Snickers, and got the hell out of there, starting down the 101 toward the state park.

The North Pines Pool was located at the entrance of the state park. They built it in the 80's to attract more campers and guests. No one used it though, so they opened it up to the locals. I mean, who swims in a pool when they're camping? No one really thought that one through.

Needless to say, the locals loved it, and it was packed almost every day of the summer. We cherished the stupid cement hole.

Well, by 'we', I mean basically every single person in Forks besides me. I hated the place. It smelled funny and there was always wet toilet paper on the floors in the bathroom.

Pulling up to the entrance, I heard the requisite splashing and laughter, and could smell French fries and chlorine, and I got really nervous…more than I was expecting after my talk with Charlie. I thought I had my head wrapped around it somewhat…but my heart was just racing and my limbs were numb, and I was having daydreams of Angela pretending that she didn't know me.

I contemplated hiding in the bushes for three hours and wetting my head in a birdfeeder, and then going home. But as Charlie said, he was a licensed detective, so at the very least I needed to smell like chlorine and have my eyes look like maraschino cherries with pupils in them in order for him to buy that I went to The North Pines Pool.

I had to go in.

The party was in full swing by the time I arrived. The pine fencing that surrounded the pool area was decked out in balloons and streamers, and the six or seven picnic tables by the snack bar were covered in Seahawks green, blue, and silver. I imagined Tyler's joy when he found out his sixteenth birthday party had a theme. They looked nice though against the giant pines trees that encapsulated us, and the bright sky blue of the pool bottom.

Everyone seemed to be there, and I was most definitely late, which was a choice I was suddenly regretting, because it made it more difficult for me to blend in.

Most of the boys were in the pool, or at the food tables─ and having been to the pool a hundred times, I knew where the girls were…but I hesitated to look over to the grassy area by the shallow end. It's like my neck was frozen again, and it couldn't look to the grassy area by the shallow end.

Biting my lip in determination, I decided to take things one at a time, and greet Tyler first.

He was standing by the gift table with his parents in red board shorts. His skin was a light chocolate brown, and his eyes a hazel caramel color. His hair was cropped close to his head. Most girls thought he was the cutest boy in our class. And maybe once I did too. But looking at him then, he just looked a little underdeveloped and uninspiring. I mean, I could still smell Edward's armpit in my nose…there was no way any of the boys at the party would inspire me.

Tyler greeted me with a smile as I walked towards him. "Hi Bella, thanks for coming," he said.

I smiled at him and wagged my brows, trying to seem enthusiastic. "Thanks for having me," I said, handing him his card. "Happy birthday Tyler."

Tyler took the long narrow card, which could only signify money inside. "Thanks," he grinned, nodding his head toward the lawn chairs by the fence. "The girls are over there, he said, pointing in the direction my head was unable to turn.

I put on my brave face. "Oh perfect," I smiled, feigning excitement over finding 'the girls'. "Thanks Tyler,"

Then Tyler dismissed me, and our socializing for the day was over. I had the choice to either stand in the middle of the pool deck like an idiot, or go over to 'the girls'. So reluctantly, and with a racing heart, I walked over to where they were sitting…

Well, they weren't exactly sitting, they were lying out on their lawn chairs face down, with their bikinis untied in the back, so if a swarm of bees came and started stinging them, they'd probably flash the whole pool. The Angela that I knew wouldn't take that risk. The idea of Mr. Crowley seeing her boobs, even hypothetically in a very farfetched scenario, would terrify her. It's like along with her new friends came a new set of nerves.

I had double knotted the back of my bikini, and it was staying that way.

They were all glistening with oil, and deeply tan, and in even skimpier bikinis than mine, which I didn't even realize was possible. Ange was in lavender, Lauren in black, and Jessica in brown. The colors of their swimsuits seemed so adult and sophisticated compared to mine. I didn't even know fifteen year old girls wore black swimsuits.

I stood over them, and looked down at their backs, swallowing my nerves and making my presence known. "Hey," I whispered, just biting the bullet, keeping Charlie's words in mind, trying to be brave so we could work it out.

Angela was the first to recognize my voice, and snatched her towel to her chest and turned around.

She looked up at me, seeming really surprised to see me. "Oh my God," she said. "Hi," she smiled, like she was happy to see me, but my presence was unexpected. She quickly started tying herself into decency.

Jess and Lauren got decent too and turned around.

"Hi Bella," Jess beamed, with that good old Stanley enthusiasm.

"Hey Swan," Lauren nodded, like she was bored.

I smiled back shyly, twisting my feet. "Hey," I said.

"Do you want to sit with us?" Angela asked, a bit hesitantly,

"Sure," I smiled, walking toward the chair beside her.

"Oil?" She asked, grabbing for a bottle of cancer.

I shook my head and dropped my backpack. "No thanks. I'm good," I said, spreading my towel over my lounge chair, feeling good about how things were going so far. Angela wasn't expecting me, but she seemed happy that I was there. It was a good start. I didn't want to throw her in the pool just yet.

I slipped out of my shorts and tank top nervously, and sat down. I had lathered myself in SPF 50 before I came, so the chance of any sun actually touching me while I sunbathed was pretty much nil. There were a few things that I found truly unattractive in life, and lobster sunburns were among them.

I looked to my side, and Angela was staring at me with a curious look on her face. "I can't believe you wore the Cabo suit," she laughed, reaching one of her perfect ringed fingers out and grazing it over my bikini top.

When we were friends, we were never quite so touchy feely. Like, we never touched each other's boobs. That was new.

I narrowed my eyes at her, shirking back in my seat, away from her pervy fingers. "Why?" I asked, a little defensively. It was less revealing than hers. Was I not allowed to wear a bikini? She said it with this air of superiority, like she was older than me or something…when in actuality; she was three months younger than me!

She shook her head, like I misunderstood. "No, it's cute!" She assured me. "It looks great," she smiled. "I just thought that you wanted to burn it is all."

"Well I changed my mind," I shrugged, suddenly feeling really self conscious thanks to her. I wrapped my arms around myself, and tried to get comfortable in my lounge chair, but felt really naked. She just had to draw attention to me like that. She couldn't just let it go.

"So, I gave Tyler his birthday present last night," Lauren piped in, while I was contemplating leaving. I hadn't even been there ten minutes and it already sucked.

Angela perked up. "What did you get him?" She asked, like she actually cared, like she hadn't the first clue how furious I was with her. I for one did not give a flying monkey what Lauren got Tyler for his birthday. Talk about boring.

"We dry humped," Lauren said coolly.

"No way," Angela gasped.

"Oh…my…God," Jess said dramatically, like it was something earth shattering.

I just rolled my eyes and repositioned myself in my chair.

"Way," Lauren nodded, raising her brows proudly. "Have you ever done that Bella?" She asked, with a glint of wickedness in her eyes, like she was challenging me.

_Uh, what? _

All eyes were on me, and I felt my face just catch fire. What were they expecting me to say? Yes? Seriously, had we entered the Twilight Zone? I didn't realize I was even part of the conversation. And furthermore, I didn't even know what dry humping meant. What the heck was dry humping anyway? Wasn't humping just slang for sex? Was it dry sex?

I shook my head, sorry to disappoint them. "Nope," I shrugged. "Can't say that I have."

Lauren nodded, like she wasn't surprised. "Well, if I were you, I'd be all over Edward Cullen," she said coolly, shrugging her shoulders as she twirled her belly button ring. I wanted to slap her for even bringing up his name. And she said it like it was just a snap of the fingers simple thing to do.

I restrained myself from rolling my eyes into the back of my head, remembering what Edward thought of Lauren. Oh how I would have loved to see her try. And I was tempted to tell her just how cozy Edward and I were…

But that was none of her business. So, I decided to let it go. "I'll get right on that Lauren," I smirked with a tight smile, my tone signifying that I wasn't interested, or saw going after Edward as an impossibility… Both lies.

Lauren eyed me, like she didn't buy it, and the clumps in her mascara were really pissing me off. Who wore mascara to a pool? Oh that's right…Lauren. Fake blonde…Lauren. "Tanya Denali wants him anyway," she said deviously, raising a brow. "She met him at the mill on Saturday. She said they had a_ really_ nice time."

I lifted my chin, trying hard not to show any emotion. "That's nice," I shrugged, trying to seem cool on the outside, while internally I was freaking out.

Tanya Denali was a notorious whore who had been through practically every guy in Forks…even some of the boys in our grade…Tyler for one. But Edward wouldn't know that. Edward was just this nice unassuming sweet person. Tanya would eat him alive…probably after she gave him an STD and faked a pregnancy scare.

I eyed Lauren, trying to take slow even breaths, looking closely to see if she was lying.

I couldn't tell…I knew they were on the cheer squad together…but last I checked, they weren't friends.

"I mean, I would have totally gone for him─ but Tanya wants him, so like girl code and all that," she said, looking right through me like she knew exactly how I was feeling.

I decided to fight back a little bit. She was trying to upset me on purpose. And the Edward that I knew, the Edward that I trusted, wouldn't be stupid enough to like skanky Tanya. I just had to have faith in him. I had to.

I glared at Lauren, "Aren't you dry humping Tyler?" I asked, filling my question with as much judgment and disdain as I could.

She just smirked at me, "Well, yeah…but um, have you seen Edward Cullen?" She asked, like Tyler was disposable, and Edward was the ultimate prize. It was not the reaction I was looking for. It's like she had no soul. How do you argue with someone with no soul?

Jessica and Angela were quiet, but even they seemed a little surprised at how flippant and dismissive Lauren was being toward Tyler…especially the morning after they dry humped. I realized that no matter what I said, Lauren, the soulless demon, would have something hurtful as a comeback. So, testing out my maturity, I decided to let her win.

I looked around at the three girls, frankly ready to throw them all in the pool…well except Jess, she could stay dry. "I'm going swimming," I said with a fake smile, my jaw clenched.

My eyes went to Angela, I guess instinctively. I was mad at her, but I still looked to her for comfort when I really really needed it I guess. And right then, even though I trusted that Edward wasn't a complete and total moron…it killed me that there was a girl out there, a senior, that wanted him.

Angela gave me a weak smile. "Good idea," she nodded. "I'll come," she said, picking up my cue…

I smiled at her, deciding she could stay dry too, and grabbed my towel. Angela nodded and grabbed hers, and we took off for the pool side by side, leaving Lauren to chew on how she had just behaved…which I doubted would get very far.

When I got up to the edge of the pool, I didn't hesitate and just jumped into the water. I couldn't wait. I needed to cleanse myself of Lauren and her bull. Gah, I hated her! She had some serious nerve!

The water was starkly different from the flowing freezing river water, but it served its function. I stayed down, and sat on the cement bottom for a few seconds, while the muted whir of the party continued overhead. I tried to gather my nerve back. I was losing it.

When I came up, the noise and the light and the smells hit me again, and Angela was sitting on the blue tile edge, watching me while she dangled her feet into the pool. "I'm sorry about Lauren," she shrugged, as I cleared my hair from my eyes.

"Whatever," I huffed, bopping up and down on my feet in the pool.

"Lauren and Jessica are so annoying sometimes," she sighed, finding my eyes.

I shook my head. "Why do you hang out with them then?" I asked sharply, really freaking curious. Lauren blew. Why anyone would want to hang out with her was beyond me.

Angela lowered her head and smiled weakly. "I don't know…they like the same stuff I like," she said, sort of like an apology…sort of not.

"Like sex, and boys, and clothes?" I asked sarcastically, mocking them.

But Angela didn't seem to get that…or she did, and wasn't ashamed of it. "Well…yeah," she said frankly. "I like hanging around boys Bella. It's sort of fun for me."

I looked over to the boys. They were playing water polo in the deep end with a beach ball. They were scrawny, and half of them had acne, and none of them were particularly nice…except Ben, the one that Angela liked. But still…

"Those boys?" I asked incredulously, really curious how that group of guys could seriously change Angela so drastically.

Angela put her hands on her hips, and kicked some water into my face with her pedicured foot. "Yes, those boys," she laughed, feigning anger.

I smiled at her. "Pass," I snipped, wiping the water out of my face.

Angela rolled her eyes at me, while I tipped back on my feet and started floating. I guess we were just agreeing to disagree…but we were getting along, and I was enjoying her company. I was beginning to see that maybe Charlie was right? Maybe I just needed to learn to accept the changes?

Then, Mrs. Crowley's voice boomed over the crowd. "Ok, cake everyone!" She called, urging us all to join them for cake.

I looked up to Angela. "Cake is the only reason I came," I said, hopping over to the edge of the pool, and climbing out.

Angela shoved my towel into my stomach. "That's so mean," she sighed, giving me a small reluctant smile.

XXX

After cake, Tyler opened his presents, and then his parents presented him in the parking lot with a big ugly old blue utility van. It was hideous, and Tyler was thrilled. I would have been too actually. I imagined the amazing freedom I'd have with a car. I vowed to myself then to start getting serious about learning to drive, so I could get my license the minute I turned sixteen. I was ready for that freedom. I was ready for that responsibility.

After the big reveal in the parking lot, we all went back to the pool. I contemplated making my early exit, but strangely, I was actually having fun, and I wasn't quite ready to go.

I got myself another plate of cake, and sat and watched Lauren and Tyler challenge Angela and Ben to a chicken fight. Jessica was pouting in the bathroom because she felt left out, so it opened up a perfect opportunity for Mike Newton to approach me.

_Oh brother…_

"Hey Bella," he said as he sat down next to me. Mike was dirty blonde and sort of stocky and boyishly cute…I suppose, if you liked the boyish type.

"Hi Mike," I nodded, keeping my eyes on the pool, not really interested in talking to him…Jessica was scary.

"Lemonade?" He offered, pushing a paper Seahawks cup in my nose.

"I'm fine," I smiled, waving him off.

"Just try it," he insisted.

"No thanks."

"Come on."

"Jeez, ok," I hissed, taking the cup and taking a sip.

The liquid was cold, but hot, and it burned all the way down my throat, making me gag. I had never tasted liquor before, but I knew instantly what Mike had just given me…and I wasn't amused.

After my face un-puckered, I looked at Mike and glared. "_Mike_," I huffed, "What's your problem?"

"We've all had some," he smiled, holding his hands out defensively. "I was just letting you in on the action."

"Everybody?" I asked, shocked that I had been left out, even when I was so sure I wasn't being left out. When did Angela sneak booze? What the heck?

"Yep, everybody," he grinned.

"Even Angela?"

Mike nodded out to the rowdy chicken fight. "Oh yeah, she's feeling really good right now," he winked. "Come on Bella, live a little," he said, pushing the cup back into my face.

Telling me to live a little was the clincher. The most living I had ever done in my life was buying illegal beer with Edward, before I was knocked down and he called me a kid. But while I was doing it, while I was pushing the limit and breaking the rules, I was absolutely high with excitement. I wanted to feel that again. I was tired of being predictable.

I just wanted to know what it felt like. I just wanted to do something that I wasn't supposed to do─ something that grownups did, something that Edward had done. I didn't really see the harm. If Angela could do it, I could too I decided.

"Give me that," I said, snatching the cup back from Mike.

He beamed at me. "Alright Bella," he cheered, getting up from his seat and looking down at me. "You look foxy in that suit by the way," he said "Perfect ass," he smiled, and then turned on his heel and walked away.

I wanted to die. Mike Newton checked out my ass.

_Eww!_

The ickiness of his comment only made the lemonade go down easier. And before I knew it, I had drunk the whole thing…and my head felt really fuzzy, and my body felt really warm and tingly, and Angela and Ben out in the pool looked really out of focus.

_Oh holy swear word, I'm drunk…_

I needed to get out of there. I was regretting my decision to listen to Mike immediately as I realized how completely loopy and out of control being drunk made you. I could hardly think straight…I just needed to get home.

I snuck out when no one was looking. I felt awful for not thanking the Crowley's, but I felt so strange, I thought for sure they'd suspect something. I was wobbly on my feet, and the light was coming into my eyes strangely, making me see things. When I found my bike on the rack, I just prayed that I had the wherewithal to get home. Charlie would not be amused if he got a call from one of his buddies in the precinct that I was drunk on the side of the road…not amused at all.

I just kept my eyes focused on the yellow line in the road, trying to keep my tire as close to it as I could while I peddled home, wobbly, but competent.

When I got home, I dropped my bike onto the dirt patch by the mailbox, and started walking toward the front steps, tripping over my feet, finding it harder to walk than to peddle. I just tried to put one foot in front of the other and not fall face first into the yard. My incompetence seemed really funny to me as well, and I was giggling lightly to myself as I coached myself on how to walk…

"And step…and step," I laughed, as I tripped and stumbled up to the stairs.

Then an amused laugh came from my periphery, and I whipped my head toward it, almost falling onto my side. It was Edward, and he was standing by the shed, looking so perfect…I wanted to lick him like I licked the icing on my cake.

"Oh you have _got_ to be kidding me," he smirked as he started toward me.

I smiled at him. "I'm drunk," I cooed, as he came up behind me and gripped onto my biceps to hold me up.

He shook his head at me. "Yes you are," he hummed. "Yes you are."

I looked up at him, feeling so happy to be back in his arms. "Hi," I grinned, just so happy to see him. He looked so handsome in that moment, I just needed to say hello properly.

Edward let out a little laugh. "Hi Bella," he said. "Come on. Sit down," he instructed, leading me to the wall of the shed…but I really wanted to be in my bed…I felt so dizzy.

"I think I'll go inside," I giggled, pulling toward the door.

But Edward pulled me back. "Oh no, you cannot see Charlie right now," he huffed. "Just please sit down," he said, and he sounded serious. I was afraid I had upset him.

He brought me to the wall of the shed, and with soft eyes, helped me down to the grass, instructing me to prop my back against the wall, out of sight of Charlie.

When I was on the ground, I felt a little better. "I'm fine," I said, and it sounded like an echo in my head. "My head is just sort of numb and warm," I whispered, looking up to Edward, who was kneeling down in front of me.

He smiled. "I'll bet," he said, pushing my hair back with his hand. "So drinking at the public pool huh?" He asked with a laugh, his voice low and gravelly…and concerned.

_Darn…_

I looked down bashfully. "Mike Newton gave me this lemonade," I sighed. "I chugged it because he said I have a perfect ass."

Edward lifted my chin, which was sagging. "Who said you have a perfect ass?" He asked, his eyes serious, his voice less gravelly, and more..._jealous?_

I picked my head up myself and raised a brow. "Mike," I said firmly, wanting to check Edward's reaction carefully.

"Who is Mike?" He asked sharply, and I couldn't tell if he was mad at Mike for liking my ass, or for getting me drunk…but he was definitely mad at Mike.

I felt the need to protect him. "Just a boy," I shrugged, trying to get off the subject…but that took care of itself, because a sudden urge to throw up just overtook me. My mouth started to water and my head started to tingle, and…"Oh God," I gasped, covering my mouth with my hands.

"What?" Edward asked, his eyes getting wide.

"I feel sick," I murmured through the clasp of my hands.

Edward shook his head, and his jaw clenched, and he definitely looked pissed. "Come on," he groaned, gripping my biceps again, and lifting me to my feet.

He helped me as I stumbled over to the bushes at the back of the shed. It was an overgrown area, well out of site of Charlie or the road.

As soon as I got to the right spot, I bent down, and Edward hovered over me, his fingers holding my head, and keeping my hair back. The urge to cry always came when I felt like throwing up. Throwing up and crying went hand in hand or something…but I tried hard not to cry, and just stood there bent over, waiting for the barf to come.

It wasn't coming …

"Don't look," I whined up to Edward, thinking his presence was partly to blame.

"I'm not," he whispered softly, his hands stroking my hair gently. "My head is turned. I promise."

Then I pictured him hearing me make a gagging noise. "This is so embarrassing," I moaned, not really prepared to face the humiliation of throwing up in front of Edward.

"Will you just barf?" He cried in a whisper, a little amusement in his tone, his hands finding a tighter grip in my hair.

The overwhelming nausea was gone though. I probably could have barfed if I stuck my fingers down my throat…but that wasn't necessary.

I straightened up from my hunched position, and turned and just curled my body into Edward, fighting the urge to cry. "I don't think I have to anymore," I whispered, hiding my face in shame into his chest, hoping he'd comfort me. I didn't like being drunk. I felt so weird. I wanted it to go away.

He did. He wrapped his arms around my body and held me to his chest. "Bella, what am I going to do with you?" He laughed lightly as he stroked my back.

"I'm sorry," I whined.

"I'm not mad," he laughed. "But no more drinking, at least not without me there."

"On what universe will that happen?" I asked, trying to imagine a scenario where I would be in the same place as Edward where alcohol was served.

He pushed me back slightly and grabbed my face in his hands, finding my eyes. "Exactly," he smiled, thinking he was so cute, thinking he was so clever.

But it wasn't funny. "Jerk," I hissed, shoving his chest, and losing my balance…

Edward grabbed me again to stabilize me. "Come on," he said, pulling me to the ground. "Sit with your head between your legs."

I got down onto the grass and did as I was told, and raised my knees above my head, and stuck my head between my thighs. I probably looked ridiculous, but it really helped.

Edward was just silent beside me, and I felt the need to explain…or make excuses for myself. "It was peer pressure," I whined through the cave of my legs. "Everybody did it," I said.

Edward laughed lightly beside me. "I understand," he said softly.

"I just wanted to know what it was like," I explained further.

"I know," he whispered.

"You're not mad are you?"

Then Edward's hand landed on my back, moving up and down gently. "If something happened to you I'd be mad," he sighed, seeming a little tired, a little over it. And after what he told me the day before, I felt like such an idiot. But it was too late. I couldn't take it back. The damage was done.

"I'm really sorry Edward," I croaked, a few of those barf tears making their way into my eyes, making my already clammy thighs even clammier.

Edward laughed lightly. "You don't have to apologize to me," he said. "Just no more boozing at the public pool, ok?"

"Ok," I agreed with a laugh, taking my head out of my legs to look at him. "I'm off the sauce," I grinned, finding his green eyes.

He smiled at me, then pushed my hair back once more with his hand, his eyes narrowing. "So who is this Mike Newton again?" He asked, unable to mask his curiosity…he really wanted to know.

I shrugged, and played coy. "Oh," I whispered. "Just a boy."

**AN- **

**I know a lot of people have issues with underage drinking in fic. If so, sorry…it won't be frequent, that was probably the last of it. Bella won't become a boozer, I promise. :)**


	12. Chapter 12

**How to Paint a House Chapter 12**

**BPOV…**

Before Edward left for orientation, he distracted Charlie by asking him for directions to the McCarty's house, while I snuck upstairs for a cold shower. It worked, and by dinner I felt like crap, but I was sober, and Charlie didn't suspect anything unusual.

When Charlie asked me if I felt alright, I just told him that I got too much sun and swallowed too much pool water. He bought it, and even suggested that I get to bed early. I realized the idea of me drunk would shock Charlie more than anyone. He'd live in denial before he actually thought me capable of such normal teenage behavior.

But despite all of my trickery, I was greeted the next morning with my very first hangover.

_Ooohhhh…_

Edward told me to take an ibuprofen and chug lots of water before he left, but I remembered an episode of Dr. G where a guy died of a bleeding stomach from mixing alcohol and blood thinners, and chickened out. I regretted that decision instantly. My body felt like it did after Renee and Phil took me skiing in Aspen. Every muscle hurt…every single one. My eyes hurt, my hair hurt, the joints in my hips and ankles that I was barely aware I had were screaming at me. But above all, my head felt like it spent the night in a vice. Any small movement was agony.

The sun coming through my window was torture. The sound of Edward's stupid ladder banging against the house was like the screams at the gates of hell. But hearing it forced me to wake up and drag myself out of bed. The house was nearly finished, and I was wasting precious time feeling like death in my bed, when I could have just as easily felt like death outside…with Edward.

I wanted to know how his orientation went. I didn't get a chance to obsess over it while I was passed out and my body was metabolizing poison. It's not that I was super afraid to let him go…I wasn't. I was just curious I guess. And, the news that Tanya Denali had her talons pointed at him made me a bit more nervous to let him out in public.

I was getting flashes of her crashing the party dressed as a dominatrix and giving Edward a lap dance.

_Ugh…_

I stumbled to the shower and set it to cold. And while the water froze my aching eyeballs, I vowed to myself never to listen to Mike Newton again. He was after all the one who had his stomach pumped freshman year. I was sort of disappointed that I was such a follower. But then again, I did get to scratch a major teenage rite of passage off of my bucket list, so I didn't regret it that much. I mean, I might not have known what dry humping was, but at least I could say that I knew what it felt like to be drunk.

I also knew what it felt like to be hungover…and it sucked.

When I finally made it downstairs, Charlie wasn't even at the kitchen table anymore, he had already moved to the couch in the living room. I plopped down beside him, figuring I'd give him a little face-time before I completely neglected him for the rest of the day in favor of Edward.

"Hey Dad," I sighed, feeling I could fall asleep again as soon as my aching body hit the cushions.

Charlie turned to me, looking concerned. "You slept late," he said, reaching his hand out for my forehead, checking for a nonexistent fever.

I let him parent me, and sunk farther into the plushy couch, losing my will to move. "The sun really took it out of me," I nodded, making sad eyes at my dad, continuing to milk my sun hangover. "I should have been more careful."

Charlie cocked his head at me curiously. "Well did you have fun?" He asked.

"Uh," I started, trying to remember the party through the fog. "Yeah. Yeah I did," I shrugged, remembering an overall good time, Lauren Mallory's magnificent bitchery not included.

Charlie smiled. "Did you and Angela work it out?" He asked.

It was a good question, and one I hadn't had time to stew over yet. We didn't have plans to start wearing our BFF friendship bracelets again, but we did come to an understanding of sorts, and I was really happy to be with her for some one on one time…

I looked at Charlie. "Kind of," I shrugged. "I think we'll be ok," I said, and it felt like the truth.

"Good," Charlie said, shaking my shoulder, and stirring my already sour stomach. "I'm glad," he smiled, and suddenly the mushy couch felt like a rocking boat, and I had to get up.

I stood up on shaky legs, and swallowed back the barfy feeling, and went to give Charlie his daily kiss on the cheek. "I'm glad too," I said, pressing my lips into his whiskery face. "Thanks for making me go," I smiled.

"Stay out of that sun today," Charlie warned as I headed toward the kitchen door.

"I will," I said, pushing out the door, and tripping onto the yard in search of Edward.

When I found him, he was up on his ladder out back. The blinding sun was like an aura around him, making him glow. I could have watched him up there all day. He was such a sight for sore eyes…literally. But more than wanting to ogle him, I wanted to talk to him. I wanted to know how his orientation went.

I moved into his line of sight, and when I caught his eye, he dropped what he was doing. "Good morning sunshine," he laughed, taking me in. He left his paintbrush in the pan, and started down the ladder, smiling his perfect smile. "Feeling well this morning?" He was way too amused. I must have looked like hell. I forgot to look.

I could feel the muscles in my face scowling against the sun as I tried to force a smile through the pain. "Morning," I groaned. "And don't tease me. I feel like crap."

Edward gave me a sympathetic smile and came toward me looking cuddly and adorable. I wanted to burrow my face into his chest and have him hug the pain away. He looked like a beacon of comfort and cuddliness that could ease my throbbing head. But, of course, I didn't have the guts that I had when I was drunk, so I opted to just lean into his side like I always did, resting my head against his arm.

When my heavy head fell like lead against his bicep, Edward laughed lightly to himself. "Sucks, doesn't it?" He asked, like he knew all too well what I was feeling.

And I would have answered, but I was losing consciousness against his arm─ warm and musty and sweaty, and home. I could have stayed there forever─ but then my eyes opened a little and looked to the house.

_Oh no…_

I cupped my hands over my eyes and let them adjust a bit, leaving Edward and walking closer to the house. "Wow, it's like finished," I gasped, seeing only a small section of unpainted wood left. I was having a hard time making sense of it in my foggy state. How could it be finished? We had only just started. How much work did Edward actually_ do_ while I was at the pool party and inebriated?

"We should finish today," Edward whispered behind me, and I sensed some sadness in his voice.

It was not good news, and I couldn't even fake being happy about it. I missed Edward already, and he was standing right behind me. It hurt just to think about him not coming back the next morning. Like this pain in my stomach, like this hole…

I figured I had at least until the end of the week to say everything I wanted to say, to do everything I wanted to do, to show him everything I wanted to show him; so that when he did finally finish, there would be no doubt left that I was irreplaceable in his life, and that Tanya Denali need not apply because he was a taken man.

But as it was, I was uncertain. It was too soon. We were just getting comfortable, and he was already finished?

_Fuck…_

Edward came up behind me. "I set you up over there," he said softly, pointing to a tarp and bucket on the ground, where a small portion of unpainted wood was still untouched.

"Ok," I breathed, trying to swallow the lump in my throat. I could barely think.

"If you're not feeling up to it, I have it covered."

I turned to face him. "No, I want to help," I said, finding his beautiful green eyes. "It's our last day."

Edward's expression got soft. "Ok," he smiled. "Just don't overdo it." Then his hand reached up and gently tucked some strands of fallen hair behind my ear, his thumb brushing my cheek tenderly as his hand retreated.

A week before I would have found that gesture thrilling. But then it just felt sad.

Edward's hand fell to his side, and with a weak smile he turned back toward the ladder. I took a deep breath and watched as he walked away, feeling a sudden urgency to do something drastic to change the course of our relationship. I was beginning to really fear that if I let him leave that night without him knowing how I felt about him, that he may never know, and I would lose him.

Not as my friend, I was sure we'd always be friends…but lose him as a potential boyfriend. I didn't want to get stuck in the friend zone. I didn't want some sweet gestures and forehead kisses to be the extent of our physical relationship. I was ready for more, I wanted more, and there was a part of me that felt that if I didn't show Edward that soon, that he would go off and find it elsewhere…like with Tanya.

There could be no more chickening out. I needed to start making some moves of my own. I was too dependent on Edward to steer the ship. Every gesture of affection came from his end. It terrified me to reciprocate, to be bold and make a move, but I was in the eleventh hour and it felt like desperate times called for desperate measures. I had to grow a pair and start showing my hand a bit…and fast, before Edward was gone.

And don't ask why, but I decided to start by trashing Tanya Denali. The idea of her looming was just adding pressure that I didn't need. I guess I wanted Edward to know that I didn't want other girls liking him. He was wary of Mike, and I wanted him to know that I was wary of Tanya. Mike was just a dufus with a potential alcohol problem…Tanya was a whole lot worse than that.

So, I took a deep breath and steeled myself, digging my nails into my palms, and looked up to Edward on his ladder. "Tanya Denali likes you," I said quickly, just letting it out, just getting the ball rolling, not exactly sure where it was going to end up.

Edward slapped his brush against the side of the house, and peeked over his shoulder at me. "What?" He asked, like he no idea what I was talking about or why. It did sort of come out of the blue.

But I wanted to keep going. I wanted him to know that I didn't approve.

"Tanya Denali, the unholy skank of Forks…likes you," I said slowly, making sure he heard me. I couldn't believe how bold I was being, but I couldn't go easy on Tanya, there was no time for that.

Edward dropped his brush and eyed me cautiously. "Was she the redhead or the blonde?" He asked, apparently not clear on who Tanya was, but curious.

"Blonde," I said with a gulp.

"Ok?" Edward asked, like a question…like asking me to make my point.

But I didn't really have a point. I had already said she was a skank, and that was pretty much all I had. I wasn't really experienced in the art of sabotage. "I mean, I just don't want you to get cooties," I shrugged with a smile, offering that up as my explanation for trashing Tanya, and not that I was a jealous hag.

Edward cracked a smile. "Cooties?"

"Yeah," I nodded. "I'm just looking out for you," I said. And it was true in a way. I was looking out for him, and I didn't want him to get cooties…but that wasn't the whole truth.

"Ok," Edward laughed. "Message received."

"Good," I said. "I hear cooties is some serious business," I joked.

"Itchy," Edward deadpanned.

"And pussy," I added, finding Edward's eyes and smiling. "So you know, watch out," I said more seriously that time, trying to deliver him the real message, hoping he'd hear me. I didn't want him anywhere near Tanya…I didn't want him seeing other girls.

Edward's eyes softened a bit, like he was being sincere. "I got it Bella," he said with a small smile.

I wasn't sure he did, and a lot was being left unsaid, but it felt like a start in the right direction, so I decided to let it go. "Good," I smiled, grabbing my paintbrush and giving Edward one last glance before getting to work.

It felt good to get the Tanya conversation out there. We had never actually talked about things like that before…crushes, and relationships, and anything that implicated us as sexual beings. It was an icebreaker of sorts. I was anticipating that we'd have to have more conversations of that nature in the future. We'd have to if things were going to end up where I wanted them to. If Edward and I were going to be a couple, we'd have to admit our feelings for each other eventually. Right?

For the rest of the morning, Edward and I eased back into our regular routine. He told me about the nonevent that was Emmett McCarty's orientation. Apparently it included coaches and parents and uniform fittings and long speeches and stale grocery store cupcakes. It wasn't what I was picturing at all. I realized that if I was going to maintain my sanity, I needed to stop over-thinking things. My nerves could only take so much. And if I was truly going on the offensive, and going to start making moves toward Edward on my own, I needed every single one of my nerves.

The rest of the morning flew past like time was set to fast-forward, and before I even knew what was happening, Edward and I were under Charlie's arms dragging him out onto the yard to see our hard work. It was like an out of body experience, and I was just going through the motions. Somewhere inside I was still in the shed with Edward on our second day, watching the blood collect in a vain on his neck. I was so hopeful then, there was so much possibility, so much time.

I wanted to kick myself for not using the time to my absolute full advantage. I wanted it back so badly. The new slightly more confident me would have used it better.

"It looks great," Charlie beamed, bringing me back to the yard, back to reality. "You two did a really fine job," he said, nodding his head in approval, his eyes closely scanning our work.

I looked over to Edward, and he was smiling with accomplishment. "Thank you Sir," he said. "I'm glad you like it."

Then Charlie's hand went into his pocket, and he pulled out a check. "Spend it wisely Son," he said, knocking the check against Edward's shoulder.

Edward looked down and took it into his hands. "Wow, thanks," he said, his eyes bugging a bit. I couldn't imagine cheap Charlie had surprised him that much…but he seemed excited with the amount.

Then Charlie's arm landed on my back. "And you young lady have the pleasure of living under my roof, and eating my food, and will go to college on my dime," he laughed, thinking he was sooo funny.

"Gee, thanks Dad," I said with a tight smile. "I'm so blessed."

"And don't you forget it," he laughed. "Now help me back inside, I'm missing Dr. Phil."

Edward and I helped Charlie back into the house, and soon found ourselves back on the front yard, staring at each other. I was twisting my feet, and chewing on my cheek, just bracing myself for the goodbye. I had no idea what came next. I had no idea what kind of role Edward wanted me to play in his life. I knew we'd be friends, but to what extent?

"Well goodbye," I whispered, as we started walking slowly towards his car. "Don't be a stranger," I said, and it sounded really false, really put on. If I was being honest, I would have thrown my arms around his waist and begged him to stay and never leave.

I wasn't being honest. I wanted to be, but it just didn't feel like the right time.

But as usual, Edward was on a totally different page than I was. "I don't want to go home yet," he shrugged, blowing off my goodbyes. "Do you want to go celebrate?" He said it so casually, so coolly, like it was just any other day and nothing had changed. Just another suggestion of what we should do next…

"Ok," I smiled, willing to follow him anywhere. I felt completely beholden to Edward's mind, to Edward's intentions. He steered the ship. For all I knew, he planned to spend every day with me for the rest of the summer. The uncertainty was like painful…something had to give.

Edward smiled, and then his arm reached around my back, pulling me into him with a tug. "Now, what can we do?" He asked, his green eyes sparkling and present…like he was with me…like he had never left.

I was so confused. But I greeted the extension of our time together gladly. "Have you been to The Diner yet?" I asked, imagining us tucked in a booth together for the afternoon. It was always where I imagined going on my first date.

"Nope," he said. "But my dad gets takeout there after work all the time behind my mom's back," he laughed. Then his head went toward the shed. "Bikes?" He asked, suggesting we ride instead of drive.

I beamed at him. "Sure," I said, feeling excited about our trip to The Diner. Goodbye was temporarily put on hold.

XXX

Edward wrapped his hands around a big juicy hamburger, and pushed it up towards my face with a mischievous grin.

I shook my head. "Don't start," I said flatly, while I drizzled some ranch dressing over my salad.

Edward let out a little laugh, then put the burger back on his plate. "Did you know that your name translates to beautiful swan?" He asked me as he grabbed for the ketchup bottle in the back of the booth.

I eyed him. "No Edward, I've gone fifteen years and that little ditty of information has escaped me," I sighed, rolling my eyes. Of course I knew. Every single person that I had ever met in my life was so kind as to inform me of it. I was actually surprised that it took Edward so long.

Edward dropped the ketchup bottle and looked at me. "Smartass," he hissed, narrowing his eyes at me, his mouth pulling up slightly in one corner.

I held my arms out with a huff. "Look, I'm not trying to be a smartass," I said. "It's just that my mom is a hippy. Like patchouli wearing, tree hugging, free loving, vegetarian hippy…and she thought it would be cute," I sighed. "And it's not cute."

Edward shrugged a shoulder. "Well I think it's cute," he said, popping a French fry in his mouth.

"Shut up."

"I do," he smiled, wrapping his lips around his straw and taking a sip of his coke.

"So what's your mom like?" I asked, suddenly curious. She named her son Edward, which wasn't exactly common anymore. It made me wonder.

Edward took a large pull on his straw. "She was an OBGYN," he said after he swallowed. "But now she's getting into decorating."

"Was an OBGYN?"

Edward nodded. "Yeah, she quit when she woke up one day and her son was shaving and shopping in the men's department," he said. "She totally freaked. She felt like she missed my whole childhood."

"Did she?" I asked, pushing some lettuce around on my plate. "Miss your childhood?"

Edward shrugged, and grabbed for his burger. "Kind of," he said. "But you know, she was a good mom."

"Does she like Forks?" I asked, while I watched Edward take a massive bite of his hamburger. His table manners left a little to be desired. But of course, I found his eating habits adorable.

Edward held his hand out while he chewed, and tipped it back and forth, like saying 'so so.'

I shook my head in understanding, imagining how difficult it would be for a female OBGYN/decorator to fit in here. I realized it probably wasn't her choice to move. I already figured it was because of Edward, but I wanted to be sure.

I lowered my eyes, nervous to bring it up. "So you moved because of the accident?" I asked softly, peeking up at Edward for his reaction.

He dropped his burger, and looked at me. "Yeah," he shrugged. "The gossip and the news coverage was getting pretty intense," he said.

"News coverage?" I asked curiously. "Why would there be news coverage?"

Edward wiped his mouth with his napkin, and his brow furrowed like he was thinking. "Well," he started with a sigh. "My dad was the chief of staff at one of the largest hospitals in the world─ and Garrett's father owns the White Sox. I guess I didn't mention that," he said softly, looking apologetic for leaving out some of the finer details.

But he didn't have to apologize, I understood. Well, sort of. Edward's lifestyle in Chicago, in Forks even, wasn't something I fully had my head around. He was very wealthy and privileged, probably more so than I could even imagine. I mean, Garrett's death made the news. So coming to Forks had to be a shock. I was even shocked by how small town and boring Forks was…and I had never lived anywhere else.

I pushed my salad around some more, and cracked a smile. "So you came to the smallest town you could find huh?" I asked with a laugh, peeking up to Edward, trying to lighten the mood. I didn't mean to bring Garrett into it, but it was sort of inevitable.

Edward smiled. "No offense," he said

"None taken," I said, smiling back at him.

Then, our waitress Claire came back over to check on us. She was another middle aged woman in love with my father. But Claire was single, and really sweet, and pretty too…I wondered why Charlie never made a move. Then I looked at my own inability to do it, and realized the apple didn't fall far from the tree. I had not made one move toward Edward since failing at trashing Tanya. I was ill-quipped. I just didn't know how to do it. All I knew how to do was be with him…

"Any room for dessert?" Claire asked as she cleared our plates.

I looked to Edward. "You're paying," I said, still itching to know how much Charlie had paid him. My father's cheapness was kind of an obsession.

Edward eyed me, then grabbed the little dessert menu from behind the napkin holder. "Um, could we get the hot lava cake?" He asked Claire, smiling sweetly at her, and flattening her like he flattened me.

Claire looked at me and winked. "Coming right up," she said, wagging her brows, like she was so super excited for me.

_Don't get too excited Claire…_

A week ago I would have been thrilled that Claire mistook our celebration over finishing the house as a date…but not anymore. I just felt like a failure for not living up to her expectations. It wasn't a date…and it didn't really feel like a celebration either. It was just lunch with small talk…

_Ugh…_

When Claire left, Edward reached into the back pocket of his shorts and pulled out his wallet, placing it down on the table.

Seeing the soft brown leather wallet, I was reminded of Edward throwing me over his shoulder and tickling me on the couch. I wanted to flirt like that again. I wanted to have a bit more fun with him than we were currently having. Talking about names and parents and Garrett wasn't the kind of talk that was going to get me kissed. And damn it, I wanted to get kissed! Enough was enough!

So, I reached for the wallet on the table. I don't know why, it just seemed like a good way to make things a bit more exciting. And, I really wanted to see that check…

Edward's hand grabbed my forearm just as I was pulling the wallet away. "Uh, what are you doing?" He asked with a smile, narrowing his eyes at me.

I eyed him, and yanked my arm swiftly from his grasp, clasping the stolen wallet against my chest. "I just want to look," I grinned playfully. "May I?"

Edward let out a small laugh. "Knock yourself out," he said, rolling his eyes at me and releasing my wrist.

"Thank you."

I opened the wallet slowly, while Edward watched me carefully. The way he was looking, I was beginning to wonder what I was going to find in there. Did he have a picture scroll of his girlfriend? Then I panicked a little because I had never considered that he might, in fact, have a girlfriend back in Chicago.

_Crap…_

But to my relief, there was nothing like that. Just some cash, credit cards, and his license…and no check. It must have been in his pocket still.

But that didn't end my snooping. I smiled sheepishly at Edward while I pulled out the strange Illinois license to look at it.

_**Edward Anthony Masen Cullen. **_

_**Height 6'1".**_

_**Eyes Green. **_

_**D.O.B 6/20/1993.**_

Nothing spectacular, other than the picture of course, which was gorgeous with Edward in all of his cocky rumpled goodness. But the date of birth took me a bit by surprise. I knew he had a birthday soon, but not _that_ soon. I wondered why he didn't tell me.

"You're turning eighteen on the twentieth?" I asked him a bit harshly, a little hurt that he didn't tell me.

Edward just shrugged. "Yep," he said coolly, not seeming to pick up on my irritation.

I bugged my eyes at him. "That's like six days away," I said sharply.

"So?"

"So, you'll be an adult," I cried under my breath. "Aren't you looking forward to that?"

Edward just laughed. "An adult with no job that goes to high school and lives with his parents," he sniffed.

And he had a point. Unless he was planning on joining the military or keen on politics, turning eighteen wasn't that big of a deal. But to me it felt like a huge deal. I would have given anything to be older…

Then I realized that maybe Edward pulling another numeral ahead of me in age was a bigger deal to me than it was to him. He'd be eighteen, and I'd still be fifteen…

I decided to play it down. "You can buy cigarettes," I shrugged, informing Edward of another great perk to being eighteen.

He smiled. "I'll make sure and do that," he laughed.

"Have you ever?" I asked, suddenly curious. My mom smoked when she was my age. I used to find that fact completely disturbing, but not as much anymore. It wouldn't shock me if Lauren or Jess started smoking…I wondered if Edward ever had.

Edward's eyes narrowed at me. "Ever what?" He asked.

"Smoked a cigarette?"

"Of course I have," he said casually, like it was nothing, like he was saying that of course he combs his hair.

But it wasn't nothing to me. I'd never even been offered my first cigarette, let alone smoked one. I was way behind the twelve year olds on the TV commercials being offered their first cigarette behind a dumpster, before Scruff McGruff jumps out and tells them it's a gateway to drugs and crime. Way behind.

I looked down, embarrassed that I even asked him. It was such a stupid question.

Then Edward eyed me carefully, while holding his straw in his teeth. "You haven't though…" he said slowly, obviously catching on.

"Of course I haven't," I sighed. "Surprise surprise." Then I looked up to him and flashed him a toothy smile, asking him silently if maybe he'd be willing to help me cross out another teenage rite of passage…even though I had no intentions of becoming a smoker.

Edward held his hands out. "Hey, don't look at me," he laughed.

"Please?" I joked, playing with him.

Edward shook his head. "Hell no," he said firmly, but his mouth pulled up in one corner with a smile.

Just then Claire was back with our dessert. I was still completely hungover and had barely touched my salad, but the cake looked good. She put two forks down, then the lava cake in the middle of the table. "Enjoy," she said as she turned to leave.

I always found it odd that waitresses always demanded we enjoy. What if we didn't enjoy? What if the food sucked?

Edward dug in first, taking a huge bite of the cake, then looked to me with a curious smile. "So, you had one hard lemonade in a party cup, and you're smoking now?" He asked way too amused, his mouth full of deep brown goo.

I tried to ignore his jab, but couldn't…he had no idea how much liquor was in that cup. "_Shut up_," I whined. "That was not lemonade!"

"Lightweight," he smiled, going in for another bite.

I pushed his hand away with mine, wrestling him for position for the cake. "Don't eat it all," I laughed. "You're hogging it."

"I'm paying for it."

"You're such a gentleman…NOT!"

"_Ah hem_."

Both of us dropped our forks on the plate and turned toward the voice. It was Dr. Cullen with a takeout container in his hands. Edward wasn't kidding. He did sneak takeout behind Mrs. Cullen's back.

Edward straightened himself up. "Hey Dad," he said softly, bowing his head a little.

"Edward," Dr. Cullen nodded. "Bella," he said, nodding at me.

"Hi Dr. Cullen," I smiled shyly, picking up on Edward's cue and being polite to him.

Then Edward stood up from his seat, and gestured to the table. "Would you like to join us?" He asked. "We're celebrating finishing the house."

Dr. Cullen shook him off. "No," he said. "I have to get back to work. I'm just grabbing lunch."

"Ok," Edward said. "Well, I'll see you at home then."

"Yes," Dr. Cullen said. "I'll see you then. Goodbye Bella."

"Bye."

And then Dr. Cullen turned around and walked out. It was without a doubt the strangest child parent interaction I had ever seen. They were so formal, so proper, with so few words shared between them. The interaction in the hospital wasn't nearly as curt and shallow. I wondered if something was wrong between them, but I was too chicken to ask. I realized that not all kids had a relationship with their father like I had with Charlie. It was none of my business. I was afraid that if I said something, I'd end up with my foot stuck in my mouth, so I just kept quiet.

We finished the cake. Then after Edward paid the bill, we got up and left The Diner.

I was starting to feel the pressure of the looming goodbye again as we walked out. I wasn't ready for it yet. Our celebration still didn't quite feel like a celebration, especially after Dr. Cullen came in and disturbed the best five seconds of flirting we'd had all day. I wanted more. I wanted to play. Edward felt a little far away from me for some reason, and I wanted to feel that closeness I felt with him sometimes. I was aching for it.

So before we got to the bike rack around the corner, I reached my hand out and poked Edward in the ribs. "Cooties," I said under my breath, as I picked up my pace and started power walking towards the bikes.

Edward stopped in his tracks, then I heard him giggle lightly behind me. "What?"

"Cooties!" I cried, picking up my pace even more.

Then I could hear Edward's footsteps following me. "You did not just give me cooties!" He yelled, feigning anger, his voice getting really close.

I was afraid to look behind me. I could feel him gaining on me, so I started to run. "Stay back cootie man!" I cried as I picked up speed, passing the bike rack completely and just continuing to run down the sidewalk.

Then Edward let out a low growl, and it was right in my ear…he was close. "Rawr!" He cried. Then his hands grabbed my waist, and yanked me off of my feet. "Look at all my oozing pussy cooties," he growled as he pulled me into his chest, his mouth going into my neck, his hips and legs sort of enveloping me in his warm strong grasp.

_Holy Swear Word…_

I could feel his furry calves against my legs, I could practically taste his scent on my mouth, my butt was pressed firmly into his thigh. He was everywhere, all around me. "Let me go!" I cried, trying to wiggle out of his cootie trap. "You're diseased!"

Edward's chest shook with a laugh. "Not anymore!" He cried, poking me in the ribs, then dropping me like a bad habit and taking off for the bikes.

My body radiated with the loss of his, my calf still tickled with his fur. But I couldn't dwell on it, because I had cooties and I had to get rid of them. "Jerk!" I cried as I turned to run after him.

But I was too slow. He was mounted and riding by the time I got to the bike rack. He circled me as I tried to catch my breath. I lurched out a few times trying to reach him, but failed. "Ok ok," I gasped, trying to catch my breath. "No more cooties," I whined wanting him to stop running from me. I didn't think it all the way through. Touching was better. Touching was much better.

Edward smiled at me as he circled. "You can't stop the game while you have cooties. That's cheating," he said, and he sounded like a know it all kindergartner.

"Yes I can," I wheezed. "Games over," I said, as I peeked up to him from my hunched position. He was grinning at me, and he had a big glob of chocolate frosting in the corner of his mouth. I laughed at it. Seeing Edward with any imperfection always made me laugh.

He stopped circling. "What?" He asked, eyeing me, wondering what was funny.

"Oh nothing," I smiled.

"Tell me."

I stood up, and started walking toward him. I saw an opportunity and I was going to take it. "Come here," I whispered, calling him to me with my index finger.

"Like I'm falling for that," he laughed.

I rolled my eyes. "Cootie game is over, I swear. You have something on your face," I said, as I sidled up close to him, grabbing the handlebars on his bike so he couldn't get away.

He looked down at me. "I do," he said, eyeing me carefully.

"Uh huh," I gulped, before I brought my thumb to my mouth and wetted it. "Right…" I reached my thumb up to the corner of his mouth, and swiped it over the chocolate, removing it cleanly "…there," I whispered, as my wet thumb retreated from his mouth.

_Oh God…_

Then Edward's tongue came out of his mouth and licked the spot where my thumb had just been. "Is it gone?" He asked softly, his eyes sort of hooded, his breath really close because I hadn't budged from my close position.

"Yeah," I breathed, giving him a small smile, finally feeling the closeness I so craved. Finally feeling like I had made a legitimate move of my own.

_Go me!_

"Thanks," he smiled.

"Sure," I said, reaching my hand around him slowly, then giving him a knowing wink. "Cooties," I grinned, poking him in the side, and then taking off like a bullet for my bike.

I couldn't resist. I had to. I really hated having cooties. I needed to give them away.

"I knew you would cheat!" Edward cried as he peddled after me.

"Ha ha!" I snickered, picking up speed.

Cooties got exchanged five or six times during the course of the ride home. Finally, somewhere around Fern Street, Edward gave the cooties to Mrs. Parker's dog, ridding us both of the disease. I could tell he was relieved to be rid of the disease too. It could really get into your head. I swear my body was itching while I was infected.

When we got back to the house, the goodbye was finally upon us. There was so much I wanted to say, so much…

"So," I said, twisting my feet by the mailbox. "Good luck with practice and everything." But I was too chicken. I just didn't have the guts to tell him how I really felt.

Edward smiled. "Thanks," he said.

"Don't be a stranger," I said for the second time that day.

"I won't," Edward nodded, sort of bowing his head, seeming nervous too. Then he perked up a bit. "I'm thinking I'll want to take some swims on hot days," he shrugged. "Probably all the time."

My face pulled into a cheek tearing smile. "Ok," I said. "That sounds good."

Then Edward's hand reached out and grabbed my wrist. "Hey, I want to do something," he said softly, wagging his head toward the house.

"What?" I asked, my heart rate climbing thinking of the possibilities. It felt like as good a moment as any to get kissed. I wasn't being picky anymore. I would take anything I could get.

Then Edward led me sort of anxiously to the side of the house, and my wrist just burned with his touch, feeling like something big was about to happen. He knelt down by the bushes under the newly replaced bay window, and pulled me down with him. I got down into the cool grass, and watched as Edward pulled his car keys out of his pocket, where a small Swiss Army Knife was attached. "We need to dedicate it," he said, wagging his head toward the underside of the window, taking the knife into his hand.

I couldn't hide my disappointment. "Oh right," I sighed. "We do," I smiled weakly.

Then Edward got onto his back and shimmied his way under the bushes to the window. "Come on Bella," he called once he was under.

"Coming," I huffed, getting onto my back too, shimmying under the bushes and through the dirt to get to the underside of the window with Edward.

When I got there, my head right next to Edward's, it felt like we were really alone under the cover of the bushes. It was so quiet, and it smelled like Christmas. I looked over to him, and when my head tipped that way, our foreheads almost touched. "What are we doing?" I asked, glad I didn't have onions on my salad because my breath was right in his face.

Edward's face was so close, it was a blur. The only thing in focus was his mouth. "We should carve our initials or something," he whispered, wrangling his little blade out of his knife in the confined little space he had under the bush.

"Ok," I breathed. "You first." I looked up, and the wood under the window was untouched…Edward never painted it.

Edward giggled as he struggled to get the blade into position. But when he did, he started carving a really rudimentary message…

EAC WAS HERE

It took him a few minutes, and his brow started to sweat a bit while he worked. But I watched in awe as he did it, and felt indescribable satisfaction over it. Rosalie Hale might have had Edward's phone number, but I had his initials carved into my house. And it felt like no matter what happened, I would always have them…to remember the time we spent together.

When he finished, he carefully guided the blade into my hand. "You put something," he said softly, looking over at me expectantly.

I smiled at him cautiously as I took the blade into my right hand, and reached it over my head and started carving. There was only one thing I could think to write…

SO WAS BELLA

When I finished, I tucked the small blade back into the knife, and handed it to Edward.

He was looking at me…really looking.

I gulped, and tipped my head toward him so our foreheads would touch…I made a move.

I could see his mouth pull into a smile through the blur of my vision. Then his forehead moved, and his whole body shifted in my direction. He rolled over me, and before I knew it he was overtop of me, his hands braced on both sides of me, his feet balancing between my legs.

_Holy swear word…_

My arms were pinned to my side, while I stared up at him, probably looking like a frightened bunny. His face was overtop of mine, his eyes boring into me.

I was going to get kissed, it was really happening.

And then it did…

A low laugh shook his chest, before soft wet heaven touched my mouth lightly, grazing my lips like a feather. Then a hand gripped the back of my head, tangling fingers into my hair and pulled me up to meet his mouth. I parted my lips slightly, then he pressed his lips to me again, and not knowing what else to do, I pressed my lips into his…kissing him back.

I was kissing him back!

Then the hand that was holding my head released me, and Edward's lips pulled away slowly. I realized my eyes were closed, so I opened them, and green eyes were smiling at me. "Later Bella," he smiled, rolling onto his back and shimmying back out of the bushes, leaving me there holding my lips.

"Later," I gasped as I watched him go. "Holy shit," I said out loud. "Holy shit!" I cried into my hands, as a wave of giddy toe curling excitement overtook my whole body. "Yes!"

**AN- Hope this finds you all well. **

**Maggie :)**


	13. Chapter 13

**AN-**

**pussy** -_adj_ (Medicine / Pathology) containing or full of pus

**Just…lol. **

**XXX**

**How to Paint a House Chapter 13**

**BPOV…**

I stayed on my back in the bushes, holding my lips, shock and disbelief running through my body. Edward kissed me. Me! It seemed unreal. It couldn't be real. I had to check if it was real.

I lifted my numb tingling arms, and tipped my head back, running my fingers over the underside of the window.

**EAC WAS HERE**

The carving was there. I could see it with my eyes, and I could feel it under the throbbing pulse in my fingers. It was there. The kiss was real.

_Oh God…_

Remembering the moment my face caught fire, and a giggle tore out of me as I rolled from side to side in the dirt. "Holy cow," I shouted in a whisper. "Holy fucking cow!" I cried, pulling my hands to my mouth, unable to keep quiet.

I had been kissed, really kissed─ and it was so much better than anything I had ever imagined when reading my books. I couldn't smell the men in my books─ soap and sweat and paint thinner. I couldn't taste chocolate and pickle on their breath. I couldn't feel the weight of their warm chests, or the pull of their fingers in my hair, or the tickle of their cargo shorts brushing between my thighs. I couldn't see their beautiful green eyes, or their crooked smiles, or the damp perfect pink heaven of their lips.

Replaying it back in my head, I could feel it all again, with Edward, and it was perfect. It was soft, and short, and not exactly anything that would get cut from a G-rated movie…but it was real.

**SO WAS BELLA**

It was real.

When I finally went inside, dragging myself out of the bushes when I knew that Charlie would start sniffing around for his dinner, I was still on a complete different level, and finding it hard to come down. I found that there was a mode way beyond float and flying mode. I couldn't give it a name, but it felt kind of like bouncing off the walls mode…

I wanted to punch the air. I wanted to jump up and do a karate kick. I wanted to dance. I wanted to give someone a high five. I wanted to scream and flail about and let it all out. The giddiness I was feeling needed an outlet. I wanted to get on my back and kick my feet wildly and play the air guitar.

But I couldn't do any of those things. I had to hold it all in because Charlie was on the couch in the living room raining on my parade. It was the moment that I had been waiting for for what seemed like my entire life, and I wanted to celebrate it properly…but not with Charlie. He was hands down the closest person in the world to me, but there was one subject that I felt really uncomfortable talking to him about: sex, boys, and anything that implicated me as a woman instead of a little girl.

Before, when the possibility of Edward kissing me seemed like a pipe dream, I wasn't afraid to let Charlie see my crush. But standing in the hall, freshly kissed, I was scared to give anything away. I just didn't know how he would react.

So I tried to wipe my expression clean, and walked in to see him. "Hey Dad," I said, coming up behind him on the couch, and giving his shoulders a little squeeze, finding it hard to keep my hands from shaking.

Charlie was watching Jeopardy, and drinking beer, and seemingly oblivious to my newly kissed self. "Hey Bells," he droned, his focus on Alex Trebek and not me. "Where have you been?" He asked, before he took a swig of beer.

_Under the bushes kissing Edward…_

My fingers went to my lips, and my cheeks got warm, and a low laugh broke from my chest. "Diner," I said, bowing my head. "We got dessert and the service was pretty slow," I covered, while remembering my kiss. There was a part of me that just wanted to tell him…to tell someone. But I just didn't know how to even begin to broach the subject with him.

Like when I got my period in the eighth grade, and Mrs. Weber had to walk me through it. She even bought me my first box of maxi pads, and gave me the lowdown on using tampons.

I never even had the conversation with Charlie. I bought everything I needed for myself, and he pretended to be oblivious to it. Bra's, Midol, razors, even deodorant…we never spoke of any of it.

And that wasn't changing anytime soon. I was too chicken. "Are you hungry?" I asked, bending over to nuzzle against Charlie's cheek, going about business as usual. "There's a pizza in the freezer," I said.

He leaned into me a little bit, but never took his eyes off Alex. "Sounds good," he said. "And grab me another beer?"

"Sure."

I spent the rest of the evening suppressing my urge to squeal and skip and fist pump randomly. I was dying to tell someone, but I really didn't have anyone to tell. It's crazy how something like my first kiss could make me feel so lonely, but it did in a way.

I couldn't call Angela. I just didn't feel comfortable. I was afraid that she'd tell Jess and Lauren, and then they'd tell the whole world, and then everything would get ruined. And I had been ignoring my mother for the better part of a month, and finding it hard to remember why. Well, that's not true, I knew why. My gut told me that she wouldn't really care. The only person my mother truly cared about was herself. She'd probably interrupt me with a story about what a great kisser Phil was, and how much she loved kissing Phil. Really, the only person I wanted to talk about my kiss with was Edward…and that would have been weird because he was the one that actually kissed me.

But that night in my bed, I did let some of the excitement really hit me again. I hid under the curtain of my sheets and sort of convulsed with short bursts of giddy glee. It was the single best moment of my life, and celebrating alone was better than not celebrating at all. "Yes!"

When I woke up the next morning, somehow managing to fall asleep, I stretched with a smile on my face. Edward said "later Bella," and I couldn't wait to find out when that was.

I couldn't wait to find out what _we_ were. I was still a little blindsided by the kiss. What came after the kiss was still a huge mystery. All I knew was that I wanted a second kiss…and a third…and a fourth…

But as soon as I made it downstairs, the reality sort of hit me. Charlie was at the breakfast table as usual, sipping his coffee and reading his paper…but Edward wasn't there. His car wasn't in the driveway, and his ladder wasn't banging against the house, and I couldn't hear him rustling around in the shed. He wasn't there, and there was no guarantee that he was coming either. The idea that later didn't mean immediately began to dawn on me. Actually, I had no flipping clue what later meant. It wasn't a very time specific word.

I didn't have his phone number, or his address…he never did take me to his house. And that sexy soft "later" was all of a sudden really annoying.

And, I was just pathetic enough to sit around and wait for later to arrive too. It was all I could do. Edward didn't leave me with much of a choice.

While draining the last of the milk into my cereal bowl, I decided that I'd burn time reading. It was my default, and I was really behind on my summer reading list anyway. I tossed the empty carton in the trash, and pulled my leg up to my chest and started eating, slowly, hunkering down for the wait.

"You gonna replace that?"

"Huh?" I asked, turning my attention to Charlie, who had a brow raised at me.

He wagged his head toward the trash. "The milk. Are you going to replace that?"

"Right now?" I asked, eyeing my cereal, wondering what the rush was.

Charlie looked at his leg. "Well, do you want me to do it?"

"I'm eating. I'll do it later," I said, rolling my eyes, digging into my cereal.

Charlie nodded. "Ok, just checking," he laughed. "And we need some other things too," he said, pushing a newly written shopping list across the table at me.

I took it, and glared at Charlie. "You know I've been busy on the house, right?" I asked, reminding him that I wasn't negligent and lazy like he was making me feel.

"I know. And now you can get busy on your other responsibilities," he said firmly, not budging.

"Ay ay Sir," I droned, kissing my day of reading and pining goodbye.

Charlie smiled. "Thank you darlin."

"Yeah yeah," I huffed.

I picked up the pace on my cereal, figuring that the sooner I finished my chores, the sooner I could get back to waiting for later to arrive. I piled the Cheerios into my mouth one bite after the other, then gulped down the milk, slamming the bowl to the table when I finished.

As I wiped my mouth on my sleeve, I held my hand out for Charlie's credit card. "Card," I said impatiently, feeling I had no time to spare. I didn't want Edward showing up when I was gone.

Charlie eyed me like I was crazy, but handed me the card.

As I pushed out the door, I turned. "Um if…" I began, wanting to tell Charlie to tell Edward to wait for me if he came over…but chickened out.

"If what?" Charlie asked.

I shook my head. "Never mind," I said, then closed the door behind me.

I peddled to the Thriftway in record speed. I was running on leftover adrenaline and nerves. As the morning wore on, I was feeling my reunion with Edward getting closer and closer, but still clueless as to when it was. I was hoping that he'd want to see me as much as I wanted to see him. And I couldn't wait to see him again, sooo….

When I got there, I threw my bike down on the curb and busted through the sliding glass doors like a girl on a mission. The shopping list wasn't that big─ Edward and I got the heavy shopping done before. It was just the essentials, and I knew where they were all located like the back of my hand.

But the place was packed with the early morning bustle. I had never been there that early, and a totally different crowd of people occupied the store. Construction workers, professionals, loggers coming off the night shift…and Emmett McCarty, Jasper Whitlock, and James Farmer.

_Great…_

I was starting to wonder if I had radar. Being from a small town made it almost impossible to avoid running into people, but it's just that the people I always ran into were never the ones that I wanted to see. That might have had something to do with my tendency to be antisocial and unpopular…but still.

The boys were in workout clothes, mesh shorts and cheesy tank tops and tennis shoes. James Farmer and Jasper Whitlock, both blonde and sort of nondescript, were flanking Emmett in the vitamin aisle. He was looking at protein powders, and blocking my way to the milk refrigerator.

Normally, I would have found another route. Seeing three popular and intimidating seniors would have sent me running. But something made me stay where I was, like I wanted them to see me. If I was going to be Edward's girlfriend, like for real, I had to befriend them…or at least get comfortable around them.

So, with a gulp, I held tight to my little blue basket and cleared my throat. "Excuse me," I said softly. "I need to get through."

I don't know why I expected anything different, but all three of them scooted forward, making room for me to pass…their eyes never leaving the protein powder.

"Thanks," I sighed, remembering the fact that I was invisible to the people of Forks. Edward sometimes made me forget that.

I started to walk past them, and as I was walking, I accidentally brushed against James. It was my stupid wobbly gangly legs. I couldn't even manage to walk straight.

"Sorry," I apologized, as he turned to see who disturbed him.

But he didn't seem to mind. He started walking toward me with an amused grin, cornering me against the shelf. "Hey, I'm James," he said. "How's it going?" His hair was long and pulled back in a greasy ponytail, and his teeth were yellow and crooked. There was something about him that scared me. I wanted to get away.

I decided then that trying to befriend older guys that weren't Edward was a bad idea. "Fine," I said with a gulp, lowering my head bashfully.

"Do you have a name?" He asked, looking at me in a way that made my skin crawl. All of a sudden, invisible didn't seem so bad.

"Bella," I said shyly, unable to assert myself, just stuck in his trap…kicking myself for wanting them to notice me.

James' mouth pulled up in the corners. "Bella what?" He asked, like he was trying to be seductive. Except everything he did made me itchy and disgusted.

I narrowed my eyes at him. "Swan," I said, my tone getting a little stronger. I wasn't so easily seduced.

But on the word Swan, he backed off. "Shit, you're the Sheriff's daughter?" He asked, holding his hands out and laughing lightly to himself. I didn't find it funny, and I was so thankful then to have the stigma of being the Sheriff's daughter to get myself out of jams with creeps.

I pushed out of his trap. "Yeah," I nodded. "Too bad," I said, shrugging my shoulders, feigning disappointment. "Excuse me," I groaned.

As I turned the corner, James cried, "He better get another gun!"

_Eww!_

I hid in the dairy section until the boys left the store. I just wanted to go home, but I absolutely could not face them again. Emmett and Jasper ignoring me, or James coming on to me, I couldn't decide which was worse. That was the problem with boys. There was no happy medium. If they ignored you, you wanted their attention. But if they gave you attention, the wrong kind of attention, then you didn't want it anymore. I wanted all of their attention…but not in the way that James gave it to me. I just wanted to get friendly with them so that we could all hang out when I officially became Edward's girlfriend.

_Ugh!_

I needed to get home. I needed to see Edward again and let him wipe the stink of James off of me. I needed to see him again so that he could reassure me that not all boys were creeps. Meeting James made me miss him so much…made me ache for him. When Edward smiled at me it didn't make my skin crawl.

So as soon as they were gone, I ran to the checkout and got the heck out of there.

Before I turned the corner onto my street, I got a little hopeful that the silver Volvo would be in the driveway. But it wasn't…much to my disappointment.

_Come on Edward…_

I snatched the bags out of my basket, and dropped my bike by the mailbox. I trudged inside, trying hard to remain hopeful, and not to start fearing the worst.

I brought the groceries into the kitchen, where Charlie was still reading his paper and drinking his coffee. "Hey," I sighed. "There was a sale on your deodorant. I got you two," I said, starting to unload.

"Gracias," Charlie said, turning the page to his paper. "Oh you had a phone call while you were out," he said, like an afterthought.

_Oh God…_

"Really?" I gulped. "Who?" I asked, my heart starting to race out of my chest with excitement.

"Angela," Charlie said, grabbing for his coffee mug. "She said she's coming over."

"Oh," I breathed, unable to mask my disappointment. "Ok. Thanks Dad."

"No problemo."

I finished unloading, and then went outside to wait for Angela. I was happy that she called, really happy… But I would have sold her down the river in exchange for a phone call from Edward. I really thought that the call was from him for a second. Finding out that it wasn't was just a bummer.

When she came, she was on her pink Huffy bike looking ridiculous in a skirt and tube top. I was so jealous when she got that bike too. It was so much newer and cooler and pinker than the Schwinn I inherited from my mother. I missed seeing it lying next to mine on the dirt patch by the mailbox though. It made me feel slightly calmer seeing it there…

"Hey," I smiled, walking to greet her as she struggled to fix her skirt. "What's up?"

Angela adjusted her tube top next, and then looked at me seriously. "I need to talk in the Truth Tree," she said nervously, wagging her head up to my tree.

I eyed her. "Ok, that didn't sound as lame when we were ten," I laughed.

She bugged her eyes at me. "I'm serious," she said. "It's an emergency."

Whatever it was, she wasn't kidding around. I gestured toward the tree. "After you," I said.

"Thank you Bella," she said with a sigh, as she started for the tree.

"Need a hand?" I asked as we approached the tree. I wondered if she considered her wardrobe before she decided to come. The Angela of old didn't even know what a tube top was.

She brushed off my invitation though, and grabbed the middle branch, then stuck her foot in the second knot, and pulled herself up just as easily as she used to, with little regard for her outfit. The Angela of old wasn't totally gone.

I followed her up with a laugh, and then took my place in the branch across from hers. We only shared our deepest darkest secrets in the Truth Tree. So whatever she had for me was probably juicy.

I scraped some bark under my nails. "So what's up?" I asked, deciding to break the ice. I didn't want to rush her, but I was a little impatient that Edward might show up and get scared off if he saw her. He knew how fragile my relationship was with her, and it would be so typically Edward to leave and give us space.

Seemingly sensing my impatience, Angela's head tipped back into some leaves, her eyes closing with a sigh. "Ben wants to do it," she whispered into the air.

"Do what?" I asked.

She lowered her head and looked at me with wide eyes. "Have sex," she said slowly.

_Angela? Already?_

"Wow." It was all I could say.

"I know," she nodded, looking at me with the same wide eyes.

I needed to backtrack. I needed to figure out how she got to that point in less than two weeks. I knew she wanted to branch out and be social, but I didn't think she was going to become sexually active practically overnight. Holy Crap!

I eyed her. "I got the impression at the pool party that you and Ben weren't there yet. I mean, I fielded the dry humping questions on my own," I said. "What gives Ange?" I asked, wondering how she could have left me so far out of the loop. The fact that she ditched me and the hurt that that caused just came rushing back.

Angela lowered her head. "I didn't know how to tell you," she breathed. "I wanted to…"

I didn't want to start a fight. I actually did want her to be honest with me. So, I kicked my foot into her bony knee. "It's ok," I shrugged. "You're telling me now," I said, giving her a small smile.

"You're the only person I'm telling Bella, I swear," she assured, nodding her head insistently. "I swear."

"Well do you want to?" I asked, realizing it was the big and all important question.

Angela let out a deep breath. "Kind of," she said. "When we're fooling around and get into it, I really want to you know?" She asked, like I'd have any clue what she was talking about.

And she didn't know it, but I sort of did. And I appreciated that she didn't patronize me like Lauren would have and just assume that I had no idea. Angela was always good about stuff like that.

"I can imagine," I nodded, imagining myself going along with whatever Edward wanted, no question.

Angela let out another deep breath. "But like right now," she said. "It's terrifying to even think about."

I understood that feeling too. But if anything about being with Ben was terrifying, it didn't seem advisable for her to have sex with him…and she was obviously in the Truth Tree asking for my advice. "I think you should wait Ange," I said, giving her the advice that she came for.

"You do?" She asked, seeming almost relieved.

"Wait until it's not terrifying," I shrugged.

"Ok," she nodded. "Thanks Bella."

"No problem," I smiled.

"Well I have to go see Ben. He's taking me to the beach today," she said, starting to brace herself to exit the tree.

"Romantic," I said, wagging my brows.

She looked at me before she jumped. "I don't think romance is his goal right now," she laughed sort of nervously.

"Well good luck," I smiled, not knowing what else to offer her as far as advice. I wasn't exactly an expert.

"Thanks," she smiled. "Bye Bella," she said, and I could sense her apprehension, I could sense her fear. A few weeks ago, I would have tackled her into the grass and not let her leave because I knew she wasn't ready, and I knew she was afraid. But things were different. I didn't have any authority in her life anymore. The best I could do was follow along and be supportive.

"Bye," I said, plastering on a smile, trying hard not to cry. "Let me know how it goes."

"I will."

I watched from my perch as Angela rode away on her pink Huffy bike. She looked so out of place on it. A girl riding off to have sex for the first time didn't belong on a silly bicycle.

And let's face it…there was at least a 50/50 chance that Angela was riding off to have sex for the first time. Our conversation was starting to feel less like her asking me for advice, and more like her telling me that she was about to go off and scratch out the biggest teenage rite of passage of them all.

I realized that she probably just wanted me to know. If she didn't tell me, the distance between us would have become immeasurable and impossible to recover from. I guess Angela didn't want that to happen. It's like she wanted to keep me in her orbit at least. And I was thankful for that.

My orbit on the other hand…

I couldn't believe Ben Cheney was asking for sex. Ben Cheney! He was a computer dork who played tuba in the band…and fifteen. My overwhelming desire to see Edward just got a lot more complicated. I couldn't help but think that if Ben wanted sex, what did Edward want?

_Oh God… _

He was almost eighteen, and gorgeous, and likely not even a virgin at all. And there I was fantasizing about my next kiss, while little twerps like Ben Cheney were weaseling their way into my best friend's pants!

My own naiveté shocked even me sometimes. I had never given any real consideration into what Edward might want…sexually. Sure I imagined skank scenarios with Tanya, and had nightmares about what he might be up to when he wasn't with me, and fantasized about him taking my virginity on the front yard…

But my talk with Angela made all of that seem very real all of a sudden. Teenage boys, even dorky ones, wanted sex…and that included Edward.

_Crap…_

Not knowing what else to do, and having no one to talk to about it, I went to the place where I looked for answers for everything…my book shelf.

I had picked up a couple Harlequin romances at a flea market, and hid them behind a stack of Dickens. I only read them late at night, with my door locked, when I knew that Charlie was asleep. Basically everything that I knew about sex, I learned from those books. They were horribly written, and super corny, but the people that wrote them seriously seemed to know what they were talking about when it came to sex.

I needed to refresh myself. I wanted to feel ready in case Edward pulled a Ben Cheney on me. I figured I could desensitize myself to it or something. Really, I just needed another way to burn time. The hours were ticking by, and later still hadn't come yet.

Because I was kidding myself if I thought I was anywhere near ready to have sex…

I laid the books out on my bed, having most of the really juicy pages already dog-tagged, and decided to start with _Carnal Ghost Ship, _a book about a woman who falls in love with a ghost pirate. It was a particular favorite of mine.

As I began to read, I understood more and more what Angela was talking about. Even reading about sex made me kind of want to do it. If I ever got into a really truly intimate situation, with Edward of all people, I imagined I'd be pretty tempted. The book was making my stomach knot, and my legs tingle, and my insides feel needy and impatient. I didn't read them to get turned on, but unfortunately it was unavoidable.

_Ring…ring…ring…_

Just as Lady Anabelle was about to give into the ghost pirate Stephan, the phone rang. I figured Angela must have chickened out. I snapped the book shut, like I was afraid that she could see me, and snatched up the phone. "Hey Ange, did you change your mind?" I asked coolly, trying to mask any evidence of being turned on.

Then a low velvet giggle came through the receiver. "Uh, yes?" the voice said in a high pitch, pretending to be female.

But the voice wasn't female. The voice was the most beautiful voice in the world─ my favorite voice of all. It was Edward; he was calling me.

_Yay!_

I tried to keep my cool. "Hi," I said softly, while a beaming smile ate up my face. "What's up?" I asked, trying not to give away the fact that I was just reading romance novels…to learn about sex…for him…

"Oh nothing. Just calling to say hi," he replied sort of lazily. "So what are you doing?" He asked.

I looked at the books on my bed, and my face caught fire. "Uh, just going through my books," I said, trying hard not to laugh. I was such a loser.

"That sounds like fun," Edward said. "I'm just playing some video games."

"I didn't know you were a gamer.

"Oh yeah. I can throw down on Madden."

"Cool," I deadpanned, getting comfortable talking to him, even though I had never talked to him on the phone before. I had never talked to any boy on the phone before in fact. It was my first time.

"I'm actually really bored," he laughed.

"Me too," I agreed.

Then Edward paused on the other end. "Well, can I come over?" He asked, kind of hedging for the invitation. But he didn't have to. I wanted to see him in person more than anything. It had been a really freaking weird day, and I just wanted to see him already. Later was running really late.

"I was just about to go for a swim," I said, totally lying…I wasn't actually about to go for a swim, but he didn't have to know that.

"You shouldn't swim alone," Edward sort of scolded. "I don't like that," he said softly, in that protective concerned way that leveled me. Even over the phone he managed to level me.

I bit my lip, squirming around, really worked up from my book…and Edward. "Well then I guess you'd better come swim with me," I said, trying my best to sound seductive…to sound alluring...to sound like someone he might dare kiss again...or more.

Edward laughed. "I guess so," he said. "I'll see you in ten minutes?" It was a question.

Ten minutes couldn't come fast enough. "Ok," I said. "See ya."

"Bye Bella."

And then the phone clicked, and he was gone...the call was over. Edward was coming to swim with me in ten minutes…alone for the first time since he kissed me.

_Holy swear word…_

I took a deep breath, then calmly gathered the books off of my bed, and put them back behind the Dickens. I realized that couldn't learn about sex by reading about it. I would have to find out for myself.

But first, I just wanted a second kiss…

I got into my pink bikini and grabbed some towels from the hall closet, then made my way downstairs. Luckily for me, Charlie was passed out on the couch for his afternoon nap. I knew I'd eventually have to have the conversation with him, but it would have to wait for another time. I just wanted to figure out what I had with Edward first, and then I would worry about Charlie.

I waited for Edward on the front steps, chewing on a piece of mint gum. He pulled in exactly twelve minutes after we hung up. He was late, but I forgave him as soon as I saw his cocky crooked smile through the windshield, and his moppy bronze hair flying from the open window.

I jumped from the steps to greet him, unable to wait any longer. I wondered if he'd kiss me right away, or wait until we were alone? I couldn't wait to find out.

As soon as the car came to a stop, I gripped the open window and looked in at Edward. "Hi," I smiled, just unable to hide my enthusiasm over seeing him. "You're late," I snipped, narrowing my eyes at him teasingly.

Edward smiled. "I had to blow up the inner-tube," he laughed, wagging his head to a giant blue thing behind him. "I wanted to try something."

"What?" I asked cautiously, looking at the massive inflated blob.

Edward gave me a mischievous smirk. "You'll see," he said, wagging his brows, pushing his door open and forcing me to step aside.

After he wrestled the giant blue tube out of the backseat, he put it over his head and balanced it. "I thought we could take it upstream a little bit and float down," he smiled. "Are you in?" He asked, coaxing me to say yes with his sparkling green eyes.

I looked at him carefully, deciding not to be too eager. "Do I have a choice?" I asked.

Edward shook his head. "Nope," he said quickly. "I can't do it alone."

"Then I guess I'm in," I shrugged, suddenly really excited for a new adventure…eager, smeager.

"Awesome," Edward smiled, starting to walk towards the woods, and the river beyond.

I followed him, walking a step behind him so that I didn't bump into the raft. His plan wasn't exactly of the passionate and romantic variety…but that was ok with me. I was more comfortable playing with him anyway. But I still wanted to touch him, and be near him after such a weird day. I just hoped that our raft ride would end with _something _of the romantic variety…

And maybe Edward did too, because as soon as we reached the woods, he shifted the raft to his side and reached his right hand behind him casually, snatching my left hand into his…holding it.

I smiled to myself, then skipped to catch up to him so that we could walk side by side. "You would not believe the day I had," I said, nudging into him, as our hands swung between us.

"I just woke up an hour ago," Edward laughed. "I've done nothing," he said, making me feel like an idiot for waiting around for him. Something teenage boys wanted almost as much as sex was sleep…I even knew that.

"I don't even think I can tell you what happened to me. It was all really weird," I said, continuing our prior conversation.

"Try me," Edward said.

"Ok," I warned. "Well to start…James Farmer hit on me in the Thriftway," I said, suddenly finding it more funny than humiliating. My run in with James, in hindsight, was absolutely hysterical…

But Edward didn't seem to find it funny at all. He stopped dead in his tracks, and turned to face me, dropping the raft on the ground with a thump. "Uh, what?" He asked, his face adorably curious and jealous.

"He said Charlie needed to get another gun," I teased, eyeing Edward like I knew he was jealous.

Then Edward gripped my hand tighter, and pulled me into his chest, bringing my face close to his. "He's dead," he whispered, searing his green eyes into mine. "Stay away from that asshole."

"I will," I smiled.

"Good," Edward breathed, leaning closer to my face, his lips so close that I could almost feel them…almost taste them…

I closed my eyes. "Good," I mirrored him in a sigh, waiting for him to kiss me.

But he didn't. After a long beat, a giggle came into my ear, and his breath tickled my nose.

I opened my eyes, and Edward was looking at me with a satisfied cocky smile. "What?" He shrugged, teasing me.

_What the?_

"Hey!" I cried, punching him in the arm. "Really cute Edward," I pouted, feeling duped. I would have probably been embarrassed if I wasn't so mad at him.

Edward grabbed his arm with a hiss. "Ok seriously, Charlie needs another gun to stop you from being so fucking violent," he laughed, kneading out his shoulder.

I crossed my arms and stomped off toward the river. "Let's just raft, or whatever," I huffed, not liking being teased about kissing. There were certain things that I took really seriously, and kissing was one of them.

Then a hand was on my shoulder, pulling me back. "I'm sorry," Edward whispered behind me. "Can I get a kiss hello?" He asked, his voice soft and gravelly…

"Really?"

"Come here," he said, gripping my shoulder harder, and turning me to face him.

I gave in without even a semblance of a fight, and nestled into his warm chest, looking up to him again. "That wasn't…" I started.

But Edward cut me off, and his hand gripped into my hair, and his head dropped to mine, brushing his lips against mine softly, kissing me for real.

I wanted to kiss him for real too. And not just a peck like under the bushes. I was ready for more. I figured that if Angela could have sex, I could at least make out.

So, I got up on my toes, and wrapped my arms behind Edward's head and pulled his mouth to mine tighter, forcing more pressure.

My eyes were closed, and my head was dizzy, and all that was left in the universe was Edward. I couldn't see him, but I could feel him. His strong arms, his firm lips, his slightly sweaty head in my hands…all of him.

With my arms around his head, Edward's mouth opened, and I followed him and opened mine. His mouth left and he drew in a breath, so I did too. And then he came back, and his lips closed on my lower lip, sending a shiver through my whole body.

I wanted to send a shiver through his, so I closed my lips over his upper lip, and sucked in with the same pressure that he was applying.

I was following his lead, I was letting him teach me, and I was learning…I was really starting to get the hang of it too.

But it didn't last long. After a few open mouthed kisses, Edward pulled away, and drew me into his chest again, resting his chin on the top of my head. "I did actually come here to raft," he laughed, planting a sweet kiss in my hair.

I wrapped my arms around him as tight as I possibly could, and smiled for a lot of reasons. One, that he kissed me again. Two, that he wasn't going to try to weasel his way into my pants just yet. And three, that he wasn't totally creepy and gross like James Farmer. He was Edward, and to me, he was absolutely perfect.

Edward laughed in reaction to my bone crushing hug. "Is everything ok Bella?" He asked, letting me cling to him, letting me squeeze.

"I just had a really weird day," I mumbled into his t-shirt.

Edward pushed my shoulders back and lifted my chin with his index finger. "Just because of James?" He asked sweetly with soft eyes.

I didn't know how to tell him about my conversation with Angela, without giving away so much about myself that I didn't want him to know. So, I just smiled and lied. "Yeah, just James," I shrugged. "I'm fine," I smiled. "I feel better now"

"Are you ready to raft?" He asked, like I was a little kid being distracted from a tantrum.

And knowing that I would follow him anywhere, and do anything he wanted, I agreed. "Sure," I nodded.

"Cool," Edward smiled. "Come on," he said, grabbing the raft, then taking my hand and leading me the rest of the way to the river.

And as I gripped his hand and let him lead me toward possible disaster, in the back of my mind I kept hoping that Angela was a little stronger than I was…

Because somewhere between the phone call and the kiss, it dawned on me that I was stupidly in love with Edward Cullen…and if he asked me to jump, I'd only want to know how high.

_Holy Swear Word…_


	14. Chapter 14

**How to Paint a House Chapter 14**

**BPOV…**

I held tightly to Edward's hand as we walked to the river, my heart picking up a beat with every step. It's like the moment we got into the deep cover of the trees, and lost sight completely of the house and the road, the reality of what was really happening sort of hit me all at once.

We were walking to the river, to be alone, and we weren't just friends anymore, we were more.

_Oh my God…_

It was all just happening so fast, and I was getting nervous…really nervous. Like heart beating through my toes, vertigo, hair sweating nervous.

I was trying not to, but I couldn't help it. Somehow, someway, I had managed to get Edward to kiss me, and call me, and want to be alone with me at the river. And yeah, he stopped the kiss and said he wanted to raft, but that didn't mean that he actually wanted to. And if he did want to, I had even bigger problems…

But I had to believe that he probably didn't want to stop, and that he probably wanted a little more than just a few little soft kisses. Because let's face it─ Edward Cullen could have any girl he wanted. He could have Rosalie Hale probably, if he gave it a little effort. And by some weird miracle, that I was terrified to call into question, he wanted to be with me.

And that made me so freaking nervous!

When we reached the riverbed, Edward looked out at the rushing current. "Ready?" He asked, sort of excitedly, dropping my hand, and starting for his shirt.

I stared at his back as his shirt peeled upwards, revealing more and more of his perfect soft skin. "Uh huh," I gulped.

My head was so fuzzy, and the nerves were really starting to impede on my ability to act normal. It's like I was back to day one with Edward and completely unable to function. I thought I would do anything he wanted, which was probably still the case, but that didn't mean I wouldn't have a nervous breakdown in the meantime.

When his shirt was off, Edward turned to face me. "I'll bring the raft up first, and then I'll come back to get you," he said with a soft smile, cool, and relaxed, and just normal.

But I couldn't act normal. "Ok," I squeaked, staring at his perfectly muscled chest and his magnificent face. My armpits were starting to sweat, and my armpits never sweat.

Edward noticed. He took a step toward me and reached his hand out, cupping it across my chin and behind my ear. "You feeling ok?" He asked softly, his green eyes concerned and curious, his fingertips softly stroking behind my ear, like to ease me.

But it only made it worse. The half of my face where his hand resided was on fire. "Uh huh," I smiled, finding it difficult to actually form words. Grunting noises was a lot easier.

Edward cocked his head to one side, and his mouth pulled into a small devastating smile. "Ok," he said. "I'll be right back."

"Ok," I managed to get out. "Hurry," I said, and I meant it…

Edward smiled, tracing my chin softly as his hand fell from my face, and then turned for the big blue raft on the ground. He lifted it over his head, and then started trudging through the untouched wild brush upstream. I had never ventured outside of the small clearing that I called my river. I had never gone any farther than the little spot that I was comfortable in. Edward was charting new territory for me…in a few different areas.

When he was out of sight, I tried to take a deep breath. I just needed to calm down. My nerves kind of took me by surprise. I thought I had them under control, or at least had them at a somewhat manageable level. I mean, I loved Edward. I wanted Edward. God, I wanted him so freakin much.

I wanted his mouth on mine again. And I wanted to just touch his skin. His bare chest and arms, and the little hairs between his pecs, even his scar, were just like begging me to run my hands over them. I wanted to…but at the same time I was scared.

I was scared because I didn't know what would happen afterwards. I knew that Edward wasn't going to try to weasel his way into my pants…but if I approached him, half naked, completely alone, maybe it would happen anyway…just organically. And if it happened that way, I was scared because I just did not know what to do. What if I wasn't any good at it? What if Edward didn't like it?

"Crap," I said out loud, plopping down onto a rock, dropping my face into my hands. "Calm down Bella," I whispered, trying to get a grip.

I had to remind myself that every girl that ever lived, even the likes of Tanya Denali, were once in the same exact place that I was. Nobody was born sexually experienced. Everyone had to fumble around a little to figure out what they were doing. Angela, my best friend, and once counterpart, was apparently a very fast learner. I had to hope that maybe I was too. Not as fast as she was, but maybe fast enough to figure out French kissing without humiliating myself in the process.

I had watched enough awkward sloppy head swallowing French kisses at school dances to know that there was a very large window for failure in that particular practice.

_Ugh…_

Before I could work myself into an even bigger tizzy, Edward was back.

"Hey hop on my back," he said, appearing as if from nowhere, while I was freaking out on the rock.

I looked up to him. "Uh, what?" I asked in a stutter, not sure what he wanted.

Edward let out a little laugh. "Where are you right now?" He asked, kneeling down to my level, his eyes finding mine.

When he was close, like his essence taking over my space, so that I couldn't see or smell or feel anything else but him, my eyes clamped shut and I took in a deep breath. "Sorry," I breathed, just willing myself to relax and be present with him. He was catching on to my raging nerves, and I didn't want to screw it up and weird him out, or scare him away.

_Breathe…_

I reached my hand out to his perfect jaw, sort of like he had done to mine, and opened my eyes and found his. "I'm here," I said, feeling his whiskers under my hand, stroking my fingers over them slowly. "Let's raft," I smiled.

Edward smiled too, and put a hand on my knee. "There she is," he whispered, gripping my knee with a squeeze.

I held his stare for a beat, and then pushed his shoulders back gently so I could stand up. When I was standing, I swallowed my nerve and removed my shorts and tank top in one breath, just getting it over with, and not dwelling on it.

I left my blue sneakers on, which was always an awkward feeling, and turned to Edward. "Ready," I said.

He smiled with a slight flush in his cheek, and then bent down a bit, holding his arms out behind him. "Saddle up partner," he said with a laugh, urging me to climb on.

I did. I wrapped my arms around his neck, and let his hands guide my legs around his waist, so that soon my whole body was wrapped around his. My stomach was pressed snuggly against his warm back, and my thighs held tightly to his waist like a vice, while his hands gripped my calves. My mouth rested near his neck, and the little curls of bronze hair at the nape tickled my nose.

I had ridden piggyback with Edward once before, when we went on the rope swing. But then, I wasn't allowed to kiss his neck if the urge struck me. My new reality was that I could kiss him if I wanted to…and I wanted to.

I placed my lips against his neck, and drew in some air, causing just the slightest bit of suction, and kissed his neck gently─ just once, while he started walking us through the brush.

_Kiss…_

Edward let out a little gasping laugh when I did it, and I could almost feel the gooseflesh forming under his skin, like he liked it. He definitely liked it.

After I did it, I smiled smugly to myself and my body just relaxed, finally, and melted into Edward's. I held tightly to him the rest of the way, sort of lulled by his warmth and his skin and his strength. He was just easily carrying me on his back, like I weighed nothing…which was sort of true, I barely weighed 105lbs. But I imagined someone like Ben Cheney or Mike Newton collapsing and needing a few breathers along the way. Edward was just strong, and manly, and the only thing really boyish about him was his laugh and his smile and his personality…because physically, he was really and truly a man.

_Gulp…_

He walked us about 500 yards upstream. I realized it would be a short rafting trip, but it was already worth it for me. The actual rafting was an afterthought. The fact that Edward and I were spending his first official day off together at the river, as more than friends, was so beyond anything I could have hoped for, could have imagined. I felt like pinching myself to see if it was real. I never thought of myself as a lucky person, or as a person with a life, or as someone worth envying. But right then, I wouldn't have traded my life for anyone else's in the world. My life, with Edward, was the only one I wanted.

Edward dropped me when we got to the spot where he left the raft, and when our bodies separated, I just ached to be touching him again. It's like the more I touched him, and the more I kissed him, the greedier I got. In the beginning, a simple brush against his arm could make my day. Now I needed full body contact. I wanted his hands on me; I wanted his lips on me. All I could do was want him. The urgency came from inside my core and it made me squirm. It's like my body definitely wanted something, and it knew that Edward knew what that something was.

Edward held his hand out for me with a smile. "Come on," he said, urging me to join him in the water where he had the raft.

I took his hand and stepped into the rushing cold water, balancing my feet between some rocks, as the water filled my shoes. "Where should I sit?" I asked before I stepped in.

Edward nodded to the front. "In front. I'll steer," he said, moving his hand to my bicep and guiding me in carefully, making me feel safe.

I sat down in the front of the small raft, feeling the cold water coming through the plastic underneath me, getting really excited all of a sudden. The water rushed by and the fresh smell mixed with the freshly opened plastic smell. My long legs sort of splayed out in a butterfly as I waited for Edward to push us off.

Then I felt Edward's breath in my ear as his shadow loomed behind me. "You ready?" He asked, his voice excited and seductive, while his legs began to bend in a start position outside the raft,

I gripped the handles on both sides of me. "Uh huh," I said, a shiver of excitement running through me. "Let's do this," I said.

"Ok, hold on," Edward said, pushing off with a low grunt, taking a few forceful steps, and then hopping into the raft behind me.

Edward's body weight shook the raft, and then stabilized it. And quickly, his furry legs were around me, and his dirty wet grey sneakers were in my lap. I risked a glance behind me as we started moving and picking up speed. "Are you in?" I asked, peeking over my shoulder at Edward.

He was gripping his handles and his eyes were alert and focused, scanning around him carefully. "Yep," he said quickly. "Now, when I tell you to shift your weight to one side, don't hesitate," he said, all business…like he wasn't kidding around. His serious face was sort of adorable, and beautiful, against the rushing green backdrop as we whizzed past the trees.

But soon we hit a bump, and I got jostled in my seat, icy water splashing into the raft. "Hold on! And turn around!" Edward cried, instructing me with fierce eyes.

"Sorry!" I cried, turning my head forward, and taking a firmer grip on my handles.

"Shift left!" Edward cried as we came up to a rock.

I did, and so did he, and our little blue raft skirted past the rock, clearing it just in time.

"Good," Edward sort of hummed behind me, and I could feel his adrenaline. "Really good," he said with a little laugh.

His enthusiasm was infectious, and before long I was up on my knees, shifting my weight from side to side as the raft thrashed against rocks, and icy river water sprayed my face, and the thrill of floating rapidly down my little river was all I could feel.

Edward was practically standing too, as we worked in perfect unison, steering our little raft like old pro's. "Here comes the clearing," he said, as our exit point approached quickly.

"Are we getting out?" I asked nervously, ready to bail on his cue.

"Only if you want to," he answered, and I could hear the mischief in his voice.

"I don't know what's past here!" I cried, not knowing what to expect past my spot in the river.

"Neither do I!" Edward cried, as I watched my little clearing come and go…

We were past it, and still in the raft.

_Oh God…_

"Just hold on!" Edward kept saying as the familiar terrain just got less and less familiar, and my perfect little river became angrier and rougher with each passing second.

The rocks came upon us one after the other. I was in a zone, watching the river like a hawk, shifting and pulling and tugging and jerking our little raft into submission. Edward was working too, we were doing it together…we made a near perfect team.

"Woohoo!" Edward cried after we cleared a difficult section of rocks. "Awesome Bella!"

I didn't want to stop. I wanted to keep going. But as Charlie and my house just got farther and farther away, the unknown, the fear, just got to be too much. "We're never going to get back if we don't stop!" I cried, as the terrain just got too unfamiliar…too scary.

"We'll bail as soon as the water gets calmer!" Edward cried.

"It's not getting calmer!" I screamed. "What if there's a fall ahead?" I asked, and once I asked it, my fear just intensified tenfold. I didn't want to raft anymore. I was over it.

So I bailed.

I pulled all of my weight in one direction, and tipped us, summoning strength that I didn't even know I had.

"Bella no!" Edward cried as our feet came out from underneath us, and the raft flew into the air, with neither of our bodies attached to it anymore.

Time sort of stood still as I watched the raft float away…without us.

And then, the water took me.

_Darn…_

The current moved, and I moved with it. I didn't even have time to process the cold, or my limbs banging against the rocks below, I was too busy trying to keep my head afloat. The water was rougher than anything I had ever experienced before, and it was sweeping me like a fallen leaf down its path. Any strength that I thought I had was useless, the current was just too strong.

"Bella!" I heard Edward cry. His voice was close, but I couldn't see him.

It felt like my feet were on a treadmill set to its highest speed, and I couldn't land them, because the ground below me was moving. But it wasn't moving…I was. "Edward!" I cried, before I went under, my nose burning, my lungs empty and needing air, but only finding water.

Then, before panic could even really set in, an arm clamped around me, squeezing my abdomen like a stress toy, yanking me out of the water in one swift motion.

When my head came up, I gasped for air, and my heart returned to my body because I knew that I was in his arms. I knew I was safe, I was no longer drowning.

My hair was like a curtain over my eyes as he dragged me out of the water like a ragdoll, holding me under one arm like a football, trudging us through the rough current to safety.

Edward set me gently onto the shore, as a gasped and wheezed. I couldn't see, I couldn't hear, all I could do was feel the burn in my lungs and try to breathe. Then his hands were on my face, pushing my hair out of the way, sort of holding my head authoritatively like I was in trouble. "You're so stupid. Were you trying to get us killed?" He scolded, yelling at me through a relieved smile, as his hands searched me.

I sat up straight, coughing out the last bit of water in my chest, and found his green eyes in the blur. "I was scared," I wheezed, as my eyes started to fill with tears.

Edward crawled up beside me. "Never do that to me again," he gasped, his eyes tearing up too. "You scared the shit out of me."

"I'm sorry," I whined, reaching out and placing the flat of my palm on his stomach. It was moving in and out so fast, like he couldn't catch his breath.

Edward's eyes clamped shut. "Fuck Bella, that was just so stu…"

And then, because I couldn't stop myself, I leaned over and lunged into his mouth, just crashing my lips into his. I took my hand off his stomach, and wrapped my arms around his neck, and just slammed my face against his, with no other thought than I wanted to consume him. I loved him. He saved my life. And I wanted to kiss him. And I didn't care if I looked like the PDA freaks at the school dance─ I wanted to swallow his head.

Edward was still for a moment, but I didn't stop, and before long his arm was wrapped around my back, pulling me into him tighter, his mouth gasping and open, trying to keep up with mine.

And my mouth was going crazy. I just kissed and kissed and kissed, the only way that I knew how, small pecks one after the other, as I pulled and tugged at his hair.

But Edward knew what to do, and soon his tongue went into my open mouth. It swirled around my tongue, warm wet and slippery, and just…gah, it felt amazing, and it made me moan, and squirm, and want nothing more than to put my tongue into Edward's mouth.

So I did. I answered his tongue with mine, and swirled it into his mouth like his was swirling into mine. And after a few misses, we found a rhythm, and both of our tongues were dipping and swirling and plunging in and out in perfect synchronicity.

We were both up on our knees, Edward hunched down to meet my lips. But the rocky ground was uncomfortable, and Edward had to bend so awkwardly to meet me…So, I grabbed his neck, and kicked my feet out, and got on my butt, pulling Edward down to the ground with me.

He let out this like primal low grunting moan, and then he was crawling up the bank, chasing me, like chasing my mouth as we found a position.

When we found one, my butt was in the dirt, my feet planted and my knees bent. I pulled Edward into me with my thighs, and his lips crashed back into mine, resuming our tongue fight.

My insides were feeling things that I had never felt before. Warmth and wanting and just need…

I needed him.

So, I pulled him in tighter, closer to where I needed him. And when his body was against me, I pushed mine into his, just instinctively.

And then I felt it. I bucked my hips into his, and it was rock solid under his board shorts…

_Holy…swear…word…_

His penis. I could feel his penis. He was erect, he was turned on, and I should have run, but I didn't want to run, I wanted it against me because when it was rubbing against me it felt _sooo_ good.

So I bucked into him again, and pulled him into me more, so the friction would be deeper.

_Dry humping?_

But it didn't last long…because Edward stopped.

"Wait," he hissed, as his hips pulled back. His mouth was resting near my ear as he caught his breath.

I held his head close to mine. "What? Did I do it wrong? Was I bad?" I gasped, unsure of why he stopped, and only coming to one conclusion.

With a groan, Edward rolled off of me, dropping his arm out from underneath me slowly, landing me softly in the dirt.

I sat up quickly, pulling my knees into my chest.

And when I looked over, Edward was sitting sort of the same way, looking bashfully at the tent in his pants. "Yeah, you were horrible," he sniffed. "No Bella, you didn't do it wrong."

I crawled over to him, and put a hand on his back. "Then what's wrong?" I asked. We didn't even make it to second base. He didn't even touch my boob. I couldn't understand why he stopped.

Edward's eyes found mine. "We should talk about something," he whispered, his tone scaring me a little.

"What?" I asked, trying not to panic.

Edward's hands came up to his face, and he scrubbed out his eyes. "Bella, I don't want you to get the wrong impression about what this is," he said through the muffle of his hands, not looking me in the eye anymore.

"What is this?" I asked, completely confused.

His hands dropped, and he looked out to the river. "Just this," he shrugged. "You and me having fun. I don't think it can ever be more than this," he said, turning his eyes to me, his expression sort of sad and defeated.

It didn't make sense. "Why not?" I asked, wanting to know.

Edward's head tipped back. "I'm leaving in a year for one," he said sort of distantly, reminding me of a truth that I never fully let myself realize.

My hand stilled on his back, and my eyes dropped to the dirt. "I've been trying not to think about that," I said softly, this barfy feeling of panic and dread and just total collapse creeping up on me.

"We're renting our house. Our move, it's not permanent. My parents are going back to Chicago the minute I graduate," Edward said, and I heard him through the echo in my ear. "And I'm supposed to be focusing on school, and studying for my SAT's, and maybe getting recruited for baseball. I have to get my SAT's up by at least another 50 points because Forks only offers AP's in English and History. Lake Shore Academy had AP's in every subject," he said, just rattling off excuse after excuse for why we could never be more than friends having fun.

But it was all news to me. "I didn't know. You never told me any of this," I said, sort of checking out and just listening. If I let myself really process any of it, I feared I would just erupt.

Edward turned in my direction, and found my eyes again. "I'm not supposed to have a girlfriend Bella. I'm supposed to be grieving and getting ready for school. My parents sacrificed a lot to bring me here. I'm really afraid to let them down again," he said, and he looked sincere, but I couldn't trust him. I just didn't know what was going on…

"Oh." It was all I could say.

"I can't fuck up again," he said. "This is my second chance, and I can't fuck it up. They just stopped looking at me like I'm a pariah. I can't have them look at me that way again," he whined, and then his chin started to shake, and tears started spilling from his green eyes.

And as devastated as I was over what he was trying to tell me, I couldn't help but reach for him.

I cupped my hands around his face. "What happened in Chicago wasn't your fault. They know that," I said firmly, trying to reassure Edward, and myself, that his parents couldn't be that cruel.

_Could they?_

Edward's tears picked up even more. "I wasn't some model kid Bella. I was a bratty privileged piece of shit that gave them hell," he moaned.

I gripped his face harder, and forced him to look at me. "I don't believe that," I spat.

Then his head stilled, and his eyes became cold. "Well believe it," he said.

His coldness took me off guard, and I finally let myself react a little bit. "Why did you kiss me then? What are you doing here?" I asked, finally confronting what I was feeling. I felt led on. I felt used. I loved him, and all along he was never planning on being my boyfriend. He always knew that it would end.

Edward shook his head. "I didn't mean for this to happen. I'm just having some issues staying away from you," he said, his eyes softening a bit. "Like, I can't," he breathed, and more tears spilled from his eyes. He squeezed them shut and let out a frustrated sigh. "I can't stay away from you," he groaned.

He was so vulnerable, so confused. I wanted to be there for him. I could never be truly angry at him.

So, I swallowed all of my nerve, all of my fear, and crawled back over to him, putting myself out there to get rejected, but I had to try. I pried his knees apart and wiggled my way into his lap, basically forcing him to hold me. "Then don't," I whispered into his ear, while I wrapped my arms around his warm wet body. His head was limp, but I nudged it with my chin. "I'd miss you a lot," I said.

"You're going to miss me a lot a year from now. And I'm going to miss you too. And maybe it's just easier if we…" He started, but I cut him off, I didn't want to hear it.

I put my index finger to his mouth, like to shush him. "Don't," I said. "We don't have to tell anybody. Your parents don't have to know," I whispered. "Just don't break up with me," I begged.

"Bella," Edward started to protest.

I put my face into his neck and clung to him tighter, straddling him, and just hugging him as closely as I could. "We'll figure it out," I said. "I know we will."

"But you're fifteen," he whispered, like it was a reason for us not to be together.

But I didn't buy it. "I'll be sixteen soon," I said. "I'm old for my grade."

"I'm not a virgin Bella."

"I don't care."

"I don't know where the line is here," he said.

"I'm not asking you to draw a line."

"But you're still so…"

I backed away and put my finger back to his mouth before he could say it. "Don't say innocent," I said, finding his eyes, just begging him not to use my innocence as an excuse not to be with me. After what had just happened it felt like a cop out. I could handle big girl stuff. I liked it. I didn't need my innocence and naiveté being a reason for Edward to stay away from me.

Edward held my eyes, and let out a breath. "Innocent," he said softly. "And I don't know how to be with you."

I backed away, and my hand dropped from his mouth. "Oh," I nodded, finally hearing him…

Edward's eyes bugged, seeing my reaction. "But I want to," he assured me. "I want to be with you."

"You do?" I asked, feeling overwhelming relief upon hearing his words.

Then Edward's hand went to my face. "You're the only person I can talk to. You're my best friend," he said, his eyes getting soft and hooded and leveling me. "It just feels like we met at the wrong time," he said.

But I didn't agree. For me, it felt like we met at the exact right time. I was alone, and he was alone, and when we were together, that loneliness was just gone. And I couldn't regret how we met, or when. It was the best two weeks of my life. Maybe he couldn't see it, or maybe he didn't want to, but I believed with all of my heart that our meeting was the best thing that ever happened to me. I refused to see it as anything other than that.

"Stop saying stuff like that," I said, leaning my head into his hand, and finding his eyes. "I'm glad all of this is happening for me with you," I assured him, wanting him to know that I would never want to make out on a riverbed with anyone else. I just wanted us to be together…and as long as that was true, I felt we could handle anything.

Edward nodded, and then his hands went to his face, and he fell back onto the rocky ground with a groan. "We've solved absolutely nothing," he growled into his hands. "Everything I said before is still true."

I straddled his stomach as he lay below me on the ground, my pink bikini bottom this tiny barrier that I barely felt I needed anymore. Somehow, in the course of the day, silly little things like modesty seemed completely unimportant. Edward and I were finally getting to the meat of things, finally being honest about how we felt, and what our future might hold. Physical insecurity seemed really unimportant.

I placed my elbows and forearms down on his chest, and put my face close to his. "I know," I said. "I don't want you to screw anything up with your parents, or with college…"

"And I want to do the right thing by you too Bella," he added, sounding really sincere.

"I know you do," I sighed, resting my head down on his chest. "I just got kissed for the first time yesterday. You can go as slow as you want. I wouldn't even know the difference," I laughed, trying to lighten the mood, but also completely serious. Because if Edward was in any way anxious about my age or experience, he didn't have to be…I wasn't going to complain, as long as we were together.

Edward's chest shook below me with a laugh. "That was your first kiss?" He asked, his hands finding their way onto my back, stroking it gently.

"Don't act so surprised," I groaned.

"No spin the bottle? No seven minutes in heaven?" He asked, unable to contain a giggle.

"Nope. Just you under some shrubbery," I said, patting my hands teasingly against his side, realizing that Edward was the person I was going to talk about my first kiss with after all.

Edward held me a bit tighter, as I snuggled into his chest. "Mine was in fifth grade," he mused, mock reverie in his tone.

I couldn't help but laugh. "Of course it was," I sniffed, my eyes rolling behind hooded lids.

"She was older, a sixth grader," he continued.

"Scandalous."

"She attacked me in the parking lot at recess. Changed my life," he laughed.

I lifted my head, and shoved his chest a bit. "Stop it," I said, wanting to put an end to the talk about his life changing kiss.

But when I looked down to him, his eyes were light, and his smile showed the adorable dimples on his cheeks. "Hey, I'm just saying," he said wagging his brows at me playfully, my smiling sweet Edward showing his face again.

I reached my hand out and ran my fingers through his damp wild bronze hair. "Ok, that's enough," I laughed, and when my laugh trailed off, it got quiet. It's like there was nothing left to say, like even if there was, neither of us wanted to, we had had our fill for one day.

Edward held my stare for a long beat, before he finally stirred below me. "We should probably get back," he said, shifting me to the side so he could sit up.

"Yeah," I agreed, starting to brush the dirt and caked mud from my absolutely filthy body. I was ready to head back. I was worried that Charlie might be looking for me, and I didn't want to add his fuel to an already raging fire of problems that Edward and I had.

Edward wiped off his shorts and then turned to me. "Do you want to go look for the raft? It probably got caught up somewhere," he said, wagging his head downstream, apparently still hopeful that his beloved blue raft had somehow made it.

I looked out to the rushing water, and the rough nasty brush and rocks that we'd have to walk through, and decided that I didn't want to. I wasn't going to agree. "No," I said shaking my head. "Kiss the raft goodbye," I laughed.

Edward cocked his head at me and smiled. "You're probably right," he said. "That baby is long gone."

I leaned into him, sliding my hand down his arm until I found his hand, entwining our fingers as soon as they met. "Sorry," I said, looking up into his eyes, wanting to really and truly officially apologize for losing his raft.

Edward smiled down at me. "It's ok," he shrugged, nodding his head upstream and starting to walk. "But, you know if you didn't bail we would have made it," he said matter-of-factly.

_Uh what?_

I followed a step behind him as his hand led me through the brush. "Made it where?" I asked, eyes bugging, a bit confused.

"China? I don't know. Just somewhere," Edward laughed.

I shook my head. "That's the dumbest thing I have ever heard," I protested. "We'd probably end up in a log cutter, or over a waterfall," I spat.

Edward turned around swiftly. "Log cutter?" He asked sharply, trying to mask his smile "You knew there was a chance we'd go into a log cutter, and you agreed to raft with me?"

I bowed my head in shame. "Oopsies," I shrugged. "I guess I didn't think of that."

Then Edward pulled me into his chest, landing a kiss on the top of my head. "I'm just glad you're ok," he said, his tone totally shifted. He squeezed me into his body, his arms wrapped around me like a cage. "I was really scared," he whispered, and in his voice, I could really hear, maybe for the first time, that I really meant something to him…like really.

And that was all that I needed to know.

**AN- I've been sick, and really didn't have a lot of time to write this week, so I hope you liked this chapter. I probably could have worked it a bit more, but I just decided to get it out as is. Oh well. **

**Also, I wanted to say thank you for all of the thoughtful reviews. Some of them really blow me away, and I just really appreciate it. They keep me going when I'm blocked or not feeling motivated to write. I suck at responding, but know that I read every single one, and they mean a lot. Maggie :) **


	15. Chapter 15

**How to Paint a House Chapter 15**

**BPOV…**

I stared at my cereal bowl unable to eat. I wasn't hungry. I couldn't quite place why either. It was either because I was so in love that I had butterflies in my tummy. Or it was because I knew that I wouldn't see Edward at all that day, and I was horribly depressed. Or, more likely, it was a mixture of both.

Edward and I decided to spend the day apart. Well, more like Edward decided and I agreed with him. I guess it just seemed like the right thing to do if we were going to hide things from Charlie and Edward's parents. I didn't want to though. I only agreed because I wanted to seem mature…like I could handle some separation. I only agreed because I was afraid not to. Like if I didn't agree, I was afraid that Edward would start up the whole conversation again, and somehow decide that staying away from me was the better decision. And I didn't want that to happen. I didn't want Edward to stay away from me.

I was pushing cereal around with my spoon in a huff, when Charlie narrowed his eyes at me from across the table. "You feeling ok?" He asked, seemingly noticing my funk.

I shrugged, dropping my spoon into my bowl. "Yeah," I sighed. "Just bored," I lied, thinking it was a good excuse to act funky.

"Well I can put you to work," Charlie laughed, turning the page to his newspaper. "I've got a shed that looks like a bomb went off in it."

It would have been a good distraction, except for the fact that the shed was already clean. "Edward cleaned it," I groaned, feeling a pang in my chest when I said his name. I didn't even know that it was possible to miss someone so much. Making it through the whole day was going to be torture.

Charlie pursed his lips like he was impressed. "Oh," he said with a nod. "That was nice of him."

"Yeah," I huffed, pushing out of my chair. I couldn't stay there anymore. I missed Edward so much that I felt like I was going to explode─ and it wasn't even 9 o'clock yet.

Charlie eyed me as I made my dramatic exit. "Where are you going?" He asked, as I threw my full cereal bowl in the sink.

I turned for the door. "Outside," I said quickly. "Later Dad."

I was feeling irritable and on edge. I didn't want to talk to anyone unless their name was Edward Cullen. Whenever we were apart, I got really insecure. It's like I had to have my lips on him and my arms around him in order to feel completely at ease. And even then I felt shaky.

Somehow I ended up under the bushes with my back down in the dirt, running my finger along Edward's carving under the window. It was the only tangible thing that I had of him. It's like without the carving, his existence in my life…didn't exist. I wanted to feel close to him. I needed something like my mom's perfume soaked teddy bear; but the carving was all I had.

EAC WAS HERE

I smiled as I ran my fingers over his silly little carving. I remembered the determined furrow in his heavy brows, and the perfect little beads of sweat that bejeweled his forehead. I closed my eyes and tried to hear his low giggle in my ear.

I felt comforted momentarily. My heart rate slowed, and my strange fears and insecurities gave way to my happiness and giddiness over knowing him, over being with him, over loving him.

It was so strange that I could even say that, even think that…but somehow it was true. I always felt like Edward was mine. From the first day, I could just feel it. I had to take a minute and just relish in it a bit, just accept it, so that I could start to accept some of the harder things that I knew we would inevitably have to face.

Like him leaving in a year. I could already physically feel how much I missed him, like this burning hole in my stomach, and we hadn't even been apart for one day. Saying goodbye to him, maybe permanently in a year, was an excruciating thought. It made me queasy, like I couldn't even bear it.

So I didn't. I got up and crawled out of the bushes and brushed off my shorts, and went straight for my bike by the mailbox. I just needed some air, a change of scenery. So I took off down the street without a destination in mind. I just needed to ride.

After my parents divorced, I would take long bike rides to clear my head. Sometimes I'd ride for hours on end, with no destination─ the ride was the whole point. As I got older I relied less on the bike rides and more on Angela. She listened to my problems, and I listened to hers, and sometimes we would take rides together and talk the whole time. Sometimes we'd ride all the way down to where the river met the ocean, and then we'd call Charlie from a payphone to pick us up because we were too tired to make it back.

I was tempted to ride past her house to see if she was there, because I really wanted to tell her about Edward. God, I just really needed for her to be normal again and not some tube top wearing maybe virgin with idiots as friends. The old Angela that I knew would have taken whatever I told her about Edward to her grave. And I really wanted to tell her. I wanted to tell her because I needed someone, anyone, to reassure me that everything was going to be ok.

Except she didn't call me after what she told me in the Truth Tree. It had been almost 24 hours and I didn't get an update. It was becoming blatantly obvious to me that I wasn't a priority in her life anymore. I figured that she was probably at the pool with Jess and Lauren giving them sex advice. She just didn't go to them before because she was still on the fence…

I mean, why would she come to me if she actually went through with it? It's not like I had any experience at all. Except I did. I made out with a boy butt down in the dirt and could feel his penis against my bathing suit bottom. And darn I really wanted to tell her that!

But after about an hour of aimless riding, I didn't end up at the Weber's, I ended up at the Dairy Freeze. Riding around in the June heat made me hungry…and hot, and the ice cream was calling my name. And, I guess somewhere inside I thought that maybe Angela might be there. It was her chosen rendezvous spot after all. But of course she wasn't. The only patrons in sight were a few snotty kids, and Eric Yorkie─ the only person in my small class at Forks High School that appeared to be more uncomfortable in his skin than I did.

Eric was awkward, and shy, and said strange things at the wrong time, and always had some sort of mythical creature on his clothing. He was also brilliant, and creative, and really interesting if you paid attention to him.

Sometimes I felt like I was the only person that did. He didn't have any friends, not a one. And of course, I didn't really talk to him either. But I observed him. I guess I always felt a weird kinship towards him. Like in a different life, where high school didn't suck so much, we might actually be friends.

But right then, not befriending Eric seemed so silly. The idea of two people not being friends because of some sort of social pressure seemed ridiculous. Because if Edward ever fell for that pressure…well…

I set my bike against the rack and walked towards Eric. He was sitting under one of the round tables with a yellow umbrella overhead, tapping away at the keys on his laptop. He was thin, lacking muscle tone, and he had black hair and dark almond eyes.

He didn't see me as I got closer. He was completely transfixed by his computer. "Hey Eric," I said, sitting down in the seat across from him. "How's it going?" I wanted to seem casual, like it was perfectly normal for me to talk to him…even though it wasn't.

Eric hit some keys on his laptop authoritatively, and then raised his dark eyes at me. "Bella Swan," he said hesitantly, seeming a bit surprised. "Salutations," he nodded.

His choice of greeting made me smile. "Salutations to you," I laughed, inching a little closer to him in my chair. "So, how has your summer been?" I asked.

My question put a small smile on his spotty cheeks. "Excellent," he said. "I just got back from computer camp in Seattle. It was titillating."

"Sounds great," I said. "I'm jealous."

Eric cocked his head at me, and pushed his laptop aside a bit, leaning toward me. "And you?" He asked, seemingly easing into our conversation. "How has your summer been?"

For such a simple question, it was really loaded for me. Edward loaded that question with just so much…everything. My urge to tell someone was so strong. Angela was nowhere in sight, and Eric was just sitting there with open ears ready to listen. And since he didn't have a single friend in the world, he seemed like the most harmless person in all of Forks to tell.

So I did. I braced the plastic handles on my chair, and bit the bullet. "I've been hanging out with my boyfriend mostly," I said, bowing my head a bit, my cheeks getting instantly hot. But I liked the way it rolled off my tongue. _Boyfriend_. It felt great, like thrilling and addictive. I wanted to say it again. I wanted to say it a million more times.

"I'm surprised you're not at the beach today," Eric said, not really reacting to my huge admission.

"Beach?" I asked, a little confused. I wanted to tell him more about Edward. I didn't want to talk about the stupid beach.

"Yeah, Lauren Mallory is throwing a party at the beach," Eric shrugged. "I figured you'd be there. It's a couples party."

I shook my head, trying hard not to get offended that I didn't get invited to Lauren's stupid couples party. I was part of a couple after all…a way better couple than Lauren and stupid Tyler. "I guess my invite got lost in the mail," I laughed, trying not to show Eric my hand.

Eric smiled. "Mine too," he said. "So a boyfriend huh?"

"He's older," I said. "Lauren doesn't even know him."

I checked Eric for his reaction, and his eyes got a little far away. "I met a girl at camp. She was in my advanced programming class," he said, a sort of bittersweet smile pulling on his cheeks at the mention of this girl.

"That's great Eric," I said. "I bet she's really nice."

He shrugged his shoulder, and his eyes got a bit cold. "She is. But no one here will believe me," he said with this genuine defeat in his tone. "I don't even know why I mentioned it."

"I believe you," I said. "I do," I assured him, wondering then if anyone would actually believe me? I understood his trepidation. People could be real jerks.

Eric smiled. "Thanks Bella," he said, and then raised his brows at me, his eyes getting a bit lighter. "So who's the lucky guy?" He asked sweetly. "I was afraid it might be Mike Newton at first. He's always had a thing for you, but I must tell you that I caught him masturbating once in the locker room at school," he said, always one to throw in an awkward comment to make everything uncomfortable.

I winced at Eric's disclosure about Mike. "Eww," I cringed.

Eric smiled. "I didn't think Newton could win the heart of fair Bella," he laughed, referring to me like I was some damsel from one of the drawings on his shirt.

I never thought the boys in my class saw me that way. I always assumed none of them even saw me at all. Mike, as I was finding out over the course of the summer, definitely did. And I guess Eric did too. It was strange to learn that they thought about me, when I was so certain that I was invisible to them. But there was only one boy that I cared about seeing me, and everyone else didn't even matter anymore. And I had to keep my word to him that I'd keep things under the radar. As much as I was dying to tell Eric every last little detail about my perfect Edward, I had to lock it up a bit.

I scooted my chair closer to Eric, finding his eyes. "If you could keep what I told you to yourself, I'd really appreciate it. My dad doesn't know," I said, using that as my excuse, which was only partially true. No one knew…

Eric nodded, and an understanding smile pulled on his cheeks. "Say no more," he said. "Love is most pure when it's not marred by other's judgment."

I smiled, and Eric's words rang really true, even if sort of bizarre. And it's like he was speaking for both of us. I knew that no one would believe that he met a girl at camp; he was right about that. And I just wondered if anyone would believe that I was dry humping Edward Cullen. I didn't even want to find out really. It was true─ my love for Edward didn't need to be marred by other people's judgment.

I looked to Eric. "Screw them," I said firmly, trying to convey to him that _they_ didn't matter. "And just remember that you'll be richer than them someday," I laughed, reminding him of his definitively bright future. Mike Newton would be lucky to get a job as a cashier at his parent's store.

Eric smiled at me. "Thanks Bella. And mum's the word," he said, zipping his lips.

I zipped mine too, and started pushing out of my seat. "Can I buy you a twist?" I asked, wagging my head towards the menu.

Eric waved me off. "I'm allergic to dairy. I only come here for the free WiFi," he said, his eyes going to his computer.

"Oh," I nodded, starting for the line. "Ok."

"Good luck with your boyfriend," Eric said as I turned my back to him.

I peeked over my shoulder. "Thanks," I smiled. "Good luck with your girlfriend too."

"Thanks," he said.

XXX

Talking to Eric Yorkie made the rest of the day pass a little bit easier. I don't know why, but my chat with him sort of helped me accept that Edward and I being public wasn't some absolutely vitally important thing.

I tried to imagine Edward and me walking hand and hand into Lauren's couples party…but I couldn't. Not like I couldn't, I mean I could…but it was a weird thought. I just imagined people getting the wrong idea, or minimizing what we were, or not taking seriously how much Edward Cullen meant to me. I imagined them seeing us as temporary, or like Edward was just using me because he didn't know anybody else, or me only having a schoolgirl crush on him with very superficial feelings. I imagined all of this judgment, just like Eric said…just lots and lots of judgment, with no one really understanding the truth.

I realized that I didn't need that. I didn't need people analyzing us or judging us. Not yet anyway. I could make it to my sixteenth birthday at least. I could last until Edward was into college and the pressure was off of him. Or at least, that's what I kept telling myself…because the thrill of telling Eric that I had a boyfriend was pretty amazing too.

Torn, as usual, I decided to turn in early and get lost in a book for a few hours, and hopefully turn off all of my real world thoughts for a bit. I chose my favorite Stephen King─ void of romance, heartache, and attractive unattainable men. Well, more so than my other books.

It worked like a charm, and as I was dosing off, I was more worried about the book's hero, than Edward.

_Click…clack…click…_

I was stirred from that weird limbo between sleep and awake by this weird tapping on my window.

Stumbling out of bed, I flipped my lights on, then threw some crap off of my window seat so that I could look outside. I was afraid that we were being pranked. Moron's thought it was hilarious to prank the town Sheriff. Our house got more toilet paper and eggs than any other.

Groggy and disoriented, I let my eyes adjust and scanned the front yard. And then, in the shadows, I saw him. He was standing beside my tree, with a fancy black bicycle at his feet, smiling up at me with his perfect dimply toothy grin.

_Edward…_

I threw the window open, unable to stop the cheek tearing smile that invaded my face. "What are you doing here?" I cried in a whisper, trying to sound stern, but unable to stop a laugh from erupting out of my chest. Edward couldn't stay away…he wasn't lying. It made me so indescribably happy to see it in action.

"Can you come out?" He asked, wagging his head out to the road, his posture sort of jittery and impatient…like he was amped up.

I shook my head at him. "Uh, probably not. Charlie's asleep," I called down to him as softly as I could, praying that Charlie had a few beers and wasn't a light sleeper. If he woke up, I was toast.

But Edward didn't seem to care. "Then get down here," he smiled, holding his hands out with a shrug. He was wearing a black hoodie, and he looked so cuddly and cute. I just wanted to go squeeze him. I wanted nothing more than to get down there.

So of course, I agreed. "Give me five seconds," I said, shaking my head at him and giving in. "I'll be right down."

"Cool," Edward smiled.

I rolled my eyes at him playfully, and then pulled my window sheers closed so that Edward couldn't watch me get dressed. My modesty came and went I guess. Just whipping off my PJ's with an audience seemed a bit forward.

When I was concealed a bit behind my yellow and pink gauzy sheers, I grabbed my purple bra from my bedrail, and some cutoffs off the floor, and then went to my closet for a black hoodie like Edward's. I figured he might have had a reason for dressing in dark clothes. I didn't know anything about sneaking out protocol, so I decided to play it safe.

And then it sort of hit me as I was slinging on my shoes─ I was sneaking out at night with Edward…

_Holy swear word…_

It was sooo against Charlie's rules, but I couldn't get down to Edward fast enough. I considered going out through my window to my tree, but saw some potential problems with that. So I crept down the stairs like one of those soft footed cops you see on TV. Charlie never walked that way, and I always wanted him to. It added a little extra thrill to the whole experience.

When I got to the door, I had to suppress my nerves enough to get it open without making a racket. I never fully appreciated just how loud and clangy our front door was until I had to open it in perfect silence. It needed some oil, and maybe a readjustment of the hinges, but I got it open and closed as silently as I could.

And with it closed behind me, I stood with my ear to the door for a bit to see if I could hear any sign that Charlie had awoken. But the house was totally silent, except for the rhythmic snores coming from Charlie's room. I was in the clear.

I skipped eagerly down the front steps, the night air on my face crisp and fresh, and the street quiet and empty. It was past my bedtime, and all of Forks was asleep…but Edward and I were just getting started. The thought put a huge smile on my face. My life was getting interesting in ways that I hadn't imagined. Every new day with Edward was more exciting than the last.

I jogged out to the mailbox where Edward was waiting for me, lit beautifully by the streetlight. He was holding a really fancy looking mountain bike, which came as a bit of a surprise to me because he told me he hadn't ridden a bike in years.

"Hey," I smiled as I got close to him. There was something really alluring about the way his eyes looked in the lamplight, framed by his black plushy sweatshirt.

"Hey," he smiled back, teetering on his heels, seeming a little anxious to get moving.

"You have a bike?" I asked, as I reached for mine off the ground.

Edward watched carefully as I climbed on, and then saddled his with a small laugh. "Of course I do," he said, looking at me like it should have been obvious. "Every kid has a bike."

I rolled my eyes at him as I pushed off into the street. "Not every kid," I sighed, getting a small glimpse at just how rich and clueless Edward was. There were some families in Forks that were really really poor. Being the daughter of the Sheriff I knew that. Some of those families would sell their kid's bikes just to eat.

Edward followed me as I started riding out into the street, and I could hear the gears clicking on his fancy rich kid ride. "I know that," he said softly. "I guess I just never brought it because I didn't want to make you feel bad because my bike is just so much cooler than yours," he laughed, unable to help himself.

I couldn't help but laugh too. He was such a liar. "Whatever," I snipped. "You just like Charlie's better."

Edward didn't disagree. "Smartass," he sniffed under his breath.

"Jerk," I hissed over my shoulder, trying to conceal the huge smile on my face. I loved teasing Edward. It was my favorite thing to do with him other than sticking my tongue down his throat.

We rode out of my neighborhood, heading west toward the lower part of town. Edward led, and I followed a few paces behind him. It was the 'rougher' part of Forks, and I was excited to go that direction because I figured that if we were being bad, we should definitely do it right. The thought of riding past closed flower shops and banks was boring. And besides, only one place was open at that time of night…the 7Eleven.

It was like a lit beacon in the middle of a deserted island. The smell of hot dogs and gasoline and the glow of fluorescent lights called us in. The only time I had ever been to the 7Eleven that late was with Charlie. When I was younger, he wouldn't leave me alone in the house at night, so I'd have to go with him on late-night calls. I'd sleep in the backseat in my PJ's, while Charlie would get milk or gas or something. Riding in on my bike with Edward was a totally different experience.

We dropped our bikes at the rack and started for the doors. Edward hadn't kissed me yet, or held my hand, or touched me really…and I wanted him to so badly. But his hands were in that pouch thing in the front of his hoodie. I followed behind, as he walked in in his cocky way through the glass doors. I was just dying to bury myself in him, and wrap myself around him…but I took his cue and didn't initiate any touching…

When we got inside, Edward took a quick glance around. Seeing him in the light, I noticed his hair was particularly askew. "Get whatever you want," he said with a sweet smile. "I need some fucking sugar," he said, seeming a bit bleary eyed.

He started toward the back where the drink coolers were, and I followed a step behind. "Rough day?" I asked, feeling he was on edge and exhausted simultaneously. Something was definitely off.

He opened the fridge to the energy drinks. "I spent the last six hours doing equations," he said, grabbing a can of Red Bull. "I was going crazy in there. I had to get out of the house."

"Oh," I breathed. "Here I was thinking you wanted to see me," I said, trying to be humorous about it, but inside sort of bummed that his visit wasn't all about me.

Edward closed the cooler door and turned around, finding my eyes. "That too," he smiled. "Let's get out of here," he said in that gravelly seductive way, with a glint of mischief in his eye, wagging his head for me to follow him to the register.

"Ok," I smiled. "Where do you want to go?" I asked shyly, twisting my feet.

"Do you want to check out the mill?" Edward asked, his voice dropping a bit, his eyes getting even more hooded and soft.

I gulped, feeling my face get hot. "Ok."

_Oh God…_

Riding away from the tiny commercial area where the 7Eleven was, I followed the sound of Edward's tires. It was dark and all I could see was the silhouette of his form. A shiver built inside of me as we pedaled closer to the old mill. It felt like there was no one around for miles, like there was no one around at all. Edward and I were the only two people in the universe, and we were riding into the abyss together.

Soon, before I had fully processed where we were going, the lights from the road faded completely, and the large abandoned parking lot in front of the mill that had deteriorated into cracked asphalt and weeds was in front of us. It was so dark, I could hardly see underneath me, but I could hear when my tire would go over broken glass.

In the daytime, the mill didn't seem so eerie and neglected. It just looked like a big empty building, like lots of other big empty buildings in Forks. But at night the mill had this mystical spooky quality to it─ with the crescent moon casting shadows, and the hush of the river in the background.

When we got to the entrance, Edward rested his bike against the side of the building. And away from the public, he didn't hesitate to touch me. "This way," he whispered, reaching for my hand, eagerness in his eyes. "Come on."

I put my hand into Edward's, slipping my fingers in between his and squeezing them. "Are you sure this is ok?" I asked, feeling a little weird about breaking and entering, even though I knew that every person that grew up in Forks had done it…even Charlie.

Edward smiled, and wagged his head toward a hole in the side of the building. "It's fine," he said, pulling on my hand. He hunched down to almost a crawl, and then guided me carefully behind under some broken boards to get in.

When we got inside, Edward let go of my hand to do a quick check of the building to see if we were actually alone. So I stood where he left me and looked around.

I had heard about the old mill so many times─ eavesdropped on so many Monday morning locker conversations about it. I had built it up in my head to be the ultimate coolest place on planet earth. But in reality, it felt like the inside of a barn…open and wood, with an old oil smell like equipment used to be there. The back of the building was open in places, with the river rushing beside it, like a marina. The moonlight reflecting off of the water lit the inside just enough so I could see as my eyes began to adjust to the darkness.

There were blankets and pillows strewn in the corners, and beer bottles resting on almost every available surface. There were overturned milk crates fashioned as seats, and an old metal table, like the ones in the cafeteria at the high school with a bunch of red cups lined up on both ends.

When Edward came back from checking the far corners, I pointed to the table. "What's that for?" I asked softly, while my eyes found Edward's in the darkness.

He smiled, like something was funny. "Beer pong," he said. "It's a drinking game."

"Oh," I whispered, walking over to the table and seeing some old stale beer still in some of the cups. I wondered if it was from the night that Edward was there with the seniors. "So when you were here the last time, what did you do?" I asked softly. I still hated the idea of him out somewhere without me. It really bothered me deep down.

Edward cocked his head at me as I made my way closer to him. "Why?" He asked, his eyes narrowing a bit.

I shrugged. "You looked tired the next day. I just want to know what happened here," I said, walking closer to where Edward was standing.

When I sidled up beside him, he looked down at me, his hands in his hair. "I told you, we listened to music…some people smoked, some people drank, some people got busy," he said coolly, brushing it off like it was nothing at all, his arms moving into a stretching yawn over his head, like almost to elaborate the point.

I leaned into him, unable to control how cute I found him when he yawned. "Got busy?" I asked, peeking my eyes up at him. I was pressing my hips into his, wanting him to wrap his arms around me, wanting to initiate some real contact. The mill was a make out spot, and I wanted to make out. Edward's face in the dim light was begging to have my lips on it. I had never seen him at night, or been alone with him in the dark. It just made me want him that much more.

Edward's hands finally dropped, and he draped them loosely over my hips, gently guiding me closer to him. His fingers gingerly braced me with this soft shiver inducing touch, while he smiled down at me. "Yeah, I wouldn't touch those blankets if I were you," he said softly, while he wagged his head over to the pile of blankets in the corner.

I looked up at him. "Were you drunk?" I asked, wanting to know.

He shook his head as his eyes stared deeply into mine. "I don't drink," he breathed. "Not anymore."

I lifted my hand to stroke his cheek, seeing in his eyes the pain that he still felt over losing Garrett. "Yeah, me neither," I said with a small smile, leaning into him, just loving him so much and wanting to be close to him.

Edward smiled too, and his hands gripped my hips more firmly. "Now watching you drink, I could maybe do a few more times. That was hilarious," he laughed, his eyes a little lighter.

I buried my face into his chest, remembering the humiliation. And as I just melted into him more, Edward's hands started to knead into my love handles, like he was getting worked up, like he was getting impatient. The tension was becoming palpable, and I was feeling it in every cell of my body.

And clearly Edward did too, because soon his eyes snapped shut and he let out this deep sigh, while his hands shifted me out of the way. He left me standing, un-kissed, and walked over to a radio that was sitting on an overturned bucket. "Music?" He asked, tugging at his hair, that amped up jitteriness I noticed earlier back in full effect.

I knew why he left, but I was dying for him to come back. I didn't want him to hold back on me. God, I just really wanted to do stuff, like getting busy kind of stuff. And I told him that I would go as slow as he wanted, but I just didn't realize how hard it would actually be when I had him alone in the mill with no one around in the middle of the night. I wanted him all over me, and I just really didn't care.

So, I walked over to him and fisted my hands into his sweatshirt, trying to pull him back to me. "Do you remember when you said you were going to take me to music school?" I asked, reminding him of a conversation that we had had not that long ago, but what felt like another lifetime.

Edward concentrated on tuning the radio, while my hands pulled and tugged at his back. "It's sort of an expression. I don't have a syllabus for you or anything," he said, letting a little laugh slip when I lost my footing yanking on his sweatshirt.

"Come on," I whined.

Then music, clear music came into the little radio. "Here," Edward said, his perfect fingers pausing on the dial while the song came in. I knew the song …it was one of Grandma Swan's favorites.

Dropping the dial, Edward finally gave in to my tugging, and came back to me, without too much fight. "We can start music school now," he said softly, turning around and taking me into his arms again. "This is Patsy Cline," he said, pulling me close and dropping a kiss on my forehead.

I sighed in relief feeling his lips against my skin. "I know," I whispered, while Patsy's lulling melancholy twang filled the walls of the mill. "I like it," I said.

"Me too," Edward said, pulling me into him, and rocking me a little bit, like to dance.

I snuggled into him, like in a trance, just warm and tingly and happy, and rocked with him.

I had never slow danced with a boy before. At the school dances, I'd watch from the bleachers with Angela as other people, people capable of conversing with the opposite sex, would pair off and dance. I'd watch as these people, who I imagined had exciting and fascinating lives, would hold each other close and sway to the music. Some of the older couples wouldn't even sway at all, they'd just sort of stand there, with their heads touching, and just be. Like they were in love or something, and didn't even have to dance. I remember feeling this queasiness in my stomach as I watched them, wondering if that would ever be me…wondering if I'd ever feel that sort of connection?

Then Patsy's haunting voice came back into my head, and I left the bleachers and came back into the mill with Edward. His cheek was on my shoulder, and my lips and nose and whole face were in his neck, and our heads were touching in every place they could touch, and we weren't really swaying anymore…we were barely moving…just like the couples at the dance.

When the song ended, I just couldn't take it anymore. I was just so worked up…so knotty and twisted and eager inside. It's like I would burst if he didn't kiss me soon. I just loved him so much and I needed to express it. I needed to let it out, like aggressively all over his face.

So as a different, even slower and sexier song started playing, I moved my mouth to Edward's ear. "I want to get busy," I breathed, telling him what I wanted, telling him I wasn't afraid.

"Bella," Edward sighed hesitantly. "We talked about this."

"I don't care," I whined. "I want to." Then I moved my hands up his back and wove my fingers into his hair, pulling his head down to mine. "Come on," I said, finding his reluctant smiling eyes. "Just a little bit busy?" I asked, getting up on my toes and brushing my lips against his.

A laugh shook Edward's chest. "You're killing me Bella," he said against my mouth.

"Then why did you take me here?" I asked, moving my mouth to his jaw to kiss. I really wanted to try out kissing his jaw. I was in like seduction mode, like completely out of body. I was driven by my horny hormones, and felt sort of infallible to Edward's rejection.

But his rejection didn't last all that long. As my lips moved across his jaw and towards his neck, he gave into me a little bit, gripping his hands across my hips and pulling me closer. "Shit," Edward hissed as I sucked under his ear.

Then Edward's mouth inched closer to mine, and then clamped around mine, kissing me. When his tongue finally darted into my mouth, and rolled against mine, I got dizzy. Then everything just got really warm, and blurry, and I couldn't even hear the music anymore…I was just completely caught up in kissing Edward.

I pulled him into my mouth with my hands, and his hands were sort of still around my hips, and I wanted them to move around, but figured he was afraid to move them. So I put my lips back on his neck to see if I could get another reaction out of him.

It worked, and soon Edward's hands were sliding up my back and into my hair and over my shoulders and just all around me as his lips searched for my mouth again. I put my mouth back to his and started another hypnotizing dance with our tongues, as our hips started to meld and ebb and flow with the same motion, sort of grinding and fighting and urgent.

I wanted to be on the ground, like when we were at the river. I wanted to pull him down with me and try dry humping again…

But of course, Edward stopped.

"We should get back," he hissed into my ear, moving his mouth down to my neck and leaving a kiss there. It felt indescribably amazing. I wished he had kissed my neck sooner. I could feel it in my toes.

I wanted more, so I tipped my head back to give him better access. "I don't want to," I said in a gasp. "Let's stay."

Edward's resolve wasn't that strong, because his lips still sucked and pecked and traced around my neck. "Bella, remember what we talked about," he said, while his damp perfect steamy mouth inhaled my earlobe.

I could feel that in a past life…

_Holy…swear…word…_

I wanted more. I needed more. I just needed him to keep going. "A year is a long time," I protested, squirming and wiggling and trying to hold still so he'd keep sucking on my ear. "Let's stay," I whined.

But somewhere, Edward found his resolve, and really stopped. His mouth left my ear, and his greedy kneading hands left my hips and went to my shoulders, pushing me back. "And talk," he said sternly, finding my eyes.

My underwear area felt like a kid that woke up during a Christmas dream…but I could see in Edward's eyes that he was serious, and I didn't want to push him, so I agreed. "Ok," I sighed. "Talk."

Edward took my hand and led me to the corner with all of the blankets and pillows, and pushed them out of the way so we could sit…and talk.

I was bummed about it at first, but soon found that once Edward and I started talking, it was almost impossible to stop. I could talk to him about anything and everything and I wasn't afraid. I could ask him anything, and he'd answer me…

_One hour later…_

"So did you ever have a serious girlfriend? I asked, my head leaning on Edward's shoulder as our backs rested against a dirty wooden wall. I segued into that question after a conversation about Penguins mating for life. It seemed like as good a time as any to find out. I was pretty curious.

Edward shrugged, not seeming too fazed by the question. "Nope," he said. "Garrett did though," he added, his voice fading a little bit. "Kate," he said.

I reached for Edward's hand, grabbing it in the darkness, just needing to have his hand in mine. "I'm just so glad it wasn't you," I squeaked out, feeling absolutely sick for Kate.

Edward let out a small cynical laugh. "We would have never met if it was me. You wouldn't have known the difference," he said.

I couldn't decide which was worse. Knowing Edward and losing him…or never knowing him at all?

It was too heavy to think about. I didn't want to. So, I decided to lighten up the conversation. "I guess not," I said. "But then my first kiss might have been James Farmer or something," I laughed, nudging into Edward.

Edward's head whipped in my direction. "You would kiss him?" He asked aghast. "Have you seen his teeth?"

I laughed, holding my available hand out defensively. "Look, I don't have a lot of options here," I smiled. "I have either a fifteen year old alcoholic, or a creep with nasty teeth," I sniffed, telling a jealous angry Edward about my slim pickings.

Then Edward's face came closer, and his nose lightly brushed mine. "Or me," he said softly.

"Or you," I smiled, so happy that he was the boy I got to kiss.

Then Edward's chest shook with a low giggle, and he backed away a little bit. "Wait, who is the fifteen year old alcoholic?" He asked, narrowing his eyes at me in the moonlight.

"Mike Newton," I shrugged, thinking it was obvious.

"The lemonade pusher?" He asked, unable to contain his mocking laughter.

I took our entwined hands and punched him with them. "It wasn't lemonade! You weren't there!" I cried. "It was really strong!"

Edward took control of our hands, and guided my knuckles to his lips, holding his open mouth over them, while his laughter faded. "I caught my dad watching me sleep last week," he said with my hand under his mouth, sort of somberly, taking the conversation in a completely different direction.

"Really?" I asked, because it was all I could think to say.

Edward tipped his head back, dropping our hands to our sides again. "It totally freaks me out," he sighed. "He's been riding me really hard, and just watching me like a hawk. I don't think he trusts me at all," he said, sounding frustrated, and like disturbed.

"He must have been really scared," I said, trying to put myself in Doctor Cullen's shoes. If Edward almost died in front of me, I'd watch him like a hawk too.

Edward nodded. "Probably," he whispered, his voice distant.

I put my head back on his shoulder. "You should have seen the lecture I got after I broke the window and cut my hand. Charlie was relentless," I said. "And that was just a little cut."

Then another little laugh shook Edward's chest, and he pulled my hand up to his mouth again, flipping it, to reveal my palm. "Just a little scar," he whispered, as he dropped a light kiss on the shiny pink mark on my palm.

I smiled. "Thanks to you," I said. "My hero," I giggled, nudging into him, trying to check his eyes to see if he was ok.

He looked at me, and his mouth pulled into a tight line, like deciding he'd go easy on his dad.

Then, unable to control it, a yawn overtook me, rippling through my body as I started to feel the heaviness in my eyes, and the pull of my bed became stronger than the pull of Edward. I blinked my bleary eyes. "What time is it?" I asked Edward, giving in to another yawn.

He dropped my hand and reached into his pocket for his phone. When he hit a button, a green glow lit his face. "Shit, it's 3:00am," he said. "We should go."

But before we left, I wanted to say something. So I reached out and grabbed his wrist and found his eyes. "Thanks for taking me to the mill Edward," I said with a smile, trying to convey to him that it meant a lot to me…for a lot of reasons.

Edward smiled, and brushed my hair back with his hand. "Thanks for coming with me," he said simply.

**AN- Even though it's still June in HtPaH universe, I was inspired a bit by Halloween. Can you tell? **


	16. Chapter 16

**AN- Sorry for making you wait. It's a really long and involved chapter. It took a little time. **

**How to Paint a House Chapter 16**

**BPOV**

I couldn't even remember how we made it home. We rode in complete silence, like on autopilot, slowly peddling away from the mill─ from our slow dance, and more perfect kisses, and conversation.

Edward's lips brushed mine softly in the middle of the empty street. "Later Bella," he said, smiling his perfect smile.

"Later," I said, watching him as he rode away…his bronze hair sticking out all over the place, his broad shoulders hunched over his handlebars, cloaked in his black plushy hoodie.

When he turned the corner and was out of sight, I just ached to have him back, to have more. My heart was so full, like overflowing with him. He was like the only thing I wanted anymore. Everything he did, everything he said, every expression that hit his perfect face…was like devastating.

I fell into bed with my clothes on, kicking off my shoes as my heavy head hit the pillow. I didn't even have time to replay the night over before I fell asleep. I was so tired, but I was also so at peace with my thoughts. It was a perfect night─ the best night of my life, and I didn't want to ruin it by thinking about it too much.

But far too soon, before I even had time to dream, the heat and glare of the sun was beating on me through my window, and the sounds of the day were picking up. Logging trucks in low gear, dogs barking, children playing, a lawnmower blaring past my window…

_Lawnmower? _

Half asleep, I got up and looked to see who the culprit was.

At first I thought my eyes were deceiving me, or that I was still dreaming, because it was Edward. He was hunched over our old rickety lawnmower cutting our embarrassingly long grass in his white t-shirt and shorts. His eyes looked like little slits through his puffy lids. His face looked a bit pale and sallow. I usually loved Edward's adorable groggy morning face, but not then. He looked exhausted…like he was in pain.

And I didn't have the first clue what he was doing at my house. He didn't say a thing about it at the mill. And based on Edward's zombie like posture, it didn't seem like he knew anything about it either.

Then I suspected Charlie…and a far too early wake up call for Edward…and felt instantly terrible.

I tapped on my window to try to get his attention─ but he was barely standing, and couldn't hear me over the roar of the mower. Then I contemplated calling out to him, but I didn't want him to see me first thing in the morning. So I ran to the bathroom to freshen up and check the mirror first.

Staring into the glass, my eyes were heavy, and a bit blurry, but something on my neck caught my eye.

_Oh God…_

I leaned in closer to the mirror, my heart climbing, and my already jittery tired body starting to sweat. It was round, and black and blue, and exactly two inches under my left ear where Edward's mouth had sucked and teased and made my toes curl.

It was, without a doubt, a hickey.

_Holy Swear Word…_

In a panic, I hopped up on the sink to get a better view. My only experience with hickeys was from 80's movies and teenage soap operas on the CW. I thought they were a myth…

But it was right there, staring me in the face like it had a spotlight on it and tap shoes. I thought zits were bad, but my hickey was about thirty times larger and thirty times darker than a zit. It was practically eating up my entire neck. It was huge!

Then, in my panic, the sweaty bottoms of my feet lost their grip on the sink. "Shit!" I cried as I flailed, reaching for the towel rack to save me. But it didn't, and the towels came with me as I fell onto my back, landing on the floor with a loud _thud_…

"_Ouch…_" I wanted to cry…from exhaustion, from humiliation, from totally cracking my elbow against the bathtub…

"What in the hell is going on up there?" Charlie called up to me, as I curled up into a ball on the cold tile floor.

"I'm fine!" I cried in response. "I slipped in the bathroom!"

I wanted to sink into the floor and never leave. There was something extremely mortifying about discovering my first hickey. I don't know why, but having proof of sexual activity stamped on my neck wasn't exactly as exciting as I thought it might be. Probably because the very thought of my father discovering it made so much blood rush to my face that it felt like it would pop like a tick. And, the activity that gave me the hickey wasn't exactly sexual. It was on the lower end of my getting busy expectations…

_Ugh…_

I spent about ten minutes trying to hide my hickey with my hair before I gave up and strolled casually into the kitchen. "What's Edward doing here?" I asked Charlie, trying to sound nonchalant, pressing my shoulder into my cheek to hide my neck.

"I called him to cut the grass. It's driving me crazy," Charlie said, his eyes glued to his newspaper as usual.

"Called him? He gave you his cell phone number?" I asked with far too much interest.

Charlie raised his eyes. "No, I got his house phone number from the station," he said. "Is that ok?" He asked.

I tried to relax my tensed face. "Of course it is," I said, reaching into the cabinet for a coffee mug, with my cheek still pressed into my shoulder. "I was just curious," I said, trying to be casual, while contorting myself to pour some coffee into the mug.

But I was doing a terrible job. "You drink coffee now?" Charlie asked, his eyes narrowing in suspicion.

"I'm trying something new," I shrugged, snatching the mug off the counter, and leaving the kitchen as fast as my tired legs would take me. I needed to get myself and my hickey away from Charlie. He was freaking me out. I was totally paranoid.

When I was on the lawn, I tried to get my bearings. Actually having a personal life was a lot more stressful than I anticipated. Frankly, I was a little nervous to approach Edward. I was nervous that he'd be angry with me, like somehow hold me responsible for Charlie calling him so early. Adding any sort of stress into his life made me so indescribably scared.

But his coffee was getting cold, and I really wanted to see him, and just be with him. So I took a deep breath and hoped for the best as I rounded the corner.

When I saw him, his head was down, and his eyes were practically closed as he came toward me pushing the mower. I gave him a pensive wave, and waited for his reaction. I was looking for a smile or something to let me know that he was happy to see me. Every single time I saw him, there was always that little fear that he wouldn't be…happy I mean.

But to my relief, when I finally caught his attention, he raised his chin at me and smiled.

_Phew…_

Then my legs took off, like beckoned by his gorgeous smile. "I am so sorry," I said apologetically, finding his tired eyes. When I got to him, I pressed the coffee mug into his chest. "Here," I said. "I thought this might help."

Edward smiled, and looked down at the mug. "Thanks," he said, wrapping his perfect fingers around it, then pulling it to his lips and taking a long sip. "Coffee's good," he said slowly. He looked incredible drinking coffee. I wanted to start drinking coffee too.

"How early?" I asked.

Edward took another long sip. "Seven thirty," he said. "Got three hours of sleep."

"Ouch."

"What else is new?" He laughed, going in for another sip of coffee. Then, as I watched him, his eyes got this curious look over the mug. "Uh, is something wrong with your neck?" He asked, raising his free hand toward me.

_Oh God… _

My left hand shot like a rocket to cover my hickey. "I don't know what you're talking about," I said nervously, feeling my face get hot. I never considered how Edward might react to the hickey. I was suddenly afraid he'd get upset.

Edward came towards me. "Then why are you covering it?" He asked.

I backed away, shoving my shoulder into my cheek. "I'm not," I said. "It's just a little stiff."

Edward's face lit up with an amused smiled. "Then let me crack it for you," he offered, his hand encroaching closer and closer.

I eyed him, silently telling him to back off. "What, you're a chiropractor now?" I asked. "I'm fine."

But Edward didn't listen─ he just rolled his eyes at me. "Just let me see," he laughed. "Jesus Bella."

"No!"

"What the fuck is the matter with you?" He asked. "Let me see," he said, seeming a little annoyed. And seeing the confused borderline pissed off look in his eye made me afraid that my behavior was starting to seem really immature. I didn't want to make a bigger deal out of it than it was.

So I gave in. "Oh God, this is so embarrassing," I groaned, my eyes slamming shut with a sigh.

"What?" Edward asked. "What is it?"

With a gulp, I took my hand off of my hickey and pulled my hair away…exposing my neck fully for him to see. "I have a hickey," I said, wanting to die…Die!

Edward seemed confused at first, but then his eyes lit up with recognition. He put the coffee mug down on the lawnmower and then grabbed my neck, his green eyes zeroing in on his handy work. "Damn," he said.

"Is it really obvious?" I asked, hoping he'd say no…

But Edward just laughed. "Well_ now_ it is!" Then he turned my neck with his greasy fingers to get a better view. "Are you sure I did this?" He asked teasingly.

But his insinuation wasn't funny. I was mortified. "Shut up," I whined, shoving his sweaty chest back with my palm. "Yes, you did it!"

But then, because I was weak and in love with him, I let him pull me closer. "Sorry," he whispered, the smell of grass and motor oil and Edward sweat filling my nose. "But it's kind of your fault," he said with a sly smile.

I narrowed my eyes at him "My fault that you woke me up in the middle of the night and took me to the mill?"

"Absolutely," he smiled.

I rolled my eyes. "Keep telling yourself that," I said. "I'm going back to bed."

As I began to walk away, Edward pulled me back. "Where are you going?" he asked with a laugh, gripping the waist band on my cotton shorts firmly, and pulling me right up to his hips.

"Bed," I said with a gulp, unable to think of anything else but his fingers…and where they were. They were under my waist band against my bare skin…like right there.

Edward shook his head and smiled his perfect smile. "No bed," he said. "I need your help."

I had watched enough teen soaps on the CW to know that 'help' could mean a number of things to a teenage boy. And right then, I soooo wanted to help Edward. "What?" I asked, trying my best to say it in a seductive way.

"Help me," he said, his hand splaying out across my bare stomach, our mouths just instinctively moving closer.

"Help you do what?" I asked breathlessly, gripping my fists into his t-shirt, tipping my lips upward for him to access…totally ready to get busy in the shed if need be.

And just as Edward's mouth began to move, and his eyes began to close, he stopped, and took his hands out of my shorts. "Rake," he said, straitening up, and taking a step back to find my eyes. "This grass is so long we'll need to rake up the clippings," he said, wagging his head toward the shed, while he teetered nervously on his heels.

He was stopping us…again.

I wanted to kick him. "Oh goodie," I smiled, feeling that Christmas dream feeling in my underpants again. "Just what I wanted to do today."

Edward gave me an apologetic half smile. "And could you grab a tarp too?" he asked.

"Sure," I nodded, my lips in a tight line. "Can't forget the tarp."

I spent the rest of the morning raking while Edward finished cutting the grass. It was nice to be working alongside him again, like old times. But so much had changed, and it wasn't quite as fulfilling as it was before. I would have rather been alone with him somewhere getting busy. My desire for him was getting a little uncomfortable.

And after the adrenaline from discovering my hickey, and having Edward's fingers in my pants wore off, the fact that I had only gotten four hours of sleep was starting to catch up with me. I was so tired that it felt like I was raking in a trance, or like I was on autopilot again. I had formed several piles of grass and only had a very faint recollection of how I actually formed them.

But my trance was broken when a big black Jeep pulled into my driveway, stereo blaring, and the captain of the baseball team tipping his sunglasses over his nose at me.

I had to wipe out my eyes for the third time that day. It didn't seem real.

"Hey, is Edward Cullen here?" It was Emmett McCarty. _The_ Emmett McCarty…at my house. "His mom said he'd be here," he said, his eyes panning across my little house, and me…But I didn't see any recognition in his eyes. He had no clue who I was. None.

I looked down at my grass pile instead of meeting his eyes. "He's cutting the grass out back," I said quietly, like I was programmed to act like a nervous weirdo around Emmett, no matter whose fingers I had in my pants only hours before.

Then Emmett rested his big muscled arms outside of his door, like to show me. "Well, can I talk to him?" he asked in that slightly condescending and patronizing way that popular people used that always pissed me off. Like, I wasn't five…or deaf.

I pulled my lips into a tight line, finding the nerve to look at him. "Sure. Hang on," I said, dropping my rake in a huff and heading to the backyard to retrieve Edward.

I knew I was vilifying Emmett without just cause, but I couldn't help it. I didn't want to see Edward with other kids yet─ and I didn't want him to be friends with Emmett McCarty period. And I just wasn't ready to face the reality that Edward wasn't going to introduce me to Emmett as his girlfriend. It was easier just living in a bubble of denial. The situation sucked when I looked at it from any other angle. The crapfest that was our situation was really starting to dawn on me.

I stomped up to Edward with my hands on my hips. "Edward!" I cried, urging him to turn off the lawnmower with my eyes.

He did, and came toward me looking concerned. "What's up? What's wrong?" He asked, putting his hand around my neck and looking deeply into my eyes like I was his…and really making it worse.

I wagged my head toward the driveway, trying to ignore his delicious grassy musky smell. "You have a visitor," I said, swallowing a lump in my throat. "Emmett's here."

Then, as I sort of expected, but was hoping wouldn't happen, Edward's hand pulled away from me. "Shit," he hissed, running his hands through his hair and scrubbing out his eyes. "Not today," he said in a whine, like he knew exactly what Emmett wanted.

And before I could even ask him what was wrong, Edward took off for the driveway in a jog. His tired groggy posture changed with every stride, and his body took on this totally different posture…one I hadn't seen since our run-in with Rosalie at the hospital. It was like overly confident and fake. I hated it. But I followed him anyway. I was his…and I guess I was hoping that maybe he'd acknowledge that to Emmett, even though I knew the chances were slim.

When Emmett was in his site, Edward called out to him. "McCarty!" He said in a voice I didn't recognize. "What are you doing here bro?"

I picked my rake back up so that I could spy. I started pulling grass clippings into my pile, pretending to be invisible…

Emmett got out of his Jeep, and greeted Edward with a handshake and a chest bump. "You didn't pick up your cell dude, so I called your house," he said, patting Edward on the back like they were old pals─ touching him and smiling at him, like he knew him. My hands were white knuckled around my rake. I didn't want him to know Edward.

Then Edward stepped back and ran his hands through his hair with a smile, looking up to Emmett eagerly. "What's up?" He asked, teetering on his heels.

"Pickup game against the reservation team at the high school," Emmett said. "After party at First Beach. The reservation chicks are for real man, I'm telling you," he smiled with this knowing devilish look, putting his hands into Edward's hair and scrubbing it, like he was excited for Edward to meet the reservation chicks.

I wanted to barf…

Then, covertly, Edward's head dropped, and his eyes glanced behind him briefly, right to me. "Let's just worry about the game first," he said to Emmett with a nervous laugh, his eyes leaving me before they even landed, but telling me enough so that I could start breathing again.

Emmett looked confused to say the least. "Whatever," he shrugged, looking at Edward like he had two heads. "Do you have your stuff?" He asked.

Edward shook his head. "It's in my car," he said.

Emmett smiled. "Well get changed bro. We've got to kick some ass, before we get some ass," he said.

I had to remind myself to keep raking because I was tempted to run over to Emmett and beat him with it. Or Edward… Whoever was closest really.

Then Edward jogged over to his Volvo and grabbed a big black duffle bag out of the trunk. He threw it over his shoulder, and then his eyes finally found mine for real. "Can I change inside?" He asked, acknowledging me, but not to Emmett…not even as his friend.

I dropped my rake to the ground, and clenched my jaw. "Do what you want," I shrugged, narrowing my eyes at him, silently telling him that he was in the doghouse.

"Will you show me where I can change?" He asked, wagging his brows at me like he wanted me to come with him.

"Sure thing," I said coolly, turning on my heel and stomping up the steps. "Follow me."

I stormed into the hallway and trudged up the stairs, feeling Edward behind me.

"Where are you going?" Charlie asked from the couch as we were halfway up.

"Edward has a baseball game. I'm showing him where he can change."

"Is that necessary?"

"Shut up Dad!" I cried, grabbing Edward's wrist and pulling him the rest of the way.

I slammed Charlie's door behind us when we were safely inside…but I didn't speak. I didn't know what to say. There was so much I was feeling, but I feared that if I started expressing it all, Edward would run away and never come back. I didn't know how to fight. I didn't know how to stick up for myself. The only thing that I was good at was letting people walk all over me.

So I just stood by the door with my arms crossed waiting for Edward to say something.

He looked at me, and then dropped his bag and fell back onto the bed, his head in his hands. "Fuck, I know. You don't have to say it," he said through the muffle of his hands.

"Say what?" I asked, not sure what he was expecting me to say.

He lifted his head to look at me. "That I ignored you in public when I promised I wouldn't," he said.

I walked toward him on the bed. "Why did you?" I asked, standing over him.

His head hit the bed again, like dramatically. "I'm exhausted, and he surprised me, and it was weird…"

"I don't like it," I said, cutting him off, suddenly knowing exactly what I wanted to say. "You should know that I don't like it."

Then Edward's eyes closed, and his hands covered his face again. "I do know," he said. "And I'm sorry."

"Then why?"

_Honk honk! _

The sound of Emmett's horn made Edward shoot up from the bed. He scrubbed out his eyes, and then looked to me with a heavy sigh. "I have to change," he said. "We'll talk about this later, ok?"

I nodded, knowing that it wasn't the time or the place to resolve anything, or to have our first fight…So I let it go. "I'll give you some privacy," I said, going for the door.

But before I left, Edward called out to me. "Hey," he said.

I turned around. "Yeah?" I asked, finding his tired green eyes.

His lip pulled up in one corner. "Wish me luck?" He asked.

I gave him a weak smile. "Good luck," I said. "You're gonna do great."

"Thanks Bella."

I watched from my bedroom window as Edward drove off, following Emmett's Jeep out of the driveway. I didn't say goodbye, I just stayed in my room. I was so angry with him for not introducing me to Emmett, but at the same time completely understanding of why he didn't. Telling Emmett, telling anyone, would just bust our little bubble right open and let everyone in town in. If Charlie got in, we'd be done. If Doctor Cullen got in, we'd be done. If all of the little judgmental people that Eric Yorkie told me about got in, we'd be done. We existed in this very fragile little world that was only ours, and like Edward said, it was weird to have anyone else know about it. Just weird.

But it still hurt.

I decided not to dwell on it in my room, and to get my grass piles raked up before it rained or a strong wind rolled in and destroyed all of my hard work. I was just looking forward to the next day when Edward had some rest, and his game was over, and things could go back to normal. I had told him that I didn't need anyone to know, and I didn't. Emmett just took us both by surprise. I figured that I would be better prepared the next time, and hopefully not react so angrily.

But on my way out of my room to head downstairs, I noticed something on Charlie's floor.

_Oh no…_

Edward had left the door open, and right in the middle of Charlie's floor was his baseball glove. I realized that it must have fallen out of his bag, and that he was too tired, or too stressed to notice.

I wasn't ready to face him again, but he couldn't show up to his first game without a glove. Things had to go smoothly for him, and doing well in baseball was a huge part of that. I had to bring it to him. I had to go to a public place and face him publicly so soon after our almost fight…

_Crap…_

I rode my bike to the high school, not exactly sure what to expect. High school sporting events weren't really my thing. I had attended zero actually. And when I got there, the parking lot was loaded with cars, and the stands were filling up with fans. It was shockingly crowded for an exhibition game.

And immediately I noticed that Angela, Jess, and Lauren were part of the growing crowd. I was sort of expecting it as I rode over actually. Somewhere in the back of my mind I just knew that they weren't going to miss an opportunity to cheer on the boys…

My boy probably.

Scanning the crowd, there was just a surplus of girls dressed a little too cute for a summer afternoon baseball game. They were dressed to impress, and my first instinct was to assume that they were dressed to impress Edward. It could have had something to do with the random "Go Edward!" cheers that I heard coming from the stands. I mean, my paranoia wasn't unfounded, it was completely justified.

With a sigh, I parked my old Shwinn right next to Angela's pink Huffy, and started for the field to find the man that was filling up the stands.

I contemplated ways to covertly make the drop off. I was tempted to just give it to a random player and have them bring it to Edward for me…

But my animal instinct to claim what was mine was pretty powerful. It was the first time I was seeing Edward in a large crowd, filled mostly with our peers, and my possessiveness was making my head dizzy.

So I decided to bring the glove to him myself. I wanted people to see us together. Not together together…but yeah.

He was stretching by the fence in the outfield. He looked adorable in his red t-shirt, hat, and uncomfortable looking polyester grey pants. I wanted to get in the front row with my pompoms and cheer for him, and massage his shoulders, and kiss him in the parking lot when the game ended…

But instead I was thinking of how I probably shouldn't touch him, just incase someone that Charlie knew from the reservation was watching…

Edward was bent over his legs stretching when I got to him. "Hey," I said, tossing his baseball glove into his lap. "You forgot your glove."

He winced when the glove hit his crotch. Then he looked up at me, tipping his hat back from his eyes. "I have an extra," he said, moving his eyes to his side where another identical glove was sitting.

I took a step closer, looking at him in tunnel vision, afraid to look around to see who was watching. "Oh," I said nervously. "I didn't know that. I thought you might miss it. I'm sorry," I apologized, and I don't even know why, I was just starting to feel really uncomfortable.

"It's fine," Edward smiled, leaning into his right leg for a stretch. "Thanks Bella," he said genuinely, calming me down.

I took a deep breath, and untwisted my tangled feet. "Sure," I smiled at him, trying to relax. We were talking like friends, I guess…casually, but on our guard. I couldn't imagine keeping it up for any prolonged period of time though, because I so so badly wanted to touch him, and kiss him, or at least stand a little closer to him. "Ok, well I'm going to get going," I said, backing away, and leaving Edward to his stretching.

But when I turned my back, Edward called out to me. "Hey!" He said, like calling me back.

I turned with a smile. "What?" I asked.

Edward's face lit up with a grin. "You have a giant hickey on your neck," he laughed, winking at me as he moved to his left leg to stretch.

I put my hand on my neck. "Sure do," I smiled, getting Edward's message. His animal claim on me was stamped on my neck, and he wanted to remind me of that. In the middle of the outfield, surrounded by the crowd, he was bringing us back to the mill, where we were alone and together, and no one else existed. "I sure do," I said, biting down hard on my lip.

But my moment of blissful swooning was short-lived, because soon Edward's eyes were looking past me, like someone was approaching. I knew who it was before I turned around. I could see it in the cold hard expression that swept over Edward's face.

"Hello Bella," Doctor Cullen said as he walked up behind me.

I turned with a gulp, seeing Doctor Cullen for the first time since Edward told me…everything. "Hi Dr. Cullen," I smiled. "I was just bringing Edward his glove," I said. "I didn't know he had an extra." I was explaining too much, but I couldn't stop…

Dr. Cullen's eyes narrowed at me. "That's fine," he said. "But I think it's time to let Edward start warming up."

"Yeah, right," I said. "Good luck Edward."

"Thanks," Edward nodded, turning his eyes to his father. "Hi Dad. Glad you could make it." His tone was so fake, so forced towards his father…I wanted to protect him, but it was none of my business…

So I walked away.

I kept my head down as I walked back to the bike rack. If Angela and the girls saw me talking to Edward, I wasn't really in the mood to be confronted about it. I realized that unless I could claim Edward as my boyfriend, I wasn't really interested in discussing him at all to people. Eric Yorkie's wisdom was…wise.

When I made it to my bike in peace, a relieved calm feeling washed over me. Edward and I were fine, and I was just a short five minute bike ride away from my bed. My lack of sleep the night before was really catching up to me, and all I wanted was to go to bed and forget that the day ever happened.

But of course, nothing about my life was that easy. If something could go wrong…it usually did.

A set of ugly calloused hands landed on my handlebars, stopping me in my tracks. "Hey cute girl from the Thriftway," a familiar voice said. "Bella, right?"

I lifted my eyes with a sigh, in no mood. "Hi James," I said, seeing his nasty smiling teeth right across from me.

"Where are you going?" He asked creepily, again blocking me from going where I wanted to go. "You're not staying for the game?"

I shook my head, and tried to pull my bike out of his grasp. "No," I said quickly. "I was just leaving."

Then he just positioned his hands more firmly on my handlebars, and closed in on me with his body. "But if you don't stay, you can't be my date for the after party," he said, his breath in my face, his greasy long blonde hair almost falling onto my shoulder.

I yanked my bike again, and hardened my eyes, hoping he'd get the message. "Oh well," I shrugged sarcastically.

Then his hands went to my face, and the panic that I was trying to suppress started creeping up. "Come on, it'll be fun," he said, pressing his hands and his hips into my body. I couldn't breathe.

"Please don't touch me," I said, trying to wiggle away, and whipping my head back to where I had seen Edward last. But he was gone.

"Why not?" James asked, gripping my chin in his fingers, and pulling my face back to look at him.

I found James's eyes. "I'm not interested," I said firmly. "Ok?"

"What the fuck does that mean?"

"Buzz off!" I cried, pushing into his chest with my hands. But as I pushed, someone else pulled, and James was yanked from my bike violently, and slammed against Tyler Crowley's van.

The next thing I knew Edward was holding James up by his neck against Tyler Crowley's van. "She said she wasn't interested," he grunted, every vein in his body popping, and his face as red as his shirt.

I couldn't speak…I couldn't move. He had come to my rescue, but I couldn't decide if that was a good thing. Right then, it really didn't seem like a good thing. Edward looked so angry…

Then Edward's hands gripped James' collar harder and he pushed his head back so that it hit the van violently, making James whine and struggle underneath him. "Or are you deaf?" Edward asked, slamming James' head again, hard, against the van.

"Edward don't!" I cried, finding my voice, deciding that it wasn't a good thing for him to fight for me. A crowd was forming, and Doctor Cullen was running across the field toward the scuffle. Edward needed to let James go before it got out of hand and everything was ruined.

Hearing me, Edward loosened his grip on James, dropping him to his feet. "Leave her alone," he said with a growl under his breath, shoving James' shoulder one time before taking a step back.

But James wasn't so quick to let it go. "What the fuck is it to you?" he spat in Edward's face, shoving Edward's shoulder back just like Edward had shoved his.

Then Edward's heavy tired angry eyes moved to mine, and the whole crowd was watching, and I felt like I was in one of those terrible movies where everything was happening in slow motion and the record player started skipping…

But I wasn't…it was real life. And in real life, people like James Farmer go for the sucker punch when people like Edward Cullen aren't looking.

_Crunch!_

Edward's eyes were on me when James' fist swept across his face, knocking him to the ground. He dropped like a fighter in the ring.

And then all hell broke loose. Emmett broke in, tackling James to the ground. Jasper Whitlock pulled Edward to his feet, and then shoved Edward in the chest, like he was taking James' side.

And then the four of them were rolling around the parking lot, and dust was literally kicking up around them, while the number of spectators grew and grew.

"Fight!" I heard Mike Newton call from somewhere. "A fucking fight!"

_Oh…holy…swear…word…_

Everyone around me was cheering and excited, but I was frozen where I stood, watching as Dr. Cullen approached the pile, tears slipping from my eyes as my chin started to quiver uncontrollably.

Dr. Cullen broke through and gripped into the back of Edward's shirt and tore him away from the pile, strong and capable, and making Edward look like a little boy.

He dragged Edward out, and slammed him against Tyler's van, just like Edward had slammed James. "What in the hell is the matter with you?" He shouted. "Fighting? Are you trying to kill your mother? Is that what you want?"

I ran over to the van, not really thinking. "He was just protecting me!" I cried, tears spilling from my eyes. "It's not his fault!"

Then Edward's eyes slammed shut, like telling me that coming over was a mistake. "Bella…" he groaned under his breath. "Go home."

"But?"

"Please?" He begged, his eyes starting to water with tears.

I shook my head, and tried to not to choke on my own tears, taking in the look in his eyes. Defeat. He was giving up. He had to. His father literally had his back up against the wall.

In a tearful blur, I yanked my bike from the rack and rode away. I could feel every eye in the parking lot on me, but I couldn't see any of them. I could only see his…telling me that he was giving up, that it was too hard, that ultimately Dr. Cullen, and baseball, and Dartmouth…would win. That our little bubble had just been burst and it was over.

And as I turned the corner away from the field, I took off as fast as I could, and a giant violent sob just ripped out of me…

_Edward…_

I was swerving through the street, sobbing exactly like I had on the day that Edward and I met. I couldn't see, I couldn't feel my body…I was probably stopping traffic and causing a scene, but I couldn't even bring myself to care.

But eventually, someone made it into my consciousness. As I pedaled down the street, over the sound of my own sniffling, I could hear beads shifting and shaking over wheel spools. It was a sound as familiar to me as her voice. She put them on for the 4th of July parade when we were ten. Hearing it, knowing she was following me, just made me cry harder.

"Bella wait!" she cried, following me.

I was moving my feet so fast that I was losing grip on my pedals. "Go away Angela!"

"Just talk to me!" She cried. "Bella, please!"

"Now you care?" I laughed cynically through my sobs. "That's rich!"

"I've always cared!" She yelled, her voice breaking. There was desperation in her voice. She sounded like she finally gave a damn.

So I stopped…because I had some things that I wanted to say to her.

My tires shrieked to a halt, and then I threw my bike to the ground, wiping my nose against my arm "What?" I asked sharply as I stomped towards her. "What do you want Angela?"

"Why didn't you tell me?" She asked, fidgeting with her gold ring, her face pale and confused. "Bella, I'm your best friend."

I shook my head and glared at her, hearing no truth in her words. "Tell you when?" I asked with a spit. "At the pool party after being humiliated by Lauren about Tanya liking him? Or during your drive by to tell me that you were going to have sex?" I pressed, my posture making her back up. "When was I supposed to tell you Angela? Huh!" I shoved her shoulders with my hands. "Huh!" I screamed through my sobs.

Angela gripped my flailing hands, trying to stop my pushing. "I'm sorry!" She said, starting to sob herself. "I'm so sorry Bella."

I thrashed in her grip a little until I was just exhausted, and couldn't fight anymore. So I stopped. "It's over," I said out loud, finding Angela's eyes. "It's over Angela."

Then her soft pretty hand went to my face. "You don't know that," she said. "I saw his face. He cares about you."

"Yes I do," I said. "I know it."

"I'm here for you," she said, trying to pull me into a hug, trying to get a grip on my shaking quaking body. "You're going to be ok," she cooed, trying to comfort me.

But I didn't want to be comforted…I just wanted to be left alone.

So I pulled away from her. "I have to go," I said, sort of in a trance, backing up toward my bike. "I can't do this right now."

"Bella…"

"See you around."

I rode away from Angela, again, without confronting the giant rift between us. Every time we got close, I would bail. Her rejection hurt me even more than I was willing to let myself realize. She couldn't claim to be my best friend anymore. I didn't have any friends anymore. No one stuck around for long…

Except for Charlie…

When it came time to turn onto my block, I turned the other way. I didn't want Charlie to see that I was crying. I wanted a minute to calm down before I had to face him and pretend that everything was ok. I didn't want him to worry for me. I didn't want him to hurt for me. I just wanted him to believe that I was happy…Because when I was happy, Charlie was happy too. His life had become so simplified, so mundane, that his happiness was tied up in mine. I didn't want to dump my heartbreak on him.

But my little detour only gave Edward enough time to beat me to my house…

When I pulled onto the block, I could see his silver Volvo in the driveway.

I hopped off my bike and walked up to him slowly. "Why aren't you at the game?"I asked, trying to read him, trying to see what he wanted.

"I got suspended," he said softly, digging his cleat into the dirt driveway.

"Edward, I'm," I started, but he cut me off.

"Come take a ride with me?" He asked, his head wagging to the passenger door of the Volvo.

There was this distance in his eyes, this calm, and I knew instantly what was going to happen. Before my mom left my dad, she completely closed off to him. I could see her doing it…I could feel it. It was a sickening feeling, and I remember wanting to scratch her eyes out. And looking into Edward's distant tired eyes then, I knew that it was going to happen to me. Edward was giving off the exact same vibe that my mom did…like detached. He was there to dump me, and for no other reason.

I dropped my bike by the mailbox, shaking my head, and tore my eyes away from his. "No," I said, trying to blow past him, trying to ignore what I knew. "I know what you're going to do, and I don't want to," I said, the tears that I tried so hard to stop for Charlie, just coming back instantly.

Edward snagged my arm as I tried to blow past, and he pulled me toward him. Bella, come on?"

I yanked my arm away. "Don't!" I cried, shoving Edward in the chest, before taking off in a run toward my front door.

I expected him to chase me. I expected him to at least say something. But as I was almost to the stairs, he was still completely silent, still leaning against his car, not putting up any fight against me.

When I turned around to glare at his cowardice, he lifted his head, and kicked the dirt that he loosened with his cleat. "He said we're moving back to Chicago if I keep fucking up like this," he said. "I don't want to go back to Chicago Bella…"

I stepped down from the stairs, moving back to him. "Then don't fuck up again," I said, pleading, trying to get him to look me in the eye, trying to get him to reason with me.

But Edward just shook his head. "I need to just do what he wants me to do and get into Dartmouth and move on with my life," he said, continuing with what sounded like a script, looking past my eyes, smiling in that cynical scary way that he only did when he spoke of his father. "We were kidding ourselves for the past few weeks," he said, continuing to tick off his talking points. "We were being stupid, and irresponsible, and regressing, and not taking our responsibilities seriously."

I had to cut in. "Are those your words, or his?" I asked, wanting him to drop the script and talk to me as Edward and not as Dr. Cullen.

Edward shrugged coldly. "It doesn't matter," he said, grazing my eyes with his before returning them to the dirt where his foot was digging a hole.

I felt so disconnected from him. I felt like I was breaking up with a robot. And even though I had basically resigned myself to the idea that it was going to happen, I at least wanted him to look me in the eyes while he did it.

I stomped toward him, filling up his space, and pushed his shoulders back. "Will you at least look at me!" I cried, my voice cracking as tears ran down my cheeks. "At least look me in the eye while you do this!"

Edward winced, and then he looked up. "Sorry," he said, and his telltale chin started to quiver. "I'm sorry," he sniffed, and a few tears started rolling down his cheeks.

I rubbed them away with my hands, leaning into him, pressing him into the car. "Why are you doing this?" I asked through my tears as I wiped his away with my thumbs. "We can hide better. I know we can," I sobbed, as his head sort of went limp in my hands.

"I told you this would happen, but you didn't listen," he said.

Then I moved my hand down to his stomach, and put the flat of my palm against his bare skin. "But I love you," I said, digging my fingers into his flesh, gripping him, trying to hold on…admitting to him the one truth that I felt might save us.

But Edward's body just went stiff underneath my fingers, and his hands reached out to my shoulders, pushing me back. "You have a crush on me," he said coldly, finding my eyes…

And I lost my breath.

I clenched my jaw, fighting the urge to slap him. "Don't insult me," I spat through my tears. "You have no idea how I feel!"

Then Edward's eyes hardened even more. "You can't love me. It's not going to work," he said. "So don't," he said gravely, almost in a shout, his eyes drying up, and going blank again. "Don't love me Bella!"

Cold distant Edward scared me. And I didn't want to humiliate myself further by begging him to love me back when he trivialized my feelings for him.

So, swallowing back everything that I was feeling, swallowing back the urge to just implode and erupt simultaneously… I gave in. I gave him what he wanted. I let him break up with me.

I backed away, wiping my eyes against my wrist. "Fine," I said. "I don't love you Edward," I said calmly, never having told a bigger lie in my life, and headed back toward the steps, trying to remain standing on my wobbly numb legs until he was gone.

But before he left, he just had to twist the screwdriver a little more, until the wood cracked, and the screw was stripped…

"Just do me one favor?" He asked as I gripped the handle to the front door, using it to hold myself up.

I turned, not ready to let him go yet…willing to hang on his words, even if they hurt. "What?" I asked, finding his beautiful green eyes, finding the face that I loved so much…

Then, like a swift punch in the gut, he put his index finger under his quivering jaw, gesturing for me to keep my chin up, like he had done so many times before…

It took me a minute to process, to really see him through the torrent of tears that were spilling out of my eyes. I couldn't believe he was doing that to me…

And then I was angry. So I blinked the tears out of my eyes, and narrowed them at him, shaking my head, silently telling him no…telling him that I couldn't. How dare he even ask…

"Please Bella?" He begged, his hands moving to his hair, and a growl erupting out of his chest. "Come on."

"You're just not the person that I thought you were," I said, wanting to get the final word in, wanting him to know that of all people to abandon me, I was most disappointed that it was him. He was supposed to be the one that helped me hold my chin up…not the one to crush me and make it fall.

Then Edward's hands stilled in his hair and his green eyes found mine again. "I don't know who I am," he said softly. "I don't know how to be the guy that you thought I was," he said. "I'm sorry Bella."

Then I watched in silence, bracing myself on the door handle, as he got into his car and started backing down the driveway.

But I didn't stay to watch him leave. As soon as I could conjure the strength, I turned the door handle and fell, stumbling into the hallway…my legs just unable to hold me any longer. A wave of emotion, like nothing I had ever felt before just ripping through me, and the implosion and the eruption happened all at once, right in the hallway of my house.

Charlie hobbled toward me. "What the hell?" He asked as he took my sobbing shaking body into his arms. "Bella what happened?"

I found my dad's deep brown eyes, and I knew then that I had to tell him. I couldn't do it alone. "Edward broke up with me," I sobbed. "It's over Dad," I moaned.

Charlie gripped my face with his big hands. "Oh for the love…" He said, searching my eyes, confused. "God damn it Bella!"

"Dad," I begged, gripping my fists into his flannel shirt. "Don't be mad. Please?"

Then Charlie just pulled me into him tighter, holding me like a baby on his lap in the hallway. "There there kiddo," he cooed, stroking my hair. "Daddy's here," he said. "Hush now."

"It hurts Dad."

"I know darlin. I know all about it…"

**AN- This was never a fluff piece. I know that's the word on the street, but I was actually trying to write a realistic coming of age teenager story, bumps and all. The bumps have arrived. So, sorry if you were under a false impression, but I put angst in my description for a reason. I also put romance, so take that as you will. I'm not going to bang you over the head with the angst, but I can't take the story where I want it to go without it. **

**Now, I hope you all stay tuned to see if these two can find their way back to each other…Basically, please don't flounce me? I have some good stuff in store…I promise. **

**Maggie**


	17. Chapter 17

**AN- I was asked to write a tissue alert. So, uh, tissue alert. Sorry. **

**How to Paint a House Chapter 17**

**BPOV**

I had only cried myself to sleep once before. It was the night that my mom moved out, and Charlie told me that they were getting a divorce. Charlie sat beside me on my bed and stroked my back that night too. He was the one whose wife had just left him for another man, but he sat vigilantly beside me and comforted me while I cried.

After Edward broke up with me, I wasn't able to compose myself long enough to tell Charlie what had happened, but I knew that he understood. He kept saying "I know darlin…I know" over and over and over, while I sobbed and whimpered into my pillow.

And he did know. He knew all too well. And I never appreciated that until I knew what it felt like to have a broken heart…to have the person that you love so much choose a different life that doesn't include you. To know that there is something better out there for that person, and it isn't you.

And while having a sympathetic ear should have helped, it really didn't. Charlie and my mom had been divorced for almost five years, and Charlie was still completely ruined by her betrayal. My best example for getting over a broken heart was someone who still walked around day to day with a broken heart, as if it had only happened yesterday.

He never got over it, and my biggest fear as I sat there next to him, the morning after the single worst night of my life, was that I wouldn't either. I could feel the rejection, the betrayal, the sadness, and the loneliness start to infect me. It was like this low sick feeling that I had never felt before. I couldn't move. I couldn't breathe. I just wanted scream because suddenly everything felt so hopeless. It was like a rope had been tied around my organs and was squeezing me from the inside, making everything hurt and feel gnarly and raw.

I was so angry with Edward, but at the same time so completely sure that if he asked me back I would fly into his arms and set myself up for the pain all over again. I loved him. The perfect happiness that I felt with him was like this drug that I would go back for again and again. Just to have him smile at me in that soft leveling way one more time…I would have done anything.

I looked over to Charlie ─ sleeping beside me above the covers, his arms crossed over his chest, his mustache blowing while he snored, and knew then very clearly the reason why he never asked out Claire from The Diner. When you're in love with someone, other people don't exist. I couldn't imagine loving anyone but Edward. The very idea seemed impossible.

And then, as the fog of sleep started to wear off, I remembered one important detail…

Edward didn't love me back.

And upon the realization, the rope tied around my organs began to squeeze even harder than the night before. My stomach felt queasy, and saliva started pooling in the back of my throat…

_Oh God…_

I shot from the bed and ran for the toilet, throwing the seat up and sliding onto the floor just in time to puke into the bowl and not miss. After weeks of feeling on the verge of puking over Edward, I finally did. I retched and gagged and heaved while the tears in my eyes started to build, and the new day just welcomed in another round of sobs.

And when I was all puked out, totally exhausted, I slid from the toilet and wiped my mouth on my sleeve. I leaned my head against the wall with my feet splayed out on the floor, as snot and tears just came flowing out of me again like a renewable endless resource.

But crying was my best defense. When I was crying, my head could go blurry, and that gnawing pang in my chest felt satiated enough so that it wouldn't eat me alive. Silence, contemplation, and stillness were a lot worse than howling sobs. At least when I was lost in the throes of a hysterical meltdown, I couldn't stop long enough to think about Edward…

_Edward…_

So I just kept crying…

And eventually, Charlie found me. "Well shit," he said as he came hobbling into the bathroom, finding me in the fetal position on the bathroom floor. My eyes were so blurry that I couldn't read his face, but he sounded disappointed to find me so hysterical again.

But whatever he was feeling, he came to me anyway. "Quiet now," Charlie said, closing the seat to the toilet and sitting down, then pulling my lifeless body into his lap. "You're ok. Daddy's got you." His flannel shirt smelled like Men's Speed Stick and Dad. It was the most comforting smell in the world. "Shhhhhh."

It was like a rehash of the night before, and the worried tone in his voice made me feel so guilty─ but I couldn't help it. I just couldn't help it. "I'm sorry Dad," I whined, gripping into his shirt, trying to apologize for being such a wreck again.

"Oh hush," Charlie said, petting my back like a dog. "I'm sorry too Bells."

I decided that I didn't want a rehash of the night before though, for Charlie's sake. I felt like I could cry for days. I didn't see an ending in sight, and I didn't want to put Charlie through that. So I mustered as much strength as I could, and tried to take deep breaths, catching the sobs before they erupted, and swallowing them…

And eventually, they stopped…

"You're alright now," Charlie hummed, stroking my back, as my sobs faded to small gasping whimpers. "That's a girl."

I wasn't alright. I couldn't even imagine it as a possibility. But I couldn't imagine a repeat of the previous night's performance either. So I sat up in his lap, and wiped my eyes on my clean sleeve, and tried to even out my breathing and get a freaking grip. It was as close to "alright" as I could be.

When I felt like I could speak, I turned to look at Charlie. "I'm fine Dad," I said, forcing a smile. "I think I just swallowed a lot of mucus last night," I said, attempting a thin excuse for why I was puking my guts out. The real reason was my realization that Edward didn't love me back. But that was not something I could tell Charlie. He just wouldn't understand that.

But he did seem to understand the mucus thing. "There was a lot of mucus flowing last night, that's for sure," he smiled, pushing my hair back with his hand.

But I had to stop him before he discovered my hickey. Through everything, I was still acutely aware that I had a hickey on my neck, just begging for Charlie to find.

I stopped his hand mid-stroke, and tipped my head forward so that my hair fell back over my neck. "I feel better today," I said, trying to pretend that the morning's incident was just a residual episode, and not the reality. "I do," I said, forcing yet another smile.

Charlie's eyes narrowed, like he could see right through me. "It's ok if you don't Bells," he said. "I know this is hard kid."

"I'm fine Dad," I lied, tears slipping out of my eyes against my will. I didn't feel better─ not even a little bit, but it was time to stop bawling like an idiot to Charlie. Enough was enough.

Charlie pulled me into a tight bear hug, seemingly accepting what I told him. "Ok─ get in the shower. I want to talk to you about something when you're feeling up to it," he said, changing the subject. I had been waiting for it since I stumbled into the hallway the night before. I had been waiting for his tone to change, and for the dad in him to really take over.

"It's ok if you ground me," I said, peeking up into his eyes. "I understand," I said. And I did. I also didn't care. I didn't have any friends, or any life left to speak of. Being grounded would be the perfect excuse to stay in without feeling like a loser for not having any plans.

Charlie shook his head with a sigh. "I'm not going to ground you Bells," he said. "But I do want to talk to you about something," he said, pushing me aside, and gripping the sink for leverage so he could stand. "Meet me downstairs when you're ready."

I nodded. "Ok," I said, hearing in his tone the tell-tale misery of Renee. He was going to make me go see her. I knew it right away. It was all over his face, and in his voice. There was a certain face he put on when he spoke about my mother…his brave face.

I didn't want to go to Florida. I didn't want to go for a lot of reasons. For one, I didn't particularly like my mother. I loved her sure, she was my mom. But after what she did to Charlie, I couldn't bring myself to actually like her again. Secondly, I didn't want to leave Charlie alone when he couldn't even drive a car or take care of himself. And third, I didn't want to be all the way across the country while Edward Cullen was in Forks. The idea of leaving, just the thought of being that far away, made it feel like I would really lose him. Like he'd vanish or something, I don't know. Staying close to him seemed like the thing to do, even if that meant torture…

I guess, deep down, I still had hope. Hope that Edward would come to his senses and realize that we were made for each other, and tell his dad to shove off. And if I left, whatever it was that I was hoping for, would never come true.

When Charlie left the bathroom, I had to push away the lonely feelings that always took over whenever it got really quiet. They overwhelmed the hopeful feelings completely. The hopeful feelings were fleeting at best, but the loneliness was always there if I let it in. But I didn't want to let it in. It hadn't even been ten minutes since my last meltdown, and I was determined to get myself under control, to get through the rest of the morning...

I decided a good start would be to get the taste of puke out of my mouth.

I went over to the sink, peeking up at the mirror, staring into it for the first time since it happened, and looked at my face.

_Holy swear word…_

My eyes were practically swollen shut with deep purple bags under them. My face was splotched and red, but ashen and grey in spots where there wasn't any red. My lips were dry and chapped, and so was the underside of my nose. My breath tasted like puke, and my hair was a mess, and I was still wearing the same tank and cutoffs that I had raked the grass in the day before. I was the epitome of a train wreck.

I threw on the sink and grabbed for my toothbrush and toothpaste, feeling utterly disgusting all of a sudden. I brushed my teeth twice, then took a long hot shower, letting the water burn all of the raw skin on my face. Then I switched it to cold, and let the water soothe my swollen eyes, and shock me back into consciousness.

During my shower, a few tears slipped out, but they washed down the drain…And when I was finished, I felt up to talking to Charlie. I decided that out of respect to him I would at least hear him out about Florida. I figured I owed him that much after all that he had done for me.

And I felt a little better by the time I made it down to the kitchen. Maybe not better, but definitely cleaner, and no longer looking like the Crypt Keeper.

I sat down in my seat, where Charlie had fixed me a strawberry pop-tart and some juice. "What's up?" I asked, gagging at the sight of food, but taking a nibble anyway, just to see.

Charlie dropped his coffee mug, and looked at me. "I'm going back to work on Monday," he said. "And I'm thinking now would be a good time for you to go see your mom."

"But what about your leg?" I asked, thinking it was the better excuse than disliking my mother and holding out hope for a reunion with Edward.

Charlie shook his head. "I don't want you to worry about me. I'm getting around ok, and the cast is off in a few weeks," he said. "And Pete can get me to and from work and help me with the errands."

He seemed to have it pretty well figured out, and his return to work was more imminent than I thought. I had been so caught up in Edward, I had lost track of Charlie…

But that didn't mean I was going to Florida. "No," I said. "I don't want to. Mom's busy with Phil anyway," I said, figuring that I could always blame it on Phil, someone Charlie didn't know and didn't like. It was worth a shot.

But Charlie didn't seem to buy it. "Bella Marie, I don't want you moping around this house for the rest of the summer. You haven't seen your mom since Christmas," he said sternly, lowering his eyes at me like he was serious. "The judge said you should be there anyway. You're lucky your mom hasn't taken me to court yet," Charlie said, bringing out the big guns. But I knew that my mom was too ashamed with herself to actually try to make me spend time with her. She knew what I thought of her, and she never tried to push me to have a relationship with her. When I saw her, it was because I wanted to.

"I don't want to. You need me here," I said, holding my ground. "I'll see mom for a week at Christmas."

Charlie's fist hit the table. "I just said that I can take care of myself Bella…"

_Ding dong…ding dong…_

Our conversation was interrupted by the sound of the doorbell. The conversation wasn't anything new though. We had fought that fight a hundred times. Getting me to go see Renee was like pulling teeth for Charlie.

_Ding dong…ding dong…_

I looked to Charlie, asking him with my eyes to get the doorbell. Even though quarrelling over Renee was a short reprieve from…everything. I didn't want to see anybody yet. I didn't want to deal with people.

Charlie nodded, and stood up from the table. _"_Just a minute!" He cried to the caller at the door. "Hold your damn horses," he grumbled, hobbling into the hallway.

I was sort of stuck where I sat, unable to get up the stairs without passing the front door. So I just sort of cowered in my seat, nibbling on my pop-tart, hoping that whoever it was would leave soon.

But when Charlie opened the door, nothing could have prepared me for who was on the other end. "Coach…Doctor Cullen," he said, greeting them. "Edward."

_No…_

"Hello Sir." I heard Edward's voice and I almost swallowed my tongue. I wasn't breathing. My pop-tart was hanging from my mouth as I sat there just frozen. I wasn't expecting to see him again…not yet anyway.

"Yeah yeah," Charlie grumbled to Edward. "To what do we owe this pleasure, gentleman?" He asked, giving them the coldest voice he was capable of. I wanted to give Charlie a high five. I also wanted to break down and sob. I didn't know what I was feeling. It was just so unexpected.

_Wait, did he say Coach? _

Then an unfamiliar voice started talking, the Coach. "There was an incident yesterday that we're trying to clear up," the voice said.

"Is Bella home?" I heard Doctor Cullen ask.

_Oh no…_

"You have a lot of nerve asking for Bella right now," Charlie said in a soft voice, almost a whisper. But I could hear him loud and clear. My ears were perked up and picking up everything.

"It'll only take a minute," Doctor Cullen said.

"Well, you can come back another God damn time, do you understand me?" Charlie said, losing his temper a bit.

Then Edward chimed in. "Let's leave them alone. I'll take the suspension. Please?" He asked, his voice thin and pleading. It wasn't his idea to show up, it was obviously on Doctor Cullen's request. I didn't know whether to be happy about that or not.

But I also didn't want Edward to take the suspension just because he was afraid to face me. He didn't deserve to be suspended over what happened. He was defending me. And even though I was still really angry with Edward, and really hurt, I still wanted him to have everything. I still wanted him to get his baseball scholarship and go to Dartmouth. I still wanted everything for him that the world had to offer, because I still loved him.

Fighting off the river of tears that I could just feel were about to pour, I pushed out of my chair. "No!" I cried, raising my voice so that they could hear me. I wiped my eyes on my shoulder, then walked to the door where Charlie still had them standing like cattle outside. I pushed Charlie out of the way. "It's fine Dad," I said, steeling myself before I lifted my head to look at them. "I'm fine," I said, and the first person I raised my eyes to was Doctor Cullen. Hope, the hope that I was feeling, depended a lot on him.

"Come in," I said, looking into Doctor Cullen's tired blue eyes, still too chicken to look at Edward. Then my eyes went to the floor, and Charlie's hand gripped firmly into my shoulder as we moved aside to let our visitors pass. And as the grey running shoes attached to the furry perfect calves walked past, I was really thankful then that I got my puking party out of the way, because I felt ready for round two…

I didn't want to look at Edward, but at the same time I did. It was so messed up, but my gut instinct was to sidle up to him, and curl into his chest, and get lost in his warmth and his smell. I wanted to so much it hurt. I could feel his presence in my house and I just wanted to be near him. My body didn't know we were broken up…it still craved him, ached for him.

Charlie's hand gave my shoulder a squeeze as I watched Edward's legs go into the living room. "You alright?" He asked.

I was so far from alright… "Fine," I said quickly. "Let's go."

I walked under Charlie's arm to the living room. "Have a seat," Charlie said, instructing everyone to sit. "Maybe you can tell me what the hell is going on here," he laughed, but in his tone you could tell he found nothing about the situation funny.

Coach and Doctor Cullen took the couch, and Charlie headed for his chair, and that left either the middle of the couch for me, or to sit next to Edward on the fireplace ledge, where his long legs were sprawled out, and his perfect hands were resting on his knees.

And as terrified as I was to face Edward, it was even more terrifying to sit in between Doctor Cullen and the overweight middle aged bald man that they called "Coach."

It was an easy decision. But before I walked over to where Edward was sitting, I decided to look at his face first, just to get it over with.

And as soon as I raised my eyes to him, his head shot to me like a dart, catching my stare…

_Fuck…_

I couldn't help the tears that came out when I saw his green eyes, and his lips, and his bushy eyebrows, and his mop of bronze hair that I could tell he'd been tugging at mercilessly.

But my biggest mistake was to actually look into his green eyes and see the look that he was giving me. It was like the look that he gave me in the high school parking lot when Doctor Cullen had him pinned against the van. Like he was tired, and over it, and just giving up... I wanted to kiss it away. I just wanted to see him smile again.

But I had to remind myself, before I lost it and made a fool of myself in the living room in front of everyone, that he didn't love me. I had to remind myself that he chose baseball and college over me, and that the only reason he was in my living room in the first place was to save his own butt so that he could play baseball again.

And once I did that, once I came to my senses, I was able to find enough strength to go sit down next to him and get the meeting over with.

I kept my eyes down as I went over to the fireplace and sat, resting my hands between my knees, and staring at the pattern in my grandmother's oriental rug instead of risking another look into his eyes. I could feel him though…beside me. I could definitely feel him.

And then he spoke. "I'm sorry about this," he whispered, and he sounded sincere.

"Whatever," I said, fidgeting with my hands, using all of my strength not to look at him. "It's fine."

And then the meeting commenced. It was short and to the point. I just had to give the play by play of what happened, what James said and did to me, and what Edward's involvement in it was. Apparently Edward broke James' nose, but I clarified that that must have happened after James sucker punched him while he wasn't looking. James threw the first punch, and whatever happened after that was self defense. Edward was just protecting me.

The most difficult part was when the coach asked me, "So you two are in a romantic relationship?" and I said, "No."

And then the meeting was over. "Ok Bella," Coach said. "Thank you."

"Sure," I smiled.

And then Coach looked over to Edward and shook his head. "You can practice," he said.

"Thank you Sir," Edward said, and I could hear in his voice that he was relieved.

Then I looked to Doctor Cullen, who had been quiet for most of the meeting. I wanted to see how he was taking the news of Edward's innocence. I wanted to see if it mattered, if anything had changed. I wanted to see if he felt at all guilty for assuming the worst from Edward, and being so hard on him. But his expression was hard to read. He seemed pleased that Edward was off the hook, but not apologetic in the least. Not to Edward. It's like Edward was never going to catch a break with him, no matter what.

The room got really quiet, but Charlie broke the silence when he let out a big groan. "Well that was enlightening," he said. "You think you know what your kids are up to, but you never do," he laughed. "Coffee?" He asked, offering coffee to Doctor Cullen and Coach.

"Sounds great," Coach said, and Doctor Cullen agreed with a nod.

"Right this way gentleman," Charlie said. And I wasn't sure what Charlie was doing with the coffee offer, until he winked at me as he turned the corner, leaving Edward and I alone in the living room.

Maybe it was the story about how Edward defended my honor and broke one of Charlie's delinquent nemesis's nose with his fist, but Charlie seemed almost eager for me to be alone with Edward. It was clear then that he liked Edward, probably more than ever after the story he had just heard. It was such a relief to know that, to know that at least he wouldn't be an obstacle standing in the way of my hope. Charlie was in on it, and he was ok with it…It was definitely a relief.

But when Edward and I were alone, I got scared because I knew that the biggest test for my hope theory was on him. In the end it was all on him. He was no longer in trouble, my dad approved…I just had to wait and see…

Then, as we sat in silence, Edward's knee moved over and knocked against mine. "Thanks," he said, and I couldn't help but shiver and smile on the contact.

"Sure," I whispered. "No problem." My heart was racing out of my chest as I just stared at the oriental, while Edward's knee stayed resting against mine. It was such small contact, but I couldn't help but feel invigorated by it. Hopeful.

"I begged them not to do this," he laughed cynically. "But James was being a dick and kept saying that I was a jealous psycho, and that he wasn't anywhere near you," he said, sounding angry. "They don't know me here. I could be Jeffrey Dahmer for all they know."

I tipped my head in his direction, tempted to rest my head on his shoulder, but resisted. "I'm glad that you're not suspended," I said. "I'm glad I could help."

"Yeah," Edward said. "Yeah, me too." And then, sort of like the moment on the curb at Subway, Edward shifted away from me and straightened himself up. I was hoping that he'd lean in closer, but he moved away.

And then my hopeful feelings exploded like an a-bomb, and the abandoned lonely feelings came crashing back. And so did the tears. They had been waiting in the wings, waiting for their moment to erupt onto the scene. And they did. They just came pouring out of my eyes.

I tried to wipe them away, but it was in vain. "But it doesn't change anything, does it?" I asked, already knowing the answer, but I still wanted to confront Edward with it. I felt used. I knew for sure then that his only reason for coming was to save his own skin.

"No," Edward said quietly, admitting to me what I already knew.

Then I felt stupid. "Right," I said, standing from the fireplace ledge and taking off for the front door, no longer wanting to be in the house, no longer wanting to be beside Edward. I just wanted to go somewhere and scream.

And when I got outside, my legs just took off toward the river. I had this overwhelming urge to just hide under the icy water and scream bloody murder. I had no control over my feelings for him. I was completely and totally owned by him in every way. And at every turn he just kept burning me, and toying with me, and just confusing the hell out of me. I hated it! I hated how much power he had over me!

So when I got to the riverbed, I didn't stop, I just kept running, ready to plunge face first into the icy water. But before I could, a hand gripped my forearm, yanking me back onto the riverbed.

I let out a wail, feeling his hand gripping me. "Just leave me alone," I sobbed, just badly wanting to be under the water in that moment, and not dealing with him.

"What the hell are you doing?" he asked, as I struggled against him.

"Going for a swim!" I cried, a shiver of anger running up and down my spine as I let out a loud chest shaking moan. I had never cried like that in front of Edward. I had never cried like that in my life. It was a total release. Anger and rage and resentment mixed with my sadness.

"Bella, I'm turning eighteen in two days," he said, like that was supposed to mean something to me in that moment.

I looked to him, totally confused. "So?" I asked through the hysterical blur, seeing his face like it was under water.

"You're fifteen," he said softly, pulling me with his hand farther onto the shore.

"So I've heard," I spat, starting to catch on to where he was going with the conversation. He was going to dump me all over again, only this time, blame me.

And he did. "Look," he said angrily, dropping my arm as his hands went into his hair to abuse it. "Maybe I don't want to be the ass that rolls into town and_ fucks_ the Sheriff's daughter," he said bitterly. "After Monday, I can get arrested for that you know."

My heart dropped on the word "fucks." In all of my imagining about Edward and I being intimate in that way, I never thought about it so grossly, so impersonally…It was always romantic and beautiful in my imagination.

I didn't know what to say, he took me so off guard. "Where is this even coming from?" I asked through my tears, totally confused.

"You're the Sheriff's daughter. You know the law," he said coldly, pacing back and forth in the blurry space in front of me.

I didn't appreciate his tone. I didn't appreciate any part of the conversation we were having. And it gave me a little strength to fight back. I took a step toward him, stopping him mid stride. "I do know the law," I said through gritted teeth, finding his frigid green eyes as my tears waned a bit. "And I also know that I could have waited for my sixteenth birthday to get_ fucked_ by you Edward," I said, seething, letting him know that I didn't appreciate his choice of words. He could go fuck himself for all I cared in that moment. "You just came down here today to save your own ass. I should just rename myself Doormat, don't you think?" I asked, calling him out for using me, using me on the one day that he should have just left me alone.

"I didn't want to come here," he said. "I wanted to take the fucking suspension."

"Then why didn't you?"

"My dad wouldn't let me."

"Of course not."

"You weren't there Bella. You don't understand how hard it's been to get back to normal as a family…for them to be proud of me again," he said, his chin starting to quiver, my Edward, the one that I loved coming through in his voice, in the softness in his eyes. "I want to be a doctor," he continued, sniffing back his watery eyes and shaky chin. "I want to play baseball. I want all of that stuff. It's not just about my dad," he said. "I want it too."

And I heard him. I did. But again we were back to the place where Edward got everything that he wanted, and I got left in Forks without him. It was like we were hamsters on a wheel going round and round and having the same conversation over and over and getting nowhere.

So I decided to end it, once and for all. I couldn't do it again. It was just too hard. "I get it," I said, wiping my eyes out with my hands. "You want everything_ but_ me. I heard you Edward," I spat, dropping my hands and finding his eyes. I could feel the expression wash off of my face, and my lids sort of drooped over my eyes as I looked at him. The rope that squeezed me when I was lonely choked me, and Edward was standing right in front of me, staring through me with this tired blank expression, matching mine.

But then he shook his head, like he disagreed with me. "I didn't say that," he said under his breath, his jaw clenching. "Stop putting words in my mouth."

I shrugged, feeling exhausted and out of fight. "Whatever," I said coldly. "Just leave me alone." I walked over to a boulder and sat with a huff, totally giving up. "I was actually feeling pretty ok until you showed up," I laughed to myself, remembering sitting with Charlie at the breakfast table and not feeling as desperately and disgustingly awful as I did sitting there on the rock, at another standstill with Edward.

And then it got quiet, and the sounds of the woods and the river overtook the sounds of arguing and crying. Then Edward sat down too, plopping down into the rocky gravel of the riverbed, like he was out of fight too…

I watched him in my periphery as he stared out into the river. Our river. The place where we shared the most, and laughed the most, and where just a couple hundred yards downstream he stopped mid dry-hump while we were ravaging each other in blurry teenaged lust. And even in my periphery, he was the most spectacularly beautiful creature I had ever laid eyes on. The way his cheekbones caught the light, and his eyelashes framed his eyes…

And then I watched as his eyes went to the old rope, hanging from the big oak. "Did you think this was really me? Beaver fucking Cleaver playing rope swing and riding bikes?" He asked into the air, but really to me.

"Yes," I said, barely over a whisper, as tears started rolling down my cheeks again. I never even questioned if he believed that. I just thought that he knew, like I knew, that the _real_ Edward was the one that giggled, and splashed, and was ship captain to our abandoned raft. I never even questioned if it was the real him, and it made me so sad that he did. Like he didn't know himself at all…like he was even more lost than I was.

And just thinking about all of the fun that we had together, my eyes just opened up more and started to pour. Not because of me, but because of societies insistence that Edward grow up. That in two days, he could somehow get in trouble for being with me. That his father couldn't step back for five seconds to see that Edward needed a little time, that he had been through so much, and maybe allowing him to take a breather and play a little bit would be beneficial for him. But Edward was under his father's thumb, and not mine. And seeing fancy shrinks and keeping him on the fast track to success was the solution to a broken heart in Doctor Cullen's eyes. And there was nothing I could do to stop it.

I didn't even realize how hard I was crying, how lost in tears I was until Edward's hands were on my face. He had crawled over to me at some point, and was kneeling under me holding my head. "I can't stay here with you," he said, his eyes flowing as torrentially as mine. "I can't," he said. "I want to, but I can't."

I leaned into his hands, knowing that I would never love anyone as much as I loved him, and I had to try. "Please?" I begged. "I love you."

And then, somewhere in the blur, Edward's mouth closed onto mine, his lips pressing so hard against my face that I could feel his teeth imprinting on my upper lip.

I couldn't breathe through my nose, and as our faces collided they were like this slippery wet teary mess. But I kissed him back with everything I had. I plunged my tongue into his mouth and dug my hands into his hair, and just let go, desperately, more desperately than I had ever kissed him before.

And I could feel it in his kiss too. The way his hands moved, and his face pressed so forcefully against mine. He was kissing me with everything he had too.

But then, like a slap in the face, a kick in the teeth, the reality that Edward and I decided to ignore for that one perfect moment, Doctor Cullen called out for Edward. "Edward!" he cried from somewhere on the lawn. "Let's go Son. Now!"

And, just like that, we were back to reality. Edward couldn't stay with me. Edward had to grow up.

He dropped my lips, and held my face in his hands for a while longer. "Bye," he said, looking into me with the softest green…softer than I had ever seen, with tears slipping from his eyes.

And then I knew what I had to do. I had to let him go. I had to, for both of us. "I'm going to Florida to spend the rest of the summer with my mom," I said.

"You're leaving?" He asked sadly.

"Yeah," I said, lifting my hand to his perfect face and stroking it. "Happy birthday Edward," I said. "I hope you get everything you want." And I meant it. I did. I wanted him to have everything. I wanted him to be happy more than I wanted it for myself. I just had to let him go, so that he could reach his full potential.

He couldn't stay with me. And I finally accepted that.

"Edward!" Doctor Cullen's voice was closer, bellowing and loud.

I smiled at Edward. "Go," I said. "I'm ok."

Edward stared into my eyes for a long beat, checking... "Ok," he said, standing from his perch. "Have fun in Florida Bella."

"And good luck with baseball," I said. "And everything."

Then Edward cocked his head at me, still holding my stare. "Bye," he said, but it was like a question, like he wanted to know if it was really goodbye.

I shook my head, blinking out some stray tears. "Bye," I said, assuring him that it was really goodbye, and that he was free to go, and that I understood.

And then Edward's eyes narrowed, and he shook his head. "Ok," he said.

"Ok," I echoed.

"Goodbye Bella."

"Goodbye Edward."

And that was that. It was done. There was nothing left to say.

**AN- I felt they needed more closure. So yeah. Onward! **


	18. Chapter 18

**How to Paint a House Chapter 18**

**BPOV**

_Beep…beep…beep…_

I slapped the flat of my palm against the alarm beside my bed. "No..." I groaned, awoken yet again from a wonderful dream about Edward. He had just hit the game winning homerun in his baseball game, and after he rounded the bases, he came over to me and swept me up in his arms, kissing me in front of the whole crowd. I was smiling in my sleep, completely warm, happy, and safe.

But the alarm, the one that my stepdad Phil made me get because he didn't like the fact that I slept in, just dragged me back to reality─ and reality sucked.

I sat up in bed and scrubbed out my eyes, having to take a few deep breaths to mentally prepare myself for another day. Another day without him, another day of letting him go…

Letting him go was easier said than done. Because even though Edward wasn't physically with me, it's like he never actually left. I dreamt about him every night without fail. It's like the instant that I closed my eyes, I'd see his eyes─ emerald green and smiling, and I'd get pulled back into his world. And I was all too willing to go too. In a weird way, I looked forward to going to sleep. When I was asleep, I could be with him, and feel that floating giddy happiness that was so lacking in my waking life.

But slowly, with every deep breath, I would come back down to reality. The warmth faded, and my smile dropped, and full consciousness set in, rudely reminding me that Edward was not going to be kissing me any time soon…because, well, he dumped me.

_Darn…_

With an accepting sigh, feeling slightly victorious for not shedding any tears that morning, I scooted over to the calendar by my nightstand, and crossed off the day with a red marker.

_**July 4**__**th**__** 2011…**_

I had been in Jacksonville for exactly two weeks. I left Forks on Edward's eighteenth birthday, tears in my eyes, waving goodbye out of the little airplane window, wishing him a silent happy birthday. It felt like yesterday, and I realized as I stared at the calendar, that two weeks was also the amount of time that Edward and I had spent together in Forks. It was almost incomprehensible─ how the same span of time could feel so drastically different. How two weeks could contain a lifetime, or disappear completely in a blur, with no memories formed at all…

And that was pretty much the gist of my two weeks in Jacksonville. It was essentially a blur of cold pizza, infomercials, and bad grocery store best sellers. I had spent my days on the couch in my mom's living room, wasting time, and avoiding the outside world. I had not even gone to the beach yet, and it was literally right outside my door. I guess I was sort of afraid of the beach. I was afraid to get too contemplative and alone with my thoughts. Beaches always did that to me…

Deciding against the beach yet again, I prepared for another fruitless day on the couch as I was walked into the living room. I was stopped in my tracks when I overheard Renee talking to Charlie on the phone in the kitchen…

"She won't talk to me, Charlie. Phil is getting upset, and I don't know what to do_,"_ Renee said in a hushed voice, real concern in her tone. "She hasn't moved from the couch."

I leaned against the wall, and ran my hands through my hair, trying to think about what I had done to get my mom's brain-dead jock of a husband Phil so upset. He was always on the road, and barely home a day since I had arrived in Jacksonville. I mean, I got the alarm clock, I stayed out of his way. God, Renee was my mother, and I was fifteen, and he couldn't handle me staying with him for a few weeks unless I was little miss perky?

_Whatever…_

"I don't want to send her home yet. She's my daughter, and I never see her."

…

"Ok. I'll give it another week. Bye Charlie."

_Click…_

I waited behind the wall for a minute after they hung up, feeling weird, feeling betrayed in a way that my parents discussed me behind my back, especially Charlie. I mean, Renee usually knew what was going on in my life, and I sorta kinda always knew that Charlie told her things…But hearing it in practice kind of hurt. Not hurt, it was just really embarrassing. I didn't want people analyzing me. I just wanted to be left alone.

Peeling away from the wall, I made my way into the kitchen, deciding to keep the status quo and not get into it with Renee. "Morning," I said, reaching for a banana on the counter, plopping down on a stool by the island.

Renee smiled at me with her pretty blue eyes. "There are fireworks tonight," she said, coming toward me, giving me a weak smile. "You used to love the fireworks when you were little." She put her hand to my face, and her wrist smelled like patchouli, just like my bear…

I shirked away, not wanting to be comforted by the smell. "Maybe," I said, twisting my stool in the opposite direction.

"We can pack a picnic, and light some sparklers," she said, sweetening the deal, like sparklers would draw a depressed fifteen year old out of the house.

"Maybe," I said again, bugging my eyes a little, wondering if she didn't hear my indecision the first time.

Renee let out a sigh, crossing her arms over her colorful sundress. "I just thought it might be fun," she said, sounding fed up and defeated.

"Fine," I said, rolling my eyes. "I'll go," I said, deciding to give in. Not because of the sparklers, but because I didn't want any more covert morning phone calls taking place in my honor.

Renee lifted her head. "Really?" She asked with a smile.

"Yeah, it sounds fun," I said, totally lying just to appease her, and her dopey husband.

Then my mom's hands were back on my face. "That's a girl," she said. "I'm gonna go to the store and get some stuff for the picnic."

"Great," I said under my breath. "Can't wait."

When Renee was gone, I finished my banana, and then went straight back to my room. Well, it wasn't my room, it was this small little ecru colored den, with weird 80's style furniture from Phil's bachelor days. But even though it wasn't as bright and roomy as my room in Forks, it served its purpose well. The darkness really added something to my despair.

Honestly, I was starting to feel a little anxious about the night ahead, and I wanted to go back into the darkness for a little while before I had to go out and face the public. I guess I was also feeling a little anxious about who else might be going out to face the public that night, and who he might be with. I couldn't help but let my mind wander back to Forks, and to Edward, and to what his plans might be for the 4th of July.

The 4th was a big event in Forks. There was a parade, and the high school always put on a big fireworks display. Afterwards, the older kids usually went to the mill, while the rest of us played with sparklers and firecrackers in the streets. For one night only we were allowed to run around like banshees, while our parents scarfed down hotdogs and beer and turned the other cheek.

Thinking about it, I couldn't help but dread what Edward's plans might be for the night. If partying at the mill was allowed under the Carlisle Cullen regime, I dreaded Edward going and having a good time.

I pulled my hands to my face, scrubbing out my eyes. "I'm so pathetic," I said into the air, getting a whiff of a stale smell that I realized was mine. "Just, get dressed, Bella, and try to have fun," I said, willing myself into some sort of motivated state. I could just feel it that if I stayed home that night, I would torture myself with images of Edward watching the fireworks with some other girl under his arm.

That's what I did whenever I locked myself in that dark little bedroom all alone. I tortured myself with scenarios─ just scenarios of what he might be doing, while waiting for sleep to come so I could be with him again. It was really pathetic…like, really…

_No!_

With a determined growl, I pushed myself off of the bed and stomped into the bathroom, turning on the shower with a little muscle. I was determined to go to the fireworks with Renee, and I was determined not to think of Edward while I was there. I knew very well that only one of those goals was possible, but I was determined to at least try.

Renee and I got to the beach early, and set up a blanket in the sand. I felt like a baby bird hatching, or a prisoner coming out of solitary. It seemed like it had been decades since my legs had moved more than a few paces at a time. It felt good to be out though, but also strange. Everyone around me seemed so happy and energized, while I was struggling to shake off the fog from two weeks of total stagnation.

I nibbled on some carrots and dip and watched as the crowds around me built. I guess I chose to people watch because it was a lot easier than trying to strike up a conversation with Renee. Even though I had spent the last two weeks on her couch, I still found it very difficult to talk to her. I hadn't even told her about Edward, or Angela, or anything about myself beyond yogurt preferences and the shampoo brand that I wanted her to buy me at the store.

In the long line of betrayals that I had endured from loved ones, Renee's was the first, and the most cutting. And she knew that I felt that way, and for the most part she gave me space and let me be. But she couldn't help herself when a group of kids my age set up a blanket close by.

"You should go introduce yourself," she said, wagging her head towards the group, bugging her eyes like I should be excited or something.

I shook my head. "No," I said, chomping down on a carrot, flagrantly disregarding Renee. I almost wanted to laugh at how little she knew me. If she would even consider that walking up to a group of kids and introducing myself might be something I'd do, she obviously didn't know me at all.

"Why not?" Renee asked. "What do you have to lose?"

_My lunch?_

"I'm not here to make friends," I said coolly, figuring that it was a little late for her to learn that I was socially inept.

Renee let out a frustrated sigh. "Ok," she said. "Then why are you here?"

"To watch the fireworks," I shrugged.

"Fine," Renee sighed, frustrated. "If you don't want to talk to me, I can't make you."

I pushed off the blanket. "I'm gonna go walk around," I said, stepping into the sand, and starting down the beach in a huff. I couldn't help but act like a brat towards Renee, she just brought it out of me. But I wasn't in the mood for a tearful knockdown drag-out in front of the whole neighborhood. That kind of display just wasn't my style.

I walked away from the crowds, and away from the action, and found myself right on the water's edge, where the frothy water crept up close to my feet. I slipped my sandals off, and walked closer, letting the waves come up to my ankles. The water was warm…and had a funny smell. It wasn't like the icy, fresh, head clearing river water that flowed behind my house. It was tepid salty ocean water…

"Hey you!" A high pitched female voice came up behind me, interrupting me just in time before I started thinking too much about Edward and the river.

I turned toward the voice. "Yeah?" I asked, my eyes finding a little black haired girl about my age. She was standing behind me holding her shoes, wearing a red bikini top and board shorts.

"Are you Phil Dwyer's stepdaughter?" She asked me timidly, coming closer, joining me in the tepid waves.

I narrowed my eyes at her. "Yeah," I said skeptically, so sure that I was 100% anonymous in Jacksonville, and a little taken aback.

"I thought so," she said as she came closer. "I'm Alice."

"Bella," I said.

"Swan, I know," Alice said like it was old news. "Your mom told our yoga class that you broke up with your boyfriend, and that you're really depressed. I'm sorry," Alice said softly, like consoling me for something that was none of her business.

I scrubbed out my eyes, imagining Renee spilling my most personal and painful life experience to her yoga class. "I am seriously going to kill her," I groaned, wanting to just get a shovel and dig myself a hole in the sand and hide. The very thought of total strangers knowing anything about me, personal stuff to boot, made me want to scream.

"Mothers, right?" Alice asked.

"Yeah," I said through gritted teeth, seeing red.

Alice looked at me apprehensively. "I live a block away from you," she said. "I mean, if you wanted to hang out or something, that might be cool."

I didn't want to hang out with her. Honestly, I just really wanted her to go away. "Yeah, maybe," I said, sounding very noncommittal, but too much of a chicken to tell her no. I didn't want friends in Jacksonville. Frankly, I didn't want to make another friend ever again. I mean, every friend that I ever had turned out to be a joke. Why would I want another friend?

But Alice didn't seem to pick up on the signals that I was sending out. "Just so you know, I don't know _any_ boys," she said. "Well, I know them, but I'm pretty sure I'm completely invisible to them. So, if that's what you're afraid of─"

I snapped my head in her direction. "I'm not afraid," I said sharply.

Alice shirked away. "Oh, it's just that you haven't left your house in two weeks. I figured that you were avoiding something. Boys scare me, so I guess I thought…" I could tell by her tone and her stance that I totally intimidated her, maybe even scared her. Then, I felt like a jerk.

With a deep breath, I looked down at Alice, really looking at her for the first time. She was tiny, and shy, and sort of wild. Her eyes were hazel green, and freckles dotted her pale skin, framed by her salty black hair. Her nails were chewed to the quick, and she had a few bruises on her shins.

She was like this harmless little person, and I was being a total idiot to her. I realized that if someone had been as nasty to me as I was being to Alice, especially after putting myself out there, I would have wanted to die.

I tried to soften my posture, and forced a smile. "I'm sorry," I said. "I'm just─"

"Having a bad day?" She asked.

"Something like that," I said with a sigh.

Alice smiled this really sweet soft smile. "That's cool," she said. "I understand."

_Boom! Boom! Boom!_

"Ooh! The fireworks are starting!" Alice squealed, as we both turned our heads to the sky.

Fireworks in Jacksonville weren't very different from fireworks in Forks. They were bright, and colorful, and loud, and like this definitive marker of the passage of time…a celebration…a happy thing. And as the people around me got quiet, awed smiles lighting up their faces, I felt my heart drop into my stomach, and my eyes welled up against my will.

Because as determined as I was not to let it, my mind went to Edward…my mind always went to Edward. Seeing the fireworks just made me ache for him, and for the summer that could have been…for the life that could have been really. With the passage of time came this acceptance over the loss. I had him, but I lost him…and what I was left with was utter crap.

_Damn it!_

"Hey, are you ok?" Alice asked, putting her hand on my back.

I wiped the tears from my eyes and sniffed. "I'm fine," I said, finding my eyes soaked against my hands. I was crying a lot more than I realized.

Alice shrugged apologetically. "I have to go back to my family now," she said softly. "Are you sure you're ok?"

I sniffed again, trying to pull it together. "Yeah," I said. "Go."

"Ok," she said, running her hand over my back, sort of patting it. "See you tomorrow?" She asked.

"Sure," I nodded, wiping my wet palms on my shorts, totally embarrassed, and wanting her to leave.

Alice nodded, and then turned away from me and started to run back toward the crowd.

I walked away from the water, sitting with a thud as soon as I reached dry sand. I pulled my knees to my chest, trying to will the tears to stop. They hit me so fast and so hard, it's like I had no control. All of the determination in the world couldn't stop them. The loss of the life that could have been was still too sad to think about.

And then, because the universe would not just let me be alone, Renee came up to me in the sand. "There you are," she said, approaching me, backlit by fireworks.

I glared at her as she came closer. "Stop talking about me to your yoga class," I spat, trying to convey to her how _not_ ok with me that was.

Renee sat down beside me, and looked up at the exploding sky. "The rumor was that you were a drug addict," she said. "I was just clearing it up for the chatty nosy bitches in my class."

I whipped my head in her direction. "Seriously?" I asked, not even sure what to think.

"Seriously," she said, turning her eyes to me. "My baby had her heart broken, she's not a pill popper."

I sniffed back some latent tears. "Oh," I said, seeing that there were two sides to every story. "Thanks," I said. "Thanks for clearing it up."

Renee smiled. "I know how much you like your privacy, Bella," she said. "I probably should have told them you were sick, but I was pretty angry. I guess I wasn't thinking straight."

I gave Renee a weak smile. "It's ok," I said, kind of tired of always being at odds with her, and just wanting the yoga gossip conversation to die. And I could tell that she was really sincere about being upset for me, and wanting to defend me. Then I just felt like a jerk again, like I wasn't giving Renee a fair shake.

Renee grabbed my face. "Are you ok?" She asked, putting her thumbs under my eyes and wiping them. "What were you crying about?"

Looking into her blue eyes, the eyes that used to comfort me when I was a little girl, I couldn't help but give into her a little bit. I let my head sink into her hands. "I miss him, Mom," I whimpered, tears starting to slip again. "I just miss him so much."

"Edward?" She asked, only knowing his name from conversations with Charlie.

"Yeah.

Then Renee's arms pulled me into her chest. "Oh, Bella," she said softly, sounding relieved that I was finally opening up to her.

I peeked up into her eyes. "I'd rather be a drug addict," I said with a whine. "It won't stop hurting."

Renee's chest shook with a laugh. "We can't afford that," she said, stroking my hair and rocking me in her arms. "How about you just buy some black lipstick and go goth?" She asked, making me snort with laughter through my tears. I had forgotten how funny Renee was.

I snuggled into her more. "Ok," I said, feeling my tears wane, feeling truly comforted by my mother's presence.

"I might have some old Wet'nWild in the drawer from Halloween," she laughed. "Phil's gonna love it."

"Perfect," I said simply, allowing the conversation to fade away naturally, and focusing my eyes back toward the beautiful explosions in the sky. "Thanks, Mom."

"You're welcome, Baby."

Two weeks after I arrived in Jacksonville, I let my mother hold me for the first time in five years. I let her wipe the stray tears from my eyes that formed when I let my mind wander to Edward. I let her play with my hair, and kiss me as much as she wanted, and look at my nail beds and cringe.

I just let her be my mother for the night, because I really missed having a mother. And as the night wore on, I realized that a big part of healing in Jacksonville…had nothing to do with Edward.

I went to sleep with a sense of peace that I hadn't felt in a long time. The rift with my mother had worn on me more than I realized, and patching it up made the pang in my chest ache a little less. I even managed to fall asleep without completely torturing myself with scenarios about Edward's 4th of July. I was actually torturing myself by over thinking the rumor that I was a drug addict. But still…I didn't think about him much. Well, until I fell asleep that is, where we resumed our nightly meeting.

But it didn't last long, because literally at the crack of dawn, an excited knock started at the front door.

_Knock! Knock! Knock! Knock!_

I stumbled out of bed. "Okay! I'm coming!"

My eyes were still bleary with sleep when I opened the door. "Hello?" The bright Florida morning sun blinded me like an alien abduction, as I groaned at the visitor, unable to see them.

"Morning!" It was Alice. She pushed past me and let herself into the living room before I even had time to blink. She put a bag down on the kitchen counter. "I brought bagels with lox and cream cheese," she said.

I waved her off. "No lox for me; I'm a vegetarian," I said with a yawn, still trying to get my bearings.

"Why?" Alice asked, instantly reminding me of someone else.

My eyes slammed shut, as I willed myself to not start thinking about him again. "Just…don't ask," I said.

Luckily, Alice seemed to have a short attention span, and didn't press the issue further. "Is this Phil's?" She asked, picking up a t-shirt that was draped over a bar stool by the island.

"Yep," I said, unable to stop her before she brought the shirt to her nose and sniffed it.

_Gross_

I walked over to her and yanked the t-shirt out of her hand. "Ok, that's enough of that," I said. "Let's eat these outside." I snagged the bag of bagels off of the counter, and started pushing Alice out the door.

When we got outside, I sniffed the Florida morning air. It was dense and humid, nothing like the chilly dewy Forks mornings. I was already sweating though my shirt when we got to the beach, but it was good to be out. It felt good to be doing something resembling living for the second day in a row.

"So, where should we sit?" I asked Alice as we made it onto the sand, the beach already crowded with runners and surfers.

Alice seemed a little distracted. "They're here," she said, staring out into the water with her mouth agape.

"Who is?" I asked, following her eyes out to the water. She was looking at a group of surfers, and I could tell by the blush on her cheek, and the deer in headlights look on her face, that she liked them.

"Riley, Marcus, and Cai…only the cutest boys in my class," she said, confirming my suspicion.

I plopped down in the sand and took a bagel out of the bag. "Do you surf?" I asked, tearing into the bagel with my teeth.

Alice plopped down beside me, pulling her knees to her chest. "No," she said. "I'm highly uncoordinated."

"We could try it," I said, knowing from experience that the only way to get to know boys was to be around them. And, I don't know why, but I really wanted to help Alice get to know those boys. It seemed like something I could do that would have absolutely nothing to do with me, or Edward, or any of the drama that I left back in Forks. It would be like a selfless act. Like, I could be Emma for the summer.

Alice looked over to me, and a smile hit her face. "Let's do it," she said, wagging her brows. There was a fire in her eyes, an excitement and hopefulness that I knew all too well. I remembered feeling that way, and more, when I first met Edward.

But sitting in the sand in Jacksonville, chewing on a stale bagel, I couldn't even imagine getting that excited over anything ever again. Seeing the dance going on in Alice's eyes really brought that home for me. That blind optimism, that toe curling eagerness…was only something a girl could go through once.

But I didn't want to spoil Alice's moment. "Come on, Phil has some extra surfboards in the garage," I said, pushing out of the sand, and tossing what was left of my bagel to the seagulls.

Alice followed behind me. "We're really doing this?" She asked, sounding ready to back out.

I turned to face her, raising a brow. "Yep," I said. "You're not chickening out, are you?" I asked.

Alice shook her head. "No," she said, a smile starting to pull from her cheeks. "I'm just…I never do stuff like this."

I smiled back at her. "Well, you do now," I said, wagging my head for her to follow me, getting really excited to get into the water and try something new, with Alice.

Alice wasn't like the imposters that used to be my friends in Forks. She was honest, and sweet, and she didn't even seem to mind that I was still walking around in my pajamas with un-brushed hair and teeth. And even better, I didn't feel all icky and self conscious around her. I felt like I could be Bella…the one that Edward knew, the one that was up to any challenge.

After rummaging through the mountain of old surfboards Phil had stacked in the garage, Alice and I changed into some bathing suits, and headed back to the beach. I wore a blue and green bikini that Renee bought for me. My pink bikini never made the trip. When I went to pack it in Forks, I broke down in tears actually. It was all very dramatic, but I had so few tangible things from my time with Edward, the very idea of wearing that bikini again like it was just any other random article of clothing, just wasn't happening.

We chose to put the boards in close to where the boys were surfing, but not too close, so they wouldn't think we were stalking them. My arms were on fire when I dropped one of Phil's heavy surfboards into the sand. I would have felt guilty about taking his boards without permission, but he made me use an alarm clock, and I still partially blamed him for ruining my family, so I didn't really care.

Alice lagged behind, even tinier and weaker than I was. "Do you know anything about surfing?" She asked, a little out of breath as she tossed her board down beside mine.

I shrugged a shoulder, looking out into the churning water. "How hard could it be?" I asked, having some experience with boogie-boarding and snowboarding. I figured it was probably just a combination of the two.

Alice shook her head like she wasn't so sure. "I think it's supposed to be pretty hard," she said, starting to sound worried again.

"I'll try it first," I said, truly not seeing the big deal. The river behind my house was treacherous, and I jumped into it from a rope with my eyes closed.

"Be my guest," Alice said, and I was starting to think that kids in Florida were a bit sheltered.

Then again, I was also aware that there was a part of my personality that was a bit reckless, and I often leapt well before I looked. I had been like that since I was a kid. Charlie called me bullheaded and stubborn and completely oblivious to my own limitations. But I didn't see it that way. I just liked to try things, and didn't really see the point in being afraid. I guess that's what I did with Edward. I just jumped in head first, just put myself out there, not really fully understanding the consequences…and ended up burned.

So, before I went in the water, I took some precaution. "Just, get the lifeguard if I don't come back up," I told Alice, making sure I had my bases covered.

"I will," she said nervously, biting down on her lip and twisting her hands.

I picked the heavy board up out of the sand, eyeing the other surfers in my periphery for guidance. They all held the boards out in front of them and ran into the surf, laying their bellies flat and paddling out with their hands. That part seemed easy enough, so, I gripped the board in front of me and started running for the water.

_Whoosh…_

I hit the water with a smack. It was warm and salty, and stung my eyes. I pushed my hair away from my face and tried to find my balance on the board before a wave came and knocked me over. I saw some of the surfers going under the waves, but that looked kind of hard. I decided to just go over top of them like I did when I boogie-boarded.

With every wave I got pushed back a little, or fell off of my belly onto my feet. But eventually, I found myself out past the shallow breaking waves, and was able to paddle out deeper, like the other surfers did.

"Go Bella!" I heard Alice cry when I crossed the threshold into the deeper water. "Woo hoo!"

I looked over again at the other surfers. Most of them were straddling their boards with their legs, waiting for the waves, so I did it too. I pulled myself on, and threw my legs over each side, trying to balance, and wait…

As I waited, my long pale legs dangling in the warm water, the current started carrying me closer and closer to the other surfers. I tried to use my hands to keep a little distance, but it didn't work. I figured there was a reason they were all in one spot. The current brought them there…

Eventually, I floated right up to the group, probably looking like a total dufus. They were all in wet suits, and all male. I was a female beginner in a bikini…

_Oh God…_

"Hi." One of the guys wagged his brows at me in greeting, as I started encroaching on his spot. He was really skinny and tall with bleach blonde long hair. "I'm Cai," he said.

"Bella," I said.

"Nice day," he said.

"Yeah," I agreed.

Then, without even so much as a goodbye, Cai pushed onto his belly, and started kicking and paddling as a wave swelled below us. Within seconds he was gone, riding the wave into the shore in perfect form. I just remained floating in the deep water, unaware that a wave was even coming, much less ready to catch one. I wasn't even really sure how he knew that a wave was coming in the first place. By the time I felt the swell, it was too late.

I maneuvered myself onto my stomach, deciding that on the next one, I would just go when the other boys went. I wanted to be ready though, because I was certain that I wouldn't be able to react as quickly as Cai did.

And before I could even get comfortable, a dirty blonde with a gauge in his ear started kicking and paddling into a wave.

_Oh God…here goes…_

I followed his lead and just started kicking and paddling with everything I had, determined to beat the swell that I could feel building underneath me. And I did, I think…because the wave took me, it took me crashing, and thrashing, and splashing all the way into shore…

Thing is, I never stood up. I just boogie-surfed all the way in, holding onto my board for dear life.

"Hey!" A male voice was shouting at me while I tried to get my bearings. I was sitting butt down in the shallow water, trying to push my hair out of my face and hold onto my board at the same time.

I pushed some hair from my eyes and looked up. "Yeah?" It was the dirty blonde with the ear gauge.

"You dropped in on my wave," he spat, glaring at me like I did something very wrong.

I felt like an idiot sitting in the shallow water while the waves tossed me. "I what?" I asked, standing up, looking skeptically and ear gauge boy. I had no idea what he was accusing me of. I mean, I wasn't aware that the wave had his name on it. It was a public beach.

"Do you even know what you're doing?" He asked. "You could have seriously fucked us both up," he said.

I shrugged a shoulder and picked up my board. "Sorry," I said causally. "I've never surfed before." It was amazing, but nothing about this boy intimidated or even phased me. He was cute, I guess, and literally yelling at me in my face, but I didn't care.

"What the hell are you doing out here if you've never surfed before?" He asked, unzipping the back of his wetsuit.

"Uh, learning," I said, walking away from him. "What else?" I could see Alice standing like a squirrel frozen in traffic on the beach. I knew somewhere in my mind that I was supposed to be helping her befriend these boys, not piss them off. But I couldn't help it if they were being rude.

"There are rules. Unspoken rules," he spat as I walked away.

I turned back to ear gauge boy. "Look, I said I was sorry. What do you want?"

Alice finally unfroze and came up beside me, grabbing my arm. "Let's go, Bella. I can tell when we're not wanted," she said in a huff, glaring back at the boy, and helping me with the heavy surfboard.

"Wait!" He cried, calling us back.

Alice and I turned around. I lifted my brows, like asking him what he wanted.

He took a step towards us, and Cai and their other friend flanked him. "If you want to learn, we can maybe teach you guys," he said, bowing his head a little, and sounding kind of apologetic and sincere.

Then Alice's fingers were pinching into my love handle so hard that it felt like she was drawing blood. She obviously wanted to take them up on their invitation. And as her Emma for the summer, I couldn't say no.

I shook my head. "Ok," I said, speaking for both of us. It was weird being the less shy person in the duo. Very weird.

Then the boy smiled, and there was a little lightness in his brown eyes. "Cool," he said. "I'm Riley…this is Cai, and Marcus." He pointed to the bleached blonde and a big brunette beside him.

I attempted a smile at them. "I'm Bella, and this is Alice," I said.

"Five a.m. tomorrow," Riley said, running his hands through his dirty blonde hair.

"Five a.m. what?" I asked.

He smiled. "That's what time we meet," he said. "And find some smaller boards."

Then Alice found her voice box. "We will!" She cried, slapping me on the back, and getting bouncy on her feet.

"Great," I hissed under my breath, fully realizing that I had just committed myself to less sleep and more social interaction. "Can't wait," I said.

Riley and the boys sort of awkwardly nodded to us, and then took off into the water.

Alice nudged me with her elbow as we watched them leave. "He likes you," she said, a gleam of mischief in her eyes.

I shook my head. "Not interested," I said. "I'm doing this for you."

"Sure you are," she said, an excited chime in her tone.

I rolled my eyes. "I'm not," I said, a little more adamant. What she didn't seem to get, what maybe no one would actually understand unless they knew or laid eyes on Edward Cullen, was that I _really _wasn't interested. He had ruined me. I couldn't even see other boys.

Alice shrugged. "Suit yourself then. More for me," she said, getting bouncy again. "Yay, I'm so excited about tomorrow. I feel like my summer just got sooo much better!" She cried. "I'm so glad I met you, Bella. You rock!"

Alice was alive with the excitement of possibility. She was conjuring up ideas and scenarios and dreams about what the summer could become. Of course I knew what she was feeling. I knew how unbelievably giddy, and hopeful, and nervous, and just spine shivering thrilled she probably felt. But I couldn't agree with her that my summer just got better. My summer was still in Forks, with Edward. Anything that happened in Jacksonville felt like a band aid. It felt like a way to distract myself to pass the time. Seeing Riley play with his hair and crack a smile…it only made me ache even more for someone else.

_Crap…_

Alice slapped my back again. "We need smaller surfboards! We have to go shopping!" She squealed.

I grabbed her arm, trying to contain her a little bit. "Alice, try not to be so enthusiastic," I said, wagging my head out toward the water where the boys were watching. "Just, be cool," I said.

Alice eyed me conspiratorially. "Right," she said. "Cool…"

"Yeah," I smiled, laughing at her earnestness. "Come on."

_**Six months later…**_

_Beep…beep…beep…_

I slapped the alarm beside my bed. "No…" I groaned, awoken from a great dream. I was surfing with the guys and Alice, soaring under a perfect curl.

I scrubbed out my eyes, crawling over to the calendar beside my bed, and scratching out the date with my red marker.

**December 24, 2011… **

Then my door creaked open. "You ready to go back to Forks for Christmas?" Renee asked, coming into my room and sitting down on my bed.

I swallowed a lump in my throat, and raised my head to my mother. "I don't know," I said.

She put her hand to my face. "Your dad really misses you. You've been gone a long time."

I took a deep breath. "Yeah," I said slowly, feeling a pukey feeling that I hadn't felt in months. "Yeah, I have been gone a long time."

A really long time.

_Holy swear word… _

**AN- I hope you all had a wonderful holiday season! Thanks so much for reading. **

**Love, Maggie :) **


	19. Chapter 19

**How to Paint a House Chapter 19**

**BPOV**

"Happy Holidays, and welcome aboard. We anticipate a smooth trip, and should be landing in Seattle by 6:15pm- Pacific time. Enjoy your flight, and thanks for choosing Southwest," the flight attendant said, as the airplane started taxiing down the runway.

I tightened my seatbelt, leaning back in my seat and closing my eyes, trying to block out all of the people around me so that I could think about what I was going to say to Charlie when I saw him. My whole life I had been the victim to other people's selfish choices. Leaving Charlie for some friends and fun in Jacksonville was like my first and only selfish choice, and I swear it was giving me an ulcer. I had done a really good job of living in denial for the past six months, and not over thinking my decision to stay. But with only five hours left until I had to face my father again, I was forced to think about it. I was forced to justify it to myself, again, so that I didn't feel so guilty.

See, what happened was, I was literally packing up, ready to go back, when my mother sat me down and basically begged me to stay. She knew that I was happy in Jacksonville, and that the only reason I was going back to Forks was to take care of Charlie. And to Renee, going back to a place where I was no longer happy, just to take care of my father, wasn't good enough.

My instinct, still, after all of the healing we had done over the course of the summer, was to fight her. I told her that it would simply_ kill_ Charlie if I didn't come home. But Renee stood her ground. She told me that it was up to Charlie to figure out how to be happy on his own, and that he needed to get out there again, and that my being there all the time just enabled him to stay in and never move forward with his life.

I kind of wanted to slap her…just on principle. But, I also realized that she had a point. I mean, it had never occurred to me that my presence in Charlie's life might have been holding him back. I didn't even know if Renee was right, but it was a concept that left me really torn. I was so set on going back to Forks just for him, but there was a bigger part of me that wanted to put all of the drama that Forks represented behind me, and just be normal for once in Jacksonville where I had friends and a relatively normal life.

But thankfully, because I just couldn't tell Charlie out loud that I didn't want to live with him anymore─ Charlie did it for me. He could sense that I wasn't ready to come back, and he basically told me that I wasn't allowed. He essentially forbid me to come home, and cancelled my airline reservation, and shipped my stuff in boxes to Jacksonville on overnight express…

"_You just kick butt out there. And don't you dare worry about me." _

I could hear in his voice that he was sad about it, but I didn't fight him too hard. Actually, I didn't fight him at all. I shed some tears, and protested, and made excuses…but it was weak, and my heart wasn't really in it.

I wanted to stay, and somehow I had convinced myself that Renee was right and that Charlie needed to get out more, and that my leaving might be the kick in the pants that he needed. I was also getting really used to the idea of not being the caretaker, and getting really used to just being a kid. Renee got me a cell phone, and an i-pod, and my own laptop for school without even a flinch or a grumble. And I liked not having to think about what I was going to make for dinner (Renee did that), or if Charlie had clean socks, or if he was low on coffee and I needed to make a late run to the Thriftway.

I had really come around to the idea that Charlie would have to do all of those things himself. I imagined he'd be eating a lot of Hungry Mans, and going to work in dirty socks, and buying his morning coffee at the 7-Eleven. But I was convinced, probably on purpose to ease my own conscience, that if Charlie was ever going to move on with his life, he needed to go to work in dirty boxers a few times.

_Ding!_

"Please fasten your seatbelts, and bring your trays and seatbacks into the upright and locked positions for our descent into Seattle."

I looked up at the fasten seatbelt sign, and my arms instinctively wrapped around my chest. It's like when you need time to slow down a little bit to give you a minute to sort through some stuff, it just speeds up incomprehensibly. I wanted to use the flight to prepare myself mentally to face Charlie, but all it did was just get me worked up and thinking about it again. The plane ride just simply wasn't enough time to prepare. And as the tires hit the runway with a skidding rumbling bang, I realized that there was no talking myself out of my guilt. I just had to face Charlie, and perhaps face the consequences of my selfish choice.

_Darn…_

As I rode the escalator down to the baggage claim, I was starting to really dread how he'd react to me, and dread the condition that I might find him in. But then I saw him, standing like he usually did by the Alamo rental-car kiosk waiting for me…and he looked really _great_?

"Welcome home, Bells," he said, holding his arms out for me, looking handsome in his blue jeans and leather coat, standing straight as an arrow on two working legs.

I ran to him, forgetting about my fear, and just dying to be wrapped up in my father's arms. "Hey, Dad," I said relieved, pressing my face into his warm wool sweater and leather coat. "I missed you," I whispered, a few tears slipping from my eyes, as I felt the comfort that only Charlie could give for the first time in six months.

His mustache brushed my temple. "I missed you too, Bells," he said. "You look beautiful, darlin. I can hardly recognize you."

I nuzzled into my father more. "Stop," I said, always a little embarrassed when adults noticed my physical changes throughout the course of puberty.

But, Charlie was right, I had really grown up a lot over the course of six months. I just didn't feel as gangly, and had gained some much needed weight, and had finally learned to apply a little makeup without looking like a prostitute raccoon. I really felt sixteen, like I was finally getting acquainted with womanhood, as cheesy as that sounds. I guess I just finally felt like I had a grip on the whole femininity thing. Like I could still be myself, and still be Bella, but I could also have some lipstick on without looking like a moron. I guess I also sort of accepted that I'd never be as naturally poised and feminine as some girls, but that was ok. I mean, Renee and Alice were a little rough around the edges and wild like me, but I found them both to be so beautiful. I guess seeing it in them helped me see it in myself. Like, I could see how a boy might be interested in a low maintenance brunette like me. It was no longer some mystifying foreign concept.

I hugged Charlie for kind of a long time; probably longer than any other daughter hugged her father in the airport that day. But, I just had a hard time letting go. I was just so happy, and relieved, and sort of relishing in the confirmation that no matter what happened, and no matter how much time we spent apart, that we'd always have a special bond.

I was also relieved that he smelled freshly showered, and that he seemed well fed, and that his clothes looked pressed and clean. He actually looked better than the way I left him, and that just made me so indescribably happy. It was good to know that he could take care of himself…really good to know.

Charlie let go first, and bumped me with his elbow. "Do you want to drive?" He asked, eyes gleaming. "I want to see how well that Phil character taught you," he said, never one to miss an opportunity to take a jab at Phil.

I gave Charlie a weak smile, silently telling him that I was sorry that he didn't get to teach me to drive. "Sure," I said. "I'd love to."

Charlie reached into his pocket and tossed me a set of keys.

I looked at the keys in my hand, not recognizing them at all. "What keys are these?" I asked curiously, wondering if Charlie had finally sprung for a new car. But the keys looked older than dirt, and were hanging from a strange metal keychain that I had never seen before.

Charlie's cheeks pulled into a big smile. "Yours," he said, wagging his brows excitedly.

"Mine?" I asked, starting to catch on. "These keys are mine?"

Charlie let out a laugh, picking my suitcase off the ground, and wagging his head for me to follow him outside. "Yep," he said simply. "Happy Birthday and Merry Christmas."

I followed behind him in a jog. "You bought me a car?" I asked, unable to control my eagerness, unable to even comprehend that miserly cheap Charlie Swan had bought me a car.

Charlie laughed again. "Don't get too excited," he said. "Wait until you see it first."

The fact that _it_ existed at all felt like a small miracle, and the walk through the parking lot was excruciating. One, I was like a kid on Christmas, literally, dying to see my gift. And two, I was freaking freezing, even though I was dressed in jeans, a sweater, and a winter coat. When I left Jacksonville it was 80 degrees. Seattle felt like a freezer. I was shivering for two very different reasons, and bouncing up and down like a spaz.

And when I saw my Christmas gift, it just got worse. "Oh my God, it's perfect!" I cried, running up to a massive red antique Chevy truck, knowing it was mine before Charlie even pointed it out. I just knew when I saw it parked in the lot. I just knew. "This is it?" I asked, turning back to Charlie, hopping up and down on my feet in excitement…and to avoid hypothermia.

Charlie smiled. "I thought you'd like it," he said, lugging my suitcase behind him, vapor coming from his breath.

I fumbled with the keys in my jittery cold hands, pushing them into the driver's side lock, and smiling when I heard the telltale click.

_Yes!_

"Thank you, Dad," I said, as we both snuggled into the plushy tan seats, the cabin still warm and smelling like peppermint and cigars. "You didn't have to do this," I said, putting the key in the ignition and hearing my new baby rumble and come to life.

Charlie looked at me. "Yes I did," he said softly. "I'm glad you like it, Bells."

"I do," I said simply, trying to convey to him my gratitude, but unable to. Cheap miserly Charlie Swan bought me a car. Yeah it was old, and impractical…but it purred like a kitten, and would easily cut through the snowy hills of Forks like a hot knife on butter.

Basically, my truck was perfect, and just a testament to how well my father knew me. And as I drove out of the big city, and up through the winding desolate roads that led to Forks, it started to really settle in that I was home again. The roads were wet with snow, and the evergreen hilltops were coated with icing, and a logging truck blew exhaust into the cabin, hissing like it was cold and tired…and just reminding me that Washington was my home…that it was in my blood…that it was a part of me.

I drove past the 7-Eleven, and the high school, and the entrance to the North Pines Pool─ the gate padlocked and chained. I drove past all of the places that had made up my entire world for the first fifteen years of my life, and I smiled upon them fondly. But there was also this gnawing ache in my chest, reminding me that I had been gone, really gone. I wasn't just gone a few weeks, but six months, and I knew that a lot had probably changed in that time. I had changed, and I knew that the gnawing ache that I was feeling was probably fear─ fear that someone else had probably changed too...

And, typically, when I pulled into my driveway, the first thing that I noticed was the impeccable paintjob on the house.

_Edward…_

Truth, I wasn't over Edward. But, I wasn't completely under him anymore either. It was like I had come to terms, and I had accepted it, and I was definitely starting to move on. I still felt those wistful moments of longing, and ache, and sadness for him. And I had yet to feel that floating giddy happiness that I felt when I was with him with my new friends. But, I was generally able to shrug that off and enjoy the day anyway. I mean, I wasn't floating happy with my new friends, but I_ was_ regular happy. And regular happy actually felt pretty good. It felt normal.

So, as I often did when I let my mind wander to him, I shrugged my shoulders, and let the thoughts pass with a smile. I took a deep breath, and turned the ignition off, and didn't allow for anything more than a wistful sigh. Anything more…I just didn't do that anymore.

"The house looks beautiful," I said to Charlie, looking at the beautiful evergreens and lights that he had spruced up the house with.

Charlie pushed out of his door, and stretched a bit. "I just wanted it to be nice," he said, reaching into the small cabin for my suitcase.

I got out of the truck, and followed Charlie toward the front door. "It's perfect," I said. "Everything is perfect, Dad."

Charlie peeked over his shoulder at me. "Your left hand turns could use a little work," he said with a wink.

"Dad!"

XXX

My perfect Christmas at home with Charlie continued into the next day: Christmas Day. I slept like a log in my old bed, passing out like a baby after a long day of travelling. If I had dreams, I couldn't remember them by the time I woke up. And I woke up with the sun, no longer in the little den in Jacksonville, but back in my room with my giant bay window. Some snow had fallen, and the oil furnace was on, and the smell of coffee and bacon, and all of the familiar smells that were so specific to my house comforted me, and really made me feel at home. It's like you don't really know what your house smells like unless you've been away from it for a while...

Charlie and I spent the day locked in our little house, just the two of us, ordering Chinese food, and watching old home movies, and sorting through all of the Christmas cards that the good people of Forks had sent to Charlie, basically making fun of all of them. We were total vegetables, gorging on chocolate and eggnog. It's like our little house was a cocoon, and Charlie and I were the only two people in Forks, and we were allowed to stay inside and never leave.

The solitude of Christmas day almost made me forget that I was actually going to have to leave the house and spend the next seven days in Forks amongst the people that I essentially abandoned for a better life elsewhere. Sometimes, I wondered if anyone even noticed that I was gone, or if anyone in Forks even missed me at all. To be honest, I was a little scared to find out. I had sort of grown accustomed to being wanted, and being _seen_ in Jacksonville. Alice, and Riley, and Marcus, and Cai…they actually liked me, and enjoyed spending time with me. So the idea of being ignored and invisible again was particularly unsettling. I was contemplating not leaving the house at all just to avoid that potential blow.

And I was still contemplating it when I walked into the kitchen the next morning, finding Charlie already showered and dressed and pinning his badge on at the table. The house was colder, and didn't smell as sweet, and the black garbage bag filled to the brim with wrapping paper was kind of a sad sight…

Christmas was over.

"Morning," I said to Charlie with a sigh, grabbing for a mug from the cabinet and pouring myself a cup of coffee.

Charlie eyed me as I displayed my new vice. "You'll stunt your growth," he growled, as I plopped down in my seat. "Renee have you smoking doobies with her too?" He asked sarcastically…I think.

I laughed. "Ha ha," I said, pulling the mug to my lips and taking a sip of the bitter caffeinated heaven.

Charlie pushed out of his seat. "I'm off," he said, leaning over and kissing my temple, then pushing his newspaper towards me. "Section C," he said, sort of solemnly, with a hesitant look in his eye.

I picked up the paper, and turned it to section C.

_Oh God…_

Like the welcome wagon that I needed, a beautiful picture of Edward in his baseball uniform jumped out from the page with the headline─ **Local Senior Accepted to Dartmouth University on Baseball Scholarship.**

I was frozen with the paper in my hands for a moment. I had forgotten how handsome he was, how almost otherworldly his face was. He put the models in the department store adds on the opposite page to shame, even in black and white. "He got in," I smiled, staring at the page. "I knew he would," I said, and my happiness for him was genuine, my smile was genuine. He did it, he really did it.

Charlie squeezed my shoulder. "With a scholarship," he said softly. "The kid can really play."

I looked away from black and white paper Edward, and up to Charlie. "You watched him?" I asked, again reminded of how much time had passed, and how I had missed a few things while I was away.

"I caught a few games," Charlie said with a shrug, admitting to me something that he had never told me when we talked on the phone. He had seen Edward. He had watched him play baseball.

"Oh," I said, bowing my head a little bit, not sure what to think. I wanted to ask Charlie how Edward seemed, or if he knew what he was up to, or if he was dating skanky skank skank Tanya… But, I didn't. I took a deep breath, pushing the thoughts away, and smiled through them.

Charlie kissed my temple again, and gave my back a little pat. "I'll be home for dinner," he said. "Call me if you need me."

"You have my cell phone number?" I asked.

Charlie shook his head. "Yeah, yeah," he said, rolling his eyes.

I smiled at his stubbornness. "Have a good day, Dad," I said, as he pushed out the kitchen door, off to fight crime…

When Charlie was out the door, I resumed staring at Edward's photo in the paper, and the glowing article that painted Edward as this perfect student athlete with a limitless future. I imagined Doctor Cullen's pride in his son, and wondered if he bought the space, or if the local paper always featured exceptional students. It didn't matter though. What mattered was that Edward did it. He did everything that Doctor Cullen wanted and then some.

"He really did it," I said out loud, feeling a stupid goofy smile pulling from my cheeks, but unable to stop it. "Good for you, Edward," I said, feeling pride for him like an old friend, like a fond memory…but not necessarily as a lover, or a boyfriend, or a current flame. I realized as I stared at the page that those feelings had faded considerably. I was finally able to look at Edward objectively. I was finally able to just see him as a person, as a flawed and selfish person, and not as some god amongst men.

I was so happy for him, but I guess somewhere deep deep down, there was an evil part of me that hoped that he wasn't doing so well without me. Like sometimes I hoped that maybe Doctor Cullen was wrong, and that Edward wasn't better off without me. I had daydreams sometimes that he picked up a heroin habit and joined a gang because the love of his life was gone and he had nothing left to live for.

But the picture and the article sort of proved that Doctor Cullen was indeed right. Edward was on his way, no distractions, nothing tying him to Forks…just a bright and shiny perfect future ahead.

_Doctor Cullen was right… Meh…_

I closed the newspaper with a sigh, not in the mood to get too worked up over something that was out of my hands and in the past. The horse had been beaten to death, and the decision was made. I decided to just be happy for Edward, and proud, and wish him the best.

I looked around. The house was so quiet that I could hear the clock ticking in the living room. I was alone, really alone for the first time in a long time. I had gotten really used to being around people and being social in Jacksonville. There was always something going on, or somewhere to be, or some new thing that Renee wanted to try out that she'd drag me along to. The quiet solitary life that I had in Forks with my books and my tree just wasn't my reality anymore. I didn't even know how to be that girl anymore. I didn't even know how to be alone.

"Crap," I said into the air, getting antsy and bored. "Now what?"

I contemplated getting started on the pile of homework that my jerky new teachers had assigned for me over break. Teachers in Jacksonville weren't very different from teachers in Forks I found. I was convinced that they all secretly hated us, and rued the day they ever decided to become high school teachers. I mean, imagine spending your entire career dealing with hormonal assholes. I understood why I had a pile of homework…but, I wasn't quite ready to tackle it yet.

Then I looked outside at my new truck sitting in the driveway, and decided to take a drive. It was better than staying in the house, and I was curious to see what my little town looked like in the daylight.

I had no real intentions of seeing anyone during my drive, but I found myself spending a little extra time getting ready in the bathroom anyway. I guess I had this fear that the people of Forks thought that I had run away after being scandalized and having my heart broken by Edward. Like, I had this fear that they thought I was like a mess or something…

But that just wasn't true. I wasn't a mess, and I didn't run away from Edward. He was actually pretty far down on my list of considerations when I decided to stay in Jacksonville. I mean, if I had come back to Forks with even a shred of hope for a reconciliation with him─ that would have been the real mistake. Coming back to press my luck with him again, well after the horse had been sent to the glue factory, would have been the truly humiliating and desperate choice.

But as I looked in the mirror, sun-kissed and regular happy, I didn't really expect the people of Forks to understand that. They probably had me painted as a mental case. "Oh well," I sighed, as I tied my hair back into a loose ponytail. "Screw em," I said, smacking my lips together to smudge my lipgloss.

I bundled up in my camel coat and navy hat, and headed out. I held my head high, deciding that I didn't care what people were saying about me. I wanted to enjoy my vacation home with Charlie, and I didn't want to get caught up in the drama that made me so miserable in Forks in the first place. I just wanted to rise above it.

And when I arrived in town, it looked the same, if not a little smaller than I remembered. The streetlamps had their holiday flags up, and the shop windows were all decked out for Christmas, and dirty snow lined the curbs. I saw some familiar faces, but no one of mention. And I might have strained my neck a little bit as I passed The Diner; a little curious about who might be inside.

But as quickly as I arrived, I drove out of the tiny little town and found myself driving down Main Street … Angela's street. I contemplated pulling over and turning around. I don't know why, but I was really nervous to even drive past her house. The way I left things with her, basically pushing her away while she tried to comfort me, was something that I thought about a lot. I had some closure with Edward at least…but not with Angela. Angela, my bosom buddy and almost lifelong best friend, was like a big open wound still.

Totally chicken, I pulled over, looking for a place to turn around.

But then, like kismet or something, a girl with long brown hair, glasses, and a giant white puffer jacket came out of the Weber house, dragging some garbage cans to the curb.

_Angela…_

She was right there, coming out of her house at the exact moment I decided to pull over…

And then I knew that I had to say hi. She was like the one loose end that I still had to tie up and fix. Charlie was just fine, and I had some closure with Edward, and my mom and I were as close as we were ever going to be. But with Angela, it was still really messy. Thing is, I was over it, over everything that had happened, and I just wanted to right things with her once and for all.

I pushed out of the truck door, and started walking towards her. "Hey!" I called, trying to get her attention, as she aligned the cans on the curb.

She lifted her head, squinting a bit in the sun. "Bella?" She asked.

"Hey, Ange," I said, closing the gap between us more, and giving her a small wave with my gloved hand.

Then she lunged toward me, a big smile taking over her pretty face. "Bella!" she cried, wrapping me in a hug. "Holy shit, you look amazing!"

I gripped into her puffy jacket, smelling her sweet smell. "I missed you, Ange," I said, and it was true.

And then Angela sniffed, like she was crying. "It's really good to see you," she said, her voice breaking. "Oh, Bella," she sort of cooed, pulling me in tighter.

I let Angela hug me. I let her cry and get out whatever it was that she needed to get out. It was pretty apparent from her reaction that she had missed me a lot more than I had missed her. I was a little surprised by that actually, realizing that my theory that no one noticed that I was gone was clearly wrong. Angela noticed. Angela definitely noticed. I could hardly breathe because she was squeezing me so hard.

Letting up a little bit, she pushed my shoulders back with a sniffle. "Come in and have some cocoa?" She asked, blinking out her teary eyes. "My dad has services all day. No one's home," she said.

Angela's father was a minister. The Weber family was like the most wholesome and perfect family that I knew. I think that's why I liked hanging around her house so much as a kid. There was no dysfunction …they were always happy.

I smiled at her. "Ok, sure" I said. "I could go for some cocoa."

Sitting across from Angela at her kitchen table with static hair and socked feet was weird. We'd had so many heart to hearts at that table…it was like the truth tree, and it knew all of our secrets. But the secrets that it knew was just juvenile silliness. It didn't know the juicier and more painful new developments in our lives…

"So how's Ben?" I asked, taking a sip of cocoa, deciding to just bite the bullet and get the heart to heart started.

Angela shrugged a shoulder. "We broke up. I'm sort of dating Eric Yorkie now," she said a little bashfully, looking at me like she wanted my approval. "Weird right?"

I shook my head. "Not at all," I said. "I think it's great." Eric Yorkie was one of my favorite people after all. I kind of wanted to give him a pat on the back and a thumbs up for wooing fair Angela of Forks.

Angela smiled sort of longingly. "He's really grown up," she said, her cheeks blushing, her silky brown hair falling over her face. "I guess that happens sometimes," she said, pushing her hair back, and looking at me with a little sadness in her eyes. It's like she was acknowledging how much we had grown up, how much we had changed. I mean if Eric Yorkie could come out of his painful awkwardness…certainly we could too. And we did.

Then Angela looked over her shoulder, like she was checking if anyone was listening. "I never slept with Ben," she said. "I've been wanting to tell you that for so long."

"You could have just told me," I said, getting to the root of where it all fell apart for us.

Angela nodded. "I should have," she said. "I wish I had. I wish I had done a lot of things differently."

I shook her off. "It's in the past. I'm over it," I said, and I wanted her to know that I was sincere. A little hindsight made me see things a lot more clearly. Knowing that Ben probably dumped Angela because she wouldn't sleep with him made me see things a lot more clearly. Angela, as poised and perfect as she seemed, was just as susceptible to heartache and boy nonsense as I was…maybe even more so.

Angela sort of cocked her head at me and narrowed her eyes. "Did you and Edward…you know?" she asked softly, her hand getting a little shaky on her mug.

I shook my head, feeling my heart rate pick up just on the suggestion. "No," I said quietly under my breath. "No, we didn't."

Then Angela let out a breath, and her expression softened. "That's a relief," she said.

I understood why she cared, because I cared about her too. I guess we just still cared. "Yeah," I said.

Then Angela perked up a little bit, and smiled. "You're so different," she said, like she was really looking at me, like she was really seeing the new me...

But I wasn't all that different or new, just older with a little experience under my belt. "Nah, I'm still me," I said. "I'm not different."

Angela leaned in closer, her smile growing. "There's a party at the mill tonight. Everyone is going to be there. I think it would be a lot of fun if you came," she said, looking to me eagerly, like she was really excited to spend some time with me again.

And I was excited too. I was excited to get to know her again, as she was at sixteen, with a kind of dorky boyfriend, and invites to the mill. But I had one major hesitation.

"Everyone?" I asked with a gulp, hoping that Angela would catch on and not make me explain myself further.

Her eyes got soft. "Probably," she shrugged. "Did you see the paper?" She asked.

"Yeah," I whispered. "Yeah, I saw it."

Then Angela's hands gripped mine from across the table. "You should come," she said, her eyes pleading. "You look so great, and you seem so great, and I think that _everyone_ needs to see how great you are."

I smiled at Angela, and how motherly and encouraging she was being. And there was a part of me that really agreed with her too. I did feel great, and I did want people to see me, and for them to know that I wasn't some train wreck that had spent the last six months sucking my thumb and rocking in a corner. I wanted Edward to see that he didn't break me, and that I did exactly as he asked and kept my chin up…

So, with a resolute smile, I nodded firmly to Angela. "Sure," I said. "It sounds fun."

XXX

Charlie got home from work just as I was finishing up getting ready for the party. My eagerness to show people the new me was fading fast, and giving way to some pretty hardcore nerves. I mean, I could barely hold my hands still to put on mascara, and I changed my outfit a few times, which really wasn't my style. The party was at the mill, which meant that everyone would be fully bundled up the whole time anyway, yet I was nitpicking over which color sweater I should wear over my long underwear.

"Bells!" Charlie called up the stairs.

"Just a minute!" I cried, pulling a big blue sweater over my head, and giving up on attempting any sort of stylish outfit. I hadn't changed that much…clothes still totally perplexed me.

I skipped down the steps a little frazzled. "Hey, Dad," I said, finding him settling into the couch with a beer and the remote control.

Charlie peeked over his shoulder at me. "Going somewhere?" He asked.

I grabbed my coat from the hook by the door. "Angela invited me to a party," I said.

"Angela, huh?"

I pulled my hat onto my head. "Yeah," I said with a shrug, not really in the mood to explain the vacillating nature of female relationships to Charlie.

Charlie's brow furrowed. "Well, as the Sheriff, I should probably ask you where this party is…"

"Dad─," I started to protest.

"But I won't," he said with a smile. "You just stay out of trouble, and I want you home by midnight. No funny business."

Relieved, I stepped over to the couch and pressed my lips into Charlie's cheek. "Thanks, Dad," I said.

"No funny business!"

"Ten four."

The nerves that I felt in the bathroom were just a warm up for the nerves that I felt driving toward the mill. And, to make things worse, just as I was about to pull into the parking lot, I got a text from Angela saying that she and Eric were running a little late. Apparently Eric got delayed playing an online game, and couldn't leave it. I sort of wanted to kill both of them. I mean, in all of my imaginings of my entrance into the party, I never imagined I'd be alone.

Then I contemplated just scrapping the whole idea and turning around and going home to Charlie where it was safe…

But I couldn't. I couldn't turn around because there was something drawing me toward the mill─ _someone_ drawing me toward the mill─ and I couldn't even lie to myself anymore and pretend that he wasn't the real reason that I wanted to go in the first place.

I just wanted to see him. I didn't know what I'd find, or how he'd react to me, and to be honest, I was way too chicken to think about that stuff too much. But I guess I finally felt like I was at a place where I could see him─ see him as a friend, and congratulate him on his accomplishments, and just be around him socially without tears or heartache. I just wanted to. I missed him as my friend. I mean, he still mattered to me as a friend.

At least that's what I kept telling myself as I trudged through the snow, and gravel, and broken glass toward the rickety old mill. I just kept reminding myself of the easy friendship that we had shared once, and how if I saw him, I could go back to that place, the place where we were before he kissed me and all shit hit the fan. But the mill, the place where my hickey was born, wasn't the best venue for friendly memories to surface. The memories that the mill contained were a lot more than friendship…a lot more…

And my legs just got wobblier and number as I approached the entrance. I even sat back and watched as a few people passed me and went through the loose wallboards ahead of me as I tried to build my nerve. I just kept my head down, and my hands in my pockets, and pulled my hat almost all the way over my face…trying to hide my identity while I summoned the courage to go in. Lauren Mallory even brushed against me and I didn't even say hi…

_Come on Bella… _

Feeling like I was regressing into my nervous former self, I stomped up to the loose wall boards. I pushed them aside like Edward showed me, and crept under them toward the sound of music and laughter inside…sucking back my urge to puke.

"Bella Swan?" I wasn't even in an upright position before my name was echoing through the wooden walls.

_Oh no…_

Then, Mike Newton and Jessica Stanley were attacking me like I was their long lost dog coming home after running away.

"Bella!" Jessica cried, whipping my body up into her arms. "Bella, oh my God you're here!"

And then Mike joined the hug. "Swan's back!" He said excitedly, like I was someone to him once, like we were friends. "And looking good!"

I pushed my hat away from my eyes and forced a smile for them. "Hey guys," I laughed nervously. "It's good to see you," I said, overwhelmed, trying to see past them…And my confusion over their warm greeting was totally evident in my tone. I mean, Jessica Stanley hadn't been happy to see me since the fourth grade.

They backed away a bit, probably sensing my discomfort. "Can I get you something to drink?" Mike asked, wagging his head towards a makeshift bar in the corner of the big barn-like room.

Being offered alcohol from Mike Newton made me laugh. It reminded of Tyler Crowley's sixteenth birthday lemonade fiasco…and Edward. "No thanks," I said. "I'm never taking a drink from you again, Mike," I laughed, getting onto my toes, trying to see around him. They had me cornered at the entrance.

"Oh, dang, I forgot about that!" Mike cried, as Jessica's face twisted in confusion. "It's just beer," he continued, holding a beer out for me. "You can open it yourself."

I waved him off. "I drove," I said. "But thanks anyway." Then I pocketed my hat and pushed past Mike and Jess, sort of rudely, just itching to see if Edward was inside. I had no idea what I was going to do if I saw him, but I just needed to know if he was there. The anticipation was making my skin crawl.

A little farther inside, I found a clear view of the whole mill, and leaned against a wall and looked around. I hardly recognized the place. It looked so different from the time that Edward took me. It was loaded with people, and there was a crackling fire in a barrel in the middle of the room, and all of the usual suspects…all of the people that I dreaded and fretted over for years, were sitting around it, drinking, and sitting on lawn chairs and plastic crates stolen from behind the Thriftway.

I panned the crowd, and lost my breath a little when I saw James Farmer sitting with Victoria Savage. I was beginning to feel like I hadn't thought the whole thing through, and that it was a huge mistake. But I swallowed back the initial dread, and looked past him…looking for Edward. I saw Rosalie Hale, looking disgustingly perfect, and Emmett McCarty, and Lauren Mallory, and Tyler Crowley, and Jasper Whitlock, and Maria Lopez…

I saw everyone that I expected to see… everyone except Edward.

"Oh," I said under my breath, as I felt my face sort of twist and furrow. The fact that he didn't show was more of a letdown than I expected. I didn't really realize how much I wanted to see him until the prospect that I'd go back to Jacksonville without seeing him at all became a possibility. I don't know why, but I guess I just really expected to see him at the party.

But then I remembered who his father was, and how Edward lived with a man that watched him sleep, and was still punishing him for an accident that was way beyond Edward's control. I guess I just thought that after the announcement in the paper…things might have changed in that aspect…

With a sigh, I peeled myself away from the wall, and started back towards the loose boards, not even close to ballsy enough to go over to the big circle of people around the fire that included James Farmer. No way.

But, right as I was about to push the boards back, familiar fingers were on my neck, pulling my hair away from my ear. "You know, this summer with your mom thing is really dragging out."

I turned with a gulp, instantly recognizing the gentle touch of his hand.

_Edward…_

And then he was standing right in front of me, looking right at me, right through me like he always did.

_Holy swear word…_

His eyes were soft, and his perfect mouth was pulling up in one corner. "Hi, Bella," he said. He was wearing a black overcoat and plaid scarf, and his hair was shorter, and he had more scruff along his jaw than usual. He looked older. He really looked like a guy that was on his way to the Ivy's Leagues.

I couldn't' help but smile at him. "Hey, Edward," I said softly.

Edward's smile grew. "Hey," he whispered in that leveling way that I realized in that moment would never _not_ level me. "Did you get lost in Jacksonville?" He asked with a smirk, while his familiar fingers swept softly over my chin, leaving a burning wake like they always did.

I bowed my head, still affected by the touch of his hand. "No," I said. "I was kidnapped. Didn't you see the news?"

Edward's head bowed too, and he teetered a bit on his heels. "No, I must have missed that," he said with a laugh, his voice trailing off and getting a little far away.

And then it got quiet, which I was sort of afraid it might. I guess there was only so much small talk that could take place…only so much pretending before we had to actually start talking. And I didn't have an easy answer for him about why I left Forks. I could tell that his teasing curiosity wasn't really a tease at all, and he wanted to know why I left. But, I didn't really have an answer for him that was conducive to light and friendly conversation…which was starting to feel really impossible all of a sudden anyway. I mean, we were standing on the same floorboards that we slow danced on, enclosed by the same walls where Edward eagerly gave me my first hickey, and having our first conversation since he left me splotchy faced and snotty at the river grasping my chest because it felt like I had been impaled by a 2x4.

So much had happened between us. Maybe too much had happened between us…because neither one of us had anything to say. It was officially awkward…

Then Edward wagged his head out toward the back of the mill that opened out to the river. "Air?" He asked with a little laugh, like he was laughing at the awkwardness building between us.

I looked into his eyes, his familiar smiling eyes that at one time had convinced me to ride down the river with him in an inner-tube that he bought from the drugstore, and laughed too. "Sure," I said. "Lead the way."

Edward smiled, and hesitantly draped his hand over my back, leading me outside. His hand barely touched down though, it just grazed gingerly. And as we walked past the crowd, I could feel the curious eyes on us. I could hear the faint whispers, and could only imagine what they were saying. But I just kept my head down, and my hands in my pockets, and walked beside Edward like I had done so many times before, letting him lead me.

But I wasn't blindly following him. I was listening to the little voice in my head that was telling me to keep my guard up. I was ignoring how amazing he smelled, and how comfortable and safe I felt under his arm, and focused on the facts. The facts being that we couldn't be together, for reasons that had been beaten to death over and over...and over. I mean, Einstein said that the definition of insanity was doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result. I knew that if I fell for Edward again, I'd be insane.

The major problem of course being that Edward was just so easy to fall for. My heart had not beaten so fast in the entire six months that I was in Jacksonville. It's like I could feel the blood flowing in my veins again, and hear it rushing through the echo in my ears. My palms were a little sweaty, and my feet were starting to twist, and that burning need in my underwear that I hadn't felt at all since I saw him last was making me dizzy.

It's like my attraction toward him had not faded one bit. Not one little bit.

_No!_

Luckily, I had a good memory, and I knew better than to fall for Edward again. It hurt too much the first time... Sure, I was still hopelessly attracted to him, but I knew better. I knew what it felt like to lose him, and to have him look at me coldly and tell me he was choosing the will of his father over me. And no amount of tingles in my underwear was going to make me go back there. No way.

Edward's hand fell from my back as we walked onto the wooden deck that opened up to the river. At one time it was a loading deck for giant logs, but had since been abandoned. It was dark, and cold, and the sounds of the party were drowned out by the rushing sound of water. And when we got out there, it felt like we were really alone…which didn't really help the awkwardness…

Edward walked over to the edge, looking down into the violent rushing water. "I bet it's fucking freezing in there," he said, I guess trying to make conversation…trying to break the silence.

I went along. "I fell in once in January while Angela and I were panning for gold with pie tins," I said, walking up beside him, mimicking his body language and standing stiffly with my hands in my pockets.

But my anecdote made Edward smile. "Of course you did," he said with a laugh, looking down at me and finding my eyes.

"It's cold, trust me," I said, smiling back at him, and holding his eyes with mine. I couldn't help it. I liked it when he looked at me that way…like I amused him.

Then Edward's posture changed, and he started toward a railing on the far side of the deck. "So, you drove?" He asked, wagging his brows curiously as he hopped up and sat on the rail.

I followed behind him. "Yeah," I said, leaning against the rail near his legs.

"A licensed driver," he said sort of distantly as he reached into one of his pockets and pulled out a bottle of beer.

I couldn't help the way my face contorted when I saw it, even though I knew it was none of my business. What Edward did…wasn't my business anymore.

I tore my eyes away from the bottle, and away from the erotica of Edward taking a swig, and got back to the conversation at hand. "It gets better," I said sort of excitedly. "Charlie bought me a truck," I said, peeking my eyes up to Edward for his reaction. If anyone knew Charlie and his cheapness, it was Edward.

Edward lowered the bottle from his lips. "He actually gave you the red Chevy?" He asked with a little gasping laugh, wiping his mouth on his sleeve.

My head tipped back in surprise. "You knew about it?" I asked, again reminded of how life went on without me. How Edward was in Forks, living, while I was gone. He knew about my truck before I did.

Edward shrugged. "I saw it in your driveway," he said, like it wasn't a big deal. Then his free hand reached out in a fist and bumped my chin. "Happy belated birthday," he said softly, a sort of far away smile behind his eyes, and sincerity in his tone.

He missed my sweet sixteen. He was thousands of miles away from me while I celebrated that huge milestone in my life with other people that were not him. In that tiny moment while I felt the burning wake of his fist on my chin, I think we both regretted that. That wistful pang…ran between both of us.

I bowed my head, determined not to get too sentimental. "Thanks," I said.

Edward pulled his beer bottle back to his lips and took a long swig, letting another silence build. It's like he needed a break from the sentiment too…like maybe it was hard for him too.

But I didn't want to let my mind go there. I didn't want to allow myself to even consider the idea that he missed me while I was gone. I mean, it wouldn't do me any good even if he did. If he had regrets, I didn't really want to know about them.

So, I did what I had come to the party to do. I had come to congratulate Edward on his accomplishments, and acknowledged that Doctor Cullen was right. "I saw the announcement in the paper," I said, looking up at Edward, plastering on my best 'happy for you' face. "Congratulations," I said.

Edward rolled his eyes and tipped his head up toward the night sky. "So fucking embarrassing," he sort of growled, seemingly unhappy about the spread in the paper.

"He must be really proud," I said. "It's great, Edward."

"Yeah," Edward said under his breath, sounding unconvinced.

"Your dad_ is_ happy, right?" I asked, suddenly curious. I mean, if Doctor Cullen wasn't happy, even after Edward fulfilled his wishes…Edward's problems were even bigger than I thought.

But Edward cleared that up for me quickly. "He's thrilled," he said sort of mockingly, before he drained the last of his beer. "Over the moon."

"I'm glad," I said.

Then Edward's arm flung back sort of angrily, and he chucked his beer bottle into a steel drum a few yards away, making a loud banging noise resonate through the cold night air.

And as soon as the bottle settled into its resting place, Edward reached back into his coat and pulled out another one, twisting it open quickly with his long fingers, and pulling it to his lips.

I guess my face twisted again, because Edward reacted. "I'm celebrating," he said with a strange smile, that angry growl still in his voice. It's like his entire mood went cold as soon as I brought up his father. The change was unmistakable.

I shook my head, not wanting him to think that I was judging him. "It's none of my business," I said quickly. And I wasn't judging him. I didn't care if he drank. Every guy inside was drinking. It was more a concern about_ why_ he was drinking. It's like the more time I spent with him, the more cracks I was starting to see. No, he wasn't a heroin addict in a gang…but he wasn't the squeaky clean Ivy Leaguer super star either. He was Edward. He still had flaws and demons…

And almost like he was sensing my enlightenment over him, he changed the subject to me. "So, tell me about Jacksonville," he said, nudging his knee out a little and hitting me in the ribs.

"Like what?" I asked, smiling at the distant memories of Edward nudging me. It's like he couldn't have a conversation without somehow poking me in some way. It was so distinctly Edward. And I don't know why, but it made me smile.

Edward's head tipped back in thought. "I don't know," he said. "What do you do? Who do you know? Are there any noses I need to break?" He asked, a little humor starting to lighten up his face, but also genuine curiosity.

I raised a brow at his last question. "Wouldn't you like to know," I said teasingly, calling him out in a way for fishing around for clues about my personal life. It was none of his business, even though there was nothing to report…because I hadn't quite shaken_ him_ yet.

Edward smirked at me. "Smartass," he said, his knee again bumping my ribs. "Come on. You look fucking beautiful, something must be going on in Jacksonville," he said, and his eyes hit me in that soft leveling way right on the word beautiful… like he wasn't kidding… like he was dead serious.

_Oh God…_

I gulped, also seeing in his soft leveling eyes the very distinct look of drunkenness, and brushed him off. "Um," I started, ignoring his comment completely, and proceeding to answer his question. "I go to school, I surf with my friends─"

Then Edward snorted. "Surf? He asked, like in disbelief.

Then, impulsively, my hand shot out of my pocket and slapped his leg. "Hey!" I cried, offended that he questioned my surfing skills. "I'm pretty good at it," I said, pouting a little bit. "I could kick your ass, I bet."

Then Edward's mouth pulled into a toothy smile. "I'm done making bets with you. You're a hustler," he said. "And violent," he winked, rubbing out his leg with his hand, his words conjuring up feelings…and memories…and just bringing me right back to that achiness…to that regret.

And the way his eyes held mine, I could see it in his face too. It's like we had a time together…and it was really hard to forget it…because it was so good…

But I was determined to. I was determined to keep working toward forgetting it. So, I asked another question, another question that implicated that I had moved on. "So what's the latest with Tanya? Has she infected you with her cooties yet?" I asked, trying to wipe my face clean of regret, and seem indifferent to his upcoming answer.

But Edward's reaction surprised me. "I'm not dating anyone," he said sort of angrily, his brow furrowing, and his eyes narrowing at me, like almost offended by my question.

I took a step back. "I just thought that now that you're into college…maybe you'd start," I said as nonchalantly as I could, while internally processing what he was saying, and how he was looking at me, and how happy it made me…even though I didn't want it to make me so happy. In that moment I didn't know what I wanted anymore.

Edward's face scrunched some more. "With Tanya?" he asked. "I thought you knew me a little better than that," he said, tipping his head back and taking another big gulp of beer, like he was definitely a little angry with me.

Then I said something that I had been meaning to say, something that I had been thinking a lot about while I was in Jacksonville. I looked at Edward. "I only knew you for two weeks," I said sort of quietly. "I don't really know you that well, Edward."

And then whatever softness was left on Edward's face just instantly washed away as he took in my words. "Right," he said, nodding a little in agreement, that distant coldness in his eyes. "You're right."

And then I felt the need to defend myself, to defend how I felt. "It's sort of true," I said, a little whine in my voice. "I mean, we don't─"

"I got it, Bella," he said, quieting me, letting me know that my implication that I didn't know him had definitely rubbed him the wrong way.

But he was the one that said I had a crush on him. He was the one that said he wasn't the guy that rode bikes and played on a rope swing. Six months ago, he was the one trying to convince me that I didn't know him…

And just as I was about to break my promise to myself and get too emotional, and start digging up the past big time, Angela came out onto the landing waving at me. "Bella!" She cried. "Over here!"

The tension running between Edward and I was so thick that I felt like I was suffocating. "Hey, Ange," I said awkwardly, looking at her, trying to convey to her that she had walked in at an odd moment. "I'll be right in," I said.

She shook her head as her eyes got a bit wide. "Take your time," she said, backing away.

But Angela's intrusion was just the reprieve that we needed to let the thick tension clear a little bit, and take some deep breaths, and regroup.

I leaned into the rail a little bit, looking up at Edward, who was staring right down at me. "I'm gonna go in," I said. "Have a good night, ok?"

He nodded, twirling his beer bottle around his fingers. "Yeah," he breathed. "Have a good night."

There was so much left unsaid. So many raw nerves just opened. But I wasn't crying, and I wasn't clawing into his coat and begging him to try again…

I was going to walk away, and continue to keep my chin up, and look forward to the day that I would be over him completely.

But Edward may have had other plans. "Bella?" He asked as I started walking away from him.

I turned. "Yeah?" I asked softly.

His brow furrowed. "Is this it? Will I even see you again while you're home?" He asked, and I could hear the regret in his voice. It was palpable…

I smiled at him. "You take care of yourself, ok?" I asked, feeling my chin start to quiver, but swallowing it back. I wanted to see him again. Of course I did. But, the rational part of me knew that it would be a mistake. There was still too much between us, but the horse was already Elmer's. It was too late.

Then using strength that I didn't even know I had, I turned my back on him again, and headed into the mill to find Angela.

But before I got in, Edward's shoulder brushed against me, and he took off in a stomp into the mill. He pulled a hat from his pocket and slammed it onto his head, and dipped under the wallboards and out of the mill before I even had time to call after him.

I followed him. I had to. He had been drinking, and I had no idea how he was planning on getting home.

But by the time I got the boards pushed back, he was gone. I saw his silhouette far away under the lamplight…walking…

And then Angela's hand was on my shoulder as I watched his figure disappear. "What was that about?" She asked.

I turned to look at her, feeling all of the blood rush from my face. "I don't know," I said, unable to even begin to sort out my feelings. "I really don't know."

_Crap…_

**AN- Whew, that chapter was long. I hope you liked it. I know there are a lot of questions about Bella's new life and new friends, and I will roll it all out slowly. The gaps will get filled in, I promise. :) Maggie. **


	20. Chapter 20

**How to Paint a House Chapter 20**

**BPOV**

I left the party early. Actually, I left the party almost as soon as Edward left. I didn't want to be there anymore. Any fun that I had deluded myself into thinking I might have…well, it didn't happen. I mean, I didn't want to socialize with James Farmer, Rosalie Hale, or Tanya Denali…not even a little bit. It's funny because there was a time when I really felt like I wanted that, like I wanted to be known by them. But I had grown out of the desire to be noticed by the seniors of Forks High School. That desire existed in a past life. In my current life, I wanted nothing to do with them.

And I think Angela understood. I think she knew me well enough to know that it just wasn't me to pretend with people that I didn't like or respect.

So I left. And when I got back to my truck, away from the sounds of the party and the company of Angela, my heart started to feel really heavy all of a sudden. Not normal heavy, but Edward heavy. I guess it really started to hit me that I had seen him, spoken to him for the first time in six months, and we interacted. Except our interaction didn't happen the way that I imagined it would. In my imagination, Edward was the kid in the newspaper, the perfect student and athlete with the perfect life, and I was just some girl that he used to know that was stopping in to say hello and congratulations. I imagined something more casual, and less intense. But seeing him again, it just sort of brought it all back for me. It brought me back to the first two weeks of summer and how it really was.

When I was in Jacksonville, I almost forgot what it was really like between us. Like, I was trying so hard to get over Edward, that I almost talked myself into remembering him differently. All of my memories were dreamy, and sweet, and nostalgic─ but never so consuming, suffocating, and intense. It took being in his presence, it took looking into his eyes, and seeing his crooked smile, and feeling the blood rush to my face when he touched it to really remember… to remember what was so _hard _to get over in the first place. It was hard to get over the idea that no one would ever make me feel the way that he did. He made me feel completely aware…completely alive. When he looked at me, he looked so far inside of me, farther than anyone else did.

As the cab of my truck warmed up, I just sat in the parking lot…thinking about it, about Edward. And the more I thought about him, and the more I remembered, I realized the true source of the heaviness in my heart. It was Edward himself. Not _my _reaction to him, but just Edward. I couldn't shake the feeling that something was up with him. There was just something about him that felt really different. That sparkle in his eye, that infectious mischief and joy that used to bubble up inside and burst out in that totally adorable giggle, just didn't seem to be there anymore. It's like he was angry, or unhappy, or maybe even a little lonely. And whatever it was that was causing him to act that way, had seemingly been going on long before my thin attempts at indifference pissed him off, and sent him storming out.

I mean, the article in the paper had me so convinced that he was alright, better than alright…But in my gut, I just knew that he wasn't…

And then I really wanted to find him, even though every voice in my head was screaming at me not to. And even though I probably shouldn't have, I felt a little guilty for how I handled things. That little bit of closure that we had achieved at the river, when he kissed me goodbye and told me that he wanted to stay with me but couldn't…it felt like it had been ripped open, and I was the one that ripped it open. I regretted bringing up Tanya, and saying that I didn't know him that well. If Edward said that to me, if Edward implied that he didn't know me after I had poured my soul out to him and handed it to him on a silver platter, it would have really hurt.

_Ugh…_

It made me queasy to think that Edward storming off after I had pulled some immature amateur moves might be the last interaction that we'd ever have. I felt like whatever it was that we once had together deserved a lot better than that.

"Shoot," I said out loud into the cab of my truck. I wanted to make things right, but I was so leery of what might happen if I tried. I mean, I said the things I said, and I did the things I did for a reason. I didn't want to get hurt again. My fear of getting hurt again was like paralyzing. And seeing Edward, and feeling some of those feelings, and sensing his regret…it just scared the crap out of me.

But then I realized that I was a lot better prepared for it, and I was confident that I could hold my own again if I had to. I didn't have to be afraid because I didn't have anything to lose anymore─ we were over. It's not like I wanted to get back together or anything. I just wanted to be able to sleep at night …

Or at least that's what I kept telling myself as I peeled out of the parking lot, working up the nerve to find him. "What am I doing?" I asked myself, taking a hard right onto the 101…

_Holy Swear Word…_

When I found him, sooner than my nerves were ready for, he was about a mile from the mill, still about four miles from the rich part of town where I knew he lived. His hands were in his pockets, and his red stocking capped head was down, and he was taking quick purposeful strides, lit only by a few scattered streetlights that were illuminating the falling snow, and Edward, sort of beautifully. I couldn't help but find a little beauty in everything about Edward. Watching him walk at night in a snowstorm was no exception.

Completely clueless about what I was going to say to him, I slowed my truck down to a roll, and pulled over onto the shoulder. I didn't even give myself enough time to chicken out before I hopped out of the truck on shaky legs. I was trembling with nerves, but I had gone through way too much with Edward to chicken out…

And when I felt steady on my feet, I started after him up the slushy tree lined highway. "Edward!" I cried, pulling my coat around my chest tightly, feeling the bitter cold wind on my face. "Hey!" I called, starting to jog in order to close the fifty or so foot gap between us.

But he didn't stop. His head just stayed down and he kept trudging along.

So I picked up my own pace, almost to a run. "I said, HEY!" I cried, out of breath, my lungs burning from the cold. "Would you stop, please?" I shouted as I ran up close to him. "Hey!"

Then Edward stopped abruptly, pulling little white ear-buds out of his ears, and turned to me. "Bella?" He asked, looking totally confused. I was probably the last person he was expecting to see after what I had said to him back at the mill.

Then like an idiot, I stuck my hand out and gave him a little wave. "Um, hi," I said, still not sure _what_ exactly I was planning to say.

Edward's brow furrowed deeper. "Hi?" he said curiously, like a question. He wanted to know what I was doing there…obviously.

_Umm…_

"You're walking?" I asked, figuring it was a good place to start.

Edward cracked a small smile. "Uh, yep," he said quickly, teetering a bit on his heels, looking over his shoulder like he was being chased.

"Well, do you need a ride?" I asked. I wanted to get him alone. I wanted to try to sort some stuff out.

But Edward wasn't on the same page. "Nah," he said waving me off with a phony smile. He was talking to me in that kind of false friendly way that you talk to strangers in...like keeping me at arm's length. "I should probably sober up before I see my parents," he said.

"Oh," I said, bowing my head a little bit, really feeling that he was freezing me out, and not really sure how to maneuver around it to say what I wanted to say. "Ok," I nodded.

Edward wagged his brows. "But thanks for offering," he said.

"Yeah, sure," I smiled.

Then Edward dipped his chin. "Well, bye, Bella," he said, turning quickly on his heel and walking away.

"Bye," I whispered, disappointed, turning back for my truck with a sigh…totally confused about what had just happened. I mean, he totally froze me out.

And when I got to my truck, my hand held the door handle, but I didn't open the door right away. I couldn't. I still felt completely knotted up and terrible. If anything things were even worse, because now my last memories of Edward would be of him totally blowing me off. It wasn't what I wanted. I didn't pull over onto a dark street in a snowstorm for _that_. I pulled over to fix things, and to find out what was bothering him, and to say goodbye to him, again, on terms that I could live with. I just knew that if I didn't really resolve things, I would never sleep properly again.

So I dropped the door handle, and turned back up the street. "Wait!" I called out into the cold night air. "Just, wait!" I cried, giving away more emotion in my voice than I intended to.

But that time, Edward stopped, and turned slowly to face me again. "Yeah?" He asked, his green eyes finding mine in a way that didn't make me feel so uneasy. They seemed open, they seemed real…

So I took a step toward him. "Are you ok?" I asked. It's what I should have asked in the first place. It's what I really wanted to know.

Edward shrugged a shoulder. "I'm fine," he said coolly, maybe attempting to keep up the charade, but failing. There was this sadness in his eyes that told me he was lying.

I took another step toward him. "I don't believe you," I said.

Edward looked surprised. "Well it's the truth," he said, blinking out his eyes a little bit, taking a step back as I stepped closer.

"Bull," I said, staring him down. "I_ know_ you," I said. I just said it. I said it because it was true. "You're not ok, Edward."

And then it's like Edward's whole façade just crumbled. His eyes sort of bugged, and his nostrils flared as he took in what I said. Then his eyes tore away from mine, and he looked up into the sky, taking a staggered breath...

"Edward?"

Then his jaw started to tremble in that way…that way that I knew, like he was about to cry. Then his eyes squeezed closed, and he pinched the bridge of his nose with his fingers, pulling in a few deep breaths. It's like he was trying to compose himself, like he wasn't going to cry in front of me…not anymore. But if he wasn't going to cry, he looked like he needed to scream. I knew the feeling.

Deep down I knew something wasn't quite right with him, but seeing him so upset just made it so real. He wasn't alright. Edward was still really sad, and I was no longer around to make it better for him. In that moment, I remembered how he used to tell me that I made it better for him, and how amazing that made me feel. I felt loved by him when he said that, even though he never once told me that he loved me. It made me feel like I mattered in the world, like I wasn't invisible, because I made _it, _whatever it was, better for Edward Cullen. I hated trying to imagine the pain and the guilt that he still kept locked up inside of him. And I didn't know if there was any new pain, or new guilt… but I wanted to find out.

I wanted to try to make it better…

So I reached out and grabbed his trembling jaw. "Hey," I said, pressing my fingers into his cheeks, searching for his eyes. "Hey," I said again, like coaxing him to look at me. Then Edward just gave in, dropping his face into my hands like he used to, his drifting eyes sort of pained and vulnerable. "What's wrong?" I asked, my hands remembering the planes of his perfect face. "You can tell me," I said. "You can."

And then Edward's eyes locked with mine. "Bella," he said, like relieved.

"What?" I asked softly, still holding tightly to his face. "What is it, Edward?"

But he never answered. While I was caught up and not paying attention, he came towards me, so fast that his face and his eyes just became this blur.

I gasped, just instinctively…and when I drew in air, I could taste beer in my mouth, like I was breathing in his air.

And then his mouth pressed into mine, and he kissed me. Sort of rough, and beery…and um?

But it wasn't until his hands started to wander over my body uninvited, that I really came to. It just felt wrong…

_Oh God…Stop! _

I freed my hands and pushed back on Edward's chest, squirming out of his hold, tearing my lips away from his. "Goodnight, Edward," I said with a growl, narrowing my eyes at him as I turned back toward my truck, stumbling as I tried to walk.

Edward's hands caught me before I could fall on my face, and spun me back toward him. "Come on, don't leave again," he said, seeming a little panicked, his eyes sort of pleading.

But I didn't care...

My jaw clenched in anger. "God, you're selfish," I said, shaking my head at him, resisting the urge to slap him. "I _moved_ to Jacksonville," I cried, anger just boiling up inside of me. "Moved!"

Edward shook his head. "I didn't know you were going to do that," he said. "I didn't _want_ you to do that."

"Oh, I'm so sorry that I didn't do what _you_ wanted, Edward. Excuse me."

"That's not what I meant."

I glared at him. "We couldn't be together, remember? What about your dad? What about Dartmouth?" I asked, resisting the urge to slap him, trying to keep my cool, trying to stay composed and not break. I felt really close to breaking, and I just didn't want to. It had been a long time since I had shed a tear over Edward Cullen, and I just didn't want to go back to that place again.

Then Edward lowered his head, like acknowledging that nothing had changed. "I'm sorry," he said under his breath. "I just thought…"

"You thought what?" I asked.

Edward lifted his head slowly and looked at me. "You came after me, Bella," he said. "I thought─"

"I came after you because I was worried about you, not because I wanted to make out with you," I said firmly, cutting him off, making sure that he understood that I wasn't some little lost puppy anymore. Things were different. I wasn't trying to send him mixed signals…I was just trying to comfort him.

Edward shook his head like he understood. "Then I was mistaken," he said softly. "I'm sorry."

I let out a sigh, seeing in his eyes that he was truly sorry, and that maybe he really did read me wrong. And I couldn't totally ignore my own blame in the whole mess. I was the one that went looking for him. I was the one that initiated the whole face holding thingy…

_Ugh…_

I pulled my coat around my chest and walked a few paces back to my truck, leaning against it to rest. I felt like we needed a time out…a break.

Edward followed, leaning against the truck beside me, staring up into the snowy sky…letting out a big vaporous sigh. "I'm an asshole."

"Yep."

"I'm sorry."

"I know."

And then it got quiet, and we both sort of stared out into the snow, and the trees, and at the random cars that drove past…

I didn't know what to say, or how to act. It was like this slippery slope with us. Any interaction just snowballed into this intense thing. I mean, if I didn't stop the kiss, then what? It was dangerous. And I was sort of angry that Edward didn't respect that boundary…the boundary that he established in the first place. But the fact that he kissed me, with beer heavy on his breath, when it looked like he was on the verge of tears, just reminded of _why_ I was standing with him on the side of the road in the first place.

He wasn't himself. Something was up.

I looked over to him, and his were eyes closed, his head resting on the truck cab. "Are you ok?" I asked. "For real?"

Edward's head tipped back more, and his mouth pulled up in one corner. "Yeah," he said, laughing a bit to himself. "I guess I just get emotional when I drink," he said. "And horny."

I threw my elbow out into his side. "Watch it."

Edward smiled. "Sorry."

"What's the drinking about anyway?" I asked, feeling comfortable to ask, feeling like he led me into it.

"I don't know," he said. "I'm bored I guess."

"That's it?" I asked. "You're bored?"

Then Edward's eyes moved to mine, and he looked at me seriously. "I don't want you worrying about me, ok?" He asked, his body sliding a few inches in my direction so that he was leaning on me, nudging me…making me feel that the freeze out was officially over.

So, I leaned some weight into his side too. "I can't help it," I said, giving him a small smile. "I worry."

"I'm fine, Bella," he said. "Really."

"Ok," I smiled, not buying it for a second, but not going to push. Then I tipped my head back again, resting it against the cab of my truck. "You know when I went to the mill looking for you, I had this crazy idea that maybe we could be friends," I said, laughing a bit at the thought…at how I underestimated what might happen.

"Well, if you wanted to be friends, why did you say goodbye to me back at the mill?" Edward asked, sounding a little hurt... a little dejected.

I closed my eyes, and let out a sigh. "I don't know," I said. "I guess I thought it'd be better if we weren't."

"Do you still think that?" He asked softly.

Then I looked over, and gave Edward a small smile. "I'm here, aren't I?" I asked, realizing that what I had been doing all along was attempting some sort of friendship, some sort of truce. I didn't want us to be strangers, or enemies. I wanted us to be friends…or at least friendly. I was there emotionally. I could handle it. I didn't want to _not _know Edward Cullen anymore. I cared about him too much to just erase him from my life completely.

And Edward seemed to agree. "Cool," he smiled, seeming happy that I still wanted to be friends with him, even after everything that he had put me through.

And even though he did put me through a lot, and it was a scary proposition, I was happy too. "Cool," I said.

Then just as a silence started to build as we mulled it over, a big logging truck came up over the ridge, blinding us a little with its headlights, and threatening to douse us with the dirty wet water from the road.

I watched Edward as the truck blew past, noticing as the headlights lit his face that his lips were glitter pink. He had my lip gloss all over his mouth.

I laughed. "Hold still," I said, reaching out for his mouth with a smile, smudging my thumb over his soft damp lip.

Edward eyed me curiously. "What are you doing, friend?" He asked, his eyes narrowed suspiciously, while a smile pulled from his mouth.

"Lip gloss," I said, wiping it on my jeans. "What did you think I was doing, friend?" I asked, mirroring his suspicious smile.

Then Edward's hand went to his mouth. "Oh," he said with a laugh, finishing what I started and wiping the glistening pink goo from his mouth. "You never used to wear this stuff," he sniffed, as his fingers rubbed over his perfect lips.

"I guess not," I said, feeling a little wistful twinge, knowing that he remembered how little makeup I wore.

Then Edward's long fingers reached toward my face. "You never used to wear this clumpy stuff on your eyelashes either," he laughed, his probing fingers getting frighteningly close to my eyeballs.

I slapped his hands away. "Ok, stop it," I scolded, unable to contain a laugh.

Edward pulled his hand back and smiled. "Sorry," he said. "It's just different."

"Bad different?"

He shook his head. "No," he said softly. "Just different."

And then it got quiet again, I think both of us realizing that our first sixty seconds of friendship had basically turned into sixty seconds of flirtation. It was familiar. It was what we were comfortable doing. We liked to play together. And it just reinforced to me that the slippery slope was indeed slippery…

_Shoot…_

But I wasn't going to do what I did at the mill and tell him to take care of himself again, because I wasn't anywhere near ready to say goodbye to him. I just liked being around him too much. I just liked his company, and how I could just be myself, and he never expected me to be anything different. And I felt like I could handle it, handle the friendship thing. I mean, I was still standing after all, and I didn't feel like I was in over my head… not really anyway.

But I didn't want to push it.

So, I stood up from my position against the truck, shifting my weight away from Edward's warm body, and pulled my coat around my chest. "Can I give you a ride home?" I asked, trying to wrap up the night on friendly terms, in a friendly way.

Edward straightened up too, blowing some warm air into his hands. "Nah," he said, waving me off. "It's out of your way. I'm fine walking," he said, starting to move his limbs around a little, like warming up for his journey.

"You sure?" I asked.

Edward pulled his red stocking cap over his ears more. "Yeah, he said. "I like to walk."

"I'm never going to see where you live, am I?" I asked teasingly. But I wasn't really teasing. I still really wanted to see his stupid house.

But Edward's twisted face reminded me of why I hadn't. "Not tonight," he said, his tone thick with his father.

I nodded. "Yeah, ok," I said, not wanting to push it. I didn't want to drag Doctor Cullen into our friendly truce.

Then Edward dipped his chin, like his departure was imminent. "I'll, uh, see you around?" He asked, a little furrow in his brow, and this adorable curiosity washing over his face.

I couldn't help but smile. "Sure," I said.

Edward smiled too. "Cool," he breathed. "Later, Bella," he said, checking my eyes with a little hesitation, then leaning in and brushing his lips over my cheek lightly.

When his lips hit my face, I gulped. I could feel it in my entire body, like everywhere, way more than the beer fueled grope.

"Later," I said, glad that he was leaving before the already slippery slope got greased.

And then Edward turned with a wink and was off. I watched him go, and his gate as he walked away seemed lighter, like less angry. And when he was a fair distance away, I let out a giant breath before I got back into my truck. It was an exhale of relief. It definitely felt like I could maybe even sleep that night…if I didn't put too much thought into _how_ exactly Edward planned to see me around. It was that word "later" that he loved so much. He really needed a more specific word…

But it didn't matter. I was confident that I could handle whatever it was that he had in mind. I mean, I had made it through a really difficult night after all, and I felt like I could definitely wade through another one if I had to.

_Phew…_

When I pushed through my front door, it felt really good to have the night behind me. I had imagined scenarios throughout the months about what it might be like to see Edward again, and it felt good to have my answer. It was complicated, and a little messy, and super intense…but we were still us, and we always found a way to communicate.

When I got inside, Charlie was still on the couch watching TV. "Hey, Dad," I said, peeling my coat off and hanging it up on the hook by the door.

Charlie peeked over his shoulder at me. "You're a real party animal," he said, his eyes glancing over to the clock on the wall. It wasn't even midnight. I was barely out three hours.

I schlepped over to the couch and plopped down onto the cushions beside Charlie with a sigh. "It's like three in the morning my time," I said. "I'm tired."

Charlie nodded. "Well, how'd it go?" He asked, turning the volume down on the TV and giving me his full attention.

"It was good," I said, not really in the mood to elaborate.

"Just good?"

"Really good?" I asked teasingly, telling Charlie that I wasn't going to do a play by play.

Charlie smiled. "Well did you at least see all of your old friends?" he asked.

"Yep," I nodded. "Sure did." Then I stood up, and leaned over and kissed Charlie's fuzzy cheek. "Night, Dad," I said, ready to call it a night─ ready to get into bed and digest everything that had happened.

Charlie laughed. "Night, Bells," he said. "Sleep tight."

When I got into my room, I just crashed onto my bed. I undid the top button of my jeans, and kicked off my wet shoes, and just lay there, staring at the ceiling. The first thing that came into my mind, of course, was the fact that Edward kissed me. He was drunk-ish, I guess...and I was past the whole thing, really... But I couldn't help but wonder what he meant by "I thought"?

What did he think? I didn't let him finish because I was too afraid of what he was going to say. Like, he thought that I came after him because I wanted his body, so he was just going to oblige me?

_Ugh…_

It was such a strange position to be in. I never thought I'd see the day when I was the one stopping a kiss between us. I mean Edward always did that. He stopped the kisses because I was too young, and inexperienced, and he was afraid of hurting me…of taking things too far. But that caution, that almost infuriating reserve, just wasn't there anymore it seemed. It was so confusing. I couldn't figure out what it meant. My biggest fear was that it didn't mean anything, and that Edward was just that careless with my feelings. But that didn't feel right, that didn't feel true. God, I just wanted to know what he_ thought_. What was he thinking?

_Tap…tap…tap_

But before I could think about it more, I heard a noise at my window.

_Tap…tap…tap_

I shot up from my bed and looked over, and I could see a shadowy figure through my window sheers.

"Pssst," the shadowy figure said…

_Tap…tap…tap…_

I stumbled onto my feet. "Edward?" I asked, knowing deep down that there was absolutely no one else that it could possibly be.

_Oh God…_

"Let me in," he shouted in a whisper. "It's fucking freezing out here."

About to swallow my tongue, I pulled the sheers back, and tried to breathe so as not to totally freak out. There was once a time when I would have paid actual money to have Edward Cullen tap on my window in the middle of the night. This was not one of those times.

I unlocked the window and pushed it open, and it was sticking from months of no use. And when I got it open, Edward was straddling my tree with that jumpy anxious look on his face, blowing air into his almost blue hands.

"What the hell are you doing here, Edward?" I asked, curling my arms around myself as frigid air came pouring into my room.

Edward shrugged. "Friends crash at each other's places, right?" He asked quickly, like it was no big deal or something, like it was just this little thing. But he was almost quaking he seemed so amped up. Or, maybe he was just cold…

_Grrr…_

I couldn't believe what he was asking. "Um, what?" I asked, just to demonstrate to him that I couldn't believe what he was asking me. I mean, he was lucky that I was still speaking to him. Now he wanted to sleep over?

Edward took a breath, like to calm himself. "Look," he started, finding my eyes like he was serious. "I forgot my keys in my car, which is at Whitlock's house …and I don't want to wake up my parents," he said, looking to me in this way like he wanted my mercy, like pleading kind of.

I raised a brow, not giving in that easily. "Why didn't you just walk to Whitlock's house?" I asked.

Edward raised a brow right back at me. "It's in the other direction," he said, like it was obvious.

"You really don't have a house key?" I probed.

Edward held his hands out, like proclaiming his innocence. "I swear to God," he said, his mouth pulling up a little bit, like he was amused at how thorough I was being.

But I didn't know if I believed him. I mean, coming up with excuses to spend time with me used to be his specialty. And it was just so confusing coming back to Forks and having him just there. Like, that wasn't what I wanted. I wanted to see him, I did, but within reason… A sleepover felt like greasing up the slippery slope with some commercial grade WD40…

But snow was getting in my room, and I just knew that I was going to lose this one, I could tell by the look in his eyes. I mean, Edward always won…always. And if he was really locked out and didn't want to get in trouble with his parents, I guess I could understand why he thought that I would be the person to go to. That part made a little sense at least.

Letting him win, I let out a sigh, "Come on," I said, waving him into my room. "You can sleep on the floor."

Edward didn't hesitate and pushed off of the tree branch into my window. "Thanks, Bella," he shivered, giving me a dimply grin.

I couldn't even look at him. I was almost embarrassed at how easily I gave in. "Just, go use the bathroom before Charlie comes up," I said with a huff, making sure that he knew that we were going to do things my way, or he could leave.

Edward nodded, bouncing around to warm up. "Ok," he said. "Good idea."

"And be quiet," I said, as I reached up to close the open window. "I'm serious."

"Relax," Edward whispered, going for the laces on his boots. "It will be like I'm not even here," he said, as I watched him carefully strip off his shoes, coat, and hat─ which made his moppy bronze hair stick up adorably in a million directions.

I put my hands on my hips. "It better be," I said, knowing then that I wasn't going to sleep a wink that night. How could I possibly pretend he wasn't there? I mean, seriously?

God, it had been awhile since I had a total moment of teenage panic, but I hadn't had a boy sleep anywhere near me since I was nine and went camping with my cousins. And the boy that was going to be sleeping near me was not my cousin Steve, but my new pal Edward. I mean, he didn't want to sleep over when we were together. No, of course he didn't, why would he? He wanted to do it on the first night I had seen him in six months…when we were broken up. And the only thing keeping me from freaking out on him completely was the thought that he must have had a really good reason. Like, he must have been desperate or something. I mean, he'd have to be…

_Right? _

When Edward got back from the bathroom, he was holding his wool sweater and jeans, stripped down to only his plaid boxers and an Oxford shirt. He looked almost edible, and I swear that just pissed me off even more.

"Don't touch anything," I said, grabbing some sweats off the floor, and heading for the bathroom myself. "Capiche?"

Edward smiled. "Capiche," he said softly, still seemingly amused by my toughness.

It's not even that I was being tough. I was basically just freaking out, and that's how it manifested itself. I just could not believe that it was happening. I mean, I needed time to process stuff like sleepovers with exes! I just couldn't be spontaneous about it!

And when I got into the bathroom, I just continued the freak out. I took it out on my hair with my brush, and my teeth, and my poor deodorant that I basically chopped in half when I tried to put the lid back on because my hands were shaking so hard.

_Ahh!_

But while in the bathroom, I did come up with a plan. My plan was to crawl into bed, turn off the light, and just go to sleep. Or, pretend to fall asleep. I wasn't even close to mentally prepared for more. I was just going to do my duty as his friend and keep him out of trouble, and protect myself at the same time.

"I can do this," I said into the bathroom mirror, amping myself up. "No big deal, right?"

_Wrong. _

When I got back into my room, Edward was sprawled out on my floor, leaning against my bookshelf, reading…

He lifted his eyes when I walked in. "You dog-eared some really good stuff," he said with this sly smile, flipping through some pages of a book. Beside him, I could see my collection of Dickens, which I kept in front of my…

_Oh no…_

I ran over and snatched the book out of Edward's hands. "Give me that," I spat, pulling _Pirate Ghost Ship_ to my chest, while Edward started rolling on the floor laughing, his furry legs curling up into his chest.

"That shit's hardcore," he giggled, like a genuine giggle, while his face turned almost purple with laughter.

I tried to contain the urge to smile. "You can leave you know," I said, pointing toward the window as Edward pointed at me with laughter. But two could play his game. "And don't think that I don't know you keep a Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Edition in the back of your car, _bud_," I said, raising my brows at him in challenge, unable to hold back a smile. I couldn't help it. It had been a long time since I heard Edward laugh that way…even if it was at my expense.

And, I mean, there was a time when I would have found Edward discovering my dirty book collection as the ultimate humiliation, but I had sort of grown out of that kind of thing. Honestly, in that moment, it was just kind of funny. It was just so good to see Edward so carefree again, like the boy that I fell in love with.

And, he was absolutely right; I did dog-ear all of the best parts.

I tossed the book back into his squirming quaking chest. "Knock yourself out," I said. "Maybe you'll learn something," I winked.

That got Edward's attention. The smirk washed off his face and he sat up from the floor. "What's that supposed to mean?" He asked, like curious, like I had offended him.

I rolled my eyes. "Nothing," I said, walking over to my closet to grab an extra blanket and pillow. The more time I spent away from Edward, the more I realized how spectacularly un-special he was in certain ways. I mean, he was such a typical guy sometimes.

Edward furrowed his brow at me. "Yeah, well, you were fifteen, sweetheart," he said, like trying to convince me that he would have rocked my world otherwise or something, just reinforcing my newest discovery about him.

I threw a pillow at him, and shook my head. "I was kidding," I said. "It was a joke."

Edward held the pillow to his chest on the floor, looking a little wounded. "I knew that," he said, shrugging it off like it was no big deal. "I'm just saying."

_Oh brother… _

I pulled a blanket down and dragged it over to Edward on the floor. "Goodnight, Edward," I said, dropping the blanket beside him, then crawling up onto my bed and getting under my covers.

I wanted to put a quick end to the conversation that was threatening to come up. Just for one night, I didn't want my age to be a factor in anything to do with Edward. It wasn't funny to me. I mean, it was such a real issue when it was happening. I was fifteen, and he was gonna be eighteen, and we were doomed before we even met. I wasn't quite at a place where I could laugh about it yet. It just wasn't all that funny to me.

But, Edward was seemingly on an entirely different page…

After I turned off the lights, I was frozen like a mummy, clutching my blankets, while Edward squirmed on the floor trying to get comfortable.

"Hmph," he sighed.

I sat up, tired of hearing him whine. "What?" I asked, a little short with him.

I could hear Edward's body turn below me. "I'm sleeping on a hardwood floor is what," he groaned.

"Beggars can't be choosers," I said. "You can go sleep in your own bed if you'd like."

Then I heard Edward's head hit the pillow. "Were you always this mean?" He asked with a laugh.

I rolled my eyes, putting my head back on my pillow. "Shut up," I said. "Go to sleep."

"I'm not tired," he said with that annoying whine. I swear it felt like I was dealing with a kindergartener.

"Then count sheep," I said, nowhere near sleep myself actually. I just wanted him to shut up so that I could stop hyperventilating. It was just soooo weird having a boy sleeping on my floor. I almost wanted Charlie to come in and find him and kick him out so that he would leave and the torture of having a boy on my floor would end.

But Edward obviously had no idea how badly I wanted him to shut up…

"Hey, do you want to hear something kind of funny?" He asked, like totally alert, like ready to just strike up a conversation…

_Ugh…_

"Sure," I sighed.

"So, remember that day at the hospital, when we were goofing off in the exam room?" He asked.

I raised a brow at the memory. "Yeah," I said slowly, wondering where he was going with it.

"And how Rosalie was there?" He asked.

"Uh huh," I said.

"Yeah, the whole school thinks we were," Edward started. "You know…"

I sat up like I was on fire, kicking my sheets away, throwing my head over the side of the bed to look at him. "What?" I asked. "The whole school thinks _what_ now?"

Edward was laying flat on his back, holding his blankets to his chest, smiling at me as I came barreling over. "Uh huh," he nodded, telling me everything I needed to know. "After I clocked Farmer, I guess she connected some dots," he sort of shrugged.

_That bitch! _

I bugged my eyes at Edward, feeling the need to remind him of one crucial fact. "She connected the dots inaccurately!" I cried, really loud, my body flailing and almost falling off the bed. There were no dots to connect! We were playing with inflated surgical gloves and tongue depressors!

"No shit," Edward laughed. "I think I would have remembered that," he snorted.

I grabbed a pillow from the head of my bed, and just slammed it over his stupid grinning face. "Hey, thanks for clearing it up!" I cried, just wailing at him.

"I did, no one believed me!" He cried defensively, holding his hands out to block my assault. But he was laughing. There were tears practically coming out of his eyes he was laughing so hard.

And that just pissed me off more. "You should have tried harder!" I growled, pulling my pillow back and going for the side of his head.

"To protect your violent ass?" He sniffed with a laugh. "Why?" Then he reached out in the gray moonlit room and snatched the pillow away from me with one quick motion, stopping me in my tracks.

Seeing red, I tried to catch my breath, watching as Edward took my favorite pillow and tucked it under his head, splaying his shoulders out beside him, like demonstrating to me that he was comfortable.

"Jerk," I hissed under my breath.

Then it was quiet for a beat, before Edward spoke up. "Of course I denied it, Bella," he whispered. "Come on."

"You did?" I asked.

"Yes," he said softly. "Of course I did."

I took a breath. "Oh," I sighed, relieved. "Ok."

Then I heard a little giggle come from Edward.

"What?" I asked.

"Nothing," he said. "It's just that I thought you wanted to get busy?" He asked, unable to contain his mocking laughter.

I fell back onto my bed, my head hitting the empty spot where my pillow had been. "I want to die right now," I said very matter-of-factly. "Just kill me." It wasn't enough that the beauty queen who had convinced me that I was invisible on planet earth was spreading rumors about me, but Edward remembered every single embarrassing thing that I had ever said or done in his presence. I mean, of course he did!

"Or was it a little bit busy?" He sniffed, thinking he was soooo funny.

I lifted my leg, pointing it toward the window. "Leave, now," I said, directing him with my foot to the exit, too tired to even sit back up again. "I can't take this humiliation," I said, and as I said it, a smile just pulled from my cheeks. It was all just too hilarious to not find the humor in it eventually.

"I'm sorry," Edward said. "I swear I'll be good."

"Just, go to sleep," I said. "And give me my pillow," I demanded. "Now."

Then Edward stood up, and walked over to the top of my bed, so he was sort of hovering over me, holding my pillow to his chest.

I sat up, feeling really vulnerable having him standing over me, and took it from him. "Thank you," I smiled.

Then Edward sat down on the edge of the bed, going for the buttons on his white Oxford shirt. "Do you mind?" he asked, peeking over to me in the moonlight. "I can't sleep in this," he said.

I gulped, unsure of what he was doing. "Nope," I said. "Go ahead."

Then one by one, Edward undid the buttons on his shirt, slipping it off of his shoulders when he finished.

_Holy swear word…_

If someone had told me that the night would end with Edward in only his boxers sitting at the edge of my bed…well I wouldn't have believed them. I just couldn't process it all. I was so comfortable with him, still, but at the same time, he just did things to me…crazy things.

But my open jawed gaping ended when I noticed something was missing from his left side. His scar was…

Edward bowed his head. "Yeah, it's almost gone," he said, lifting up his left arm, stretching the ribcage and peck area where the scar used to be ragged, red, and ugly. In the moonlight it just looked light and shiny…like an old healed scar.

"I can hardly see it," I whispered, temped to reach over and touch the area Edward was showing me. I was tempted to touch him period in that moment. It took a lot of strength not to crawl over to him and just bury myself in his bare chest. It was something that I really missed…I missed how he held me sometimes.

When I didn't touch him, Edward dropped his arm. "It'll be a year in two weeks," he said, bowing his head a little bit, his strong muscled back hunching over his hands.

"Wow," I said, sitting up a little bit on my feet, not knowing what to say… I never quite knew what to say to Edward when it came to talking about the accident.

"Yeah," he said, seeming to run out of words too.

And then he just sat there, and I sat there, in total silence, thinking about Garrett. I was thinking about what it even meant to die at seventeen. I mean, I couldn't quite wrap my head around it. And I didn't witness it like Edward did. I didn't know Garrett, or love Garrett like Edward did. I couldn't even imagine watching my best friend die. It was this aspect of Edward's life that no matter how hard I tried, I could never fully comprehend.

Dying at seventeen…I mean, there was still so much left that I wanted to do, so much that I wanted to experience…

And it was really hard to be in a dark bedroom with Edward while thinking about that kind of thing. It just reminded me that life was so short, so so short. It just reminded me that you should spend your life with the people that really matter…

And when I looked over to Edward, the person who mattered, there were tears trickling down his cheeks.

When he caught me staring, he sat up, and wiped his fists over his eyes. "Shit," he sniffed. "Sorry," he said.

I hesitated before I put my hand on his bare back, scooting over to be close to him. "It's ok," I said. "It's ok, Edward."

His tears just kept falling, and his hands couldn't catch them fast enough. "I haven't talked about it in awhile," he said. "I'm sorry."

I steadied my hand on his back. "How long has it been? How long since you've talked about it?" I asked.

Then Edward turned quickly to face me, and in the moonlight I could see the splotching and moisture around his eyes. "When did you leave?" He asked, telling me in a few simple words that he had not talked about Garrett or the accident at all since I left…

And in that moment, I wanted to shoot Doctor Cullen. He was so worried about keeping Edward's life on track that he didn't allow Edward the proper time to grieve. They focused on Edward's future, and just ran away from what happened in his past. And sitting there patting his back as he cried, with his life totally on track on paper, I could just feel that his grief just built up inside of him and festered while I was gone, and Edward was closer to crumbling than ever…

And then I knew that Doctor Cullen wasn't right at all. Doctor Cullen was wrong…

And I also fully understood everything that had happened that night. It just all made sense all of a sudden.

Edward scrubbed out his face and fell back onto my bed with a sigh…

And I just did the same, joining him sort of dangling over the side of my bed, just laying there staring at the ceiling…

And after a long silence, I had a question for him. "Hey, Edward?" I asked.

"Yeah?"

"Did you really forget your keys?" I asked, knowing that his answer would confirm my suspicion…

Then Edward took in a breath, like he wanted to think about his answer. And after a beat, his head tipped in my direction, and he found my eyes in the darkness. "No," he said softly, his shoulders shrugging up around him, like he had been caught…like he was busted.

"Oh," I nodded, giving him a weak smile. "Ok," I said, telling him that it was ok…that I wasn't mad.

Then Edward stirred from his spot like he was going to leave to go back to the floor…

I sat up a little bit, and found his eyes again. "Edward?"

"Yeah?"

"You don't have to sleep on the floor if you don't want to."

Then his eyes closed, while he let out a breath, and a smile hit his face. "Thanks," he said. Then he crawled up beside me, and I pulled the covers back for him…inviting him in. Maybe it was just for the night…I didn't know.

All I know is that I slept like a baby that night…held in Edward's arms.

**AN- Hey all. Sorry for the delay, the details are in my profile. And again, I devote as much time to this story as is appropriate for my life. If I could have updated sooner, I would have, ya know? So, thanks to those of you who were patient, I really appreciate that... Mwah! **

**Love to all, **

**Maggie. **


	21. Chapter 21

**How to Paint a House Chapter 21**

**BPOV**

I woke to the sound of Charlie's cruiser pulling out of the driveway. It took me a minute to crawl out of the fog of sleep, to become fully conscious. I was so deeply asleep, so peacefully asleep. No tossing, no fits, no knots…just rest, and comfort, and that sort of warm oozy feeling that was like amazing and terrifying at the same time. It was terrifying because you missed it when it was gone. It was like this fullness, this completeness, this perfect comfort that really left a hole when it was gone. And it only took feeling the fur on his calves wrapped around my leg, and the weight of his arm draped across my back, and the tickle of his breath on my face to remember why I had that feeling…

Edward was in my bed. Edward slept over.

I loved having him in my bed. I felt whole with him around. I felt like a woman, like a real woman, and I wanted him to be my man. It was pretty pointless to deny that, to pretend that having Edward as mine wasn't something that I still wanted. I did. Even if it was just for a little while, I wanted to go back to that place where it was just the two of us, and the world around us stopped existing. Just for a little while I wanted to float again…

I turned to face him, to look at him. He was so beautiful when he slept, he looked so peaceful. So, unable to help myself, I reached out for his face and ran my index finger over his cheek, and Edward's top lip sort of tugged in the direction of my finger. I smiled, resisting the urge to run my fingers through his hair. I hadn't felt his shorter hair in my fingers yet, and I wanted to.

Then, as my finger made its way down his scruffy jaw, he stirred. His tongue swept across his lower lip, and his nose scrunched a little, and his arms flexed and then went straight for his eyes to scrub them out. And when his eyes opened, it took a minute for him to figure out where he was. But soon recognition hit his beautiful face, and he smiled at me.

"Hey," he said, in his adorable groggy morning voice, looking at me with his heavy morning eyes.

I slid my arm from his vicinity, curling it up under my sheet. "Hey," I smiled back at him, seeing in his eyes that he was happy to be waking up next to me too, and feeling sort of devastated by the thought that it might be our first and only time.

"What time is it?" Edward asked softly, while his arms went over his head and his whole body stiffened into a stretch.

I turned to my clock, then back to Edward. "Almost eight," I said.

Then Edward's puffy eyes got wide, like reality and alertness hit him at once. "Shit, really?" He asked, scrambling into a sitting position, looking ready to bolt out of my window in only his boxers.

I couldn't help but laugh. "Relax," I said. "Charlie left for work already. You're fine."

Hearing me, Edward's tense body relaxed again. "Oh," he breathed, like exhaling in relief. "Cool," he said, leaning back against my headboard, his bare torso exposed. But he was already too far away. I wanted him back under the sheets with me. I wanted to spend the whole day with him warm under my sheets, just shut off from reality.

But he didn't get back in. He moved to the side of the bed, and put his feet on the floor, his bare back hunching over, and his head falling into his hands.

In the light of day, I wasn't as comfortable just getting up and going to him. I couldn't just wrap myself around him and hug him…Our break in the whole friendship agreement was like understood. Like what happened in Bella's bed, stayed in Bella's bed or whatever.

So I talked to him instead. "What's wrong?" I asked, sitting up, all of the warm and fuzzy and amazing that was left under the sheets escaping.

Edward tipped his head in my direction, giving me a small smile. "My head hurts," he said, sort of rolling his eyes at himself.

"Are you hung over?" I asked.

He shook his head. "I had four beers," he said. "This never happens."

I didn't want to remind him that crying usually gave me a headache. I didn't want to bring it up, but his headache wasn't exactly a surprise. I mean tears and alcohol are a bad mix. "Well, do you want some Tylenol?" I asked, wanting to take the furrow out of his brow, wanting him to feel better.

"Can I use your shower?" He asked. "I feel like shit."

I gulped, not quite expecting him to ask me to shower in my shower. It felt a little forward. It felt a little too cozy. I was having enough trouble keeping a clear head, and remembering that the whole friendship thing was my idea as it was. The thought of Edward naked in my shower…

So, of course, I said yes. "Sure," I said. "Go ahead."

"Thanks," he said, pushing off the bed onto his feet, as I just stared at the muscles in his back. I had seen so many naked male backs on the beach in Jacksonville that I had lost count. But still, somehow, Edward's just stirred me up.

And when he turned to face me, in all of his groggy hung-over morning glory, I lost my breath a little bit.

_Shoot! _

I gulped again. "Towels are in the closet," I smiled, pushing my straggly hair out of my eyes, feeling the grit on my teeth, and knowing with certainty that I probably looked like pure hell, while he looked like pure heaven.

But Edward's face didn't give that away. "Thanks, Bella," he said, smiling softly. "And the Tylenol?"

"Cabinet over the sink," I said.

Edward nodded. "Cool," he said, running his fingers through his hair and giving it a little tug, turning for the door.

And when my bedroom door closed behind him, I almost convulsed, there was just so much pent up…something… inside of me that I had to let it out. "What the heck is going on?" I whined to myself under my sheets, kicking my feet around and squirming in this like aggravated restless frustration. "Waaahhh," I whimpered to myself like a puppy, just so confused, and fighting this very primal and strong urge to just barge in on Edward's shower and beg him to get busy with me.

My head was just so foggy. My desire to wake up in bed with him again was like, CRAZY. I couldn't even remember life before Edward in that moment. I couldn't even remember Alice's last name, or what color eyes Riley had. All I could think, all I could feel, all I could process…was Edward.

I pulled my sheets to my mouth. "Noo!" I cried, muffling my cry in the ball of sheets in my hands. "Noo-oo-ooo," I whined, knowing full well that chasing after him was a mistake, but finding it really hard to regret it. It's like my obsession was back. My just over the top attraction and _want_ for him was back. I didn't even last a day. In a matter of twelve hours I was totally screwed.

I had to get it together. I had to come back down to earth. My desire to float again suddenly felt like an addict's need for a fix. Like, I knew it wasn't good for me. Like, I knew it would totally screw me up if I went after it.

I couldn't go after it. I couldn't. I couldn't float again, because if I did, I knew the crash landing would just kill me.

So, I sat up and wiggled out of my sheets, stumbling onto the floor. I made a b-line for the stairs, jogging for the front door when I got to the bottom, pulling it open with a firm tug. Then, because I absolutely had to, I walked out onto the front steps and sunk my bare feet into the snow. The cold hit me and ran up my spine, but I breathed through it like a hot coal walker, and took deep breaths as I walked down the snow covered steps onto the yard.

Shading my eyes from the morning sun, I walked up beside my tree, really looking at it for the first time since I had been home. I just looked at it, into it, like asking it for help. Like my tree was my friend, like it actually somehow knew me, and knew how desperate and scared I was feeling. "Help," I gasped to my tree, while I let my feet fall out from under me, and dropped onto my back. I landed softly into the newly fallen snow, and let the cold and the wet soak into my sweats, and melt around my neck and head and freeze it. "Help," I gasped again, feeling my chin start to quiver and my eyes start to water.

I was so determined not to cry. I didn't want to cry over him again. But I couldn't help it. I just couldn't help it. So, I started…a few tears breaking loose and leaving warm trails over my cold cheeks as I lay like a corpse in the snow.

All I could think of was never waking up next to him again. All I could think of was some other girl feeling his furry calves under the covers, and bathing in his delicious spicy smell, and seeing his pink tongue come over his lips when he stirred...

But before I could burst into a sob of self pity, I heard a car sort of idling and slowing down in the road.

_Crap…_

I sat up, whipping my head towards the road, feeling the wetness and cold on my back. But as soon as I trained my eyes on the crappy little red car, it took off…

Then something boiled up inside me, and I had to let it out. "Mind your own business!" I cried towards the innocent driver of the red car. "Mind your own freaking business!" And then my tears waned into anger. It wasn't sadness I was feeling, it was anger.

Angry with myself. Angry with Edward. Angry with higher education. Angry with ice storms, and alcohol, and totalitarian parental regimes…

_Gah! _

And then the fact that I was sitting outside under a tree half dressed in fourteen inches of snow really hit me. It was ridiculous. It was irrational and silly and just everything that I really hated about myself. It's like my emotions weren't normal. It's like I watched all of the other girls my age navigate the world of boys with this casual ease, keeping their heads above water, while I just drowned.

Like, Lauren Mallory could inquire about Edward in the same breath that she told us about dry humping Tyler. And Angela could break up with Ben, and then fall for Eric Yorkie like it was just this simple thing to do. And even Alice, who was less experienced than I was at the fourth of July, had dated both Marcus _and_ Cai, and then went to homecoming and third base with an Italian exchange student named Demetri.

I, on the other hand, accepted Riley's invitation to homecoming reluctantly, danced with him reluctantly, almost had a panic attack when he slowed his car down near a motel, and then almost broke the door to his Trans-Am while I made my escape and ran into my house before he even had the chance to try to kiss me goodnight.

I couldn't kiss him. I just couldn't. I had moved on in so many other aspects, but I was completely unable to see any other boys, be attracted to any other boys, imagine sharing spit with any other boys. And I knew it was because I wasn't over Edward, because I still loved Edward. I still loved him, it was just fact.

With a sigh, I ran my fingers around my cold damp neck, then stood up and brushed the snow off of my sweats and out of my hair, and then walked back inside on painful cramping frozen feet.

And when I got upstairs, the bathroom door was open and leaking steam, and I could hear Edward in my room.

So I went into the bathroom and threw some water on my face, and brushed my teeth, and ran a brush through my hair, and blow-dried the back of my sweatshirt. And when I finished, I walked up to my bedroom door with a sigh, and knocked, feeling ready to face Edward again. I missed him.

_Knock…knock…knock…_

"Yep?" Edward asked from inside.

"Can I come in?"

"Yep," he said with a little laugh, like that's what he meant the first time.

Relaxing slightly from the sound of his laugh, I pushed the door open, finding Edward sitting at the edge of my bed in his boxers, rubbing his hair out with a towel.

He looked up at me. "I used some of your mouthwash," he said, blowing minty air into my face, his cheeks pinked from the shower, his skin smelling like Charlie's Old Spice body wash.

I shook my head. "Good for you," I said sarcastically, going to my drawer to find him a t-shirt, because I couldn't have him shirtless around me any longer. It was just too much.

When I found one, I tossed it at him. "How's your headache?" I asked.

Edward pulled the old white t-shirt over his head. "Better," he said, as his face came through the neck hole.

And then it got quiet. Like twiddling our thumbs, nothing to say, quiet. And we just sort of stared at each other with pleasant smiles.

But I had something to say─ something that had been tugging at me and bothering me all night. In the light of day, it was easy to forget the tears, and the anger, and the drama that had occurred the night before. But because I still loved Edward, I couldn't let this one thing go. I had to drag it back up…

I went over to my rocking chair in the far corner of my room and sat down. I pulled my knees to my chest, and looked at Edward on my bed, trying to find the words…

He eyed me curiously. "What's up?" He asked, seeming confused by my sudden seriousness.

And then I just decided to go for it, to get it out. "Why aren't you in therapy anymore?" I asked, my heart starting to race, wondering if I was making the right decision by stirring up the drama so early in the day.

Edward's head recoiled. "Fuck," he said. "How do you know that?"

"Because you haven't talked about the accident since I left," I said softly.

Edward was still as a stone on the edge of my bed, staring into his hands. "I stopped going," he said.

"Why?" I asked.

Then he raised his eyes at me. "Because it's a waste of time," he said sharply.

"Do your parents know?" I asked, keeping the same soft voice, trying not to spook him or piss him off.

Edward shook his head. "No," he said. "I stopped going the minute I turned eighteen."

"You should go," I said.

Then Edward's lips pulled into a cynical bitter smile. "No amount of therapy is going to fix what happened, Bella," he sort of scoffed, his eyes sort of wandering and unfocused.

"But maybe it can help you deal with it," I said, getting to my reason for bringing it up in the first place. Edward wasn't dealing with it. He had buried it…buried everything.

Then Edward's wandering eyes landed on me. "Maybe I don't want to deal with it," he said coolly, shrugging a shoulder.

"Why not?" I asked, holding my hands out in exasperation. I just didn't understand. It didn't make any sense.

Then Edward just got quiet, like staring at me with nothing to say.

So I spoke for him. "Because you're not done punishing yourself yet?" I asked, raising my brows. "Huh?" I pushed.

Then Edward's eyes got soft, and he shook his head at me like I was wrong. "I just don't want to forget him," he whispered, like choking it out.

"Then you should talk about him in therapy," I said, using every bit of strength I had not to go over to him. I wanted to have the conversation without all of the touching, and the tears, and the love stuff. I just wanted to know what was going on.

But Edward shook his head at my suggestion. "No," he said.

Then I put my feet on the floor and leaned my body in his direction. "Then talk about him with me," I said, trying to convey to him that he could tell me anything, anything at all…

Edward's face sort of twisted. "Right now?" He asked.

I shrugged. "Yeah," I said. "I'm only here for a week. I'm going back before New Years."

When I said when I was going back, Edward's posture sunk. "I don't want to talk about it now," he said, his jaw starting to clench. "I just don't."

I shook my head. "Fine," I said. "Maybe later?"

Edward shrugged. "Maybe," he said, giving me a weak smile.

"Ok," I said softly, lowering my eyes, sort of taking in the idea that I wasn't the Edward Whisperer, and that he wasn't just going to let me fix him because I wanted to. It wasn't that simple. I didn't have that much power over him.

It was sort of a hard pill to swallow…

But before it could get awkward, before a silence could even build, Edward changed his posture and looked at me, his lip pulling up in one corner. "So, who's the guy with the hole in his ear?" He asked, his eyes sort of narrowed and curious.

"Hole in his ear?" I asked, kind of lost.

Then Edward wagged his head towards my phone…

I stood from the rocking chair, and my hands shot to my hips. "You went through my phone?" I asked, putting two and two together and realizing that he was asking about Riley, who I had about thirty pictures of in my phone. Homecoming pictures, surfing pictures…everything.

Edward held his hands out in defense. "Relax," he said with a smirk. "I was just trying to call myself from your phone, and there he was," he said.

"Why were you calling yourself from my phone?" I asked.

"So that I can have your number," Edward said, like it was obvious.

"Oh," I said softly, shaking my head because six months earlier I would have cut off my arm to have Edward's cell-phone number…

_Grrr…_

Then Edward sort of sprawled out on my bed, putting his hands behind his head, and crossing his feet at the ankles…making himselfcomfortable. "So who is he?" He asked, wagging his brows.

I rolled my eyes. "Riley," I said, kind of annoyed at Edward's flippancy. He was inquiring about Riley the same way I inquired about Tanya, like nonchalant and mockingly curious.

_Oh…_

Edward's eyes softened a bit. "Is he your boyfriend?" He asked, and under the feigned indifference, I could sense some fear over what my answer might be.

I shook my head, taking a couple steps towards the bed, holding Edward's eyes with mine. "I guess he could be," I said, shrugging my shoulders. "Maybe," I said, and it was the truth. Riley could be my boyfriend, maybe, if I could get over Edward. He was my age, and his parents were cool, and he didn't have any baggage to speak of. He was cute, and we had fun together, and he seemed really into me. In another life Riley would have made an excellent boyfriend…just not in the one that I currently existed in.

"Friends with benefits?" Edward hedged further, not seeming to understand the meaning in my answer.

I sat down on the bed near Edward's feet. "No," I said, staring at his hairy big toes instead of his eyes. "No benefits. Just friends," I said.

"Are you close with him?" Edward asked softly, and all of the feigned indifference was gone. He wanted to know. "You seem close," he said.

I peered up into his eyes. "I guess," I shrugged. "Kind of," I said, realizing that the definition of close was a really relative thing.

Edward's head bowed a bit. "Oh," he whispered, his eyes getting a little far away.

And then all I wanted was to be close to Edward. I wanted to touch him, I wanted to hug him, I wanted to be back in his arms and sleep for the rest of the afternoon.

I was so weak…so, so weak…

"We took that picture after I caught my first real wave," I explained, losing the last of my strength and crawling up beside Edward on my bed. "Riley taught me. It was like a really big deal when I finally got it," I said, sidling up next to him, sitting on my feet.

Edward turned to me. "Riley taught you to surf?" He asked, that familiar distance and regret in his eyes.

"Yeah," I said.

Then Edward's jaw clenched a little bit and he shook his head, like he was digesting what that meant…

And then I just had to touch him. Seeing the regret in his eyes, and the jealousy…and knowing that he _didn't_ forget his keys…I had to.

So I did. I reached my hand out and ran it through his hair, and Edward's eyes closed the instant my hand hit his scalp. I think he knew what I was doing. Like he knew that I just wanted to be close to him…like I couldn't help it. And I think he wanted me to touch him. More and more I was starting to really realize that he could have been in any girl in Forks' bed at the moment, but he was in mine. The kiss, and the keys…and the way he held onto me while we slept. I knew Edward wanted me to touch him.

I just slowly raked my fingers through his hair, letting my palm drag over his temple…

"I hooked up with Rosalie Hale," Edward sort of blurted out, as my fingers were making a pass through his hair.

My hand stopped, and then my heart…

_What?_

Edward's eyes opened, and he turned them to me. "Say something," he breathed, wide-eyed and seemingly scared. "Say something, Bella."

I drew my hand slowly away from his head. "I thought you said you weren't dating anyone," I said, feeling a little blindsided, a little sick.

Edward shook his head, his face sort of twitching and anxious. "I'm not," he said. "She's still with Emmett."

I leaned away from him, the sickening feeling just growing. I mean, Rosalie was smart, and beautiful, and came from a good family, and did charity work, and…_Gah!_…She wasn't Tanya Denali. She was an actual threat, a real threat…

_Who was still with Emmett?_

I widened my eyes at Edward. "So, what, you and Rosalie are friends with benefits?" I asked, throwing his misguided question back at him.

Edward sat up even more, filling the space between us that I had just created. "Were," he said. "We stopped because of Emmett…because of─"

I gulped, starting to just feel itchy and weird. "Do you like her?" I asked.

Edward shook his head. "No," he said firmly. "It was just─"

I gulped again. "Sex?" I asked, feeling my chin start to shake at just the thought.

Edward shook his head again. "We didn't have sex," he said. "It didn't go that far."

"What? Second? Third?" I asked, starting to get impatient, my skin just starting to crawl.

On my question, Edward bowed his head…like he definitely rounded a few bases with Ms. Perfect Washington. Like he definitely got a little bit busy with Rosalie Hale. Rosalie! The one person that I just could never stack up to. Tanya and Lauren…and girls like them, I could sort of disregard. But not Rosalie. I remembered how he looked at her in the hospital that day… and it made me _sick_.

"Never mind. Don't answer that," I said, deciding that I didn't want to know the grittier details, for fear that I'd barf everywhere.

Then Edward's hand reached out for me, and I tried to protest, but I was sort of frozen. Then he gripped into the hair behind my ear, his palm cupping my cheek. "Bella, she doesn't mean anything to me," he said softly, his green eyes just forcing me to look, forcing me to see the sincerity in them.

And I guess I believed him. Maybe…

But as he held my cheek and held my eyes, like he was apologizing for some sort of infidelity, I remembered the very important fact that we weren't together, and that he wasn't unfaithful, and that I was returning to Jacksonville, and that Edward was going to college, and that getting me all upset and insecure over Rosalie was just really cruel…

So, I pushed his hand away from my face. "Why are you even telling me this?" I asked. "I really could have gone without knowing this, Edward," I said with a whine.

"Because I don't want to have any secrets. I want to tell you everything, even the bad. We're friends, remember?"

"Friends? You think we're friends?" I asked impatiently, scoffing at the whole bullshit idea.

"No," he said softly. "I'm telling you because I just couldn't look at you anymore without you knowing."

I grabbed a fistful of my hair. "When you mentioned her last night, I─"

"I know," Edward said, cutting me off. "Last night, I had more than one story about Rosalie to tell you, and I just didn't know how."

Then the little bit of flirtatious fun that we'd had the night before over Rosalie suddenly felt so weird. Like the whole time he knew what she looked like naked, and he wanted to tell me that he knew what she looked like naked, while the whole time I was clueless and wailing at him with a pillow like an immature moron.

I just couldn't get my head around it. Like, I could. I mean, Rosalie looked like the girls in his Sports Illustrated magazine, and Edward was eighteen, and I was clear across the country in Florida. And in all of my experience in life, I knew that guys like Edward tended to go for girls like Rosalie─ it was like the order of nature or whatever. But I guess what I couldn't get my head around was why Rosalie, and not me? Like if he was going to be having shady secret hookups, why couldn't they have been with me?

I took a deep breath, and raised my eyes to Edward. "How did it happen?" I asked in a calm whisper, wanting to know how it started, wanting to put the pieces together to make some sense out of it.

Edward cast his eyes down. "We were in gym class together…I don't know," he said with a sigh. "I asked her to keep her mouth shut about you, and she basically told me that she wouldn't mind fooling around with me in an exam room. It was her idea," he said.

I thought it would have been a bigger relief to know that he wasn't the one that pursued her, but it wasn't. It wasn't because he fell for it…he took her offer. I just imagined her in her tiny little gym outfit, cornering him all sweaty and_ mine_. He was mine. In my head he still belonged to me. And Rosalie wanted him badly enough to risk her relationship with Emmett…

"Come on, Bella, say something," Edward said, nudging me with his knee to react, after I let a long tense silence build.

And then I knew exactly what I wanted to say, exactly what was bothering me about the whole thing. "So you can go out and party, and you can be fuck buddies with Rosalie─"

"We didn't fuck."

"Whatever," I said. "So, you are free to do all of that with other people, just not me. Do I have this right?"

"No," he said. "You have it all wrong."

"Then explain it to me, Edward," I said.

Then Edward gripped the bridge of his nose, like he had to think. "You were just so…" he started, sort of drawing out his words.

"So what?" I asked.

"Innocent," he said. "I just didn't know how be with you. There was a lot of shit that I was dealing with, and I just didn't want to be─"

I raised a brow. "Be the ass that rolled into town and fucked the Sheriff's daughter?" I asked, ice in my voice. It was like déjà vu. Edward and I had had the exact same conversation before. The exact same.

Edward's eyes got wide when I threw his words back in his face for the second time that day. "You think I'm disgusting, don't you?" He asked.

I shook my head. "No," I said, because I didn't. "I'm just wondering what this is all about. What are you doing here, Edward?" I asked. "Tell me the truth."

"You know what I'm doing here," he said.

"No, I don't."

"Don't play dumb, Bella. You know what I'm doing here," he said.

I did know. I knew. I knew the moment he started tapping on my window. He was in my bed, having the same conversation with me that we'd had six months earlier because the conversation that we'd had six months earlier wasn't over yet. We didn't get to finish it. There was no closure… that was all bullshit. Our conversation wasn't over, because nothing was over between us. And In that moment, seeing my suitcase on the floor with a tag from Jacksonville, I just wanted to kill Edward for ending it when it wasn't over. I could have handled more. I was ready for more, and he just couldn't deal.

And then my eyes just welled up with tears as I stared sort of dumfounded at Edward. "I wanted to do more," I said. "I was ready."

"No you weren't," he said, shaking his head, his eyes soft and truthful. "You weren't."

I wiped my eyes and sat up a bit. "Yes, I was," I said firmly. "I trusted you," I whined. "And now I feel like all of the other stuff was just crap, and you dumped me because you were too scared to get any from me."

Edward shook his head, and reached out for me again, but I squirmed away. So he gave up, and pulled his hand back with a sigh, letting a silence build, like he had to choose his words.

And when he had them, he found my eyes. "I broke up with you because you were in love with me, and you looked at me like I was your answer for everything," he said softly. "That scared the crap out of me, Bella," he said, his chin starting to shake with mine. "I just couldn't handle that responsibility."

I sniffed back some tears. "But, I thought your dad─"

Edward grabbed my knee, holding my eyes, just boring into them. "My dad thought that I was in love with you, and that I looked at you like you were _my_ answer for everything," he said slowly, like making sure that I heard him. "That scared the crap out of him," he said.

Then my tears just started to pour. "What's the truth?" I asked, wanting to know the real reason we weren't together anymore. I had put way too much stock into it being about his father, when all along it was probably just about Edward, and his insecurity over being with the Sheriff's fifteen year old daughter…

Then Edward's hand moved from my knee to my right eye, and I was just too weak to fight him. He started swiping the tears away with his thumb, while he held my cheek. "Maybe a little of both," he whispered as he fought a losing battle with my gushing eye. "You were just so cute, and fun, and I fucking loved you," he said, saying the words that I would have killed to have heard six months earlier.

"You did?" I asked, trying to hold back a sob.

Edward nodded, and his lips pulled into a soft smile. "Yeah," he said in a whisper. "But you were fifteen, and I didn't know how to make it real. I didn't how to make it last," he said. "Not with my dad breathing down my neck, and college, and baseball." Then he paused, and his eyes got far away again. "I still don't," he shrugged, admitting to me that he still didn't have any answers for us, even though he loved me…or did.

Through my tears, I smiled at him, silently telling him that I appreciated his honesty. That even if it was a little late, I needed to hear that he loved me. I needed to know that the way that I felt for him wasn't just some manufactured dream in my head. We fell in love. We did. It really happened.

Then Edward's other hand came up and cupped my face, while he was just burning his green eyes into mine. "The thing that is scaring the shit out of me is that you don't look at me the way you used to," he said. "You don't," he sort of choked. "Something's different."

I dropped my chin, knowing exactly what was different, knowing exactly why I didn't look at him the same way. When I loved him before, I trusted him. He had never hurt me. He was my hero, my confident, my protector from mean girls and wasps. He was my boat captain, and my painting instructor, and my partner in illegal beer purchasing crime. He was my dance partner, and my Scrabble opponent, and my biggest obstacle against remaining a vegetarian. He was the boy that left a hickey on my neck, and carved his name into my house, and my heart. He was my everything…

But he wasn't that person to me anymore. He just wasn't.

I looked up at him. "You broke my heart," I whined, as tears spilled from my eyes. "I don't think I will ever look at you that way again," I said. "I don't trust you anymore, Edward. I love you, but I don't trust you."

Then Edward sat up and grabbed both of my knees, just gripping into them so hard that it was almost painful. "The only reason I got with Rosalie was because I was trying to get over you," he said, sounding sort of panicked. "I love you, Bella," he said. "I've been dying here without you. Come back. Come home."

"What?" I asked, not quite sure that I heard him right.

He gripped my knees harder. "Come home," he pleaded. "I love you."

I shook my head. "But what about Alice, and my mom, and Riley─"

"Fuck Riley, what about me?" Edward sort of shouted, cutting me off.

But that was the last straw. Even though I loved Edward, I wasn't his puppet. I wasn't going to follow him aimlessly, and give in to his every irrational want. I did that once, and I ended up clobbered.

So I pushed away, and wiggled out of his grasp, clamoring to the floor, and glaring at him."Everything I have done for the past six months has been about you, Edward," I said through gritted teeth. "What about me?" I asked, unable to stop the torrential tears that just couldn't or wouldn't stop. They were just ripping out of me. I was devastated…just by everything. If we couldn't make it real, and we couldn't make it last…then it was just cruel to tease me with notions that we could. It was cruel.

"Bella…"

I wiped my gushing eyes. "This has gone too far, you need to leave," I said, not looking at Edward, and just rubbing my eyes mercilessly, and wiping my nose on the sleeve of my sweatshirt.

"No," Edward said sharply from the bed. "I'm not leaving."

"Please don't make this any harder?" I begged, just feeling on the verge of eruption.

"I'll go to Washington State," he said coolly. "I will."

That got my attention. I dropped my hands from my eyes and looked at him, shaking my head bitterly. "That's insane," I said, never ever wanting Edward to give up on his dream for me. That was never what I wanted.

"Florida State?" He asked.

I withheld a sob. "You're scaring me, Edward. Stop it."

Then he crawled to the edge of the bed and grabbed my hips, pulling me towards him. I let him. I let him pull me back, so that he was holding onto me while he was on his knees, looking up to me with just desperate terrified eyes. Like the same eyes that I saw on the very first day I met him, when I snuck up behind him and he grabbed my arm…like wild and tortured at the same time.

"If I talk about Garrett, can I stay?" He asked, looking up at me like his life depended on my answer.

"No, Edward, don't," I whimpered.

But he didn't listen. "He was blonde," he started as I shook my head in protest. "He had blue eyes. His dad bought him a Porsche for his sixteenth birthday, and we drove to Canada and went gambling with hookers who gave us hand-jobs, because we were virgins and didn't want to lose our virginity to hookers," he said, a sad wistful smile hitting his face.

I smiled too. I couldn't help it.

Like Edward was feeding off of my tearful smile, he kept going. "Garrett was better at basketball than me, so I never shot hoops with him," he said. "I was better in school; I was better at basically everything, but he didn't care. He wasn't like me. He didn't get jealous."

"You're just competitive," I sniffed, pointing out the difference for him.

Then Edward got up on his knees and moved his hands from my hips to my face, holding his green eyes to mine the entire time. "He talked in his sleep…like you," he said, stroking his thumbs across my cheeks.

I rolled my eyes at his discovery about me. "What else?" I asked, wanting to know more about Garrett, wanting to know more about his beloved friend.

Edward smiled as his eyes started to well up with tears. "He laughed at my jokes," he said, blinking out his tears. "And always let me have the last slice of pizza because he knew my house never had food."

I moved my hand to his face to catch the tears making their way down his cheek. "What else?" I asked, smiling at him, sniffing back my own tears.

Then Edward eyes got a little distant, a little far away. "He had a girlfriend," he said, regret in his tone.

"Kate?" I asked, remembering the time at the mill that he told me about her.

Edward smiled sadly. "Yeah," he said. "He loved her. He loved her so much, and I haven't talked to her since I left Chicago," he said, "Like, I should just pick up the goddamn phone and call her to see how she's doing, but I can't."

"Why not?" I asked, just stroking his face with my hands, holding it, while he held mine.

"Because I'm afraid she blames me," he said sadly. "I'm afraid she thinks it's my fault."

I gulped. "Is it?"I asked.

"What?" Edward asked, confused.

"Is it your fault?" I asked, firming up my voice. "Are you in any way responsible for Garrett's death?"

Edward's eyes got cold. "I brought the Jack Daniels," he shrugged, like it was obvious.

I steadied my hands on his face and looked pointedly at him. "That's not what I asked," I said. "Are you responsible for Garrett's death, Edward?" I asked slowly, annunciating every syllable.

And then Edward's tears broke loose, and started spilling out of his eyes, while his chin shook and his whole face twisted. "No," he said, shaking his head. "No, I'm not. He was drunk, but that didn't matter. The car couldn't stop. It couldn't stop. And Garrett couldn't run away because of the ice. It was the ice," he sobbed. "The driver couldn't stop it, and neither could I. It was an accident."

Then a beaming smile hit my face as I just choked on my tears. "An accident?" I asked, as my hands worked furiously to smooth the tears from Edward's eyes.

Edward smiled back at me. "Yeah," he said. "An accident."

And then he stood from the bed and just grabbed me, pulling me in so tight like he wanted to consume me. He wrapped his arms around my back, and buried his face into my neck, and I just collapsed into his chest, letting him hold me, letting him do whatever he needed to do… just total putty in his arms. I was so proud of him. I was so in love him. I never wanted to be in anyone else's arms, ever, the way I was in his. I never wanted another…period.

"I love you, Bella," Edward whispered into my hair as he squeezed me and rocked me and just pulled me in tighter and tighter, like trying to make my body a part of his.

"I love you too," I gasped out. "And I'm afraid I always will," I said, tears slipping from my eyes onto his t-shirt.

Then Edward loosened his gripped around me, and pushed back on my shoulders, and stared deeply into my eyes. "Why are you afraid?" He asked, that soft leveling look on his face that just made it so much worse.

I shook my head, trying to find some composure to say what I wanted to say. "Because, what if this is it for us?" I asked, my devastation and desperation clear in my tone. "What if this is all we get, Edward?"

Then Edward's jaw clenched, and he shook his head. "It's not," he said bitterly. "This isn't it."

"It's not?"

"No," he said, and in his eyes it almost seemed like he was telling me the truth. Like Edward actually wanted a future with me. Like Edward was willing to fight for us and figure it out just like I wanted to from the beginning.

But I wasn't stupid enough to believe him hook line and sinker…even though I wanted to. In that moment, I just wanted to be with him as much as I could for as long as I could, and love him. Love him the way I wanted to from the beginning. I was ready.

So, I put my hand on his face, and got up on my tiptoes, and brushed my lips against his softly, pressing my body into his. "I'm not fifteen anymore," I breathed against his mouth, hoping he could hear in my voice what I wanted, hoping he could feel it in the way that I was driving my pelvis into him that I wasn't scared. I wanted to be with him, really be with him…

Because if it really was it for us, I wanted us to go down swinging.

And as my pelvis made needy circles over Edward's crotch, he gripped the back of my head, his fingers clawing into my hair. "I know," he gasped, meeting my pelvis with his hips, sort of thrusting at me, and I could already feel his erection through his boxers.

_Oh God…_

I moved my lips to his ear, taking his lobe into my mouth. "I'm ready for more," I said. "I want more."

Then without a word, Edward grabbed my hips, and turned me swiftly, dropping me down onto the bed. I crawled back a little bit, biting my lip, making room for him to join me. Then his knees came down on the bed, and he hovered over me a little, gripping into his hair, like he was thinking about what he was going to do.

I didn't want him to think. I wanted him near me. "Come on," I sort of moaned, my body writhing into the bed, as I reached out and grabbed a fistful of his t-shirt to pull him closer. I wanted him closer. I wanted his erection back against my body. I wanted to dry hump, or wet hump…in that moment I didn't really care. I just wanted _him_. And, I wanted an orgasm. I wanted one so badly I could have exploded.

Then Edward's lip pulled up in one corner, and his green eyes got soft and hooded and just sexy, like teasing me. Then finally, his hands went to the bottom of my sweatshirt…like he was going to take off my sweatshirt. And instead of being self conscious, I threw my hands behind my head, like begging him to take off my sweatshirt…

And then he did it. He started pushing it upwards towards my head, his cool perfect fingers running up my torso as he pushed, holding my eyes with his the whole time…

When he got to the top, I let him pull it over my head, leaving me feeling a bit chilly and exposed. And then I watched him at the very moment he realized that I wasn't wearing a bra…I never slept in a bra. And he sort of gulped, and stared, and just held his eyes on me for a minute. I mean, my whole chest was exposed, but I really couldn't have cared less. I was just wiggling, and squirming, and waiting for something to happen…something big.

And then it did.

Edward licked his lower lip and checked my eyes, like asking me.

"I want this," I whimpered out.

And then he smiled, and his head dipped down to meet my lips. And I just welcomed his lips like they were coming home from a war. I had missed them so. Not the greedy drunken ones, but the ones that gave me my first kiss under the bushes after carving our initials into my house. I sucked them in, holding onto his lower lip greedily before I plunged my tongue into his mouth, and pulled his face into mine harder and harder with every swipe of my tongue.

The kiss was different, it was more urgent, more desperate. His tongue went deeper, while his hands just dug into my neck, and then into my butt…which he never did before. He wasn't holding back. He was seeing me as an equal. He loved me, maybe as much as I loved him…maybe even more.

And when I came up for air, after devouring his face like it was my breakfast, I pushed his face back with my hands. "You too," I said, eyeing his shirt, not wanting to be the only one without a top on…wanting him to join me.

Then with an adorable dimply grin, Edward grabbed for the bottom of his t-shirt and wiggled out of it, throwing it over his head like he was on fire, tossing it clear across the room. "Better?" He asked, hovering over me bare-chested and beautiful, with like this pulsing electric excitement, like Edward was floating…like he was happy.

I smiled, and reached my hand up to his face. "Much," I said, moving my hand down towards his scar, then running it back up to his neck, pulling his face down to mine again to resume our kiss, to resume getting busy.

And when our bare chests collided, the feeling was totally indescribable, and it just added a new element to our kiss…

But Edward's mouth didn't stay on my lips for long. His lips started to wander, to move, to suck and lick and swipe wet trails down my neck and collar bone. I wanted him to go lower. I was desperate for him to go lower, to touch me there.

"Please," I moaned, just unable to keep it in.

And then I could hear Edward take a breath, as his lips moved from my collar-bone, and his right hand left my butt. And when his hand landed, it was around my boob. He cupped it his hand, kneading it a little…

_Oh God…_

I was sort of happy that it was all happening at sixteen instead of fifteen for the very simple fact that my boobs were bigger. Like more than a handful. I had heard guys talk like that in the hallways…like all they needed was more than a handful. Over the summer, my boobs were like maybe a handful…maybe. I was really proud of my more than a handfuls…

But when Edward fingers, his index finger and his thumb, started rolling my nipple between them, like rolling a cigarette, I shut my brain off and just let myself enjoy it…handful shmandful.

I wanted to whimper. I wanted to moan. I wanted more!

Then, just as I was just getting used to the feeling of Edward's hands groping my breasts, his lips left a wet trail over my chest, and he let a desperate pause build before he latched his hot wet mouth onto my boob, rolling his tongue around my nipple…

_Holy Swear Word! Holy Swear Word!_

It was like my nipple had a direct connection to my vagina. Like I could feel his mouth and his tongue, and the sensation that he was giving me in every inch of my body…

He swirled his tongue around my nipple, and then would just suck it in like it was delicious. Then swirl again. I was moaning in ecstasy. The feeling…there are no words. I was floating with him…I was lost somewhere in space…

And then, breaking away from my boob, Edward raised his eyes to me, a hungry look in them. "Do you want more?" He asked, his voice just low and smooth and devastating.

I gulped. "Like what?" I asked breathlessly.

Edward smiled. "Do you want me to get you off?" He asked, raising a devilish brow at me, while his hand trailed over my stomach, like making little circles.

I shook my head, and bit down even harder on my lip. "Uh huh," I sort of whimpered, unable to stop from wiggling around, just too eager, just too ready for it.

And then Edward's wandering fingers slid farther down my stomach, dipping under the waistband of my sweatpants and stopping right at the brink, so his hand was resting right there…Right there!

Then he raised his eyes again. "Are you sure?" He asked me, checking with me one last time.

I covered my eyes with my hands, like unable to even take it anymore. "Yes," I sputtered out. "Do it."

Then Edward laughed. "You know, there's a better way to do this," he said. "You'll like it more."

I gulped, knowing what he was referring to. There was third base, and then there was _third base_…

I nodded eagerly, my hands still covering my eyes like I was for real a kid on Christmas, and the excitement was just too much. It was all just too much. "Ok," I said. "I trust you," I said, wanting the real third base, wanting as much as he was willing to give. I didn't even have time to think, I was just doing…

Then Edward's hand came out of my sweatpants, and he wrapped his arms under my back, like pushing me up onto the bed properly, so I was propped against the pillows a little bit.

"Lay back," he said, when he got me into the position he wanted me in.

I gripped the sheets below me. "Oh God," I said out loud, starting to squirm.

Edward braced himself over me again, and dropped a kiss on my cheek. A soft one, a loving one, one that even in the madness of what was going on, I could feel burn across my face. "Don't be embarrassed," he said. "It's just me."

I nodded. "I trust you," I said again, and I meant it. I trusted him. I did.

Then Edward crawled down the bed a little bit. "This may tickle," he said, smiling his perfect smile at me.

"I hate being tickled," I whined, knowing that he knew how much I hated it.

And then Edward grabbed the waist band of my sweatpants, and tugged them off of me, bringing them to my knees. "You won't hate this," he said, as he gestured for me to bend my knees a little bit.

_Oh God…_

But before I even had time to freak out over being so exposed, like Zorro, Edward whipped the top sheet up, and pulled it over us, covering me, and covering him…so he was just a mound under it…

And mound that started to kiss up my thigh…

I had to look. I had to.

I pulled the sheet up to take a peek, and Edward's moppy bronze head was between my thighs, kissing closer and closer and closer to where I wanted him. And I did want him there. So much.

And when he got there, he gave me one last warning. "Just relax," he whispered. "I've got you."

I pulled the sheet back down, and threw my head back on the pillow, like letting him get to work. "Ok, I said. "I'm ready."

And then, my Christmas dream…Well, it didn't end early.

Edward's tongue made a long spine tingling swipe up my vagina…

_Holy Swear Word…_

**AN- Don't kill me. I just didn't feel right getting too graphic with her. Eek! Maybe in another chapter. Maybe. **


	22. Chapter 22

**How to Paint a House- Chapter 22  
>BPOV <strong>

Somewhere along the way I completely lost myself. Edward's tongue was like in me, but I didn't care. It just felt so good. It was like taking press-on nails to a bad case of poison ivy. It was like his tongue was answering the throbbing that I had been feeling down there since I was twelve and I purchased my first Harlequin for a nickel at a flea market.

The air under the sheets was getting hot, and I could feel Edward's forehead starting to sweat. And when I let my mind really process what was really happening I had to stop because then I couldn't concentrate of the feeling… on the amazing amazing feeling. So I turned my mind off and closed my eyes, pressing my head into the pillow, just concentrating…

_Oh God…_

Edward was busy at work, like getting busy busy, and I didn't know what to do with myself, I was like afraid to move for fear that he would stop. So, I just sort of scratched at his shower dampened hair with my fingers, while his tongue swept and stroked and licked me into submission. His tongue, this wet and warm _thing _that was working inside of me…

_Fuck…_

I had a new appreciation for tongues...

_Oh God…_

And just as I got used to the long strokes that he was making, he stopped─ then flicked this spot with the tip of his tongue, this super sensitive spot that was almost so sensitive that it made me squirm and wiggle even more.

"Hmmm," I moaned, unable to deal…it just felt so good.

"Relax," Edward whispered under the sheets, his scratchy cheek nudging against my thigh, his sweaty forehead leaving a trail by my knee.

I didn't want him to stop, so I gripped a handful of his hair. "Keep going," I said in this breathy moan that was completely foreign to me. "Don't stop."

And then I could feel the familiar shake of Edward's giggle under the sheets, while his fingers spread me apart again, and his tongue came back, starting those long, slow, painfully perfect strokes again…making the knotty sort of burning warmth inside of me just build up and compound in my stomach and legs.

And the more he did it, the better it felt, like the more urgent it felt. Like I wanted him to press harder with his tongue, and I wanted him to go at a faster pace, and I wanted to catch whatever it was that I was chasing. It felt like I was chasing something, like there was a goal, a finish line, and I couldn't wait to reach it. Like Edward and I were in this frenzied race to get me to reach it together, and he was going to show me the way…he was going to help me get there.

And as the frenzy grew, I started to participate more. I lifted my hips to meet his tongue on every pass. I opened my legs wider to give him better access. I breathed when I was supposed to breathe, letting myself feel every hypnotic swipe of his tongue. I lost myself…and just started going with what my instincts were telling me to do. And my instincts were telling me to have a freaking orgasm. Like, it was time.

And then I did…

It started in my toes, and then rolled up my legs like a wave. Like a sneeze was building, but so much bigger than that. And as Edward's tongue flicked that spot, it's like my body couldn't contain it anymore, and it just had to erupt, to burst…to unfurl.

"I'm─" I started to cry out when it started, and Edward's hands held tightly to my thighs, not letting me get away, keeping his rhythm with his tongue as the wave kept coming…

And it did. It just kept coming. This warm wave trickled up my legs, and kind of exploded when it reached the top. Like releasing the tingles, and the burning, and the throbbing in this massive rolling spasm of amazing… peaking somewhere, and then slowly trailing off, leaving me numb and warm, like I had taken the pain pills that the dentist gave me for my wisdom teeth. Like I had taken _all_ of the pain pills that the dentist gave me for my wisdom teeth.

I had an orgasm.

_Holy Swear Word…_

And when my body collapsed into goo after contracting, and clenching, and God only knows─ Edward stopped, then kissed my thigh once before pulling my sweatpants back over my hips with care. He helped me back into them, gently…in his way, with that delicate surgical touch that always comforted me so. And when they were back on, he kissed my stomach sweetly, and then slithered out of his cave of sheets, crawling up beside me on the pillows with this adorably shy look on his face.

I was so happy to see his face again. I missed his face.

So I reached my arms out for him, wanting him close. I mean, as much as I liked going to real third and having my first orgasm, I felt a little lonely. I wanted him near me.

And like he knew exactly what I wanted, Edward worked his way under me with a smile, taking my spot against the pillows. "Come here," he whispered, pulling me into his chest.

"Ok," I smiled, nuzzling into him…still numb and oozing, and just stupidly in love with him.

I rested my head on his bare chest, my own bare chest resting somewhere under his ribs. His body was a little clammy, and I could smell his sweat as I squeezed and pulled and tried to get as close as I could. Like I just couldn't satiate that need, like I couldn't actually consume him even though I wanted to.

And as I clung, Edward kissed my temple. "Are you ok?" He asked softly, his hand running trails up and down my back, his long fingers placing my hair into a neat pile against my shoulder.

I dragged my lips across his chest. "I'm amazing," I said, leaving a kiss near his scar.

"I should have gone slower," he said, and I could hear a little regret in his voice, which was totally unnecessary.

I lifted my head and put my index finger to his lips, finding his green eyes. "Shhh," I said. "Don't make this a big deal, please?" I asked, just begging for a reprieve from the drama…just wanting to enjoy my moment.

Edward smiled, and checked my eyes carefully. "Ok," he said with a little laugh. I was fine, more than fine, and I think he could see that. "No big deal, huh?" He asked in his cocky way, like taking offense, an adorable dimply grin taking over his face.

I shook my head. "No!" I cried, slapping his chest. "It was a huge freaking deal! You gave me a─" I stopped, too chicken to say the word out loud. "You _know_," I said, widening my eyes, asking Edward to fill in the blank, just smiling into his eyes with so much excitement and happiness. My orgasm was something that made me really unexpectedly happy.

Edward's arm curled in, like taking me into a headlock. "You've never had one before?" He asked, looking down into my eyes with a grin. "Ever?"

"Is it weird that I'm more embarrassed of myself than I am of you?" I asked, wanting Edward to understand that I had tried…and failed. It was so embarrassing.

Edward laughed. "Yes," he said, tightening his grip around me as his chest shook. "You know, there's an actual purpose to those dirty books you read," he said, that cocky mischief in his eyes.

I lowered my eyes bashfully. "Yeah, I know," I said softly, purposefully, trying to make him feel a little bad for making fun of me.

And it worked. Edward's eyes softened, and his grip loosened around my neck. "I'm sorry," he said as he sat up a little bit, coming around me so that my back was against the pillows again. Then he was over me, his strong arms beside me like a cage. "I'm kidding," he whispered as his lips hit my forehead softly, and then my cheek, and then my lips…once, while I just sat there pretending to be mad.

But as his lips trailed and pecked over my face, the only thing that I could feel was what was going on in Edward's boxers. It was dragging like an anchor against my legs. And it was really surprisingly hard…and feeling it sort of graze and move, I just wanted to touch it. I just wanted to know what it was.

And luckily for Edward, I was feeling very brave in that moment…

I pulled a breath through my teeth and held it. Then I dragged my hand down Edward's belly blindly, like trying to find something under the car seat while keeping my eyes on the road. I was just patting around, really expecting to feel the waist of his boxers before anything else. I mean, I don't know what I was expecting, like it'd be lower or something. But it wasn't. It was right there at the top, like almost at his bellybutton, covered in thin cotton.

My hand jumped a little bit when it touched it, and Edward was completely still except for his chest moving in and out. I was afraid to look into his eyes because I didn't want him to think that I was afraid. I didn't want him to think that I wasn't ready. So, I swallowed my nerve before Edward could even react, and just slid my hand under his boxers and grabbed…_it_. I just grabbed it in my fist, holding the completely foreign male sex organ like I was holding his hand, or holding onto his wrist, like it was just another part of his body…like it was no big deal.

Except it didn't feel like any other part of his body. It was so freaking weird. It's like he had this_ thing_ between his legs, this firm sort of spongy hard thing with remarkably soft skin covering it…and he walked around with it.

And he liked having it held. As soon as I grabbed it, his whole body tensed up, and he drew in this sort of hissing breath through his teeth…like having it touched felt really good. "Shit," he breathed. "What are you doing?" He asked, and when I looked up into his eyes they were closed, and he had this sort of strained look on his face…like the exact look that I would have expected from myself when he flicked that really sensitive spot with his tongue.

He liked it.

And I liked that he liked it. It was like the most erotic feeling knowing that Edward was completely turned on. So I gripped it harder, loosening my fist first, and then taking it back with a better hold…a firmer hold.

But that's about as far as I could go. I didn't know what to do. I had no idea how to make him feel good like he made me feel good; none whatsoever. But I did know about dry humping…

I tightened my hand, reading Edward's face, trying to figure out what pressure he liked. "Dry hump me," I said, just putting it out there…just wanting him to have an orgasm too, and not entirely sure how to give him one.

Then Edward's strained erotic face burst into a laugh. "What?" He asked, his eyes opening and looking down at me with this perplexed amusement.

_Oh crap…_

My eyes slammed shut. "That's a thing, isn't it?" I asked hesitantly, terrified that I had just suggested we do something that didn't actually exist. Well, I knew it existed, but I was afraid that I had just suggested something to a hot as hell eighteen year old non-virgin that would be equivalent to asking Shakespeare what he thought of Danielle Steel.

But Edward just smiled. "Yes," he said. "It's definitely a thing." And the longer I held onto him, the more his hips moved about, like wiggled and squirmed like mine. I could tell he wanted to do something…I mean, of course he did.

So I persisted. "Then dry hump me," I said, giving the spongy hard member between my hands another squeeze, already feeling strangely familiar with it. "I want you to," I said, looking up into his eyes with my best sexy face, biting down on my lip…really getting used to the woman inside of me thing.

Edward checked my eyes. "Yeah?" He asked softly, a little sexy smile pulling from his lips…like he wanted to, like he really wanted to.

I smiled too. "Yeah," I said. Then I let go of him, releasing my hand and bringing both of my hands up to his face, wanting to kiss him, wanting to get the show on the road. I was already feeling greedy again. I just wanted to consume him again.

And when our lips finally touched, I let Edward take over from there, welcoming his lips eagerly, and taking his cues and spreading my legs apart when he came up against me a little flatter, like he wasn't bracing himself, like he actually wanted to rub against my body…like he wanted the friction.

And as our kisses deepened, so did his thrusts. He started to dry hump me.

His hands went to my breasts, and his lips went to my neck, and his hips and his hardness found what they were looking for…the very center of my open sweat-panted legs. And once he found that spot, I just instinctively spread my legs wider, and moved my hips to try to find him, to get the right angle, to find the right friction. I wasn't expecting it to even feel good for me, but it did. And with his lips all over me, and his hands on my boobs, and just _him_…being there too, and not under a sheet, the whole experience just became really intense. Like truly hot, like urgent and primal and amazing.

And after a few minutes, it's like Edward totally checked out. His head sort of buried into my neck, and his hands left my boobs and went to grab my butt to pull it closer, to pull me closer, and he just started to move, really move…driving his hardened boxer shorts into my open legs with determination, his breaths getting really heavy and loud…

It was like this side of him that I had never seen─ totally uninhibited, unafraid…like he wasn't holding back at all. He was chasing his orgasm like I had chased mine, and he was really into it.

And that just got me really into it. _Really_ into it.

I just became a totally different person. I just met every thrust with a buck of my hips, and I caressed his back, and I kissed his lips when he offered them, and I focused on the feelings, on those amazing amazing feelings…

And before long, the wave, the rolling wave, was building in my toes…I could feel it.

But before the wave could break, Edward tensed, and sort of growled, and gripped my butt really hard, and then his paced thrusting and driving into my sweatpants slowed to a stop…

He beat me…his wave broke before mine. Edward came.

_Oh my God…_

But before he collapsed, or basked in it, he lifted his eyes to mine, his forehead glistening with sweat. "Were you close?" He asked breathlessly, his chest moving in and out trying to catch some air.

I touched his cheek, feeling so freaking out of body because I actually understood what he was asking me. Like I was sexually active and I knew the lingo. "Uh huh," I said, biting down on my lip, really greedy and wanting him to finish what he started.

Then Edward smiled, and sort of lurched his exhausted body upwards while sliding his hand down into my sweatpants in this like seamless fluid motion, his index finger finding my sensitive spot before I even took another breath.

It only took about five little curls of the tip of his finger before I was riding the wave again…

And then, after my clenching and moans and spasms subsided, Edward did collapse…right on top of me, letting me hold all of his weight, just letting me hold him. His head was resting between my boobs, and his hair was kind of tickling them. And, God, I loved it. I loved holding him. I loved dry humping. I mean, Lauren Mallory didn't sell it well enough; it was incredible. And most of all I just really loved Edward. So much.

"I love you." But the words came out of his mouth first, just as I was thinking them. Edward said it first, his mouth sort of open against my chest as his eyes sort of stared vacantly at my wall. "I love you, Bella."

And I could feel his words in that part of my heart that terrified me, that choked me and hurt me. The real part…where things were real. "I love you too," I said, trailing my fingers down his strong back, soothing him while he caught his breath.

And then, after about a minute of total blissful silence, I watched as Edward's lips curled up ever so slightly on his otherwise still face. "What?" I asked, curious about what he suddenly found so amusing.

Edward's smile got wider. "I have got a massive mess in my boxers," he said with a laugh.

I pulled my hands to my face, tipping my head back. "What?" I asked, unable to look at Edward's expression anymore.

"You do know about─"

"Yes!" I cried, slapping his back, cutting Edward off before he could give me a lesson on where babies came from.

And then his stupid grin just got wider. "Ok, laugh away," he said, shaking his head at me as I cracked up.

I tried to catch my breath. "I'm sorry," I sniffed. "It's just your face…"

"My face?"

I moved my hands from my eyes and shook my head. "Never mind," I said with a smile, knowing that Edward would never understand how adorable I found him. "Charlie got two new packs of boxers for Christmas," I said, reassuring him that he didn't have to live with the mess in his pants.

Then with a careful smile, Edward gathered the sheet around his waist. "Meet me in the bathroom?" He asked, eyeing me suspiciously, like he didn't trust me not to laugh at him.

I touched his chest with my hand. "Stripes or plaid?" I asked, trying to keep a straight face.

He shook his head. "Surprise me," he said, leaning forward and kissing my cheek, then sliding off the bed and sort of tripping over the sheet as he made his way to the bathroom.

And I missed him so intensely when he was gone … that it scared the crap out of me.

_Shoot…_

I let out a sigh, just willing my brain to stay positive and not start over thinking things. Like, how I would have to go into my suitcase packed from Jacksonville to find the bra that I wanted to put on. Or that next to my suitcase was my backpack filled with homework from my school in _Jacksonville_, waiting to get tackled…

I slid off the bed and found my sweatshirt on the floor and pulled it over my head. Then I schlepped over to Charlie's room and went digging into the back of his closet for a bag of Hanes…

When I found them, I didn't leave the closet immediately. I sat down on the floor in the dark for a minute. "Shoot," I said to myself out loud, gripping the plastic bag in my hand and tearing little holes into it with my fingers. "Fucking fuck!" I cried in a whisper, my fist breaking loose and slamming pretty hard into the closet wall, shaking the hanging clothes above me.

Everything was still so up in the air, so undecided. I mean nothing had really changed, except for everything. And I felt really alone in my panic. I just wasn't sure if Edward was feeling the same sort of desperation that I was. I imagined him all giggly and oblivious in the bathroom, washing his…

_Gah…_

I told him that I trusted him, but I was starting to have some serious doubts about that. I realized that if I totally trusted him, I wouldn't have been so terrified of losing him again. The fear that he'd abandon me again wasn't something that just went away when he told me he loved me. I mean, it helped…but it wasn't an instant fix.

_Knock…knock…knock…_

But before I could totally work myself up into another tree confiding tizzy, Edward was knocking against the open closet door, standing in the frame, staring down at me with curious eyes.

"What are you doing in here?" He asked, crouching down, one hand holding onto to the towel around his waist, while the other reached for my face.

I held the mangled bag of boxers out to him, avoiding his eyes. "Just looking for some boxers," I said, but my face and my tone didn't hide anything. It was blatantly obvious that I was upset.

Edward took the torn bag from my hands gently, and then sat down next to me on top of some shoes. "I think you found them," he whispered, nudging into me with his bare shoulder, his furry legs sprawling out through the little yellow towel around his waist.

I let my head fall onto his shoulder, but I didn't say anything. I mean there was just so much to say that I didn't even know where to start.

But Edward did. "I found the raft," he said. I couldn't tell if he was looking at me or not because I had my eyes sort of burrowed between his bicep and the hanging racks of Charlie's jeans.

"What?" I asked, just not expecting him to bring up the raft. I think I had convinced myself at one point that all of the things that I considered special between us were all in my head…

Edward continued. "I went looking for it one day," he said softly. "I just really wanted to find it. I don't know why."

"Where was it?" I asked, peeking up from my cocoon and looking into his eyes, getting curious about where he was going with his story.

Edward smiled, like with a memory. "Not far from where you bailed," he said. "I went in the fall when the brush was dead. It was easier to walk."

I smiled a little too. "Oh," I said, imagining Edward behind my house in the fall, in the cold…looking for a piece of us…

"It had a hole in it. It was broken," he said sort of distantly, his eyes downcast.

I perked up a bit, starting to catch on. "Is this a metaphor?" I asked, my brow furrowing in question.

Edward shrugged. "Yeah, kinda," he said.

Then I laughed a little, burrowing my head into Edward's arm again. "I thought so."

Edward nudged me when I laughed at him. "Shut up," he said. "I'm being serious."

I tried to contain my smile. "Sorry," I said. "Continue."

Then Edward's chin nudged me, like he wanted me to look at him. "I fixed it," he said softly as his eyes found mine in the dark closet. "I went to Newton's, and I bought a patching kit, and I fixed it."

"You did?"

"Yeah."

"Good," I said simply.

Then Edward's mouth pulled into a grin, and then he dropped his forehead and pressed it into mine. "You get the metaphor, right?" He asked, like just making sure.

"Yeah," I said. "Yeah, I get it."

And I did get it. Edward wanted to fix us like he fixed the raft. I got it.

Then Edward's hand landed on my cheek as we looked at each other a little cross-eyed, our foreheads pressed together. "You ready to come out of the closet?" He asked, and I could see his toothy smile through the blur.

I decided to give him the benefit of the doubt. I decided that trusting him was going to be a process, but a process that I wanted to partake in. "Yeah," I said. "Yeah, I'm ready."

Then Edward kissed me lightly. "Cool," he said, his lip pulling up in one corner. "Come on," he smiled. "Up you go." Then he reached for me, and of course I obliged, burying my face into his chest as soon as we were standing. He pulled me into a tight almost crushing hug, wrapping his arms around me, and sort of rocking us back and forth, his warm mouth open on the top of my head.

And we stayed that way for a while…silently…just hugging and holding onto each other in my father's closet, until Edward broke the silence…

"I'm supposed to go to the batting cages today," he said into my hair. "I promised my dad. He let me go out last night, so I have to put in some time at the cages," he said, and there was this unfamiliar calm in his voice when talking about his father. He usually snarled when he spoke about him…but he was just speaking very frankly, very coolly.

I pushed back on his chest and looked up into his eyes. "Oh?" I asked, furrowing my brow in question. I didn't really know what to say. I didn't really know what Edward _wanted_ me to say. I was trying to read him, but not really following.

"He'll probably be there to keep tabs on me," Edward said.

"Oh," I nodded, taking that as a cue that I wasn't invited, that the raft metaphor wasn't going to come to fruition just yet, totally unable to mask my disappointment.

But then Edward's eyes steadied on mine. "Do you want to come?" He asked softly.

"Really?"

The back of Edward's hand swept over my cheek. "I don't want to hide you from him anymore," he whispered, while his hand left a hot trail across my face. "You want to be with me, right?" He asked, leveling me with his stare…with his question. It was just the way that he said it. Like I was really his, finally, and he was the one asking _me_ if I wanted to be with him.

I leaned my burning cheek into his hand. "Yeah," I said. "Of course I do."

"Then come," he said simply.

And it did seem simple. In that moment it really did. "Ok," I said.

Edward smiled. "Cool."

Then I found his hand and pulled it to my mouth, kissing his knuckles. "Give me a minute to get dressed?" I asked, raising my eyes at him.

Edward gulped, and his cheek pinked with a blush. "Sure," he said. "I'll wait for you downstairs."

XXX

The batting cages were located on the outskirts of Forks, kind of near the mill, and Jasper Whitlock's house, and most of the other poor people in Forks. Rent was cheap in the lower lying areas of town that were more prone to flooding and various other natural disasters. Things like carwashes, Laundromats, beer distributors, trailer parks, and batting cages seemed to migrate to those areas in almost every part of the country that I had ever visited, and Forks was no exception.

Jasper Whitlock lived in a trailer with his mom and her boyfriend about a block from the cages. Edward's initial plan, that he told his parents, was to spend the night at Jasper's and then head over to the cages with him in the morning to work out.

Obviously Edward was lying to his parents. The mill, to them, was just an old abandoned building. And he had obviously pulled the wool over their eyes about a lot of things…like how he was still in therapy, and how Jasper Whitlock's alcoholic mother was actually a suitable chaperone.

I waited in my idling truck at the end of Jasper's driveway until Edward got the snow brushed off his Volvo and the ignition started. The trailer was dead inside…like the Whitlock's wouldn't be joining society for at least a couple more hours. Looking at Edward in his fancy wool pea coat and scarf, brushing off his fancy foreign car, I couldn't imagine Edward being friends with Jasper Whitlock…like finding something in common with him. There was just something about Edward that just didn't belong in Forks, that never belonged in Forks. It was moments like that, when I just observed him, that made me wonder if he really belonged with me. Like, to the outside observer, was I just a trailer park, and Edward the Volvo parked in it temporarily?

_Ugh…_

I guess the biggest outside observer that I was afraid of was Doctor Cullen, the fancy pants from Chicago who never thought I was good enough for his son. Who witnessed his son falling in love with me and actually saw that as a bad thing. The man who judged happiness by accomplishments, by status, and not by actual _happiness_...

I just didn't know what kind of hold he still had on Edward, and I was becoming increasingly scared to find out. I mean, I didn't want to test Edward. Putting him through tests to validate his love seemed really immature. But I couldn't help but look at what we were heading towards as a test. I just couldn't help it.

So after Edward freed his car from the snow and ice, he followed me back to the cages. The lot was empty aside from a few crappy cars when we arrived. Translation, there was no massive Mercedes in the lot. Doctor Cullen wasn't there yet.

I leaned against my truck with my arms crossed as Edward grabbed his duffle bag out of the trunk of his Volvo. "Have everything you need?" I called to him from across the lot, just to make conversation, just to hear my voice through the nervous beating of the pulse in my head.

Edward slammed his trunk closed, and then smile at me as he came across the lot, swiping my hand up into his as soon as he could. "Now I do," he said, giving my hand a hard squeeze, then pulling me along behind him.

With a stupid smile, I hurried along beside him, just excited to walk into a public place holding Edward's hand. I used to wonder if the people who saw us together thought he was my boyfriend, but it wasn't like that anymore. He was holding my hand; he was claiming me as his. And as archaic as it sounds, I absolutely loved it.

The glass door closed behind us, and there was a small wooden counter right in the front. Behind the counter were walls of concrete, and cages, and loud, and that stale horrible old sweat smell that just seeped into everything. It was a boys place. I mean, I had lived in Forks my entire life and I had never stepped foot in there. It was like finding a dollar in an old coat…or like an extra present under the tree. It was totally surprising.

And at the counter was a middle aged woman with a wrinkly mouth and tattooed eyebrows. "Hey, All-Star," she said, greeting Edward with a yellow smile. "You brought a date?" She asked with a husky voice and smoky breath.

Edward smiled. "Yeah," he said, looking down at me and gripping my hand tighter. "Siobhan, this is my girlfriend Bella," he said, looking at me the whole time he said it, like I was his girlfriend…I was his, and Siobhan, the pack-a-day batting cage lady was the first person to know it.

"Hi, Bella," she said, smiling at me fondly.

I liked her, because I could tell that she liked Edward. "Hi," I said.

Then she wagged her head out into the noisy concrete abyss beyond. "Cage four is free," she said. "Have at it, slugger."

Edward grabbed a twenty dollar bill out of his pocket and dropped it on the counter. "Thanks," he smiled. "Come on," he whispered to me, giving my hand another squeeze.

We hung up our coats on a rack in the back, and then Edward changed out of his clothes from the night before and put on an old t-shirt and sneakers. He had his own baseball bats in his bag, like he was a real baseball player, like baseball was a big part of his life. And I was excited to see him play. I always made fun of my mom when she spent hours watching Phil in the cages. But suddenly, just like that, I totally understood her.

I sat on a little wooden bench outside of cage four as Edward put on a batting helmet and stepped in.

And when he got in there, it's like everything disappeared. I wasn't there, he wasn't there…it was just his bat, and the balls flinging rapidly in his direction out of the machine. He had that posture, that stance…that quick cocking motion onto his foot, and then the fluid release with his arms, posing on the finish…just like Phil, better than Phil.

He was perfect.

He never missed. He hit each and every ball with precision, with ease. He pointed his bat to where he wanted to place it, and that's where it would go. And then he would take a breath, reposition himself, point the bat out into the air with his perfect arms, and then lock and load. _Bam!_ _Crack! Thwack!_ Precision every time.

I seriously wanted to have sex with him in that moment. Like what the heck was I doing dry humping him when I should have been doing the real thing?

_Oh my God…_

And then, just as I was about to bust into the cages and drag Edward back out to my truck, the machine stopped. It was out of balls.

Edward's trance broke, and he turned to look at me. I was practically squirming on the bench. "Help me reload?" He asked, seeming anxious to keep batting.

I smiled, untwisting my legs. "Sure," I said with a tight smile.

"Just put them in the basket," Edward instructed when I entered the cage, seeming totally focused on batting, and not on me.

"Ok," I said, leaning down and picking up a ball, and then hurling it at the ball holding thingy.

And that seemed to get Edward's attention…

He sniffed at me with a laugh, his head cocked at me like he was perplexed about something, completely baffled.

"What?" I asked, chucking another ball into the bin.

"That's how you throw?" He asked with bugging eyes, like he was horrified, HORRIFIED by how I threw a baseball.

I shrugged. "What's wrong with how I throw?" I asked, throwing yet another ball into the bin, seeming pretty good in my mind because I kept hitting my target.

Edward's eyes got even wider. "Uh, how about everything," he said, and it didn't even seem like he was kidding around. He was dead serious. He was _not_ happy about how I threw a baseball.

_Whatever…_

I rolled my eyes at him and tossed another ball into the bin. "Jerk," I snarled under my breath, smiling up at him with my eyes. "I'm amazing," I said, really stretching out that time and giving the ball a good strong pitch.

"You throw like a girl," Edward said, like somehow that was surprising to him.

I shrugged again. "I am a girl."

"But your stepdad is AAA," he said, like that should matter. "And you ride a bike like a freaking champ and you surf…"

And then I was really starting to get pissed off. Well, not really, but you know…

I put my hand on my hips. "What are you trying to say, Edward?" I asked, finding his cocky smoldering eyes, unable to contain a smile.

He jutted his chin out at me, looking like such a jock. "Come here," he said.

"Why?" I asked quizzically, wanting nothing more than to run over to him, but deciding to tease him a little bit.

"Come here so I can kiss you," he said, like an order.

I shook my head, then leaned down to pick up another ball. "No," I said coolly, using my expert skills and tossing yet another ball into the center of the bin. "You come here," I said, biting my lip at him over my shoulder…remembering how only hours earlier I had his penis in my hand. I felt strangely powerful.

Edward's chin jutted out even more. "Ok," he said, a smile pulling from his lips. "I will."

"Good."

And then Edward's whole mouth pulled into a toothy grin, and a growl ripped out of him. "Oh, you're asking for it," he said, just taking off in a run towards me, his posture just shifting so fast that I didn't even have time to react.

"No!" I cried, but it was too late, he had me wrapped up in his arms from behind and his mouth buried into my neck before I even had time to stand up straight.

But it was what I wanted. It was exactly what I wanted. Edward forgot completely about stupid batting practice, and was working on my neck with his lips, his front end pressed firmly into my back end.

"No hickeys," I whined as he sort of dragged me, waddling towards the edge of the cage, sucking and biting at my neck the whole time.

"Yes," Edward growled, as his lips closed around my earlobe, making my knees almost buckle.

"But they're embarrassing," I said completely halfheartedly, as I basically tipped my neck and my ear towards his mouth for better access.

And when we reached the chain-link side of the cage, Edward turned me by my shoulders to face him, and then just devoured my lips before I even had time to bring his face into focus. He just attacked me with a kiss, in the very best possible way. And I was helpless not to start kissing him back…open mouthed, tongue, hand up his shirt against his stomach, one leg hitched up a bit as he pressed me into the wall…all while we were very much in a public place. And all I could truly think was about how much I really wanted him to grab my boob…

"_Ah hem_…"

But that was just it… we weren't thinking. It's like we both completely forgot that Doctor Cullen was coming to join us. It was like the very last thing on my mind while Edward was rolling his tongue around in my mouth and his hand was snaking towards my boob.

Edward stilled immediately, he just froze. But I couldn't freeze because I needed to pull my shirt down, and lower my leg, and wipe the spit off of my face, and bow my head in shame…in total fear and humiliation.

_Shit! _

In my periphery, I could see Edward turn towards his father, his jaw just completely clenched. "Dad─" Edward started, but Doctor Cullen cut him off.

Doctor Cullen pointed his hand toward the exit. "Outside. Now," he said firmly, and I couldn't help but follow his hand with my eyes. He was wearing a tan trench coat and hat, and his shoes shined even in the splotchy fluorescent lighting of the batting cages.

But Edward's eyes didn't follow his father's hand, nor did he follow his father's order. "No," he said coolly, shaking his head with a clenched jaw. "I'm practicing," he said, like in challenge to Doctor Cullen. Then he looked over at me, finding my eyes. "Bella, could you hit the green button for me?" He asked, wagging his head towards the machine. I could see his hands trembling a bit, but his voice and his posture were strong.

I nodded, trying to convey to Edward with my eyes that I was there for him, that I was with him. "Sure," I said with a smile. "Of course."

But before I could hit the button, Doctor Cullen stepped into the cage, into the path of the balls. I mean I was tempted, but I didn't hate him that much.

"Where did you sleep last night?" He asked Edward.

Edward hardened his eyes at his father. "Jasper's," he said with a shrug, his face completely blank, that cold distance in his voice that made my tummy ache for him.

Doctor Cullen shook his head. "Bullshit," he said, his face as blank as Edward's.

Then Edward's brow furrowed at his father. "If you already know, why are you asking me?"

Doctor Cullen didn't answer, and just proceeded to the next question. "Were you drinking?" He asked.

Edward sort of scoffed. "Yep," he said, shrugging a shoulder, and I could just feel his anger, feel his frustration…and I couldn't do anything about it. All I could do was stand there and try to be invisible.

"Let's go."

"No!"

"Now, Son."

"I love her, Dad," Edward said. He just said it, to Doctor Cullen…in the middle of the batting cage. He just put it out there, with strength in his voice, with conviction.

But Doctor Cullen didn't respond. He just bowed his head, shaking it from side to side…like tisk tisk… tisking at Edward's love for me.

Edward didn't stop though. He just kept going. "She makes me really happy, and I have been really unhappy for a really long time," he said, glancing over at me while I smiled at him from my spot in the corner, wanting to die of humiliation and throw myself a parade simultaneously. But I heard him. I really heard him. And his words never seemed more true than when he said them to his father.

And I guess Doctor Cullen heard them too. He raised his eyes at Edward. "What about school?" He asked, like almost accepting that Edward was keeping me, and starting to plan around it.

Edward shook his head. "I don't know yet," he said.

"What the hell does that mean?" Doctor Cullen asked, and I could sense his panic starting to build. He was losing his cool exterior. Edward's answer was _not_ what he wanted to hear.

"It means that I don't know yet," Edward said, and his exterior was cooler than ever.

Doctor Cullen's eyes rolled back and his head just never stopped its incessant shake back and forth. "This is what I was afraid of," he sort of spat at Edward. "You changing your plans for some pretty little thing from the boondocks."

And there, just like that, Doctor Cullen confirmed my suspicion. To him, I was the trailer park, and Edward was the Volvo. I couldn't help but feel a little hurt…a lot hurt actually.

"You don't know her. You don't know anything about her," Edward said softly, glancing at me again with a silent apology. "And I haven't changed_ any_ plans, so just relax," he said, bringing his eyes back to his father.

"This was a mistake. We should have never left Chicago. I was on my way to being Chief of Staff, and now I'm prescribing Oxy to loggers and giving antibiotics to people with rotten teeth," Doctor Cullen said.

"You wanted to come here," Edward shrugged. "It wasn't my idea."

"To help you," Doctor Cullen said.

"Oh, bull!" Edward cried, his cool exterior breaking into a shout, a then a laugh, like he was laughing at what Doctor Cullen was saying. "We came here because you were embarrassed! Face it, Dad! You think your son killed the owner of the White Sox's son, and you were tired of the whispers at the country club!"

"Is that what you think?" Doctor Cullen asked, and I could sense some real confusion in his tone.

"Tell me I'm wrong," Edward said softly, his shouts trailing almost to a whisper… his green eyes burning into his father's blue.

And Doctor Cullen didn't answer right away, he just sort of stared at Edward, signifying to me that Edward wasn't completely wrong. The Cullen family packed up and shipped out as much for Edward's parents as they did for Edward. They were tired of the whispers and the stares. They liked being the perfect couple with the perfect son. A full page spread in the newspaper about their superstar son wouldn't have gone over as well with their old Chicago crowd.

And when Doctor Cullen finally did speak, his words surprised even me. "I kept you on a loose leash once," he started. "And you ended up being inches from road kill like Garrett," he said. "And I will be _damned_ if I let that happen again."

Then Edward smiled his cold bitter smile and let out his best venomous cynical laugh. "Road kill?" He asked, his jaw tightening, his eyes just throwing daggers at his father. "Fuck you, Dad," he sniffed with a laugh. "Fuck you."

Doctor Cullen lurched towards him. "You watch your mouth!" He spat, his hand looking ready to strike.

But Edward just stood there, like he wasn't afraid. "You know what?" He asked Doctor Cullen, raising his brows at him coolly. "I'm eighteen, so you can _fuck_ off," he said, holding his hand behind him for me to take. "Come on, Bella," he said, looking over his shoulder for me.

I glanced at Doctor Cullen, at a trembling totally unraveled Doctor Cullen, before I put my hand into Edward's, weaving my fingers through his, then tearing my eyes away from his father's.

We walked away from Doctor Cullen, and from the batting cages, hand in hand.

Destination?

Unknown.

**AN- So yeah, I wrote the lemon anyway. I was trying to figure out how to properly describe her first orgasm, and I was like, well shit…I can't without properly describing her first orgasm. Lol. **


	23. Chapter 23

**How to Paint a House- Chapter 23**

**BPOV**

We burst out of the batting cages into the cold December air hand in hand. Doctor Cullen wasn't chasing us or anything, but we were treating it that way. I had our coats wrapped up in a heap, and Edward had his duffle thrown over his shoulder half open. We were on the run…

"My house?" I asked Edward sort of breathlessly, pulling towards my truck, while he pulled towards his Volvo.

Edward nodded. "Right behind you," he said. "I'll be right behind you."

"Ok," I said, lurching into him, finding his lips somehow. "Drive safely," I said against his mouth.

Edward kissed me lightly. "You too. You be safe," he said. "I'll see you there."

"Ok."

"I love you," he said.

I smiled. "I love you too."

I drove home completely wired, barely able to keep still, but I kept a careful eye on the Volvo behind me in the rearview. I was feeling so wired that I couldn't even imagine what Edward was feeling. I was so proud of him for asserting himself to his father, but really scared for him at the same time. I didn't want things to get out of hand or ruined for him just because of me. My biggest fear, bigger than anything, was that he'd end up resenting me somehow…

I also feared the immediate repercussions of inviting Edward back to my house. I was just hoping that Charlie would be more open to the idea of us back together than Doctor Cullen was. But I knew that it was a distinct possibility that he would flip out and blow his lid. The memory of my first go-round with Edward was still very fresh in his mind…and it wasn't pretty.

_Ugh…_

But I was ready to take Charlie on if I had to. I didn't want Edward anywhere but under my roof that night. I felt like if Edward was on the run, I was running with him. And if Charlie had a problem with that, I was prepared to take off too. I just wanted to be wherever Edward was. He needed me. For the first time, I truly felt that, like believed it as an absolute truth. Edward needed me.

So when we got back to my house, I went to him immediately. As soon as he closed his car door, I wrapped myself around him and just squeezed him as hard as I possibly could. "Do you want to talk about it?" I asked. "I'm here," I said. "Whatever you need." Edward's body was trembling and sort of shaking under my arms, and I knew that it wasn't from the cold. He was so keyed up and frazzled, and all I could do was just hug him. I felt sort of helpless.

"Not right now," he said softly, his voice kind of far away and unfocused. "I can't even think straight right now," he said.

I looked up into his eyes. "Are you sure?" I asked, just feeling like he should let some of it out. Vent, scream, kick some snow … something!

But Edward just shrugged. "What is there to say?" He asked. "I'm done with him. I can't fight for his respect and trust anymore when he is completely unwilling to give it to me," he said, letting some defeat into his tone, losing some of the fire that filled him in the batting cages.

And then I was afraid that he was internalizing it again, burying it because he didn't want to deal with it, because he didn't know how to deal with it. And in my short sixteen years of life, I had learned one very valuable lesson: Not dealing with things was the fastest track to resentment. I didn't want Edward to resent me, and I didn't want Edward to resent his dad either. I just wanted him to deal with it. And for me, that meant that he couldn't let the fire die…he had to keep the embers lit.

So I found his hand, and slipped my fingers between his. "Come here," I said, pulling him with me. "I want you to do something for me," I said.

Edward followed me as I pulled, a little curiosity brightening his face. "What?" he asked.

"Just come with me," I said, pulling him first to my truck to get our coats, and then taking him behind the house towards the river. I wanted to take him to the river. I wanted him to try something.

Edward held my hand as we made tracks in the virgin snow behind the house. We didn't talk, we just walked, until there was nowhere left to walk…until we reached the water's edge.

"What are we doing here?" Edward asked, looking down at me as we came to a halt beside the rushing frozen water.

I hadn't been to the river since we broke up, since Edward kissed me goodbye and told me that he wanted to stay with me but couldn't. But I felt like we needed to go back, like we needed to reclaim the place as ours. I also knew that it was one of the most secluded places in all of Forks, and that was important considering what I was going to suggest Edward do.

I gripped his hand tighter. "Scream," I said simply, looking up into his eyes, wanting him to get angry, wanting him to let out the anger that I knew he was feeling.

Edward's brow furrowed in question. "What?" He asked. "Why?"

"Just because," I said. "As loud as you can," I said. "Do it." I wanted him to confront his feelings towards his father once and for all in a place that was safe, with me holding his hand.

Edward shook his head. "I'm not going to scream," he said, rolling his eyes at me like he was above it.

I ignored him. "I'll start," I said, deciding to help him along in the process. I drew in a deep breath, bracing my feet, pulling my hands back and leaving Edward's hand behind. Then I just let it rip. "Ahhhhhhhh!" I wailed, screaming at the top of my lungs, my voice shaking the pine needles and scaring the birds. "Ahhhhhhh!" I cried like a banshee, curling my fists up until they were white knuckled.

And as I stood there, my scream shaking my chest and tingling in my toes, my own fears and frustrations started to release a bit. The weight of everything that I knew was ahead for us felt a little lighter…and I wanted Edward to feel it too. "Scream with me, Edward!" I shrieked at him, imploring him with everything that I had to join me. "Come on!"

But Edward just shook his head. "You're crazy," he said with a hesitant smirk. But I could see in his eyes that he was intrigued, like he was itching to join in, like he wanted to.

So, I kept pushing. "Do it!" I shouted into his face. "Come on!"

"Why?" He shouted back at me, his body starting to move a bit, like he was almost there.

"Because it feels good!" I cried. "Do it!"

And then, he did.

He tipped his head back and closed his eyes, opening his chest up to the sky. Then, sort of spreading his arms out, he just erupted. "Ahhhhhhh!" He screamed, just blood curdling and deep. "Fuuuuuuuuccck!" He cried. "Fuck you, you unforgiving fuck! I lost more than you did! I lost my best friend, you piece of shit! Ahhhhhhhh!"

"Bastard!"

…

"Hypocrite!"

…

"Fucking, dick!"

…

And then I just watched as he let loose a torrent of obscenities and taunts towards his father. His chest was opened up to the sky like a warrior, his face twisted and red, his arms flexed and curled. And as he kept screaming, like a stream of consciousness barrage against his dad, I could hear the clarity come to him, feel the calm take over, feel the release engulf him.

And as soon as the calm came, his body just dropped. Edward fell to his knees, landing in the damp sandy rocks of the riverbed, his fists sort of pounding the ground in a last gasp before he went completely still. "Fuck you, Dad," he said softly then, barely above a whisper. "Fuck you."

And then I didn't know what to do with myself. I felt like I was intruding or something. Edward's back was turned to me, and I didn't know if he wanted me there or not. "Do you want to be alone?" I asked softly into the air, just sensing that he needed some time…some time to think.

Edward turned his head to me, gazing at me over his shoulder. "Do you mind?" He asked.

I smiled. "No," I said, taking a step towards him and placing my outstretched hand on his face. "Of course I don't mind," I said, swiping my fingers softly over his perfect pink lips. "Of course I don't."

"Thanks," he whispered. "Thank you, Bella."

Then I reached into my coat pocket, and took out his red stocking cap. "I'll be inside," I said, pulling the hat over his mop of bronze hair, making sure to cover his ears. "Take as long as you need," I said, kissing the top of his woolen head.

Edward let his heavy head rest against my thigh for a beat before he raised his eyes to me. "Yeah," he said, giving me a soft smile. "I'll see you inside."

"Ok."

"Ok."

Then I gave him one last little smile before I pulled my body away, leaving him alone at the river. I knew that he had a lot to think about, a lot to consider…and I just kind of had to eat the fact that he wanted to do it alone.

When I got back to the house, I went in through the side door to the kitchen. The clock on the stove said four o'clock, and I knew that Charlie would be home soon…

_Shoot…_

I was barely able to feel my toes, so I kicked out of my sopping wet sneakers and socks as soon as I got inside. Then I plopped down on my chair at the kitchen table, pulling my frozen feet under my butt and sitting on them for warmth.

It wasn't really working, so I closed my eyes, and I tried imagine myself in the ocean, in the warm Florida sun, waiting for a wave. I pressed my cheek against my board, smelling the salty water… totally relaxed as the sound of the waves, and the warm hug of the sun blanketed me in calm.

I just imagined the sun beating down on me, frying my skin…

_Ahhh…_

But then, my board started to rock a bit as someone started to paddle up beside me. So I opened my eyes, and looked out into the kaleidoscope of light and color… and saw green, and dimples, and soft pink and moppy bronze.

_Edward…_

I brought him to my warm happy place with me, and it was the happiest feeling that I could feel.

So I reached out to him and grabbed his hand, squeezing his fingers under the warm salty water. And then we just stared at each other, smiling, our cheeks pressed into our boards…floating side by side… warm…

"Bella!"

_Crap…_

My perfect little daydream didn't last long. It was interrupted by the shouts of my father. "Bella Marie!" Before I was ready for him, Charlie was barreling through the front door, coming full stomp into the kitchen. "What in the hell is that Volvo doing in our driveway?" He asked, throwing his holster onto the table, the loud clang of the heavy gun shaking me completely out of my peaceful place, and bringing me right back into the kitchen…into reality.

And judging by the massive vein popping out of his neck, and the scarlet red of his complexion, I could see that Charlie wasn't happy. He was livid actually. His eyes were just full with questions, with confusion, and I knew that I had two ways that I could play it. I could throw a fit, or follow Edward's lead and just be blunt. Calm, but blunt.

I lifted my eyes to Charlie. "Edward's at the river," I said. "He had a fight with his dad. He's staying here tonight," I said coolly, holding fast to my resolution that if Edward was running, I was running too.

Charlie stood over me shaking his head. "Like hell he is," he spat. "Like hell!"

_Ok…_

I took a breath. "He needs a place to stay, and I want him to stay here," I said. "Dad, please don't make this hard?" I asked, trying to find his eyes through all of the head shaking.

Then Charlie's eyes closed, his fingers going to the bridge of his nose. "Are you two back together?" He asked, smoothing his fingers across his closed eyelids like he was in a migraine commercial.

"Yes," I said.

Then Charlie's hand moved and he looked right at me. "One day?" He asked. "You see the kid for one day and you're back together?"

"I love him, Dad…and he loves me, and─"

Charlie cut me off. "I held your head while you puked, kiddo," he said. "Do you remember that?"

I stood from my chair, pushing out of it because I just couldn't sit there anymore. "Of course I remember," I said. "But I puked because I love him," I explained.

"You puked because the kid was too old for you, and he played around with your feelings, and you were far too young to be involved in that sort of thing─"

"No!" I cried, cutting Charlie off. "You don't understand! No one understands!" I almost screamed in frustration, plopping back into my chair, feeling like I was in a losing battle, just unable to articulate anything in that moment.

"Oh then please, enlighten me?" Charlie asked, sounding completely condescending and just mean. I understood that he was upset, that he was concerned, and that I had put him through a lot with the whole Edward thing. But I guess I just didn't expect him to be so rough about it.

And his roughness, his sort of bitterness towards Edward, someone that I loved a lot…made my eyes water and my chin start to shake.

"Oh, don't cry─" Charlie sighed.

I shook my head at him. "I love him, Dad," I said softly, scratching my nails against the table as a few tears started to fall down my cheek. "I need him," I said in a whisper, feeling like no matter what, no adult would ever actually believe or care that Edward and I were in love.

I thought Charlie might…but I was wrong…

And then Charlie took a deep breath and sat down in his chair across from me. I just stared at the table, wiping my tears against my sleeve, avoiding his eyes. I didn't want to hear a lecture. I didn't want to be told how I should feel. I just wanted him to be supportive, to trust me, and to be on our side…

"I just don't want you getting hurt. You're sixteen. You're too young to be so wrapped up in someone," Charlie said softly, his big rough furry knuckled hand reaching out for mine across the table.

I hesitated before I grabbed it, and then I raised my eyes to my father's. "Besides you, he's the best friend that I've ever had, Dad," I said. "He gets me. He knows me like you do. And he loves me…"

"Hmm," Charlie said, nodding like he was listening, like he was ready to listen. "I'm sure he does."

So I kept going. "And right now, I have no idea what is going to happen with us, because quite frankly our situation is shit," I said. "Total shit," I sort of sniffed with a bitter laugh. "And this very minute, the only way to minimize the shit, is for you to say that he can stay here tonight. He needs a place to stay," I said, sort of pleading as I looked seriously at Charlie. It was a simple request. I wasn't asking him for much, just a little help.

Charlie's brow furrowed. "His fight with his father was about you?" He asked, and in his eyes I could see the overprotective father, the papa bear that didn't like anyone messing with his cub, the dad who couldn't possibly understand someone not liking his kid…

I shook my head. "Not entirely. But partly," I said, wiping my sleeve across my eyes. "Edward's just had a really rough year, Dad," I said, trying to be brave while I attempted to fill Charlie in on Edward's pain. "Rougher than you can possibly imagine," I said, unable to stop more tears from just breaking loose. Talking about Edward's pain to a third party was harder than I thought. I just couldn't help but cry for him…

And as my tears started to fall over Edward, Charlie shook his head. "I'm sorry to hear that," he said. "I didn't know."

"No one knows," I sniffed. "It's not exactly something they talk about…" And I wasn't going to talk about it either, I just wanted Charlie to understand that Edward wasn't the kid from the paper…there was a lot more to him than that.

"I see," Charlie said.

"And he just really needs me right now…"

"I'm sure he does."

"Can he stay here?" I asked. "Please, Dad?"

Charlie lowered his eyes, hesitating a beat before answering. "He can sleep on the couch," he said. "He can stay as long as he needs to."

Then without hesitation, I pushed out of my chair and fell into my father's arms. "Thank you, Daddy."

"Don't make me regret this, Bella," he said softly, stroking my hair and my back, being the Charlie that I had always known.

"I won't," I said. "I promise."

"We're going to have a bigger talk about this later."

"I know."

"What I say goes, do you understand me?"

"Yeah," I sniffed, my tears starting to wane. "Yeah, I understand."

And then, right on time, Edward began tapping lightly on the kitchen door…

_Tap…tap…tap…_

I pushed back on Charlie's shoulders, finding his eyes. "It would really mean a lot to me if you were nice to him," I said, giving him a small pleading smile.

Charlie nodded, rolling his eyes a little bit. "I'll be nice to him," he sort of grumbled. "I will."

Then I grabbed his scruffy face in my hands and kissed his cheek. "Thank you," I said. "You don't know how much this means to me."

"Yeah yeah. Now go let him in, it's cold outside," Charlie said with a reluctant smile.

"Oh yeah," I laughed, sniffing back the last of my tears, then pushing away from Charlie and running for the door to get Edward. I wanted him to feel welcome, not like an inconvenience.

So with a deep cleansing breath, I pulled the door back, and smiled at the gorgeous green eyed boy standing outside. "Come on in," I said. "Come on," I urged him, waving him in as a draft of cold air came pouring into the kitchen.

But Edward just stood there, rosy cheeked and blue lipped, teetering on his heels nervously, eyeing me, like asking if it was ok…

"It's fine," I said, bugging my eyes, afraid that if Edward hesitated any longer Charlie would start moaning about the heating bill. "Come on in and say hi to my dad," I said, reaching for his hand and yanking him in by his chilly fingers.

Edward let out a nervous laugh as I pulled him inside. "Alrighty," he sort of smirked.

When I got Edward inside, and he was breathing the same air as Charlie, and taking up the same space as Charlie, I just got really nervous all of a sudden. I had never had a boyfriend over before in front of Charlie. The only Edward that Charlie knew was the kid that painted his house, and then the kid that dumped his daughter. He never knew Edward as my boyfriend. He had never seen me be affectionate towards a boy, or a boy be affectionate towards me, and I didn't really want to know how he'd react…

So, of course, I dropped Edward's hand like a bad habit once he got inside. "You can take off your shoes here," I instructed him with a shaky voice, trying my best to make him feel comfortable while I took his coat and hat, draping them over the chair on top of mine. "Dad, you remember Edward," I said, eyeing my dad, then Edward, trying to be polite while holding in my urge to puke.

Edward kicked out of his snowy shoes, then looked up to Charlie. "Hello, Chief Swan," he said, looking my dad right in the eye, holding his hand out firmly for Charlie to shake.

Charlie sort of stared him down a bit before finally taking his hand. "Edward," he said. "Good to see you, Son," he nodded, shaking Edward's hand with a tight grip, their eyes meeting with a bit of tension, an unspoken friction maybe. But they were shaking hands, so it was a start.

"You too," Edward agreed, dropping Charlie's hand, then putting it into his static hair and tugging it, showing his own nerves a bit.

But thankfully, Charlie didn't let a silence build. "Bella says you need a place to stay," he said, raising a questioning brow to Edward.

Edward gulped. "Yes, Sir," he said.

Then Charlie wagged his head to the living room. "You can stay on the couch," he said sort of sternly, like letting Edward know that it wasn't his favorite idea in the world, but he was allowing it.

"Thank you, Sir" Edward said, his eyes leaving Charlie's and moving to mine. "Thanks," he whispered to me, his lip pulling up with an appreciative smile.

I shifted my weight, nudging his shoulder a bit. "Sure," I said. "No problem." I was way too chicken to hug him or kiss him in front of Charlie, but I needed to touch him in that moment. I just had to.

But even that tiny little shoulder nudge with eye contact seemed to make Charlie uncomfortable. "So, uh, Edward, do you like hockey?" Charlie asked, his voice kind of loud, like he wanted to disrupt us from even looking at each other, like looking at each other was too much.

_Oh brother…_

But Edward wasn't stupid. He immediately moved his attention back on Charlie. "Uh, yeah," he said. "Yeah, I like hockey."

"The Canucks are playing the Blackhawks. You a Hawks fan?" Charlie asked.

Edward's eyes narrowed a bit. "Canucks fan?" He asked Charlie curiously.

Charlie nodded. "Affirmative," he said. "Why don't you go turn it on? We'll meet you in there," he said to Edward, looking at me, like letting Edward know that he wanted a minute alone with me.

Edward took his cue. "Sure," he said. "Thanks again, Chief Swan," he said sincerely, dipping his chin in gratitude, hitting Charlie with a little bit of his leveling earnest charm.

But Charlie just shook him off. "Yeah, don't mention it," he said with a grumble, his eyes carefully watching Edward as he made his way into the living room.

Then before saying anything to me, Charlie opened the refrigerator door.

"What's up?" I asked as he had his back to me.

"What's up is he's not allowed in your room," Charlie said firmly as he rummaged through the fridge.

"I know," I said with a sigh, already missing having Edward in my bed.

Then Charlie emerged with two glass bottles in his hands. "And he goes up those stairs only to piss," he said, bulging his eyes at me like he was extra serious.

"Ok," I agreed.

"No funny business, Bella Marie," he said, starting to walk out of the kitchen.

"Dad, I get it," I sort of whined, following a few steps behind him.

And then Charlie turned to me in the archway, smiling a sly smile. "Heat up some of that Chinese food will you? I'm starving," he said, and then he just turned right back around and headed for the living room to join Edward.

_What the heck?_

I watched with bated breath as Charlie approached Edward. Thankfully, Edward was sitting on the loveseat and not the couch where Charlie lived. And he was sitting straight up, with his feet squarely on the ground, playing with his fingers, just looking exactly as I pictured a boy looking when he was about to get the rundown from Charlie. I wanted to run in there and be a buffer, to just break up the whole interaction, but I owed it to Charlie to let him do his thing. And, I trusted Charlie to be nice. I did.

Then Charlie plopped down onto his seat on the couch, putting his feet up on the coffee table. "Let's go Canucks," he said with an anticipatory grumble, and then he held one of the beers in his hand out to Edward. "Here Edward, I brought you a beer," he said, holding the glass bottle out to an absolutely bewildered Edward.

Edward shifted in his seat and shook his head. "Oh, Sir…I─"

Then a big toothy smile spread across Charlie's face. "I'm just playing with you," he laughed, slapping Edward's knee with his free hand. "You should see your face," he sniffed, thinking he was so hilarious.

And Edward's face was indeed something to look at. He looked like he wanted to crawl into the floor and die. I had never seen him quite so nervous, quite so red faced…

I had to interject…

I made my presence known in the archway. "Be nice," I said to Charlie sternly, bulging my eyes at him, my hands on my hips.

Then Charlie cracked the cap off his bottle and flung it onto the coffee table. "Oh relax," he said. "I'm just having a little fun here. Isn't that right, Edward?"

Edward shook his head. "Yes, Sir," he said quickly, then he moved his eyes to mine. "Relax," he smiled at me, telling me with his eyes that he was cool with whatever Charlie threw at him.

I let out a breath, like relieved, and I smiled back at Edward. It was a real smile, like a true smile, like we had made it through another moment together, and we were still standing. We had Charlie on our side, whatever that meant, and we were safe for the moment…

I felt ok to breathe…really breathe.

And so I left Edward alone with Charlie, and went to heat up the Chinese food leftover from Christmas. I heard them chattering back and forth, but only about the game. Stuff about power plays and checking and slashing…stuff I had no idea about. But it was good because at least they were talking about something, and Charlie wasn't giving Edward a hard time.

And I couldn't help but get really fond of the idea of the two of them spending time together, watching sports, being friends… Charlie always wanted a son. I mean, I knew he loved me and wouldn't trade me for a boy or anything, but I always thought that if his marriage wasn't such a disaster, my dad would have wanted to have more kids. He was a great dad, and loved kids… I guess I always just got the sense that he wouldn't have minded having a boy around…a boy like Edward.

When I got the food all hot and plated up, I put it on a big tray and brought it into the living room where my two favorite males were fully engrossed in the game.

"Your Hawks are a bunch of whiny little shits," Charlie said to Edward, pulling a swig of his beer.

"Whiny little shits that are winning," Edward laughed.

"Yeah, yeah…"

I cleared my throat, feeling a little left out, and frankly wanting Edward's attention. "I brought food," I said, putting the tray down on the coffee table.

Edward smiled up at me. "Thanks," he said softly, and God I just wanted to bury myself in his adorableness and tell Charlie to take a hike. He was in his socks and t-shirt from the batting cages, and his hair was all messy, and he just looked extra amazing sitting in my living room…

I smiled right back at him. "Dad only likes General Tso's and fried rice. So, we don't have a ton of variety here," I said, handing him a plate of deep fried goo and rice.

Edward didn't seem to mind though. "He has good taste," he said. "General Tso's is the only way to go."

"Damn straight," Charlie chimed in, taking his plate from the coffee table and popping a piece of chicken into his mouth with his fingers.

I handed my ill-mannered father a napkin, and then I was faced with the dilemma of where I was going to sit. Obviously I wanted to sit on Edward…in some fashion. But, that wasn't going to happen. And the spot next to him on the loveseat was tiny, and there was more than enough room next to Charlie on the couch. Then there was the chair clear across the room, as far away from Edward as possible…or the floor.

I decided to be bold, and sat down next to Edward. He was my boyfriend after all, and I was allowed to sit next to him. Still, Charlie panned his eyes in our direction, but he wasn't saying anything, so I didn't move. I also wanted him to get used to us, little by little…sort of ease him into the moment that I kissed Edward in front of him. Because I would, one day, and he'd have to get used to it. But I also didn't want to shock him like we shocked Doctor Cullen and have him see me with my tongue rammed down Edward's throat while his hand was in my shirt. We'd need a defibrillator if that happened….for Edward, because Charlie would kill him.

Edward made room for me on the loveseat, and I sort of curled up next to him, taking my plate of vegetable dumplings with me. "Hi," I said to him as I got comfortable, leaning into his warmth as much as I could without making it seem in anyway sexual or inappropriate for Charlie.

And Edward let me snuggle in, opening his body up a little so he was facing me "Hi," he said back, his eyes soft and content…like he was doing ok, like he was happy to be there with me.

Then I took a dumpling between my chopsticks and held it up to him. "Do you want to try one of my dumplings?" I asked, pushing it towards his mouth.

Edward's head recoiled a bit. "Stuffed with what, tofu?" He asked with a little laugh. "No thanks."

"Cabbage and some other stuff. It's good," I said, pushing it closer kind of playfully.

But Edward just shook his head. "No it's not," he laughed. "You don't know what good food is. You have no reference."

And then I heard a laugh come from Charlie, who I had forgotten was there for a split second.

And then I felt like they were both laughing at me and at my life choice…again. "Jerks," I hissed under my breath, shoving my flavorless bland dumpling into my mouth, shifting away from Edward, knowing somewhere deep down that meat was probably delicious, but too proud to even test that theory.

But while I pouted, fingers swept against my cheek, leaving an electric trail of heat.

I turned to Edward before Charlie could see that he was touching me. "What?" I asked into his piercing green eyes, pulling out my best flirtatious whispery laugh. "Don't bug me. You're mean."

Then Edward looked at me like he wasn't buying it. "Well if you insist on being a baby, I guess I'll try one," he said, reaching onto my plate and taking a slimy dumpling between his fingers, then popping it into his mouth and starting to chew.

I watched with a careful smile while he ate it. "See? It's good," I said, while Edward's face sort scrunched and winced, like he was mulling over the flavor.

He wagged his brows and smiled with his mouth still full, not swallowing. "Delicious," he said, totally mocking me. He hated it.

Then he grabbed for his napkin, having not swallowed a single bite, and lurched over the napkin like he was going to spit it out.

So I grabbed the napkin out of his hand before he could. "Don't spit it out!" I cried, whipping the napkin away and throwing it on the floor.

"Hweay!" Edward said with his mouth full, a smile pulling from his food filled cheeks.

Then I just grabbed his adorable cheeks and started moving them back and forth with my hands to help him chew. "You're the baby, not me," I said to him, practically nuzzling his nose as I moved his scruffy face up and down. "Now swallow," I said with a smile, as Edward's chest started to shake with a laugh. "Swallow before you choke."

"Hey!" Charlie shouted from behind me, because I was practically straddling Edward's lap…

_Oh God…_

"I'm trying to watch the game here," he said. "Swallow the damn dumpling, Edward."

Then, miraculously remembering how to swallow, Edward gulped it down immediately, while I removed myself from his person. I shoved my body into the far corner of the loveseat. "Sorry," I said to Charlie, my face on fire, raising my eyes to him, but not making real contact.

"Just watch the game," Charlie grumbled, shoving a spoonful of rice into his mouth…

So we did. Well, I guess I technically watched the game, but all I saw were little guys skating around while the sound of my pulse in my ears kept a rhythm for them. I risked a few glances at Edward throughout, but there was no more touching, no more flirting, no more anything that could potentially piss Charlie off for the duration of the game. I longed for the day that we could all watch a hockey game together and Edward could actually touch me, maybe even put his arm around me…

But it wasn't that day…

Then after what seemed like a millennium of boring sports hell, the final buzzer sounded, and the game was over. And thankfully, the Canucks won, so Charlie wasn't a total grouch.

We all sort of shifted in our seats while the players on the television congratulated their goalie.

And Charlie stood up first. "I'm going to turn in," he said, checking his watch. "I have to be up early in the morning," he said.

I smiled at him sheepishly. "Ok," I said. "Night, Dad."

Then Charlie pointed a finger at Edward. "You come up the stairs only to piss, do you understand me?"

Edward shook his head. "Yes, Sir."

"Do you need stuff to wear?" Charlie asked, his voice softening a bit.

"No," Edward said. "I have some stuff in my car. I'm fine, thanks."

Charlie nodded. "Yeah, ok," he said, turning his eyes to me then. "If you leave for any reason, I want you back by ten. That goes for both of you," he said, moving his index finger back and forth, like we were small children.

I bugged my eyes, not appreciating the baby treatment. "Ten?" I asked, feeling like I was being punished by having my curfew shortened by two hours.

But Charlie didn't budge. "Just try me, Bella Marie," he said pointedly, raising a brow at me in challenge, as he turned for the stairs.

I rolled my eyes, giving in. "Fine," I sort of whined. "Goodnight, Dad."

"Night, kids. No funny business."

"Ten four."

When Charlie was finally up the stairs, Edward and I sat as still as stones until we heard the toilet flush, the bathroom sink turn off, and the door to his bedroom close…

And when it finally did, it's like we both started breathing again, and I immediately wormed my way into Edward's arms. "Kiss me," I said, tipping my head up to his lips. "Kiss me now," I said with a smile.

Edward's chest shook with a laugh, while he bent his head down to reach mine. "Yes, Ma'am," he said, pressing his soft damp lips onto mine, and then curling his arms around me, giving me a tight squeezing hug simultaneously. It was like we were reconnecting… kissing for the first time since we parted in the parking lot hours earlier.

And after one perfect kiss, I just snuggled back into Edward's arms, pressing my back into his chest while his legs came up around me like a cage. And I knew that if I stuck my butt back a bit, I'd be rubbing against his crotch. But instead of being terrified of that idea, I was actually having to use some restraint to not do it, because there was no way in hell that we were getting busy with Charlie upstairs…

"Well that went well," I said lazily, softly so that Charlie wouldn't hear, just staring at the ceiling while Edward gathered my messy hair and pulled it through his fingers.

"Yeah," he said. "I forgot how cool your dad is," he laughed.

And I guess all in all, Charlie was pretty cool. Very cool actually. "Yeah," I smiled, thinking about how Charlie had never let me down…ever. "He's the best," I said.

Then Edward left my hair in a pile over my shoulder, and tipped his head back. "I love this house," he said with a sigh, sort of out of nowhere, but sort of not.

"But it's so small," I said, shaking my head, not knowing what he was talking about.

"Nah," Edward disagreed. "I'd live here in a second," he said, his hand coming up and brushing my cheek. "With you," he said, his hand moving to my lips, his thumb sort of dragging over my bottom lip.

I kissed his thumb as it ghosted past. "Where would Charlie go?" I asked, smiling at his idea, keeping my eyes closed, trying to picture it.

Edward's chest shook with a laugh. "A van down by the river," he said.

"He would love that," I said, snuggling deeper into Edward's grasp. "Just give him a fishing pole and case of Bud, and he'd be all set," I laughed.

Then Edward was silent for a beat, just quiet. "I can't think of anything better," he finally said, softly, wistfully…like he really meant it.

I sat up a bit, turning my body to face him, finding his hooded intense eyes. "You're serious, aren't you?" I asked, staring into him, my heart just starting to pound.

Then his lip pulled up in one corner and he shrugged a shoulder. "Yeah," he said simply, like it was nothing, like admitting to me that he saw a long future with me was nothing.

And then I was speechless. I just didn't know what to say. So I just sat there, my chest moving in and out as I breathed, staring at Edward, wanting so much to just fast-forward to a time when we could be together in the way that he wanted to…wanting it more than anything. I could have cried. I probably would have if I wasn't already cried out for the day.

And as we just stared at each other, Edward reached his arms out for me. "Come here," he said softly. "You're too far away."

Then I put my shaky hand to his face. "I'm right here," I said, running my thumb across his cheek.

Edward smiled. "I know," he sort of laughed, gripping his hands into the hem of my shirt. "But I want you closer," he said, pulling me back to him, only this time my chest was against his.

So I splayed out on top of him, resting my ear against his chest, and his heart was racing too…

"I would marry you, you know," Edward said, his heart starting to just fly…

_Holy swear word…_

"If we were older. If things were different," he said. "That's what I was thinking about at the river. That's all I was thinking about."

I lifted my head, resting my chin against his chest and finding his eyes. "I would marry you too," I said. "If we were older, and if things were different." And then I put my head back onto his chest, gripping my hands into his love-handles, just grabbing at him, clawing, trying to hold on…

And then the tears started to slip from my eyes…

Because we weren't older, and things weren't different…


	24. Chapter 24

**How to Paint a House Chapter 24**

**BPOV**

We respected Charlie's authority and spent the night apart. I slept in my bed upstairs, and Edward slept downstairs. And I woke up missing him. I mean, I missed him when he was in my arms, so it wasn't exactly surprising that I'd miss him when he was downstairs on my couch. But it still surprised me how much I ached for him. It was more than before. It was more than the summer. It's like I had grown to love him so much more. And after he told me that he would marry me if he could, and that whole scenario sort of washed over me and penetrated my thoughts, I was starting to feel like I would never be able to let that go. I wouldn't be able to go to Jacksonville and pick up a surfboard and shake it off, shake him off. I wouldn't be able to get over him enough to function again…

And that thought was crippling. That thought was terrifying. But it was also motivation. I was determined to make sure that I never had to shake off Edward Cullen again. I was determined to keep him. Not just for a summer, or for the foreseeable future, but for the rest of my life. I wanted to make his little vision of us real more than anything. The problem was that I just didn't know how.

I think I was waiting for some sort of divine intervention on my thoughts, some solution to just come to me. But it never did. Then I remembered a poster that hung in my second grade classroom with a cat chasing a bird that said, "Nothing in life worth having comes easily…"

And it was so true. And really terrifying for that poor bird…

_Ugh… _

Not wanting to doom my thoughts further, I got out of bed and peeked down the stairs at Edward. He was buried somewhere in the couch, looking half dead and adorable between the displaced cushions and blankets. And I could hear Charlie in the kitchen, rustling his newspaper, clearing his throat, basically doing everything in his power besides shaking Edward to stir him. But Edward was out. He was tired. He was resting. It had been a long couple of days.

So I resisted the urge to go join him, and got in the shower instead. I almost didn't want to. It's totally gross and creepy, but I kind of liked having Edward's… um kisses, still all over my body from the day before. I didn't shower the experience off right away. I let it stay on me for a while. And when I finally took some soap to my skin it was kind of sad. It's like nothing about loving someone is tangible. It happens, and then when it's over, you wash it away. Nothing makes it permanent, which I saw firsthand with my parents. But I was determined like the cat. Because I also saw firsthand how my parents gave up. They quit. They didn't try hard enough.

_Nothing in life worth having comes easily…_

So after every inch of me had been soaped and rinsed, and any tangible evidence that Edward got busy with me was gone, I resisted doom and chose to see it as incentive to get more kisses on my skin to wash off. I wanted to wash off his kisses a thousand more times…a million. I wanted us to be permanent.

When I finally made it downstairs, Edward was still passed out on the couch in the exact same position that he was in an hour earlier. Not even a hair had moved, and Charlie was staring at him from the archway in the kitchen with this perplexed grimace on his face, sipping his coffee.

"Is he dead?" Charlie asked me as I crept down the stairs towards the couch.

I held a finger up to my lips to hush Charlie, and sat down on the armrest near Edward's head. "He had a long day yesterday. We both did," I said with a sigh, resisting the urge to run my hands through Edward's messy hair, or touch his scruffy jaw in front of Charlie. I just wanted Charlie to go away so that I could touch him.

But Charlie didn't go away. He came into the living room with us, sitting down on the loveseat. "You know you can tell me anything," he said, looking at me with concern. "I'm on your side, kiddo," he said, like he wanted to know more, like he wanted to be let in on why Edward was asleep on his couch.

I shook my head at Charlie. "I can't," I said. "It's private."

Then Charlie looked at Edward. "I'm on his side too," he said. "You should tell me, Bells. Maybe I can help."

Then my eyes trailed back to Edward, and it just made sense that Charlie would be more willing to help him if he knew the whole story. It just made sense that Charlie should know. "Ok," I said, shaking my head, losing my resolve and stroking my fingers over Edward's temple. "Last winter," I started. "Edward and his best friend got really drunk and decided to play baseball in the street in an ice storm…"

"Oh, no…" Charlie sort of groaned in my periphery, anticipating the rest.

I looked over to Charlie. "A car came," I said softly. "It killed his friend," I said, taking a deep breath and reaching for the sheet that was covering Edward's bare chest, and pulling it back to show Charlie, to show Charlie the scar─ the healed, pink, sickle shaped massive scar that hugged the entire left side of Edward's body.

Charlie's eyes bulged at the sight. "Good Lord, look at that scar," he gasped in a whisper, while Edward started to stir below me.

So, quickly, I put the sheet back over his chest and stood up, giving Edward his privacy back, his dignity back. "It was a lot worse before," I said to Charlie as I made my way into the kitchen. "It's healed a lot."

Charlie got up and followed me. "I can imagine," he said.

Then I turned to him in the archway, eyeing him carefully. "I'm the only person in this town that knows," I said slowly, making sure that he understood. "You can't tell _anybody_," I said.

Charlie put his hand on my shoulder, and his aging brown eyes looked at me seriously. "I won't," he said. "I promise, Bells."

"Ok," I sighed, knowing that I could trust him, feeling assured that Edward's secret was safe with him.

Then Charlie's brow furrowed, and he cocked his head at me, like studying me.

"What?" I asked, wondering what the stare-down was about.

Charlie's eyes softened. "You really love him, don't you?" He asked, like he was just realizing it, just seeing it for the first time after I almost went feral on him trying to protect Edward. It was like Charlie was really starting to understand.

I peered over Charlie's shoulder to Edward on the couch. All I could see was his rounded muscled shoulder hanging over the side, and his hair sticking up a bit over the armrest, and his big bony feet coming out of the blanket…

I looked back to Charlie. "Yeah," I said with a smile. "Yeah, I really do."

Then Charlie's jaw clenched a bit and he let out a sigh. "It gets heavier by the day," he said, a bit of a grumble in his tone, like learning how much I loved Edward wasn't exactly happy news for him.

I shrugged, tossing up my hands up. "Sorry," I said, because it almost felt like something I should apologize for.

Then Charlie dropped his hand from my shoulder and ran it through his thinning wavy black hair, giving it a fitful tug. "Well, wake him up. I'll make us some pancakes and bacon," he said with a slightly forced smile, like he was trying, but it was still heavy, really heavy.

I smiled back. "Thanks, Dad," I said, starting for the couch to wake Edward.

I sat down on the edge of the couch and put my fingers into Edward's tufted bronze hair. "Edward, wake up," I said, sliding my hand up his scalp and across his ear, stopping at his neck.

And I thought that my gentle touch would be welcome, but Edward just grabbed the pillow underneath him with a groan and pulled it over his face, blocking my hands completely. "Go away," he sort of mumbled, half asleep, and clearly not aware that he was on my father's couch, and that it was _me_ trying to wake him. At least I hoped not…

So, I put my hand on his back, giving his tense shoulder muscles a little squeeze. "My dad and I are showered and dressed, and it's getting awkward," I sort of cooed. "Wake up, Edward," I said more firmly, more urgently.

And, nothing…He was completely dead to the world.

_Ok…_

Then I peeked over my shoulder into the kitchen, where Charlie was rustling around in the fridge and out of view. So, I pushed the pillow away from Edward's face, and leaned over and took his earlobe into my mouth, pulling it between my teeth a little, knowing that when Edward did it to me, I could feel it in a past life. "Wake up," I hummed against his ear, making double sure that he knew that it was definitely me waking him up.

And like a charm, Edward's green eyes shot open. And within a few seconds, he was smiling at me. "It'll be really awkward if you don't stop that," he said in his cocky way, nudging his head downwards towards his…

I shoved his shoulder. "Eww, stop!" I cried in a whisper, not intending my wakeup to go in that direction.

Edward sat up. "You weren't saying eww yesterday," he laughed, rubbing his eyes out with his hands.

I shoved his shoulder again, bugging my eyes. "Shut up," I said firmly. "Charlie's in the kitchen."

Edward laughed. "He can't hear me," he said, and then his eyes softened a little, and his gave me a genuine smile. "Good morning," he said, reaching his hand out and stroking my cheek, properly greeting me, all joking aside.

I leaned into his hand. "Did you get some sleep?" I asked.

"Yeah," he nodded. "I slept great."

I smiled. "Good," I whispered, just sort of easing into the touch of his hand. "I'm glad."

Then Edward's hands went over his head, and he tensed his arms into a stretch. "Am I allowed upstairs to piss and shower?" He asked with a little laugh, all sleepy and adorable.

"Charlie's making pancakes," I said. "Take your time."

Then, quickly, Edward grabbed my hips and pushed me aside so that he could get up, finding my lips for a quick kiss during the transfer. "I'll be down in a minute," he said, hurdling the couch and grabbing for his bag before taking the stairs in only his boxers.

I held my lips as I watched him go. "Hurry," I said with a smile.

XXX

"Slow down or you're going to choke," Charlie said as Edward woofed down a third helping of Charlie's famous pancakes.

Edward tore off a bite of bacon. "These pancakes are awesome," he said, shoving more syrup drenched cake into his mouth, his hideous table manners on full display for Charlie.

But Charlie just shook his head and laughed. "Glad you like them," he said, tossing another pancake onto Edward's plate. "I was thinking of frying some trout tonight. You like my trout, right?" He asked, already making dinner plans to feed to bottomless abyss that was Edward's stomach.

Edward nodded mid-chew. "Yes, Sir," he mumbled. "Love it," he said.

"Good. It's nice to have someone other than a bird eating in this house," Charlie said, looking over to me as I nibbled on a pancake, holding it in my hand…more like a rodent than a bird.

I rolled my eyes. "I'm not a bird," I said, eyeing Edward teasingly. "I'm just not a pig."

But Edward was unfazed by my jab, and just winked at me and took another bite.

And I think I held Edward's playful eyes for a beat too long, because Charlie started clearing his throat and rustling his newspaper. "So, uh, Edward," he started. "Do your parents know where you are?" He asked, changing the direction of the conversation and getting to more serious matters.

Edward dropped his fork and finally took a napkin to his lips. "My car's in your driveway. It wouldn't take much to find me if they really wanted to," he said, sort of somberly, his freshly shaven jaw tensing, his hands going into his damp hair nervously.

"I just don't want your mother worrying about you," Charlie said, looking seriously at Edward.

Then Edward's eyes got a little far away, like he was thinking. "My dad can tell her why I didn't come home. I want him to," he said, barely above a whisper.

And something in Edward's tone seemingly struck Charlie. "Fair enough," he said, like he wasn't going to push it further. "Fair enough…"

Then I kicked Edward's leg with my foot under the table, breaking a building silence. "Do you want anything more to eat?" I asked, giving him a soft smile, working my foot down his leg a little bit.

And when my foot found his foot, Edward smiled back at me. "No thanks," he said. "I'm good."

"Ok," I said.

Then Charlie stood up abruptly from the table, his chair screeching on the linoleum floor. "So what are your plans for the day, Edward?" He asked, re-tucking his shirt into his jeans, tidying himself up for work like he always did.

Edward followed suit, and sat up straight in his chair, leaving my foot all by its lonesome. "Uh," he started. "I have to put in some time at the cages today," he said to Charlie. "I have to start getting ready for the spring season."

I whipped my head in Edward's direction, not expecting to have to make a return trip to the batting cages. "But you already made the team," I said, confused. "The _college _team."

Edward looked over to me. "Yeah, but I want to start as a freshman. And I want to keep getting better," he said with a bit of a shrug, like it was all pretty straightforward and understandable. "That takes work," he said.

And Charlie agreed. "A little bit of drive never hurt anybody," he said, looking at me like I didn't even know the meaning of the word. And maybe I didn't. I mean, I had never really worked for anything in my life besides getting Edward to love me, and I don't think that's what Charlie was talking about.

"Come?" Edward asked me, a little apologetic.

But before I could answer, Charlie answered for me. "Bella's got homework," he said. "Don't you, Bells?"

_Homework?_

Thenmy heart started to race with anxiety, and that doomed panic feeling came at me in a wave. "Yeah," I sort of eked out with a gulp, looking at Edward. "I have homework…"

Then Edward's lips hardened into a tight line, and he shook his head up and down slowly. "Right," he sort of hissed out. "You have homework," he said, sounding totally dejected.

And instead of consoling him or telling him what he wanted to hear, I just sat there sort of frozen, because I didn't have anything to say really. I mean, I didn't know what I was going to do…I just didn't.

And my silence didn't seem to make Edward very happy. He stood up from the table with a huff, pushing out of his chair with the same restless energy that Charlie did. "Well, thanks for breakfast," he said quickly to Charlie. "I should get going."

Charlie nodded to him. "I have some ice in my gutters if you're looking for something to do later," he said.

Edward bowed his head, accepting Charlie's chore. "No problem," he said. "I've got it covered."

Then Charlie reached out and squeezed Edward's shoulder, like fatherly and warm. "Good man," he said, giving Edward's back a pat, like really telling Edward that he thought he was a good man.

And as my father built him up and praised him, Edward seemed to relax again, and he looked over to me. "I'll see ya later," he said, and his eyes were soft and open…like he wasn't really mad at me, just at the situation.

I nodded with a smile. "Practice hard," I said. "Good luck."

"Thanks," Edward said with a wink, turning for the living room to get his coat and shoes.

And Charlie followed him out to get the cruiser warmed up before work, while I just sat in my chair not moving. I didn't know what to do with myself while Edward went off somewhere without me. Like, I had nothing to do in Forks other than be with Edward. That was it…

And after about five minutes of staring at the wall, Charlie came into the kitchen to fill up his coffee mug before taking off. "Get the dishes, will you?" He asked as he dumped sugar into his travel mug.

"Sure," I said.

Then he looked over to me. "And get on that homework too. I mean it," he said sternly.

"But─" I started, just maybe wanting to talk it out, to have the conversation, to see what Charlie might say if I wanted to come home…

But Charlie just held a finger out to me and cut me off. "No buts," he said. "Get it done, kiddo. You could learn a thing or two from that boyfriend of yours," he said, grabbing his gloves from the counter and breezing out of the kitchen before I could even get a word in edgewise.

And before I knew it, I was completely alone…alone with the dishes, and with my homework, and with my thoughts. And I hated being alone with my thoughts. Hated it. So, I got the dishes done quickly, and then went up to my room to start my homework.

But I didn't start it right away. See, I was having a little problem getting my backpack open. It's like if I did my homework, I was resigning to the fact that I was definitely going back to Jacksonville. And I didn't feel ready to make that resignation yet, even though deep down I knew that it was exactly what I was going to do.

_It's what I'm going to do?_

And just like that, while I sat there staring at my backpack, I resigned. "Crap," I said to myself, realizing it once and for all, like a light bulb went off in my head and the answer just became crystal clear.

I was going back to Jacksonville…

Because Edward was leaving, and there was no way in hell that I was spending my last two years of high school in Forks without him. There was nothing left for me in Forks other than Edward. And even though I had made peace with Angela, and we were friends again… it wasn't the same. I had moved on from her, and I couldn't do to Alice what Angela did to me. I couldn't ditch her and abandon her for greener pastures. I didn't want to be that kind of friend to her, especially when there was absolutely no logic in coming home just to watch Edward graduate. And the fact that I even considered that there might be logic in that scenario, kind of scared me…

It also scared me to realize that I had never worked hard for anything in my life. Edward was this superstar A overachiever, and my biggest claim to fame was a book collection, and the ability to stand on a piece of floating foam and not fall off. But I learned that in Jacksonville. I learned a lot of things in Jacksonville. In Jacksonville, I felt like I was opening up to new things, and I felt like I was getting closer to finding something to be passionate about other than Edward. Alice and my mom were constantly pushing me to expand, to try new things, to step out of my comfort zone and be spontaneous. Alice wanted to audition for the spring musical just for fun. And I could never do that in Forks. I _would_ never do that in Forks…

It's like after spending my entire life with the same group of people, I had completely lost my ability to be spontaneous and original around them. I just didn't want to disappear into the walls again… especially if Edward wasn't going to be there to pull me out.

_Edward…_

I think I learned when I washed his kisses off in the shower that physical love, physical proximity, wasn't the thing that was permanent; it wasn't the thing that was real. You could wash off the evidence in the shower.

But real love? Real love couldn't wash away. Real love existed somewhere else, somewhere that the water couldn't reach. And as long as we didn't let the water reach us, and as long as we didn't let it wash away, we would find ourselves older one day, and things would be different. We would find the raft and patch it a thousand times if we had to.

"And he'll marry me…" I said out loud, feeling so calm all of a sudden, feeling unafraid, and truly knowing in my heart that if we didn't bail… we would make it. We were special that way.

Then I felt like I was about to burst...with something, I don't know. So I scurried off of my bed, kicking my backpack out of the way as I pushed out of my bedroom door for the stairs. Yes, I was going back to Jacksonville, but there was no way in hell that I was wasting the precious moments that I had left with Edward during my vacation doing homework. I would take F's… I didn't care.

And when I got to the bottom of the stairs, I grabbed my coat and hat, and then I grabbed for a special key from the bowl that I had been thinking about taking for a while. It was a key to Charlie's hunting cabin that he leased with his buddies in the forest. If The Diner was where I always imagined my first date, Charlie's hunting cabin was always where I imagined something else. And even though I was beyond terrified, I snatched the key up in my hand, and then ran for my truck in a sprint.

I just wanted to be with him. I just wanted to get in as much physical love as possible while I was home, because I knew that we'd be relying on the other kind of love for a long time until spring break…

But when I got to the batting cages, my romantic blissful hallucinations came to a screeching halt. The parking lot looked like the Forks High School upperclassman's lot. There was Emmett McCarty's Jeep, and Rosalie's Hale's shitty red convertible, and Jasper Hale's pickup, and Tanya Denali's purple Neon… and Edward Cullen's silver Volvo…

He didn't tell me there was going to be a party at the batting cages…

I contemplated turning around and going back home, but I was able to see through my blind rage long enough to realize that right off the bat, I was being tested. I mean, if I couldn't handle him having a social life in Forks, I was basically screwed when he went off to Dartmouth. College was another animal. It would test us.

So I got out of my truck and headed in, really wanting to pass my first test. I figured that if I was going to flunk real school, at least I could pass cool girlfriend school.

And when I got inside, Siobhan was there at the desk to greet me. "Bella, right?" She asked in her husky smoky voice.

I took my gloves off and kicked my snowy boots into the mat. "Yeah," I said. "Hi."

Then Siobhan wagged her head into the big loud concrete abyss beyond. "Edward's in cage 6," she said with a wink. "He's showing the other boys how it's done."

I smiled at her. "Thanks," I said.

"Sure thing, baby," she said, and I could tell that she called everybody baby, but I still liked it. It felt like I was part of the batting cage group or something, just like Edward was.

I took a deep breath before I rounded the corner, just trying to remember that calm confident feeling that I felt at home. Rosalie Hale could kiss my ass...

And she was literally the first person I saw too... bouncing about, like she had an aura around her, like she was moving in slow motion. She was beside Emmett on a bench, like telling him a big important story or something, while he seemed bored adjusting his batting gloves. And I just wanted to rip her pretty little head off.

But I didn't of course. In reality, I kept my head down and my hands in my pockets as I made a b-line for cage 6. I didn't even look to see if the machine was on before I opened the latch on the chain-link door and pushed inside. The only way I knew that Edward was even in there was because I recognized his shoes...

And, rightfully, Edward turned with a start as soon as the latch clanged behind me. "What the fuck?" He cried, startled... before he realized that it was me.

I gave him a little wave. "Hi," I said.

Then realizing who his intruder was, Edward dropped his bat, and tossed his helmet against the wall. "Hit that, Jasper!" He said to Jasper Whitlock who was manning the ball machine.

"Got it!"

Edward walked over to me. "What are you doing in here?" He asked softly, taking my face into his hands, not seeming to give a single shit that people were watching. "Those balls hurt, you know?" He asked with a little laugh, looking concerned, his thumb stroking my cheek lovingly, like he was worried that I had almost hurt myself.

And I tried to ignore all of the eyes that I could just feel _glaring_ at me, and focus on Edward. Edward was the only one that mattered. "Sorry," I said, twisting my face apologetically. "But, can we talk outside?" I asked, wanting to get him alone. If I was going to convince him to ditch practice and come to a cabin in the woods with me, I wasn't going to do it in front of an audience.

Then Edward dropped his hands from my face and grabbed for my fingers, weaving them between his. "Yeah," he said, pulling me towards the cage door. "Come on," he said.

I held tightly to Edward's hand, staring at the floor as we walked out. I guess I wasn't ready to face Rosalie Hale. Not even while I held Edward's hand. Not even while I knew in my heart that Edward and I were permanent.

We stopped against my truck. We didn't get in, even though Edward was only wearing a three quarter length baseball shirt and jeans...

"What's up?" He asked, dancing about from the cold, completely clueless to the revelations I had had, and the key that I could practically feel burning in my pocket.

But I wanted him to feel the urgency that I did. I wanted him to know, like I knew, that we only had a couple of days left together, and that we needed to make the most of it. So, I grabbed the collar of his shirt, pulling my body into his. "Will you come with me somewhere?" I asked, looking up into his eyes, trying to meld my body into his, trying to communicate the urgency...

Edward's brow furrowed with confusion. "Bella, what's going on?" He asked, wrapping his arms around me, sort of cradling me in the icy parking lot, propping his chin on the top of my head.

"I just want to go somewhere with you," I said into his shirt, bracing myself for the bigger revelation. "I'm leaving in two days. You can play baseball later," I said, just putting it out there so that we could start to deal with it.

And then Edward's body froze around me, just froze. But after a long beat, he pushed back on my shoulders to find my eyes. "You're really leaving?" He asked, and I could see in his eyes that he already knew the answer to his own question.

"Yeah, but─" I started, wanting to explain to him how we would be ok, and how it was the best thing for me, and how in a weird way I was excited to go back and find my passion...

But Edward cut me off. "Is there anything that I can say to change your mind?" He asked, not taking it the way that I had hoped he would. He was taking it like I was breaking up with him, when I wasn't at all. He wasn't looking at the big picture. He wasn't seeing it the way that I saw it.

I shook my head, and placed my hand on his jaw that was starting to tremble. "No," I said. "I'm going back."

"Please, stay?" He begged. And looking into his pleading eyes felt like kryptonite─ green sad kryptonite that would defeat me if I wasn't careful.

I shook my head, somehow maintaining my resolve. "No," I said. "I don't want to be here for two years without you. I want to finish high school there. I want to be in the spring musical with Alice. I want to get better at surfing, and that takes work," I said with a bittersweet laugh, mimicking what he had told me at the breakfast table.

And as I began to explain the reasons why I couldn't stay, acceptance and understanding started to show in Edward's eyes. Like deep down he got it too. Like deep down he always knew that I was going back, and that we would be apart.

And then this beautiful smile crept onto his face. "Can you even sing?" He asked with a laugh, a few tears glistening in his eyes, only making them more beautiful.

I shook my head. "Not a single note," I said, beaming at him with a smile, feeling tears come on myself. "And I'm an even worse dancer," I said. But they were happy tears...tears of relief in a way. Relief that Edward wasn't going to resent my decision.

Then Edward wrapped his chilly arms around me, pulling me back into his grasp. "I'm going to have to check that out. Oh, I'm definitely going to have to check that out," he said, nuzzling into my neck, getting it, getting that he would have to come to Jacksonville if he wanted to see me make an ass out of myself in the spring musical, getting that we would have to grab our moments and make the most of them.

And I wanted to start right then. So, I wiggled myself some room from his crushing hug, and looked up at him. "Kiss me?" I asked, my happy tears starting to spill a little bit. "Kiss me as much as you can until I go?"

Then Edward pulled me in tighter with a quivering breath. "Bella─" he gasped. "God, I love you so much," he said, then pushed his lips into mine, taking my whole face into his cold hands, and just kissing me, really kissing me like he loved me in the parking lot.

So I opened my mouth to his and just dove in too, not caring who saw, not caring about anything else but us. I closed my eyes and kissed my boyfriend with everything I had, knowing that every moment counted, knowing that I would never take him for granted, knowing that nothing in life worth having came easily...

And when I came up for air, I pulled the key out of my pocket, ready to take the next step with him, ready to just be with him in every way that a girl could be with a boy. "I have a place we can go," I said, holding up the key to show Edward. "Come with me?" I asked, so nervous, but really excited at the same time. It was soon, and I was really inexperienced...but it felt really right to me.

But Edward didn't seem as enthused. He looked at the key like it was a venomous snake or something. All of the color just drained from his face, like he saw a ghost. "Bella?" he asked, his face sort of twisting and uneasy. "What is that?"

I clawed my hand into his shirt and raised my eyes to him, trying to get him to relax. "It's a key to Charlie's hunting cabin," I said, biting down on my lip. "Don't you want to?" I asked, wondering why he wasn't as excited as I was to be alone together.

Then Edward took a step back, running his hands into his hair, shaking his head at me as he just tugged and pulled at his poor hair. "I thought we talked about this," he said, looking at me with that confused twisted face, seeming almost angry that had I suggested what I suggested.

And then I just felt embarrassed. "You don't want to..." I said, dropping my head in shame, in embarrassment. I suddenly felt like the only teenage girl on the planet whose boyfriend didn't want to have sex with her. My floating high took a nosedive into excruciating awkward humiliation.

But my chin didn't stay down for long. Edward's hands were on my face lifting it in no time. "Don't be mad," he said, forcing my heavy reluctant head upwards with his cold hands. "Come on, don't be mad, Bella," he said softly, bending down to my level, searching for my eyes with his.

And I didn't want to be mad. I didn't want to waste time being mad. "We can be alone," I whispered, raising my eyes to Edward's. "I want to," I said, sort of pleading.

Then Edward gulped, and shook his head. "Ok," he breathed, barely eking out the word, but giving into me nevertheless.

"Really?" I asked.

Edward nodded. "If it's what you want," he said. "Then, ok."

He didn't seem very convincing, but I smiled at him anyway. "Ok," I said, not really able to build up the amount of enthusiasm that I wanted to with Edward seeming so unsure.

Then Edward wagged his head towards the door. "Come inside and help me get my stuff?" He asked, and he seemed a little distant...he seemed a little off. It wasn't exactly the mood that I imagined him being in when we rode off together to have sex for the first time...

_Shoot..._

And I really didn't want to go inside with him. I really didn't want to add to my insecurity by laying my eyes on Rosalie Hale again. I bet she didn't have to pull teeth to get her boyfriend to sleep with her. I bet the very prospect didn't send him into conniptions where all the blood drained out of his face and he almost scalped himself with their bare hands...

_Ugh..._

But I went in anyway. I took Edward's hand, and continued the treacherous test that my trip to the batting cages had become.

And when we got in, Emmett was in the cage, and Rosalie and Tanya were sitting on the bench watching him. But soon, they were watching us. It was a long walk from the front desk to cage 6. I could literally _feel_ their eyes on me. And I couldn't just keep my head down the whole time without looking completely socially awkward and stunted. I was sixteen. I was a big girl. I mean, I had just propositioned my boyfriend to have sex with me in my father's hunting cabin, the least I could do was look Rosalie Hale and Tanya Denali in the eye.

So I did. I squeezed down on Edward's hand for dear life, and lifted my head, finding two sets of heavily lined eyes framed by bouncy blonde hair. They were like Barbie dolls. I swear Rosalie Hale used a curling iron before she went to the batting cages on a weekday. I couldn't even compute that in my brain. It was madness.

And then I did something crazy. I waved at them with my free hand. "Hi," I said bashfully as we passed them on the bench to get Edward's stuff from his locker. And when I did it, Edward squeezed my hand tighter, like he was proud of me...

And I got a response too...from Tanya. "Hi," she said, really friendly and warm...

_Huh? _

When we were past them, Edward curled over me, his mouth going to my ear. "Do you want me to introduce you?" He asked in a whisper, giving me the option, letting it be my choice whether or not I wanted to subject myself to more social awkwardness.

I shook my head. "That's ok," I said. "Let's just get your stuff and go."

Edward smiled. "Ok," he said, wagging his head towards a big pile of baseball stuff. "My bat bag is the blue one. And could you grab the wrist braces over there?"

"Sure," I said with a smile, heading towards the pile, while Edward went to cage 6 where he left his stuff.

And when he got there, Emmett greeted him at the gate. "Where are you going, man?" Emmett asked. "You only did one session," he said, holding Edward's bat hostage from him teasingly, Emmett's eyes drifting to me, like he wanted to get Edward to spill about us. He just seemed really playful and friendly. And knowing what I knew, I felt kind of bad for him.

Edward snatched the bat out of Emmett's hands. "I have to bail," he said, looking in my direction with a guilty cocky smile. "I'll call you later," he said, as Jasper Whitlock tossed him his helmet.

And then this trill snickering laugh came from the bench behind me. "Bail with the jailbait?" It was Rosalie, and she was laughing at _me_. "That almost rhymes," she giggled, not even caring that I was right behind her.

I almost threw up inside of Edward's bat bag...

_Oh God..._

But before I could, Edward was confronting her, his cocky smile shifting into a clenched jaw. "Shut up, Rosalie," he said. "Watch it," he said, like a warning...

And I couldn't help but whip my head around to see her reaction. It was like a train wreck, and I just had to look. I wanted to die, obviously, but I had to watch.

But she seemed cool as a cucumber, just smiling like an evil canary in her seat...unfazed.

Then Emmett shoved Edward's shoulder. "Hey, dude," he said. "_You_ watch it," he spat, totally clueless to the subtext, not seeing the warning that Edward was giving Rosalie with his eyes... and not knowing what the warning even meant in the first place.

_Oh God..._

And then Edward's eyes were on mine, and they terrified me. They looked apologetic, and regretful, and I had seen them before. They were the same eyes that I saw in the high school parking lot after his fight with James. He was apologizing to me. He was definitely about to do something stupid.

And then, he did...

Edward pushed away from Emmett. "You know what? Fuck it," he sort of spat, his whole body starting to jump around a bit like he was working himself up for something. And through his jumpiness, his eyes landed on Emmett's. "Your girlfriend, Rosalie…jerked me off in the ball closet of the gym. Twice," Edward said, admitting to Emmett, and to me, exactly what took place in that ball closet of the gym...

And then the cucumber got cooked, and Rosalie's fist hit the bench. "Edward!" She cried. "He's lying, baby. I swear!" She whined to Emmett, but even I could hear the insincerity in her voice. Rosalie Hale was not a very good liar.

And then Edward's hands were back in his hair, and his eyes were closed with his head raised to the ceiling. "Man, I've been wanting to tell you that for a long time," he said frantically, but his relief was palpable.

And Emmett, muscle bound, slick Emmett...looked completely floored. I recognized the look on his face, like he wanted to puke. But I couldn't imagine the betrayal that he felt. Edward thought that he would never see me again when he decided to be a super douche and hook up with Rosalie. Charlie was my closest reference. And if Emmett felt anything like Charlie, I felt really bad for him.

Then Emmett's fist hit the chain-link cage. "What the fuck, Rose?" He cried, just perplexed, and like the wind had been knocked out of him. "What the fuck, Cullen?" He screamed then, just screamed, his fist leaving a dent in the cage, his bulging muscles flexed to the point where I could see his veins.

And when Emmett's hands gripped the cage to catch his breath, Edward walked over to him. Not Rosalie, but Edward. And he put his hand down on his back, like to comfort him. "I'm sorry, Emmett," Edward said, patting Emmett on the back. "I have done some seriously shitty things in my day, but I want you to know that I consider that the shittiest of all time," he said softly, sincerely. "I'm truly sorry, man. I mean that."

Emmett took in Edward's words for a beat, and then his whole body whipped around, and he took Edward by the collar. It was like a ninja move, and I couldn't even see how he got him so fast. "I should kick your ass!" He screamed into Edward's face. "Fuck, Cullen!" He cried.

But Edward didn't fight back. He just took it. "Go ahead!" he shouted, that sort of devilish grin that meant trouble spreading across his face. "I deserve it!" he cried. "I deserve it!"

And I couldn't just allow my boyfriend to sign up for a beating. That was my cue to step in. "Don't!" I shouted to Emmett, standing up from my huddle in the corner, and running towards the action. "He's sorry," I said, feeling all of the eyes in the room shift in my direction.

And crazy screw-loose Edward beamed at me when I made my presence known to the crowd. "Everyone, this is Bella," he said, struggling, because Emmett had him by the collar. "Of course you all know that already, but you pretend not to anyway. Isn't that right, Rose?" He asked, glaring at a sobbing Rosalie on the bench, her head buried in Tanya's shoulder...

And when Edward's eyes moved to Rosalie... when Edward said her name, I swear I saw the vein in Emmett's neck pop, and I knew that Edward took it too far. It was too late. Emmett was going to clobber him.

And before I could even move my lips to protest, Emmett held Edward out in front of him by the collar, drawing his right fist back, then he hurled his fist forward like a champion fighter, and dropped Edward with one swift punch to the right cheek... sending him into a crumble on the floor, putting him in his place, just like Edward asked him to.

And I wish I could say that I was devastated by what Emmett did to Edward... but I wasn't. In my mind, Edward did deserve it in a way, and I knew that he would generally feel better about the whole thing after Emmett had laid him out. I had grown up with a man's man as my sole parental figure, so I knew how they thought. I knew how they liked to deal with things. Getting it out in the open and taking his medicine, was the only way that Edward was going to be able to go forward into the spring season with Emmett. Edward needed to confront his super douche self, just like he had to confront all of the other aspects of himself. It was part of it...

But when Edward's cheek started gushing blood, I reconsidered that whole thought process. Because if something happened to Edward's beautiful face, I would have to cut someone!

I ran over to him, but Jasper and Emmett were in my way, watching the blood start to pour from Edward's face, while he just writhed on the ground like a half stomped insect.

"What did I do? Why is he bleeding like that?" Emmett shouted, his hands going into his hair, real concern for Edward in his voice.

Jasper knelt down to try to get a look at Edward, but Edward just protected his face with his hands, not letting Jasper touch him. "You punched him with your ring on, you moron!" Jasper cried to Emmett, eyeing the big gaudy gold championship ring on Emmett's swelling finger.

"Oh God," Emmett sort of moaned nervously, tugging handfuls of his hair. "I'm sorry. Fuck, I'm sorry, Edward," he said, showing his true nature, which was pretty decent...

And there was a part of me that wanted to let Edward squirm for a little longer. But the part of me that was madly in love with him won out in the end...

So, I pushed Jasper aside gently, and knelt down beside Edward. And, as I expected, he let me take his face into my lap without any struggle. He let _me _touch him. "You're such an idiot," I said first with a little laugh, just needing to get that out of the way. "Now move your hand so that I can see," I said, trying to push his blood soaked fingers aside with one hand, while I stroked his temple with my thumb on the other. His whole body felt really clammy and hot, and I wanted to soothe him a little.

Then Edward opened up his good eye, and his lip pulled up in one corner, while blood from his face started dripping into his mouth. "Oh good, you're still here," he said with a nervous laugh, like he wasn't necessarily expecting me to stay after the show that he had put on and instigated.

I swept some blood away from his mouth, then rolled my eyes at him. "Of course I'm here," I said with a groan, knowing that there would never be any other alternative, even when he acted like a jackass. "Now, move your hand," I said sternly.

"Ok. But don't pass out," he said, knowing my fear of blood.

"I won't," I said with a smile.

Then Edward slowly drew back his hand, revealing the damage that Emmett's gangster ring did to his face. There was a cut about an inch wide, and at least a few millimeters deep marring his perfect cheek.

I put two fingers on each side, trying to gauge the depth. "It looks deep," I said. "I think you need stitches."

And the threat of stitches made Edward's face turn ghost white, just like in the parking lot. "No," he said quickly, starting to struggle against me a little to sit up. "I'm fine," he said, and I knew what his reluctance was about. He didn't want to go to the hospital. He didn't want to see his dad.

But I held him down the best that I could. "You have to," I said, trying to convey to him that I knew what he was afraid of, but that he had to do it anyway. "I'll be with you," I said, stroking my thumb along his temple again. "You need stitches, Edward."

Then his head fell back into my lap, and his eyes slammed shut. "Fuck," he hissed, resigning to the fact that the day after he told his dad to fuck himself, he was going to be rolling into his ER with a giant laceration across his cheek after getting his ass kicked.

And then Jasper came over with a handful of paper towels from the bathroom. "Here," he said, holding the towels out to me. "At least clean him up a little first."

"Thanks," I said with a smile, realizing that that was the first time in my life that Jasper Whitlock had ever spoken to me.

And then I felt a bump on my shoulder. "Here's some ice." It was Tanya, and she was holding an ice-pack out to me with a soft smile.

I took it from her. "Thank you," I said.

"Sure," she said sweetly.

Then after taking some paper towels to his face, and getting the ice on it, and letting Edward wash off the blood in the bathroom, we made it to my truck. But we didn't leave the parking lot right away. Once we were both in my truck, and the doors were closed, and all of the noises and the people and the distractions of the batting cages subsided... the reality of what had happened started to soak in more and more. We weren't going to be alone in the hunting cabin. Oh no! We were going to the emergency room, because Edward got punched.

Edward's hand reached out and grabbed my knee across the consol, like he knew exactly what I was thinking. "I'm sorry," he said. "I ruined it."

I crossed my arms over my chest, and whipped my head in his direction. "Ya think?" I asked, annoyed. Annoyed because I was starting to really feel like he had instigated the whole thing just to get out of going to the cabin with me. If he really wanted to go, he wouldn't have chosen _that_ moment to confess to Emmett.

"I just couldn't live with it for a single second longer," he started to explain, but I cut him off.

"You see him every day!" I cried, really starting to feel angry.

"But, she was being a bitch to you..."

I glared at him. "She's always been a bitch to me," I said through clenched teeth. "You know that."

"Is that it?" He asked, looking really ridiculous with an ice-pack covering half of his face. "Is it because I hooked up with her even though she was a bitch to you?"

I slammed my head back against my seat. "No!" I cried. "I don't give a shit about that! I just wanted to spend the day with you. I just wanted us to be together. I wanted it to be special."

Then Edward tipped his head back to mimic mine. "But, what if I can't stop?" He asked, his voice cracking a bit, fear and trepidation thick in his tone. "What if we don't stop?"

I turned to look at him, hearing the genuine worry in his voice. "Then we don't stop," I said, grabbing for his knee like he grabbed for mine. "Would that be the end of the world?" I asked.

Edward grabbed my hand on his knee, squeezing it tightly. "I just want to do the right thing by you," he said, looking at me seriously with his good eye. "I love you. And if I do something wrong…"

"You won't..."

"Part of the reason that I hooked up with Rosalie in the first place was to convince myself that I was an asshole, and that you were better off without me," he said. "But I don't ever want that to really be true, you know?"

I shook my head at him. "I could never be better off without you," I said. "Never."

Then Edward's hand reached over the consol and tucked my hair behind my ear. "And I will never be better off without you either," he said. "And that's why we don't have to rush, ok? We'll get other chances..."

I eased into the touch of his hand in my hair. "Ok," I said with a smile, knowing he was right...

Then Edward readjusted the ice on his cheek, and a little droplet of blood started to fall. "Shit," he said, taking a bathroom towel and blotting his face.

I sat up and grabbed for my seatbelt. "We better get you to the hospital," I said, turning the key in the ignition, trying not to lace my tone with too much doom and gloom. But I wasn't looking forward to seeing Doctor Cullen anymore than Edward was.

But, for some reason, Edward didn't give into the gloom. Once we were on the road, he grabbed for the radio dial with a mischievous grin.

"What" I asked, just seeing in his face that he was up to no good.

He beamed at me through the swelling and the ice-pack. "Let me see what you've got," he said, nudging his chin at me in challenge, challenging me to sing...

I shook my head. "Oh, no," I said. "No way."

Edward started to laugh. "You want to be in a musical, don't you?" He asked, wagging his only working eyebrow in question.

I bit my lip, thinking over his challenge. "Yes," I said. "Yes, I want to be in the musical."

"Then sing," he demanded, very matter-of-factly, landing the dial on a pop song that I had heard before, but wouldn't be able to sing the lyrics to with a gun to my head.

I gripped the wheel, my body starting to squirm a bit with nerves. "I don't know this song!" I cried, building myself up to sing. I wanted to sing for Edward. I did. Because if I couldn't be spontaneous and original around him, I couldn't be spontaneous and original around anyone.

Edward cocked his head at me. "How do you not know Michael Jackson?" He asked, looking at me like I was an alien. "I thought everyone knew Michael Jackson?"

I slapped his leg. "Be nice, or I'm not singing," I said with a nervous laugh. "And keep in mind that my main musical influence is Charlie Swan. And _you_ never took me to music school, because you dumped me," I said pointedly, reminding Edward who was wearing the pants at the moment.

But he just rolled his eyes at me. "Ok, ignoring you," he said with a smirk, returning his attention to the radio dial. "Try... this," he said, landing on Charlie's station.

And I knew the song. I probably knew the lyrics to Lynyrd Skynyrd's _Free Bird_ before I knew my ABC's.

So, I re-gripped the wheel, amping myself up. "I know this song," I said, turning my head to Edward, letting him know with my determined eyes that I was ready. I was ready to make a complete fool out of myself.

_Bring it! _

And I did. I brought it. I wailed out every lyric like a bleating goat, and it felt great.

"_Won't you flyyyy- hiiiigh- freeee- biiiird_!" I howled, as Edward played the air guitar and air drums in support of my awesome vocal, laughing with me the whole way.

And as we pulled into the ER, I didn't regret that we didn't make it to Charlie's hunting cabin that day. We did something better. We fought. And we dealt with something icky, something that Edward wasn't proud of, and we got past it. We came out of it stronger...

We came out of it swerving down the streets of Forks, laughing together, pretending to be Ronnie Van Zant and Gary Rossington...

The raft was still afloat. The water hadn't reached us...


	25. Chapter 25

**HTPAH Chapter 25- 2**

I pulled into the hospital parking lot and turned off the radio. A thick tension started to build, an uneasiness. The silence was deafening. It's like the fun and spontaneity had been sucked out through the speakers. Karaoke time was over.

I turned to Edward who was readjusting the bloody napkins on his face, and put my hand on his knee. "Let's just get this over with," I said, giving his knee a squeeze.

Edward's eyes trailed slowly over to mine. "Ok," he said with a weak smile, but there was dread in his eyes, there was fear. There was also a giant bleeding gash on his face...

I slapped Edward's knee once, like Charlie would, silently telling him to get the show on the road. "Ok," I said with a resolute nod, making the first move and pushing out of my door first. I had to lead. If it were up to Edward, we would have never left the truck.

So I helped him out of his door, draping an arm under his back as we started in. But instead of looking forward and watching where he was going like I wanted him to, he was looking up at the sky, at the increasingly darkening sky. The air was a bit warmer too, balmy even... definitely above freezing.

"Perfect," he sort of groaned, seeing what I was seeing.

_Rain..._

I took a deep breath of the moist heavy air, letting it pour into my lungs. "I love rain," I said with a smile, because just the thought of a Forks rainstorm put a smile on my face. It made me feel so at home, so nostalgic for something that I didn't even know I missed. Rain in Florida was violent and windy. Forks rain was lulling and peaceful.

But Edward didn't seem to agree. The dread in his eyes only deepened. "I never cleaned the ice out of the gutters," he said, grabbing for my hand and pulling me through a set of automatic doors into the breezeway.

"That's ok," I said as Edward stopped us there.

He shook his head. "The basement will flood if it rains."

I looked up at his face, at his bloody-napkin'd worried face and got up on my toes. "Our basement always floods," I said against his ear. "That's what happens when you live in the wettest climate in the continental US," I laughed, brushing his cheek with a kiss.

Edward let out a frustrated breath. "But it wasn't supposed to happen today. Today the gutters were supposed to be clear..."

I dropped back onto flat feet. "It hasn't yet," I said, gripping into his black pea coat, searching through the napkins for his eyes. "And the sooner we get out of here, the sooner you can get to the gutters, ok?"

Then Edward smiled for real, a beautiful genuine smile. "Ok," he said. "You're right."

I tugged him closer by his coat. "I'm always right," I said.

Edward laughed. "That is a completely false statement..."

"Is it?" I asked, getting back up on my toes to kiss him, because I just had to...

When we finally made it through the second set of automatic doors, Edward took a seat in the waiting area while I shuffled up to the front desk to sign him in. When I got there, big boobed Mrs. Stanley was eating something that smelled like onions and flipping through a gossip magazine, totally off somewhere on another planet.

"Mrs. Stanley?" I asked.

She dropped her sandwich in a plastic container and shut her magazine. "Oh, Bella!" she said, wiping her mouth on her sleeve. "Jessica told me you were home," she said with a smile, sitting up a bit in her chair. "What can I do for you, honey?"

I wagged my head over to a slouching hiding Edward. "Edward cut his cheek," I said. "I think he needs stitches."

Mrs. Stanley's brow furrowed. "Cut it?" She asked skeptically, probably all too familiar with teenage boy brawls.

I shrugged a shoulder. "Yep," I said. "He cut it."

Then Mrs. Stanley let out a heavy sigh. "I'll tell Doctor Cullen he's here," she said, reaching out with her French nails and hitting a button on her phone.

I held a hand out to her. "Is there anyone else that can look at him?" I asked.

Mrs. Stanley hit the cancel button. "I'm afraid not," she said. "And I wouldn't want anyone else stitching up that beautiful face if I were you. Doctor Cullen is the best," she said pointedly, glancing over the counter at Edward, who even swollen and covered in bloody napkins and a Ziplock full of melting ice was absolutely beautiful.

I nodded. "Ok," I said, not taking any chances with Edward's face. "Thanks.

Then Mrs. Stanley winked at me. "It should only be a couple minutes."

"Thanks," I said again, turning for the waiting area and Edward.

I slid into the chair next to him, hovering a bit in his direction. "You have to see your dad," I said softly, sliding my fingers into his hair. "He's the best."

"So I've heard," Edward said, rolling his eyes, tipping his head back a bit so that I could have better access to his hair.

I scratched at his scalp. "I'll go in with you," I said. "If you want..."

Then Edward's eyes closed with my touch. "Thanks," he said, snaking his arm around me and pulling me into him, hugging me to him as I stroked and played with his hair.

It was one of those moments. One of those moments where it really started to feel official that I was Edward's actual girlfriend. Like it was a real life thing, like I wasn't hallucinating it or dreaming it while asleep on the beach in Jacksonville. I mean, I was playing with his hair in a waiting room, in front of my friend's mother, in front of a woman that I had grown up around... who knew me since I was a baby. It was one of those moments where I didn't feel like a little girl anymore. I was older...

"My son? Where?" But that thought left me instantly as Doctor Cullen came barreling into the waiting room. As soon as I heard his voice, I felt like a gangly insecure fifteen year old again... scared of my own shadow.

Edward's eyes shot open as I snatched my hand out of his hair. "Here we go," he groaned.

Doctor Cullen ran towards us in his navy scrubs and lab coat. "Edward, what─?"

Edward stood up, sort of stopping Doctor Cullen in his tracks. "It's not a big deal. I just need some stitches," he said. "Can we just do this?" he asked coolly, like urging his father with a steely voice not to make it any more difficult than it had to be.

And seemingly taking in Edward's icy tone, Doctor Cullen's expression flattened. "Alright then," he said with a nod. "Fine."

"Thank you," Edward said, before reaching his hand behind him for mine, like he was serious about me coming in with him.

I smiled and took it, standing up on sturdy legs. The gesture returned me to my sixteen year old body instantly. Because I _was_ Edward's girlfriend. It wasn't a game, or a hallucination. He needed me.

Doctor Cullen stared at our entwined fingers for a beat before pointing towards an exam room door. "Right this way," he said, ushering us inside. "Have a seat."

When we got in, Edward dropped my hand and hopped up onto the exam table. "Let's do this," he said, exhaling loudly. But his right leg was beginning to chatter and quake, rustling the white paper below him. His cool act was starting to break a bit under the glaring lights of the exam room...

Doctor Cullen looked at Edward's leg, and then, surprisingly, at me. "You can sit beside him," he said softly, looking at me over his glasses.

I stared at Doctor Cullen for a beat, and then my eyes shot directly to the floor. "Ok," I said with a gulp, using the stool and getting up onto the table with Edward, easing into his side a bit to stop his shaking, to stop my own shaking.

And when we were situated, Doctor Cullen came over and eyed the mess of ice and napkins covering Edward's face. "May I?" He asked, asking to remove them so that he could see the damage.

Edward continued to feign indifference, even though his nerves were obvious. "Knock yourself out," he said.

"Alright," Doctor Cullen said, prying Edward's fingers away from the bloody wad, and exposing the cut. It was gross, but Doctor Cullen didn't even flinch, and threw the mess into a biohazard bin.

I wanted to yack everywhere. The back of my throat was starting to flood...

_Oh God..._

"Are you alright, Bella?" Doctor Cullen asked me, giving me what appeared to be a little smile as he put on some surgical gloves.

I swallowed back whatever was threatening to come up. "Yeah," I said.

Then Doctor Cullen went over to Edward. "Look up," he said clinically, taking Edward's chin between his fingers and tipping it upwards. "Now turn right..." His eyes were so focused, and his voice was so soft, and his fingers on Edward's chin were so ginger and delicate, just like when Edward bandaged my hand. It's like he learned it from his father, like he was imitating his father. Edward would deny it, but they were a lot alike in some ways.

Then Doctor Cullen looked at Edward, raising a brow to him. "For strictly medicinal purposes only, would you care to tell me what happened?" He asked.

Edward stared at the floor. "Emmett McCarty punched me in the face," he said. "With a ring on."

Doctor Cullen nodded once. "I see," he said, and I could tell he wanted to know more, but he resisted. "Well, you'll definitely need a few stitches," he said, taking some betadine and pouring it onto Edward's face, catching the liquid in a kidney shaped dish, then wiping the excess with some gauze.

I looked at Doctor Cullen. "Is it bad? Will it scar?" I asked.

Doctor Cullen smiled up at me over his glasses while he threaded a needle. "I'll do my best," he said with a little laugh, so much like Edward... so similar.

"Ok," I breathed, knowing Edward was in the best hands, even if he hated it.

Then Doctor Cullen took the threaded needle and brought it up to Edward's face. "This may hurt," he said. "Look away, Bella," he said to me, never taking his eyes off of Edward.

"Ok," I said, grabbing for Edward's hand and pulling it into both of mine, holding onto him for his sake, and for mine.

And then it was really quiet for a few minutes... and dark because I had my eyes closed. I could only hear breathing, and the radiator, and what sounded like rain starting to fall on the roof, and Mrs. Stanley's cackling laugh...

And before long, it was all over.

"Ok, that should do it," Doctor Cullen said, seemingly satisfied.

I opened my eyes and turned to see Edward's wound replaced with about ten black stitches. "How do I look?" He asked, smiling at me, looking swollen and scarred, and a little yellow from the betadine... but also very adorable.

I smiled at him, finally able to see both of his beautiful green eyes again, and not feel on the verge of vomiting. "Very handsome," I said, pulling Edward's hand up to my mouth to kiss his knuckles.

Edward's eyes bugged a bit as I did it, reminding me of where we were, and who we were with.

_Ugh..._

I turned to see Doctor Cullen's soft smile harden a bit, and his clinical coolness come back. "I'll have the nurse get some proper ice-packs for you. And you know how to care for stitches," he said to Edward, writing some things down on a chart. "I'll take care of the billing and insurance stuff."

Edward lifted his chin to his father. "Thanks," he said.

Doctor Cullen shrugged. "Of course," he said, dropping his pen and slapping a piece of gauze over Edward's stitches. "Change this often," he said, grabbing for a roll of tape and placing it against Edward's skin quickly, so quickly it was like he could do it in his sleep.

"Got it," Edward said.

Then once the last piece of tape was secure, Doctor Cullen took a step back. "Ok, you're free to go," he said.

"Great," Edward said, hopping down from the table, then taking me by the waist and helping me down too. "Let's go," he said, pulling me towards the door... like we were really leaving without another word to Doctor Cullen.

"Ok," I said, feeling my face twist in hesitation. I wanted to thank Doctor Cullen properly... really thank him for helping Edward. But Edward was looking at me like we were getting the hell out of there pronto. No pleasantries. No bridge building. We were out...

But before we could get away, Doctor Cullen stopped us. "Edward?" He asked, and it wasn't clinical and doctor like. He sounded like a person, like a father.

Edward's posture stiffened as he turned around. "What?" He asked.

"Are you coming home?"

"No."

"Your mother doesn't deserve this," Doctor Cullen said.

Then Edward paused, his brow furrowing deeply as his posture got even stiffer, even tenser. "Did you tell her that you called Garrett road kill?" He asked.

Doctor Cullen bowed his head. "No," he said, looking at the floor.

"And how about what you said about Bella?" Edward pressed.

Doctor Cullen looked up. "No, I didn't tell her that either," he said.

Then Edward sniffed with a bitter laugh. "Later, Dad," he said, turning for the door.

But again, Doctor Cullen didn't let us go. "Just, wait!" He sort of stuttered out.

"No!" Edward spat with a growl. "No!" he growled again, and I could almost see the annoyed shiver run up his spine. "I have to clean some gutters for Chief Swan, and Bella has homework..."

Doctor Cullen closed in on us. "I'm sorry for saying those things," he said frantically. "Just tell me what I need to do to get you to come home to your mother."

And then Edward paused, like letting the shiver pass. And once it had, he looked calmly at his father. "Just stop resenting me, Dad," he said.

"I don't resent you. That's ridiculous."

"You do resent me," Edward said coolly. "You do. And I'm just really tired of trying to figure out why," he sort of laughed to himself, like something was funny. Then his eyes returned squarely to his father's. "I did everything you wanted," he said. "I got into Dartmouth. I made the team. And you still treat me like a fuck up. That scene yesterday at the batting cages made me feel about this big," he said, holding his thumb and index finger out to his father, spaced about a centimeter apart. "You don't respect me at all," he said. "You resent me."

And then the room went quiet. Dead, quiet. I was expecting Doctor Cullen to rebuff it, to rebuff what Edward said. But he just stood there and stared as the silence and tension built, like looking for words, but not coming up with any. He didn't deny what Edward was saying. He didn't deny any of it.

Then Edward broke his father's stare and looked down at me, entwining his fingers with mine and sort of pulling my hand closer to his heart. "Ready?" He asked me, plastering on a smile, like he couldn't be upset by his father anymore, like that ship had sailed. He was over it.

I shook my head. "Yeah," I said, no longer feeling any desire to thank Doctor Cullen.

And with that... we left.

XXX

The downpour started when we were about halfway home. The rain started out light and soothing, but by the time I pulled the truck onto my street the old windshield wipers were working overtime. It was a gully washer, and if the gutters were clogged with ice, the basement was sooo going to flood. And that really upset Edward.

As soon as I put the truck into park, he was out the door. "Shit!" He cried, seeing the water cascading off of the roof and onto the ground below. "Shit!"

The rain was soaking his face... soaking his bandage. I didn't know the stitches protocol, but I was pretty sure that you weren't supposed to get them wet ten minutes after you got them done... and with dirty rainwater to boot.

I pushed out of my door with a sigh, pulling my coat up over my head a little bit. "Edward, you're getting your stitches wet!" I shouted to him, but he was already heading for the shed.

"Help me get the ladder!" He cried, waving me towards the shed to help him.

I shook my head at him, feeling the cold and the damp soaking into my shoes. "This is crazy! Just forget it!" I just wanted to go inside. I just wanted a nice cup of cocoa and maybe some making out. I didn't care about the basement. I had seen it flood a thousand times.

Then Edward came running towards me, his whole head completely soaked by the pouring rain. "We have to try!" He shouted, gripping my shoulders. "I told him I would!" In his eyes I could see that he really wanted to make the effort, for Charlie.

I rolled my eyes. "Fine," I said with a huff. "What do you want me to do?"

Edward smiled at me, starting to jog in place to stay warm. "Help me with the ladder," he said, grabbing my hand and yanking me towards the shed.

"You are so getting an infection..."

Edward pulled the barn doors open, and I stumbled in on absolutely frozen legs. But I didn't focus on how cold I was for long, because I was hit so hard by the smell inside the shed. Gasoline, grass clippings, paint thinner...It was like it had been vacuum sealed from the summer. It felt like a time capsule, like a portal to the past. My bike was there with two flat tires. Leftover cans of white paint were sitting on the tool bench beside the wasp spray. The lawnmower... Charlie's bike... an empty Slurpee cup with a red stain nearby on the concrete floor...

It was all there. All of it...

"Let's go, Bella!" Edward called, pulling me from my reverie. "Help me with this ladder!" He was trying to free the ladder from a dungeon of tarps and hoses, totally frantic.

I went over to him, and put a hand on his shoulder. "Charlie wouldn't want you doing this in the rain," I said, squeezing his shoulder. "He'll understand," I said, knowing Charlie wouldn't be mad if Edward decided not to go up on a ladder in a rainstorm. Charlie broke his leg falling from a ladder on a clear day. He'd get it.

Edward's head whipped over his shoulder to look at me. "I can do it!" He cried with fiery eyes, veins popping out of his forehead as he tried to free the ladder.

And then the wind started to shake the shed, and a well timed howling noise picked up in the background. That was the last straw for me. "No!" I cried right back to him. "It's too windy. Forget it!"

Then Edward dropped the ladder, giving up on it and slamming it back into the shed floor angrily.

I put my hands on my hips. "What is your problem?" I asked in a shout, seeing there was a lot more to Edward's mood than a flooded basement.

Edward turned to me, breathing heavily, his bandaged face twisted and upset. Really upset.

"Huh?" I asked, totally perplexed.

Then Edward fell back onto an overturned bucket, dropping his head into his hands, his chest heaving in and out as he tried to catch his breath. "How am I going to explain to him what happened to my face?" He asked me, tipping his chin up to look at me, his voice breaking, his eyes anguished. "How?"

I took a step towards him. "What?" I asked. "Who?"

"Charlie," Edward whispered. "How am I going to explain this to Charlie?"

"The ice?"

Edward shook his head with a growl. "No, the fucking gash in my face! The one that Emmett McCarty put there because I fooled around with his girlfriend!"

_Oh..._

I didn't know what to say. I was so worried about what Doctor Cullen would think that it never even occurred to me to worry about Charlie. But Edward had. Edward had been itching to get home and clean out the gutters so that Charlie would pat him on the back and call him a good man again. He didn't want to lose that respect. He didn't want Charlie to know what had happened to his face and why. And he definitely didn't want to let his basement flood...

I walked over to him and ran my hand over the back of his tense neck. "You don't have to tell him," I said. "You could tell him a baseball hit you─"

"Lie?" Edward asked.

"Or tell the truth," I said with a shrug, wrapping my arm around him and sitting down on his lap. "I'll still love you," I said.

Edward nodded, like yielding a bit to what I said. Then he dropped his head onto my shoulder. "I don't want your dad thinking I'm a scumbag, Bella," he said. "I want him to trust me with you. I don't want him thinking I'm a scumbag..."

"He won't," I said.

Edward let out a deep sigh. "Only if we lie to him. If we tell him the truth..."

I curled up into Edward more, for warmth, for comfort...to comfort him. I didn't want him to feel like a scumbag. His father already made him feel like a disappointment that day, and I didn't want him to think that mine would too. Because Edward wasn't a scumbag. He was imperfect, sure, and did imperfect things... but he wasn't a scumbag. And being there, in the shed, in the rain... it just reminded me of so many reasons why he wasn't. Being there in the shed just reminded me of why I loved him so much in the first place. And because we were sort of stuck there, waiting out the downpour, I felt like reminding him too...

I scrubbed out Edward's hair and kissed his cheek, and then got out of his lap and walked over to the tool bench.

"What are you doing?" Edward asked, as I grabbed for one the paint cans and a screwdriver to pry it open with.

"Just humor me," I said, prying a can open and bringing it over to Edward. "Smell," I said, putting the open unstirred paint up to his nose.

He looked at me suspiciously. "Why?"

I smiled. "Just do it," I said.

Then Edward shook his head at me in confusion, but did at I said. He closed his eyes and put his nose up to the rim and sniffed.

"Remember?" I asked softly, dying to put my nose in there too, because this calm washed over his face...this peace.

He smiled. "Yeah," he said. "Yeah, I remember."

"You really helped Charlie out..."

"He paid me."

"Not to grocery shop, and take him to his checkups, and to cut the grass..."

Edward opened his eyes and looked at me. "I only did that stuff so that I could spend time with you."

I smiled at him, pulling the can away from his nose. "Charlie doesn't know that," I said, turning back to the tool bench.

I grabbed the can of wasp spray and turned to Edward. "Do you remember this day?" I asked.

Edward shook his head. "Yeah," he breathed. "I remember that day..."

"You saved me from the wasps," I said, smiling, remembering how Edward put on Charlie's fishing waders and killed the nest.

But Edward disagreed. "You remember it wrong," he said, standing from the overturned bucket and joining me by the tool bench. "You saved me," he said, taking the can from my hand and sidling up close to me, looking down at me with leveling soft eyes.

I bent down and picked up the Slurpee cup near my feet. "And on this day, you told me that I was pretty, and you let me win at Scrabble," I said, standing to meet Edward's eyes again, to show him the old cup.

Edward took the cup from my hands and put it down on the bench near the wasp spray. "I didn't let you win," he said, hovering over me, his breath and his lips getting closer. "And you're fucking beautiful," he whispered, sliding his fingers into my hair, pulling my face closer to his.

I slid my hand down his chest to his coat pocket and pulled out his car keys. "On this day, you kissed me," I said, separating his Swiss Army Knife from the rest of his key-chain... the knife that we carved our initials into my house with right before he gave me my first kiss.

Edward took the keys. "I did," he said, leaning in for my lips, leaning in for a kiss, his lip pulling up in one corner as I dodged his attempts...

I wasn't ready to kiss him just yet. I had more to say.

I got up on my toes and stroked his good cheek. "And you never let me up on the ladder," I said into his ear. "And you always set me up to paint out of the sun..."

"I didn't want you to get sunburned," Edward said, easing into my touch.

I moved my hand down. "And you fixed my hand," I said, holding it out so that he could see. "See? No scar," I said.

Like everything else, Edward took my hand... and he kissed it softly, right on my palm, right where my cut had been.

"You held my hair when I was drunk," I continued. "And you pulled me out of the water when I almost drowned..."

Edward left another kiss on my palm, and I could feel it radiate throughout my entire body. Then he looked at me with curious eyes. "Bella, what are you doing?" He asked.

I took my hand from his mouth and moved it to his face. "You're not a scumbag, Edward," I said. "You're not a scumbag," I said again, pulling his face to mine, pulling him in for a long overdue kiss. "And _that's _the truth," I said as my lips finally pressed down onto his...

We started out kissing. Like_ really_ kissing. For first time in my life I had a make out session. Like a session─ a significant block of time where we just kissed, and kissed, and kissed, and kissed some more because we couldn't stop. It would hurt to stop. It would ache and burn and pull at my insides to stop. Open mouths, tongues, hands, lips... It was like a wet blur. It was like every pass of Edward's tongue against mine made the burn in my stomach deeper, more intense. So we just kept kissing until the burn felt more like a fire, a fire that was pleading for more kindling... but also for relief, for water. I wanted the fire to keep building and be put out at the same time.

I was tingling, I was throbbing, I was feeling warmth and urgency and need, and I was no longer someone that didn't know how that could be remedied. I knew. I knew full well. And in that moment, I wanted Edward so badly. Being in the shed, in the rain, with the smell of our summer together fighting for position with Edward for my senses... I just wanted to have him again. I just wanted his kisses all over me again. I just wanted _more_.

But Edward was definitely letting the fire build. Instead of ripping off my clothes right there in the shed and putting it out, he was throwing kindling on it. He was kissing me in ways that I didn't even know I could be kissed. His hands were pulling at my hair, and his tongue was like feeding my hungry mouth, and I was totally lost in it. I didn't even know I could get that worked up, that turned on, that completely disturbed in my underwear. And he just kept _going_. He just kept kissing me, pressing me up against the tool bench, then pulling me onto his lap so that I was straddling him down in the corner on top of some tarps.

I could feel him underneath me as I straddled too. I could feel it. And instead of being freaked out, I was using it. I was rubbing against it because it felt good. I was moving my hips around as I consumed Edward's face with my mouth, and it was remarkable. Full on making out was so much more than I expected. Getting so horny and worked up that it felt like I was going to pass out was an amazing sensation.

Edward pushed my coat from my shoulders for better access to my neck.

I jutted my chest out, like asking him to grab it. I wanted his hands on me. I needed his hands on me. "Please?" I moaned, begging for him to touch my boobs.

Edward let out a groan as his mouth made lunch of my neck, then his cold hand slipped up under my shirt under my bra... touching me like I wanted him to.

But it wasn't enough. The fire was out of control. It needed to be contained.

I stopped my rocking against his crotch, and tore my neck away from his mouth, and then put on my big girl pants and reached for the buttons on his jeans.

"What are you doing?" Edward asked in a breathy whisper.

I got the last button undone and reached inside, grasping his hard penis in my hand. "Show me," I said, looking into his hooded hungry eyes, while both of our chests just heaved in and out... Edward's hand still lodged inside my bra.

"Dry?" Edward asked.

_Oh God..._

I didn't even know what that meant...

Then my already racing heart took off even more. "I'm asking you to show me," I said. "What do you mean by dry?" I sort of screeched, just wanting him to take the lead. My big girl panties only got me so far.

Then Edward laughed, his eyes softening with an adorable smile. "Never mind," he said, stroking my face with his free hand. "Don't worry about it."

"Do you mean, like, lube?" I asked, knowing that lubricant was a part of the whole sex thing.

Then Edward's smile grew even bigger. "Or lotion," he sort of laughed. "Yeah."

I didn't have any lotion. The closest thing in the shed was WD40, and that seemed a little risky.

And then, Edward's hand was in his pants too, pulling mine out.

"No!" I cried, trying to keep my grasp on him. "I want to do this," I said.

But, of course, Edward won. He freaking took his other hand out of my shirt, and pried my hand from his penis. "You have homework to do," he said. "You promised Charlie."

But I wasn't that easily defeated. I threw my hands around his neck and repositioned myself over his crotch. "I don't care. I'll take F's," I said, dipping my head back for his mouth, _really_ not in the mood to do homework.

And for a minute, I was winning. Edward met my mouth with his tongue, kissing me deeply a few times, thrusting up into me a little bit, getting the make out session extraordinaire back on track...

But then he stopped. "Fuck!" He sort of mumbled into my mouth, his kisses stopping, as well as his hands.

I pushed back on his shoulders. "What's wrong?" I asked. "Do you need me to do something? I will," I said, wondering if we could just go inside to get the lotion.

But the look in Edward's eyes told me that I was definitely not going inside for lotion. "You can't take F's, Bella," he said seriously, totally harshing on my horniness.

I latched down onto his neck. "Yes, I can," I said in the most seductive voice that I could muster, mimicking my mom when she was drunk and trying to get the waiter at TGI Fridays to give us free dessert. "Believe me, I can," I said.

And then Edward was pushing back on my shoulders. "Not if you're coming to Dartmouth with me," he said, totally serious, totally sincere... like pleading.

_Holy Swear Word..._

I gulped. "What?" I asked, totally gob smacked. Because every time I thought of our future together, like Edward coming in to visit me over Spring Break, Edward was one step ahead of me. He was thinking college...

_Ivy League's... _

And then I felt a little sick. "I'm not smart enough for Dartmouth," I said, knowing the real reason why it never occurred to me that we could go to college together...

But Edward didn't agree. "Bullshit," he said. "That's bullshit."

I shook my head. "Charlie can't afford it," I said, slipping off of his lap and pulling my knees to my chest on the damp concrete floor.

Edward crawled towards me, grabbing my downturned chin in his hand and raising it. "He will find a way if you get in," he said, searching earnestly for my eyes.

"He'll starve," I protested. "I can't do that to him."

Then Edward gripped my face in both hands, stopping my shaking head. "Then you take out student loans and we pay them off later," he said, his green eyes just searing into mine, totally serious.

I looked at him. "We?" I asked.

"Yeah, we," Edward said with an uneasy smile. "You can go to college wherever you want, but this is my official plea for you to consider going with me," he said. "But you can't get another B, Bella... let alone F's..."

And then a giant cheek tearing smile just exploded onto my face as happy tears filled my eyes. "Then I guess I'd better study," I said...

XXX

A few hours later, after we had squeegee-d about a quarter inch of water down the basement drain, Edward and I were at the kitchen table in sweats and socks, immersed in my trigonometry homework...

"The tangent is the opposite divided by the adjacent," Edward said, taking a pencil and pointing to an equation that I had written on my notebook.

My eyes rolled for about the fiftieth time that hour. "I know that," I said firmly.

Edward's pencil flipped to the eraser end. "No you don't," he said, starting to rub out my hard work. "You did it wrong," he said.

_What? _

I pushed his pencil aside and clasped my notebook. "Tang... op, div, adj. Got it," I said, feeling a little intimidated... math always made me feel that way.

"Memorizing the formula only gets you through the test," Edward said, _really_ close to my neck, like hovering, sounding like a know it all. "It's better if you learn it," he said.

"I am learning it," I said, annoyed.

Edward shook his head. "No, you're memorizing formulas that mean absolutely nothing to you, and you have no idea why you're using them," he lectured. "That's not learning."

I scooted away from him, my chair dragging against the linoleum floor. "You're annoying," I groaned. "And stop breathing so close to my neck," I spat, bugging my eyes at him.

Edward held his hands out defensively, his amusement in me showing in his crooked smile. "Um... ouch," he said with a little laugh. "And, FYI, you _stink_ at math, Bella. I didn't know this two hours ago when I told you that I would help pay off your loans to go to Dartmouth..."

I shoved his shoulder. "I don't stink," I hissed. "You're making me nervous! Just shut up!"

_Bang!_

Somewhere mid shove, Charlie came in through the kitchen door, slamming it behind him like he always did.

He shook the rain off of his coat and stomped his feet on the mat. "Well, this is what I'm talking about," he said, sounding pleased. "Homework. Hands where I can see them. General looks of annoyance and discontent," he said with a smile, his eyes narrowing a bit when he noticed Edward's face. "What in the hell happened to your face?" He asked, coming in closer for an inspection.

Edward had taken the gauze off after it got wet, and he never redressed it. The whole thing was just out there for Charlie to see... betadine yellow and black stitches.

"He got hit with a baseball," I said quickly, instinctively, covering for Edward.

But Charlie just cocked his head and looked closer.

"I got punched," Edward said flatly, without much hesitation, telling Charlie the truth.

Charlie took a step back, narrowing his eyes at Edward even more. "Do I even want to know?" He asked, like in this guy way, like in a language that I didn't speak. He was giving Edward the option to tell him...

Edward shook his head slowly. "Just that I deserved it," he said. "And that it won't happen again." Edward looked Charlie square in the eye, earnest and sincere...

And Charlie bought it. "Fair enough," he said, shaking it off almost instantly and going to the fridge for a beer. "So, trout? Or do you kids want to go out to The Diner instead?" He asked, coming up and twisting the cap off and taking a swig. "I have a hankering for a milkshake," he said, his cheeks puckering at the bitterness of the first sip.

Edward perked up, the relief of Charlie not making a big deal out of his face evident. "I could go out," he said with an excited nod, a smile returning to his face.

I smiled too. "Yeah, The Diner sounds good," I said, relieved that Edward's voice was no longer like nails on a chalkboard. He was once again adorable and irresistible.

When we got to The Diner, after Charlie humiliated me by running the siren for Edward almost the whole way there... Claire, the sweet dirty blonde waitress greeted us.

She pulled three menus from the holder. "Hey there, guys," she said. "Table for three?" She asked Charlie, who was staring at her like a deer in headlights.

He cleared his throat. "Uh. Yeah," he said in this deep baritone voice that I had never heard him use before. "Thanks."

Beside me, Edward almost choked trying to contain a laugh at my father's expense. Charlie wasn't quite as smooth with the ladies as Lady Killer McGee.

I elbowed Edward hard in the stomach. "Shut up," I hissed in a whisper, as Claire escorted us to our booth.

Edward grabbed his stomach. "_Violent_," he mouthed, rubbing out the spot where I slugged him.

"Here you are," Claire said as she placed our menus on the table. "Can I start you off with some drinks?" she asked.

Charlie, again, cleared his throat. "Uh, I think I'd like, uh..."

"Three vanilla milkshakes and some water," I said, trying to save my father from complete humiliation. I could feel his pain. We were cut from the exact same cloth, and I found nothing about his struggle funny. It was like déjà- vu.

When Claire was gone, Edward eyed Charlie over his menu. "You should ask her out," he said, and the minute he said it my elbow was back in his kidney.

Charlie played it casual. "Who, Claire?" He asked, looking at his menu upside down.

Edward nodded. "I think she likes you," he said, and I seriously wanted to kill him. The adorable and irresistible thing had worn off again... completely. I knew Claire liked my dad; I had known it for years. All the women in Forks looked at him like he was a mustached Cop Brad Pitt. But the thing about Claire was that Charlie liked her too... and that added a completely awkward other layer for me. I didn't even want to think about it. I wanted it to go away, and for Edward to shut the hell up.

But Edward's suggestion made Charlie blush, and smile, and light up in a way that I had rarely seen him do. "Oh," he said, waving a hand out to Edward. "Nah. She's just friendly with everyone," he said, beaming with a bashful smile.

Edward turned the page to his menu. "She likes you. Trust me," he said in his cocky way, like cool and macho, like at 18 he had any clue about adult relationships and could give advice to a 40 year old divorcee.

But Charlie was eating it up. "You think so?" He asked, hopeful and excited.

Edward shook his head. "Oh, yeah," he said. "There's no doubt about it."

And then Charlie was looking at me from across the booth. "What do you think, kiddo?" He asked, like he was really going to do it and he needed my opinion, or my approval...

And then, Edward's elbow was in my kidney, and his eyes were bugging at me...

"I think it's a great idea," I said with a forced smile. "You should definitely do it."

And having my approval only made Charlie's blush deepen and his smile grow wider. "Ok, I think I will," he said with a nod, sitting up taller than I had seen him sit in years...

It's like Charlie was just waiting for the confidence boost, for the push to really move on with his life. And of all people, Edward was the one to give it to him. And seeing how happy and excited he looked, I couldn't help but warm up to the idea too, and get on board.

I grabbed Edward's hand under the booth and gave it a squeeze, dropping my head onto his shoulder, nudging him, silently thanking him for giving my father a push in the right direction...

Edward squeezed my hand back and smiled down at me, then he wagged his head towards the counter. "Here she comes," he said, as Claire came up to our table with our milkshakes.

Charlie took a deep breath. "Well, here goes nothing," he said, exhaling loudly.

"You can do this," Edward said to him, showing the utmost confidence.

"Here you are," Claire said in that distracted waitress way as she placed our milkshakes down...

"Uh, Claire?" Charlie asked, right off the bat, no hesitation.

Claire placed the last milkshake in front of Edward, then gave her full attention to Charlie...no longer distracted.

Charlie looked up into her eyes, and she looked down at his...and I could see it. The spark, the attraction, the affection... It was all there. "Do you need something, Charlie?" She asked.

Charlie kept his eyes on her. "How about a date tomorrow night?" He asked, his mustache pulling up with a smile.

But Claire's smile was bigger. "Well, Charlie Swan," she said, totally surprised and flustered. "I'd love to."

"How about I pick you up tomorrow night after your shift? There's line dancing at The Lodge. Beer's are only two dollars," Charlie said, like he had been planning their perfect first date for years.

"That sounds perfect," Claire said.

"Then it's a date," Charlie said, his overwhelming happiness making my happy tears threaten to come back again right there in The Diner. It was like watching a huge milestone go down in my father's life, maybe the hugest, because I could just see how right they were for each other...

Claire bit down on her lip. "Eight o'clock," she said.

"Huh?" Charlie asked.

"My shift ends at eight o'clock," she said, smiling affectionately at my father.

"Oh... Right," Charlie said with a laugh. "Eight o'clock then."

And then Claire turned on her heel, floating back to the kitchen without taking our order. I tried to empathize with her, but I was really really hungry.

And when she was gone, Charlie finally flipped his menu right side up. "I got myself a date tomorrow night," he said with a satisfied grin, almost mimicking Edward's cocky swagger.

_Oh brother..._

Then Edward looked over his menu at Charlie. "No funny business now," he said, mimicking Charlie right back...

Then Charlie, buoyant and playful, reached over the table and smacked Edward in the back of the head. "Smartass," he said, and the two of them were like a thing... like buddies... yucking it up and enjoying each other's company.

"_Ah hem_." And that was all the more evident when Doctor Cullen cleared his throat, arms crossed in his trench coat and hat over the booth.

Charlie sat back in his seat. "Hello, Doc. What can we do for you?" He asked, as the wind just got taken from all of our sails.

"I'd like to speak to Edward outside," Doctor Cullen said.

"Go away, Dad," Edward said. "Why are you even here?"

"Please?" Doctor Cullen asked.

Edward shook his head. "Whatever you have to say to me, you can say in front of them," he said.

"I'd really like to do this alone," Doctor Cullen said.

Edward turned the page to his menu. "Well, I'd really like for you to not be here right now, so..."

"Fine," Doctor Cullen said. "Bring Bella," he said, and there was a little venom in his voice when he said my name, and that _really_ perked Charlie's ear.

Charlie reached for his coat on the hook by the booth. "I think we should all go," Charlie said coolly, standing up and getting eyelevel with Doctor Cullen, no longer the fumbling lovesick loser, but a hardened cop, and a protective father.

Doctor Cullen took a step back. "Very well," he said, making way for us.

Edward looked at me. "I'm sorry," he said.

I shrugged, holding tightly to his hand. "It's fine," I said. "Charlie's got this."

Charlie threw some money down on the counter for Claire, and we all made our way outside to an alley a block or so away. It was getting cold again, and the rain was threatening to turn back into snow.

Edward spoke first. "What do you want, Dad?" he asked, holding onto me as Charlie stood protectively behind us.

Doctor Cullen bowed his head in the lamplight, his expensive leather shoe twisting in a puddle, before he raised his eyes back to Edward. "I resent you," he said. "I do."

"I know─"

Doctor Cullen cut Edward off. "I resent you because I love you too much to lose you to something as _stupid_ and careless as what you and Garrett did," he said.

Edward's eyes rolled back. "Oh, here we go," he said, shaking his head.

"No!" Doctor Cullen sort of spat, taking a step closer, holding Edward's eyes seriously. "Until you love someone more than you love yourself, you will never understand how_ angry_ it can make you when that person is careless with their very fragile and very precious life," he said, his voice just seething with emotion, with pain...

"Dad─" Edward started.

But Doctor Cullen just kept going. "When we got the call at the hospital, the EMT said that two boys, Cullen and Clarke were struck, and that one of them was DOA. One of them was already deceased," he said. "I ran down six flights of steps and down eight hallways not knowing which one. It was only about three minutes, but they were the longest three minutes of my entire life," he said, as tears just unexpectedly started flooding his blue eyes.

Edward dropped my hand, just dropped it, and went to his father. "I know it was stupid, but I can't blame myself for it anymore, Dad," he said, reaching his hand out and stopping short of touching Doctor Cullen. "I just can't," he said, his voice breaking a little. "I'll go crazy."

"I don't want you to blame yourself, Edward," Doctor Cullen said.

"Then what do you want?" Edward asked, confused, pleading. "What do you want from me?"

Doctor Cullen took off his hat, wiping his tears away with his sleeve, then putting the hat back on. "I just wanted to help you," he said, sniffing and straightening himself up a bit. "I just wanted to ensure that your life stayed on track."

"But, I couldn't breathe!" Edward cried. "I did everything right! You have to let it go, Dad! You have to forgive me!"

"I don't blame you, Edward. I don't," Doctor Cullen said, shaking his head.

"Yes, you do!" Edward shouted.

"I blame myself!" Doctor Cullen cried, cutting him off, his voice booming off of the brick walls in the alley. "It was _my_ liquor cabinet. It was _my_ baseball bat. It was _my_ home that the Clarke's entrusted their son's safety in. I blame myself!"

"Dad─"

Doctor Cullen's tears broke loose again. "I wasn't there," he sort of whimpered. "And neither was your mother. We never were. I blame myself, Son. You're my baby boy, and I didn't protect you─"

Doctor Cullen was a sobbing mess, and Edward sort of just stood there watching him. If it were Charlie, I would have run to comfort him. But Edward sort of stared at him blankly, until he broke the silence with a statement that I was not at all expecting...

"I think I want to live with Chief Swan for a while," Edward said, just spitting it out, just putting it out there.

Doctor Cullen raised his tearful eyes. "What?" He asked, seemingly taken aback by the sudden shift. "Why?"

Edward shrugged. "Because you and Mom need to go back to Chicago," he said. "You don't belong here. You're miserable. She's miserable," he said. "It's better this way."

"Edward─"

"I'll finish high school, and then spend the summer here with Bella. Then I'm going to Dartmouth to go pre-med and play baseball," Edward said with a hopeful smile. "Because that's what I want. Still, despite everything, I still want that," he said.

"I'm trying to apologize here," Doctor Cullen said. "What is this about?"

Edward laughed his bitter laugh. "It's not about anything, Dad," he said. "It's just the right thing right now."

"No!"

"Yes," Edward said, totally cool, like he had been planning his move in with Charlie for a while. "We can't live this way anymore. Something has to change. What happened was too sad, and too hard on us as a family. I think this is for the best," he said to Doctor Cullen, and then peeked over his shoulder to Charlie. "Chief?" He asked, asking Charlie if he could move in with him.

I couldn't even think straight. It was all happening so fast. Edward had_ really_ pulled a fast one, on all of us.

Except for Charlie, because Charlie was completely cool. "If you pull your weight, and buy your _own_ groceries, I think that'll be just fine," he said, agreeing to the arrangement without hesitation.

Doctor Cullen shook his head. "I can't ask you to do that, he said to Charlie.

Charlie looked at Doctor Cullen. "You didn't," he said. "Edward did."

And then Doctor Cullen straightened up again, sniffing back his tears and wiping out his eyes. "Very well," he said, seeming disappointed, or maybe just sad. "If that's what you want."

"It is," Edward said.

Doctor Cullen paused for a beat before returning his eyes to Edward. "I'm sorry that it had to come to this," he said. "I'm sorry that I couldn't be there for you in the way that you needed me to."

"It's ok," Edward said. "I forgive you."

And then Doctor Cullen looked at me. "I'm sorry, Bella," he said. "I felt him slipping away, and I blamed you. I'm sorry. I misjudged you. I misjudged just how much you mean to him."

I bowed my head, accepting his apology. "It's ok," I said. "I understand."

Then Charlie's chest shook with a laugh. "I didn't even know it was happening, so you had me beat there, Doc," he said, lightening the dreary mood, forcing a smile from all of us.

Then Edward walked up and put a hand down on Doctor Cullen's shoulder, standing a few inches taller than his father, and making it all the more obvious that he wasn't a child anymore. "It's gonna be ok, Dad," Edward said, patting Doctor Cullen's shoulder. "I'm gonna be ok now," he said.

And I think we all believed in that moment that Edward was going to be ok. Finally, it felt like what had happened to him on that icy February night was being put behind him, and he was coming out on the other side, and he was ok...

And Doctor Cullen seemingly took that revelation as his cue to leave. He tipped his hat. "Well, I don't want to keep you folks," he said. "I better get home and tell your mom that we're going back to Chicago."

Edward nodded. "I'll come by tomorrow and pack," he said.

"Bring Bella," Doctor Cullen said, smiling kindly at me. "I think she'd like to meet the girl that put a smile on your face after all of this time," he said to Edward, but really to me. He said it to me.

"Ok," Edward agreed.

"Ok," Doctor Cullen said.

"Dad?" Edward asked.

"Yeah, Son?"

"I love you," Edward said with a smile, and it was like he was telling him that maybe someday, sometime in the future, things would be really ok with them again.

And that made Doctor Cullen smile. "I love you too, Edward. I love you too, Son," he said, smiling at Edward one more time before tipping his hat to Charlie and me again, then taking off down the dark alley, walking off into the darkness with his head down, his leather soled shoes clicking on the pavement.

Edward turned back to us as soon as his father was out of sight, and Charlie walked up to him and gripped his shoulder with his confident encouraging grip. "Let's go eat," he said, pulling Edward under his wing. "Then we'll talk chores..."

But Edward just smiled at Charlie before walking over to me, sort of leaving Charlie in the dust as he made a b-line for my arms.

And I held them out for Edward to fall into... not caring a bit that Charlie was watching. "Come here," I said. "It's ok..."

Charlie sighed as Edward clung to me and I peppered his face with kisses. "Heavy," Charlie said.

**AN- Sorry for the wait. But, like I've said before, I'm finishing this thing, and I'm not going back on that. So, whenever it takes me a minute to update, just know that I'm going to finish. No need for panic. Hope you liked the chapter, and thanks to the readers that are sticking in. I appreciate it. **


	26. Chapter 26

**How to Paint a House- Ch 26**

**BPOV- NSFW **

I woke up smiling, like grinning so widely that my gums were dry and I needed a sip of water. And as I lay there, trying to remember why, trying to recall the dream that put me into such a state, all I could feel was that fullness, that warmth, that butterfly gut full of joyous happiness that only Edward could bring. Edward was why I was smiling. Edward was the only thing on the planet that could make me so completely happy.

I brushed my teeth with a smile. I gargled into the mirror and winked at it. I tousled my hair until I felt like it looked sexy, whatever that meant. I was feeling like a woman, like a sexual being, like I actually was fucking beautiful like Edward said. And then I _really_ wanted to remember what my dream was about, because I just felt so revved up and alive.

It wasn't until I looked over at the bottle of lotion on the counter, that I had a sudden inkling about what my dream might have involved…

_Oh God…_

My cheeks just ignited into flames… remembering. It was definitely a sexy dream, and it definitely involved some lotion.

But the scarlet color on my cheeks didn't last long. It faded quickly as I just stared into the mirror. I looked into my eyes, and at the freckles on my nose, and at my strangely puffy lips, and at my thick long brown hair, and I saw someone I think I had been waiting to see my entire life. I saw myself, and that made me smile into the mirror even wider.

I floated down the stairs into the kitchen, finding Charlie at the breakfast table. "Where's Edward?" I asked, seeing no sign of the source of my bliss.

Charlie looked up at me with heavy eyes. "Basement," he said, spooning some cereal into his mouth.

I grabbed a mug from the cupboard. "Did it flood again? We cleaned it up yesterday," I said.

Charlie took another lazy bite of cereal. "Well, he's really going to have to clean it up now because that's where he'll be staying," he said.

I snorted into my coffee. "You're kidding, right?" I asked with a laugh, because there was no way that Edward could stay in our flooded musty basement.

Charlie dropped his spoon. "There's plumbing down there, and I have a guy coming to rig up a toilet and a shower," he said a bit irritably, while I imagined Edward living like a third world refugee. "He'll be fine."

I furrowed my brows. "Like an outhouse and a hose?" I asked.

Charlie shrugged. "He can put a curtain up if he wants," he said, returning his attention to his cereal.

But that "arrangement" wasn't good enough for me. "Why can't he just stay in my room?" I asked, feeling like a whiny little girl again, stomping my feet at my daddy. The sexy confident woman thing lasted all of five minutes.

Charlie dropped his spoon again. "Because if you're coming home for the summer, that's not really a viable option, now is it?"

I had to think about that. It seemed like a really good option to me. But seeing the seriousness in Charlie's eyes, I knew he wasn't playing around. "No," I sighed. "I guess not," I said.

Charlie raised a brow at me. "Anything else?" He asked.

"No," I said, heading for the basement door. "Good morning to you too, Dad," I said with a huff, starting in a stomp down the rickety wooden stairs into the basement, feeling every bit the sixteen year old child that I was.

And, Charlie being Charlie, he had to rub a little salt in it. "You watch your attitude, or I _will_ give Edward your room, and you will be homeless!" He called behind me.

_Ugh! _

When I got to the bottom of the steps, I was tripping on my bare feet as they recoiled against the cold damp floor. Blood was pounding in my ears, only eclipsed by the sound of a soft low giggle…

"You ok?" He sounded amused, and in my mind's eye I could see his mouth pulling up into a devastating crooked smile, while his soft green eyes liquefied me into a puddle.

Just the sound of his voice had me chomping down on my lip. "Where are you?" I asked, looking around the dark basement, seeing nothing but a cement floor full of crap, and cardboard boxes that weren't there the day before… _Huh?_

But soon, hot breath was in my ear, and a cold hand snuck up under my shirt, settling on the small of my back. "Right here," he breathed into my ear, his hand slipping lower and lower so that he was almost holding my butt.

"You already packed?" I asked.

Edward put his mouth to my neck, while his wandering hand was practically massaging my butt. "Not everything," he said between nips of my neck. "I took your truck. I hope you don't mind."

I tried to concentrate because I was getting the distinct impression that he was buttering me up, literally, so that I wouldn't be mad that he went home to see his mom without me. "Why didn't you wake me up?" I asked, as my toes started to curl and twist and my entire body felt like a really expensive massage chair. "I was supposed to meet your mom."

"You looked so peaceful. I didn't want to wake you."

"You were in my room?"

"Charlie was in the shower. He was up at five am. I think he's nervous about his date."

I winced against Edward's roving lips. "Oh, I forgot all about his date," I said, suddenly understanding my father's grumpy mood. Charlie was nervous about his date with Claire. "Shoot!" I hissed.

Then Edward was square in front of me, holding my cheeks and finding my eyes, "Hey," he said, his swollen stitched cheek surprising me because I wasn't really used to it yet. "He's ok. I talked him down," he said.

"You did?" I asked, smiling at the thought.

Edward shrugged. "Yeah," he said. "But then it got a little awkward, so I went home and packed for a bit," he said. "It's not a big deal. We'll go back later to get the rest of my stuff."

"Ok," I said, getting up onto my toes and pressing my lips to his once. "I understand," I said, pressing my lips to his for a second time, and then a third, and then before long my tongue was somehow wrapped around his, and I didn't know where I ended and where Edward began. I was trying to have a meaningful conversation about his mom, but instead I was practically unconscious and the only thoughts passing through my brain involved the inside of Edward's mouth.

"Ok, Bella Marie, it's time to come upstairs now!" That is until Charlie's voice entered my consciousness.

I pushed away from Edward's mouth, falling back to earth. "Coming!" I cried. "I'm just helping Edward unpack!"

"Yeah, yeah," Charlie groaned, unconvinced. "Upstairs, you two. Now," he said like he meant business.

Edward's hand slipped out from under my sweatpants. "Come on," he said, wagging his rumpled head towards the stairs. "You can help me fix the gutters so that this place doesn't flood again."

I crossed my arms across my chest. "Work?" I asked as my eyes did a 360 in their sockets. "That's what you want to do today?"

"We'll see my mom later," Edward shrugged. "It'll be fun. It'll be like old times."

In that moment, I wished that I had been more conscious while I was kissing him. "I'm leaving on Saturday you know," I said quietly, staring at the floor, reminding him, reminding myself, that our time together was running out.

"I know," Edward said into the air, and it lingered there for a long beat, what I said…

"What part of NOW did you two not understand? Now, Bella Marie!"

I pushed past Edward and took the steps by two's. "Coming!"

XXX

My frustration over how Edward had chosen to spend our second to last day together only built over breakfast. He was talking to Charlie about gutter shields and caulking and French drains, and didn't even notice how violently I was shoving Cheerios into my mouth. I was worse than Charlie. I was actually making noise when tooth hit spoon. And the fact that he didn't notice, and that he barely threw me a glance while discussing mildew paper, just made this anger build inside of me and twist and_ build_. I was really pissed, and Edward only looked upset when Charlie got up to go to work.

"Ok, you two seem to have your work cut out for you today," Charlie said, sliding some cash to Edward. "This should cover what you need from the hardware store," he said. "Or at least get you started."

"Definitely," Edward nodded, slipping the wad of cash into his jeans.

Then Charlie's scruffy face and coffee breath were against my cheek. "Be a good girl," he said, kissing my temple. "I won't see you 'til after my date."

I swallowed a bit of my anger and looked up at Charlie. "Good luck, Dad," I said giving him a little smile.

"Thanks, kiddo," Charlie said, squeezing my shoulder. "And no funny business," he warned.

I rolled my eyes. "Don't worry about it," I said, totally serious in that moment, swirling a halo around my head with my index finger sarcastically.

Charlie narrowed his eyes at me, like he just then noticed my mood. "Everything alright?" he asked.

I smiled a fake smile. "Peachy," I said. "I can't wait to fix the gutters."

That got Edward's attention. He looked over at me curiously from his seat, his head cocking, his eyes finally looking at me long enough to see that I wasn't exactly happy with his plan for the day.

"Ok then," Charlie said, breaking Edward and my intense stare. "I'm off."

"Don't forget flowers," Edward said. "Girls love them."

"Flowers," Charlie said. "Check."

"And be a good tipper. Don't let her know that you're cheap," Edward said.

"Alright, smartass," Charlie groaned, shaking his head. "I think I've got it.

"Good luck," Edward said, as Charlie pushed out the door.

"Thanks."

I should have been happy that Edward and Charlie were so chummy, but the only thing that I took away from that conversation was the fact that Edward had never bought me flowers.

Edward stood from the table, while I resumed playing the xylophone on my teeth with my spoon. "Can I take your truck to pick up some materials?" He asked me, pushing his hair back with his hands, stretching a little so that I could see his belly button and the little trail of hair that covered his six pack.

I remained pissed, regardless of how freaking attractive I found him. "You didn't ask me before. Why start now?" I asked, mouth full of Cheerios.

"Do you want to come with me?" He asked.

I put my spoon into my empty bowl and pushed out of my chair, stomping all the way to the sink. "I don't feel like it," I said, throwing the faucet on, banging the dishes as loud as they could be banged. "I need to work on my homework anyway," I said.

"You're mad?" Edward asked, sounding confused.

I shut the sink off and turned to look at him. "I'm not mad," I said. "I just have a lot to do today," I lied. "And so do you apparently, so you better get going."

"Is it me moving in here? Is this weird for you?" Edward asked, his voice raising an octave with the question.

I could feel the tears in the back of my throat, and I really didn't want to start crying. I didn't even know why I was so upset. All I knew is that I was, and that the more Edward pressed me on it, the more likely it was that I was going to embarrass myself.

"I have to write a thousand words on a book that I haven't even read yet. So, if you don't mind," I said, pushing past him towards my backpack that I had tossed in the corner of the kitchen.

I had my back turned to Edward as I started bogusly shuffling through my books and papers. I guess I was waiting for him to grab me, to touch me, to find me inside of Charlie's closet and tell me a metaphorical story. I was waiting for him to do something to make me feel better…

But he didn't. He didn't do any of that.

He brushed past me into the foyer, ripping his black coat from the hook by the front door. "Fucking perfect," he grumbled under his breath, taking the keys to my truck out of the bowl on the hallway table, then blowing out the door, slamming it behind him.

The dying Christmas wreath on the door dropped most of its needles, and I watched them form a little pile on the floor. I stared at them as I heard my truck peel out of the driveway. And then I was mad that Edward was driving my truck so carelessly…

_Ugh!_

I took Upton Sinclair's _The Jungle_ out of my backpack, totally in the mood to read about botulism and rotten meat and how crappy other people's lives were, while I stomped my feet over my _problems_…

I couldn't help it that I was so emotional and selfish though. It was literally like an affliction that couldn't be helped. I was starting to realize that I was _that_ girl. I was that dreadful girl that I hated in all of my novels, the one that got dumped in the end in favor of the cooler girl that didn't throw a fit because she didn't get her way. I used to think that I was the cooler girl, but after three days of being Edward's bonafide official girlfriend, I was already a nightmare.

I needed to get a grip.

But really, after about twenty minutes of _The Jungle_, I needed a shower. The book was seriously gross. I also felt like I needed a fresh start on the day… a do over. I figured that when I came out, I'd be ready to help Edward with the gutters, and do it with a smile.

I started with cold water, trying to shock whatever it was that was eating at me out of my system. It was like falling into the river for the first time from my rope swing. There was actual clarity that came from cold water. When I closed my eyes under the frozen stream, I could almost see what was bothering me. I saw my dream, the lotion one, and I remembered how it made me feel, how happy I was. And I knew that in two days, I would be feeling the opposite. In two days I would be saying goodbye to him again, and he wanted to spend the day putting up mildew paper. I wasn't asking him to go to the hunting cabin, or to have sex. I was just−

_Click…_

My eyes slammed shut at the sound of the bathroom door closing. I heard soft footsteps coming towards the shower. I knew it was him, but I couldn't open my eyes, I couldn't even turn around. I couldn't move. I was totally frozen, and it wasn't because I was showering in ice cold water. The only thing moving was my heart. It was racing out of my chest.

My ears perked up when his footsteps stopped. I was so nervous that I squeezed a dent into the bar of soap in my hand instead of squeezing a dent into my cheek with my teeth...

Then I heard clothes hitting the floor in that unmistakable soft rustle. I heard a zipper, and then a louder sound… a shoe falling to the floor, and then the other. Then another rustle, which I assumed was his pants.

He was taking his clothes off. He was in the bathroom, with me, and he was taking his clothes off.

_Oh God…_

I almost squeezed the bar of soap in my hand into five separate pieces when the shower curtain started pulling back. He was getting in. He was getting in, and I was as frozen as a statue, murdering soap.

When he was in the shower, I could feel him. He hadn't laid a single hand on me, but I could literally feel him hovering behind me. My heart was _pounding_.

"I'm sorry," he whispered behind me, his hand hitting my hip like a hot ember jumping from a campfire. And then it was more than just his hand, it was his whole body, leaning over me, _burning_. "Are you trying to get pneumonia?" He asked against my ear as I heard the faucet handle creak, and warmer water started pouring over my stone-like body.

I seriously could not move. Edward was in the shower with me, naked, and I couldn't even open my eyes. I didn't think it was possible for him to make me so nervous anymore, but he could, and he did.

I held on for dear life to my soap, as Edward swept my wet matted hair away from my ear. "I'm sorry," he whispered, brushing a kiss against my neck. "I had to talk to her myself before I took you to meet her," he said "This is hard for her. We really sprung it on her."

As the warmer water showered over me, I felt like trying out my vocal chords. "Uh huh." It was literally all I could manage at that moment in time.

Edward hovered closer, and I could feel his scruffy chin scrape against my shoulder, like he was nuzzling me. "I wanted to fix the gutters to show Charlie that I appreciate him letting me stay here. I need to pull my weight," he said. "And I thought it would be fun, like old times. You and me working together," he said. "I'm sorry," he said again, ghosting another soft kiss on my neck. "I'm sorry, Bella."

"Stop," I said, finding my voice. "Stop apologizing." I couldn't listen to him apologize anymore, especially when he had nothing to be sorry about. Everything he said made so much sense, and just reiterated my theory that I was a brat, and if my life was a book, Edward would probably dump me for someone that didn't make him apologize for doing the right thing.

"But you're mad," Edward said, as I felt the glue that was holding my eyelids shut loosen a bit so that I could open them.

I held my soap, and my breath, and turned to face him.

_Holy crap…_

He was wet, and naked, and wet…

I just had to look into his worried green eyes for a bit before I could proceed. I couldn't look down. I wasn't ready to look down all the way yet. "I'm not mad," I said, wanting to touch him, but unable to because my hands were clumped with a mangled bar of soap.

"You're not?" He asked.

"No," I said.

His mouth pulled up in one corner with a smile. "Promise?" He asked.

"Yes," I said.

Then Edward's eyes drifted from my eyes. They drifted lower, all the way down… everywhere.

My heart started up again as I watched him take me in. I couldn't help but feel good about the look in his eyes. It was that sleepy hooded hungry look, the look that gave me confidence that Edward wanted me just as much as I wanted him. It was probably my favorite look of all.

I tried to be discreet as I pried the bar of soap from between my fingers, before reaching out and stroking my hand over Edward's stitched cheek. "You probably shouldn't be getting this wet," I said, and I could feel the pulse in my thumb as my hand brushed past. Every pulse in my body was pounding like a bass drum.

He smiled. "Can I kiss you?" He asked, totally ignoring what I said, his tongue coming out from his mouth and swiping along his lower lip. He wasn't thinking about his stitches, that was clear. He didn't seem all that nervous either, just hungry.

_Gulp…_

"Uh huh," I said.

Edward stepped closer. "Ok," he said, but he didn't kiss me right away. We just stood there under the flowing warm water, breathing, our wet warm chests cautiously touching, our hands in the proper kissing spots against each other's heads and cheeks… still breathing.

And then he moved even closer, closer so that _it _was unmistakably pressing into my stomach. He did it on purpose. It was an intentional movement. He wanted me to look down. He wanted me to put my eyes somewhere other than above his clavicle. He wasn't going to proceed until I did.

He may have thought that I was afraid, but I wasn't. Nervous, yes…but not afraid. Nothing about Edward's naked body scared me. I loved him. I loved every part of him, including the strange soft-skinned spongy appendage that fascinated me so.

I decided to do him one better than look at it. And this time he couldn't say anything was dry.

Edward watched as my hand slid down his chest, past his shoulders, past his scar, past his hairy belly button, until I knew I was there. My eyes followed. I was too busy watching his reaction to look myself. But then I did. And there it was. It was hard, and sprung up near his bellybutton like I remembered. It wasn't pretty by any means, but prettier than the model in my biology book for sure, kind of the way everything about Edward was just a little bit better. And as my eyes took it in, I couldn't help but be overwhelmed with this urge to have it inside of me. I was feeling just this very necessary desire to have sex. And seeing it, actually _seeing_ it, made sex seem so simple, so fundamental.

I could do it. I _wanted_ to do it.

"I'm ready, Edward. I love you, and I'm ready for this," I said, and that time, it really sounded like I meant it.

Edward's eyes closed as I gripped him. "I didn't come in here for that," he said, his cheeks pinked from the steamy shower, his perfect lips bejeweled with water droplets. "We can wait. I can wait," he said.

I closed my fist harder. "Why?" I asked, nudging forward so that our bodies were not cautiously touching anymore, they were fully touching.

Edward didn't move. He stayed where he was. "Because, it's the right thing to do," he said, his brow furrowing in both distress and pleasure.

I wanted him to open his eyes. I wanted him to look at me, because I was serious.

I loosened my hand and started sliding it up. "For the next two years, we're going to be spending a lot of time apart," I said softly as my hand passed his bellybutton. "A lot," I said, as it moved over his scar.

"I know," he said in a whisper, as my hand rested on his scar.

"And if I don't get into Dartmouth, who knows how long it will be until we can really be together," I said, kissing the spot where my hand was, kissing his scar. "This is something that we can do now, and we don't have to wait for it. This is something that we can have now," I said.

"I know," Edward said again, exactly the same way.

"Look at me," I said, wanting him to open his eyes.

And he did. He opened them: green, and penetrating, and afraid, and God I loved him…

"I'm ready," I said, sliding my hand up around his neck and holding his stare as it permeated me. "I know you have valid reasons to think that I'm not, but I am _telling_ you that I am," I said.

"It's going to hurt, and probably be all kinds of crappy for you," he said.

"I know. I know that."

"It's different than dry humping and stuff. It's so much different."

"You're just going to have to show me. Don't expect me to know anything," I said.

"Ok," he said, just like that, his eyes never unlatching, his voice never saying no.

A smile pulled from my lips. "Really?" I asked.

Edward smiled too. "Yeah," he said, and I could see on his serene face that he knew that I was ready. He believed me.

_Holy Swear Word…_

"Do you have condoms?" I asked, knowing we couldn't exactly proceed without them.

"Yeah," Edward said softly, wagging his head toward the door. "I have some in the basement with my stuff."

I shook my head. "We should go get those then."

Edward nodded in agreement. "We should."

"Ok then," I said with a small smile as I reached behind me for the faucet to turn the shower off. "Ok," I said, letting out a deep breath.

Edward was still holding my eyes, he never let them go. "Ok," he said, and there was this calm on his face, this acceptance. We were doing it. We just had to move first. One of us just had to move. We were both kind of frozen.

And after the water was turned off, and we were still standing in the shower, and Edward was still staring at me, I realized that he was waiting for me. He wasn't going to move until I did. He was in no rush. He was moving at whatever pace I set.

_Right…_

I took a breath, steeling my nerve, then pushed the shower curtain back with my arm. I stepped over the ledge of the tub, every inch of my body on display for Edward, and grabbed a towel. "Here," I said, pushing the towel into Edward's chest.

"Thanks," he said, wrapping the big yellow towel around his waist.

I grabbed one for myself and wrapped it under my armpits, knotting it between my boobs. "Let's go get those condoms," I said.

Edward wagged his brows. "Let's," he said, and his non-aggressor shtick was leaving me a little cold, but I ignored it, and proceeded with my mission.

Once in the basement, I sat down on Charlie's old futon from his bachelor days that Edward appeared to have adopted, clasping my towel to my chest as Edward rummaged through a duffle bag looking for the condoms. The cool damp basement felt amazing. If I wasn't wet from a steamy hot shower, I would have been sweating bullets from my nerves.

When he found them, he held the little black box out to me. "My dad didn't want me knocking up the pretty little thing from the boondocks," he said.

I stared at the box. "I don't want that either," I said.

Edward sat down beside me on the futon, and I was so glad to have him back, to have him touch me again. "Don't worry," he said, brushing my cheek with his lips, wrapping his strong arm around me protectively. "That won't happen."

I nuzzled into him as he pulled me closer, dropping my head on his shoulder. "I know," I said. "I know it won't."

He propped his chin on the top of my head. "We don't have to do this, you know," he said.

I contemplated his words. Sitting there in the quiet drafty basement, somewhat clothed in my towel, curled up and safe against his naked torso, the urgency to do it had worn off a little bit. It wasn't going to be some heated passionate lust filled romp against a wall, or you know something like that. If we did it, we would be doing in sanely, soberly, carefully…

I took the box of condoms out of Edward's hand and flipped open the cardboard lid, pulling one out with my index finger. "Ok, what now?" I asked, handing Edward the condom, releasing my head from its safe spot against his chest and finding his eyes.

I could hear Edward swallow back a gulp as he stared at the condom in his palm. "Where do you want to do it?" He asked.

"My bed I guess," I said. "Or, maybe here on the futon."

"I can deadbolt this door," Edward said.

I nodded, giving him a small smile. "Here's good then," I said. Charlie had put the deadbolt on when he was a teenager, and the basement was his party cave. He never took it off.

Edward stood from the futon and grabbed a stack of sheets from one of the boxes he packed. "Are you warm enough?" He asked, urging me with his eyes to stand up so that he could put a sheet down on the futon.

I did. I stood, and I could barely feel my legs.

"I'm fine," I said, feeling plain clammy and hot in that moment.

Edward worked quickly to make the futon into a somewhat respectable looking bed. He put some pillows down, but they didn't have cases. He took his comforter from home out of a box. It was light blue and stuffed with down. It was a lot nicer than anything Charlie could afford.

And once the deadbolt was in place, and the bed was made, and the condom was unboxed… there was nothing left to do to prepare. There was nothing left for us to do but do it.

"I guess that's it," Edward said quietly, repositioning a pillow.

I took a step towards him, towards the futon. "What now?" I asked, ready for him to take the lead.

Edward looked at me. "It's good to kiss and stuff first," he said.

"Right," I said. "Ok."

Edward held a hand out for me. "Come here," he said, and there was a warmth in his smile that told me that he was ready to take the lead. "Just relax," he said, closing his long fingers over mine and pulling me into him.

I looked up into his eyes as his fingers started combing through my damp tangled hair. "I'm really nervous," I said.

He smiled. "I know," he said. "So am I."

"You are?" I asked.

Edward took my hand and put it against his heart. It was pounding. "I'm freaking out here, Bella," he said, his lips pulling into an uneasy smile, his eyes showing me that he was completely vulnerable.

"I love you," I said, stroking my shaky fingers across his trembling jaw. "I love you so much," I said.

Edward's eyes closed. "I love you too," he said.

"Then kiss me," I said. "Kiss me, Edward."

And he did. He wrapped me up in a kiss, inhaling my lips, overwhelming them with his. He held my head between both of his hands and pressed his lips to mine with a firmness, a conviction, a strength that made me feel safe, and loved, and dizzy. Really dizzy.

I was the first to dip my tongue between his lips. I was the first to move my pelvis towards his. I was the first to start making steps towards the futon. With every kiss, every pass of his tongue, every gasping eager breath between urgent pecks, that fundamental desire to have Edward inside of me came back. I could feel it in my core, between my legs. It was a throb, an urge, a tingling pressure, a monster that needed to be fed. Dry humping only teased me with what it felt like to have Edward, _there_. But sex was the real thing. Sex was the last stop.

Before long we were on the futon, making out, the only thing separating us was two bath towels that were haphazardly placed around our bodies. One of my boobs was definitely feeling the air, and I could feel Edward brushing against bare skin as he was starting to get a little lost, a little caught up. Edward got dizzy and unconscious too. It wasn't just me.

I gripped a handful of his hair, sort of pulling his lips away from mine. "Maybe we should just do it. Just start," I gasped. I guess I did still want some control, and for Edward not to check out all the way. I wanted a little bit of that saneness that we had earlier back. It was kind of a big deal what we were doing after all.

Edward came to a little bit, his chest moving in and out as he caught his breath. "Are you sure?" He asked.

"Uh huh," I said.

Edward nodded, that somewhat petrified look of clarity on his face. "Ok," he said, rolling off of me and sitting up. "Will you hand that to me?" He asked, wagging his head towards the condom sitting on top of a stack of cardboard boxes beside me.

My arm was almost fully convulsing as I moved it to get the condom. I had to toss it into Edward's lap because I couldn't control my movements.

Edward's hands were not much steadier as he ripped the little black square packet open, and pulled out a little circle of latex.

He was hunched with his back turned to me as he put it on, the yellow towel around his waist acting as a bit of a tent. But he left the towel behind when he turned around. Instead, he pulled his blue down comforter with him over his shoulders, covering us with it. But not before I caught a glimpse of him first. Lean, but strong. Perfect.

I shimmied away from my towel too, pulling it out from under my back, and throwing it on the basement floor.

He came up over me again, comforter in tow, straddling me, his biceps taut around me. "You have to relax and let me in," he said, dropping a kiss onto my lips.

I blew out a breath between my teeth, not hiding any of my nerves from Edward. "Ok," I said, finding his eyes, latching on. "Relax and let you in," I said. "I can do that."

"Ok," He said, and then he moved one of his arms under the comforter while he braced himself with the other. "Do you feel me?"

_Oh!_

He positioned himself between my legs, and I could feel it, latex covered and hard between my legs, pushing me apart. Just like that, he was there.

"Yeah, I can feel you," I said, holding onto his eyes. Just staying present, staying sane, and _doing _it.

"This is going to hurt," he said.

"I know."

"Relax and let me in," he said again, as he pushed against me with more pressure. And I could definitely feel it more. And yeah, it kind of hurt.

So I remembered to relax. I tried to take even deep breaths, so that he could get in. And as I relaxed, I could feel him inching deeper inside of me, and then deeper, slowly making his way in.

"Are you in?" I asked, as the pressure started to really feel intense. It was more of a pressure than a pain.

"Not the whole way," Edward said, and his breaths were starting to really pick up. He was like a sports car at a stoplight. I could tell he wanted to move, to hurry. But, he was waiting for me. He was patient.

"Really, 'cause it feels like you're in," I said, not able to imagine how any more of him would fit. It felt pretty full down there.

Edward shook his head. "Not yet," he said, and this concerned look hit his eyes. "This is the painful part," he said.

_Crap…_

I gripped Edward's back, digging my nails in a little bit. "Ok," I said, steeling myself. "I'm ready."

"On the count of three?" Edward asked.

"Yeah," I agreed.

"One," Edward said.

"Two," I said, tucking my head into Edward's arm.

"Three," Edward said, and then he thrust forward and a sharp white pain shot through me.

I winced, clawing my fingers into Edward's back, my molars biting down hard on my cheek. The pain radiated. It wasn't a pain I'd ever felt before. It wasn't bad necessarily, just really foreign, really internal, in a place that no one had ever been before...

But soon it was gone, like a Band-Aid had come off, and all that was left was a throbbing dull ache.

I opened my eyes, releasing my face from Edward's shoulder. "Are you in?" I asked, a little laugh in my voice, a laugh of relief, knowing the worst was over.

"I'm in," Edward said, and a smile hit his face too. "Are you ok?" He asked, his hand coming out and stroking my face, his eyes searching in that concerned loving way.

"Uh huh," I said, sort of excitedly into his smiling eyes, feeling really amped, feeling the adrenaline that was just coursing through my body. "It didn't hurt that much," I said.

"It's not over yet," Edward said.

"What now?" I asked, already adjusting to the feeling of him inside of me, like it was no big deal.

"I'm going to move now," he said, stroking my face then dropping a little kiss on my nose.

"Oh, right. Duh," I said, shaking my head at my naiveté.

Then Edward braced himself again before he started slowly moving his pelvis. His movements were sort of circular at first, grinding. But then after a while he actually started to pull in and out, and I could feel it moving up and down, sort of sliding along inside of me.

"Does it hurt?" He asked once he found a bit of a rhythm.

Honestly, it didn't. "No," I said, stroking his sweaty forehead with my hand as he moved. I was just sort of lying there though, my legs bent around him, my back against the pillows, my hands roaming between his back and his face. "What should I be doing?" I asked him, truly curious.

Edward's mouth closed down on mine. "You're perfect like this," he said against my lips, thrusting into me a little harder, and I could really feel that fullness in my belly. I could really feel him in there.

_Wow…_

I kissed him back, pressing my lips firmly into his. "You're inside of me," I said, finding his eyes, stroking his face, and then kissing him again.

"This is sex," he said.

A big smile pulled at my cheeks. "I can't believe I'm having sex," I said, feeling that urge to squeal and convulse, but unable to because Edward was inside of me, having sex with me…

_Squee!_

And then the small talk was over, because Edward went into check out mode again. His pace quickened, his breathing intensified, his head buried into my neck, and he really started to move. He was getting into it, and even though I wasn't sure I was there yet because it was all so new and uncharted for me, I wanted him to enjoy having sex with me. I wanted it to be good for him. I wanted to be good.

So I tried to get into it too. I moved with him, breathed with him, checked out with him. It was sort of like a dance, where you close your eyes and feel the music and let your body free to do what it wants. And soon, soon I was right there with him, and not pretending. I was feeling him, feeling the fullness inside of me, feeling his sweat mix with mine against our chests, feeling my legs inch back and spread farther because I wanted even more of him, I wanted to feel it more.

And somewhere along the way, I started to pant a little bit, because I was making a lot of noise when Edward's face scrunched up, and his muscles tightened around me, and his movements inside of me became jerky and off rhythm.

Edward came…

And then he pulled out of me faster than a jackrabbit in a race. "Are you ok?" He asked sort of breathless as he rolled off of me.

"Uh huh," I said, feeling the absence, feeling the sudden emptiness.

Edward kissed my cheek. "I have to get rid of this thing," he said, nodding toward the condom.

I shook my head. "Ok," I said.

"You sure you're ok?" He asked.

"Yeah," I said.

Edward grabbed my towel from off the floor and wrapped it around his waist. "Hey," he said, leaning back over the futon and kissing my mouth.

"Huh?" I asked, combing my fingers through his hair.

"I love you," he said.

I smiled into his green eyes. "I love you too," I said.

Then Edward took off up the stairs. I had no idea what he planned to do with the condom, and I didn't really want to. It was sort of like the boxer shorts after the dry humping. Some things were just better left a mystery.

The coldness of the basement really hit me when he was gone though, and the quiet. The throbbing, that dull ache, the pain hit me too. I could definitely feel that something happened down there, and as the adrenaline wore off, the feelings just came into sharper focus.

I sat up, pulling my knees to my chest, and examined the sheet below me. I heard there would be blood. I knew there would be blood. And there was. A little on my thigh, and a little on the sheet. Just a little.

I wrapped the sheet around me and took it with me into the laundry area of the basement. I used it to clean myself up a bit before I tossed it into the washer. My hand was trembling as I tried to turn the water on. I couldn't control it enough to turn it to the right setting.

"Damn it," I hissed under my breath as I fumbled with the dial.

And then a bigger hand, a more steady hand, wrapped over mine. "Here," he said. "Let me." As the water started filling the basin, a big yellow towel draped over my shoulders.

I pulled it around me, and then just collapsed against Edward's chest, letting him wrap his arms around me, letting him stop the shaking.

"Do you want to go down to the 7-Eleven and get a Slurpee?" He asked, his chin resting on the top of my head.

I smiled at the thought, feeling my trembles lessen. "Yeah," I said softly into his skin.

"Do you want to take the bikes?" He asked.

"The tires are flat," I said.

"We'll fill them."

I looked up into his eyes. "What about your mom?" I asked. "What about the gutters?"

Edward shrugged. "I really want a Slurpee," he said with a smile. "We have all day to see my mom, and I'll sleep on the couch until I get the gutters fixed."

I nuzzled my head more into his chest. "Sounds like a plan to me," I said.

I cleaned up a little bit while Edward filled the tires to the bikes. And when I was dressed and dry, I stepped out into the balmy late December air and drank it in. I wasn't a virgin anymore. Edward and I had sex, and I was still standing. I pinched myself through the pocket of my jeans to make sure it was real. I pinched myself even harder when Edward came out of the shed with the bikes, smiling his perfect smile. There was still that little part of my brain that thought I might be rocking in a corner at a mental institution, and Edward was just a delusion.

We rode down to the 7-Eleven side by side, sharing little glances the whole way. Sometimes I would just bust out laughing when I looked at him. We had a secret. We definitely engaged in some funny business under Charlie's roof. We did it, and I didn't have a single regret. And judging by the totally free and happy look on Edward's face as he rode, I could tell that he didn't have any regrets either. We were really and truly happy. We were floating together.

We giggled as we got our Slurpees, and were still giggling as we put them down on the counter in front of the clerk. We were lost in our world, nudging shoulders and speaking a language of smiles and laughs that only we understood.

"Will that be all?" The pimple faced clerk asked us, rolling his eyes at our stupidity.

I elbowed Edward in the ribs as I took in the wide selection of nicotine. "We should smoke a cigarette," I said.

Edward's amused eyes narrowed at me. "Why?" He asked.

I raised my brows. "You know, like in the movies," I said, bugging my eyes for him to catch on. "_After_…"

He shook his head. "You're so weird," he said with a cocky smile, another giggle shaking his chest.

"Please?" I asked, pouting my lips.

"No," he said, as the clerks impatience with us resulted in a throat clearing.

I turned my attention back to the clerk. "A pack of Virginia Slims, please," I said, trying to keep a straight face.

Edward cocked his head at me. "Virginia Slims?" He asked, bewilderment and amusement lighting up his face at once. "What?"

I shrugged. "They're the prettiest ones," I said, like it was a perfectly valid reason for picking a cigarette variety.

The clerk looked at Edward. "Do you want them or not?" He asked, totally annoyed with us.

"Not," Edward said, slapping a ten dollar bill on the counter. "Just the Slurpees."

I crossed my arms. "You're no fun," I pouted as the clerk made change.

Edward swiped his change from the counter, and then the Slurpees, taking them outside and leaving me standing in the 7-Eleven with the clerk.

_Jerk!_

I ran out after him into the cool air, already starting to rethink the decision to buy frozen beverages.

"Oh, do you want this?" Edward asked me in his cocky way, holding my Slurpee over his head teasingly.

I jumped up. "Give it to me!" I cried. "Hey!"

"I can be fun," Edward said, dangling it just out of my reach. "I can be a lot of fun."

I couldn't reach my Slurpee, but I could take Edward down. I got a running start before I jumped onto his back, wrapping my legs around his waist, and my hands over his eyes, blinding him.

Edward stopped dead in the middle of the 7-Eleven parking lot, my body clinging to him like a koala. "I can't see, genius," he said, dryly. "If I fall, you fall too."

"Give it to me then," I said.

"Say smoking is for losers," he said, unable to contain a laugh.

I put my mouth up to his ear. "Smoking is for lovers," I said, totally uninhibited, not embarrassed in the slightest.

"Losers," Edward corrected me.

"We're lovers now. You're my lover," I laughed into his ear, feeling all warm and tingly at the truth in my statement.

Edward put me down onto my feet. "Ok, lover," he laughed, pushing my Slurpee in my direction. "Take it."

I let go of his eyes and clasped the Slurpee my chest, pulling the straw between my teeth. "Thank you," I smiled. "Lover."

"Do you want to go meet my mom now, lover?" He asked.

I smiled at him, seriously that time, and stroked my hand along his chin. "Yeah," I said. "I can't wait."

**AN- I felt the need to write something pretty fluffy. I hope you liked it. **


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